Mambam

Christmas Past

2011-12-28T01:11:00.000Z

Home from my mums for the night tonight then back to Mancs again tomorrow.

Need to check the burglars haven't been round and get a break for myself. I'm getting too attached to being on my own. Any more than a couple of days trapped with lots of people and i get the urge to run away.

Had a shit Christmas, Not like Last year. Well no that's not true, I visited lots of relatives and had a nice time. But someone was missing. I just couldn't get excited about it all. It just wasn't the same.

One of my Aunties did her best on Christmas day and got us all together for a chin wag and drink. And it was nice to see everyone together again. But in the end it was like having sex without the orgasm. ( what a strange analogy !) I just couldn't enjoy it.

Got talking to one of my uncles about our trip to the US Last Christmas. He said he would like to go to America, it's a place he's always wanted to visit, but he has a criminal record. I was astonished because he's not that sort of bloke, so i asked him to tell me more. Apparently 25 YEARS AGO! He worked in a shop, the manager took £10 out of the till and they all had lunch on it.

He was 17 and owned up immediately when confronted by the police about missing money from the till. The owner noticed cash going missing. Even though this was his first (and only) run in with the police and he knew nothing of any previous missing cash he was arrested and given a fine and discharge.

Stupid thing to do. But how the fuck would Any US Border agency know about something he did in 1986?.

Telly has been crap again this year as well. All the big films were cartoons of the Toy Story ilk. The odd one now and then is good but we've now got a glut of them and i'm bored with it. Then (because this is the UK) we have the obligatory programs about shit. The top 100 shittest things of the year. The top 50 most annoying celebrities of the year. The greatest cock ups of the year etc etc. God forbid we ever have a program about the best things and people of 2011. There must have been something good happened surely ?.

Anyway now that Christmas is more or less over for another year i'm planning for New Years Eve. ;-)

Hope you all had a good one and a Happy New Year to anyone reading this.

Christmas plans

2011-12-20T22:29:00.000Z

Bit of a weird week this week. I'm Christmas shopping at every opportunity so hardly any time to post anything on here. As usual i've left it all to the last minute and i've no idea what to buy anyone. To make things worse there has been some discussion at work about certain people handing around presents & cards. For fuck sake, i've not bought anyone anything at work and i've not even considered getting them a card. They are just people i work with not my mates. Don't buy me anything and i wont waste my money on you either.

I've decided to get a box of cheap cards and stick them in my bag. If anyone gives me anything i'll write a card for them in the bog and hand it over afterwards.

Had a good night out Saturday. But it was packed everywhere. This means hours waiting to be served at the bar. Trying to catch a barman's eye whilst making sure no-one else pushes in is a bit of an art. It's like trying to get a stripper to whip his bollocks out. everyone seems to be waving ten pound notes in a come hither style. On the plus side you do get to rub your groin against the backside of anyone in front you may fancy, But the novelty wears off after a bit because they are so engrossed in catching some services as well that you're not even on the radar. I was behind a guy who had he tightest trousers i've ever seen. Not only did they cling to his butt cheeks, they seemed to disappear into his crack as well. He must have been wearing them since he was 10 years old and just grew into em, Because there is no way they were his size.

Daniel brought this guy home with him who looked really tidy. Then he took his shoes off and it sort killed the whole atmosphere. In fact i think it killed off some of the plants in the room as well. Bloody hell he needed more than oder eaters. He needed dipping in bleach and scrubbing with a wire brush. The look on Daniels face was a picture. I just sniggered and said goodnight. I left them to it. Whatever 'it' should be.

At lunch time today i saw a guy who only had one eye. As i looked at him he looked back at me so i thought it best to acknowledge him with a friendly "Hi!". Unfortunately it didn't come out like that and i just seemed to say "Eye!"

I walked away feeling my face starting to burn. where the bloody hell that came from i don't know.

I'm going to my mothers for Christmas, i thought it best to be with her as much as possible through Xmas to New Year. It'll be the first year without my dad so she's bound to feel it. But it seems like every other family member and friend has invited her to theirs for the next couple of weeks and she's accepted practically every ones invitation. I'm going over to keep her company and she's gonna be out most of the time!. There is no way i'm gonna have a boring day with some of that lot. Memories of my youth watching the New Year in on telly before everyone says goodnight and goes to bed at i minute after midnight come flooding back.

One of the women at work who was out on an errand rang the office yesterday to say she would be late back because she was trapped on a bus. During her journey the driver of the bus had had some sort of altercation with a car driver. It was something or nothing and when it was finished she thought nothing of it. But when the bus reached the Bus station and the driver got out of his cab, the same car appeared from nowhere and ran him over. Police and ambulance were on the scene and no-one was allowed off the bus because they were witnesses to the whole incident.

We bought our local paper tonight to read more about it. But there was no more than three lines about it in a corner of page 4 and that was that. It just said someone had been knocked over.

Local newspapers are shit for news sometimes. It's common knowledge that anything big happening locally won't appear for at least three days.

Dr Jeckle or Mrs Hyde

2011-12-14T16:55:00.001Z

Had to buy a Carbon Monoxide detector tonight. I've had a few people suggest that my Gas fire isn't burning correctly. The flame is a sort of Orange colour when it's supposed to be Blue apparently. But i've read up on it and there is no blackening of the elements or surrounds so i'm not sure there is anything wrong. I got the the vac out and gave everything a good clean and dust, Made sure the flu was clear and had a good ventilation and even lit some paper to make sure smoke goes up the chimney properly. But just to be certain i bought a detector.

As soon as i put the batteries in the bloody thing went off, i nearly shit myself running to open all the windows and doors to let out any invisible toxic fumes. It was like the fire alarm incident all over again. But it suddenly went off again and a green light came on. I hadn't read the instructions. It's supposed to do that when it sets itself up the first time you use it.

(Note to self. Read instructions first before turning new things on.)

Anyways, it's flashing green for ok now and everything seems to be ok. But i'm gonna have to get an expert out to look at it i think.

One of my bosses at work (A female) threw a real paddy this morning. I'm convinced she's mentally unstable. She's overly nice one minute but overly nasty the next. I've not been on the receiving end of the nasty side yet but i've had to witness it before.

Today though, she really did throw a proper childing tantrum, Stamping her feet, screaming at the top of her voice, banging her hands on the desk and swearing at her partner (my other boss) For what i could see was no reason whatsoever.

When she is in this mood she's like some paranoid schizo. Any sort of normal question you ask her is over analysed and translated into something critical. So a simple phrase like 'would you like me to file these invoices for you?' can be translated as a criticism of her ability to file things herself and a suggestion that she is so crap at it that you want to take things out of her hands and run the whole office instead of her because she is a useless piece of shit and you want her to die.

However, if you decide not to help and leave filing to her, this can be translated as - do it your fucking self you lazy bitch because i'm not helping you, all this work is for you to do not me. You can't win. And as much as that last bit might sound extreme, she really does think like that.

One day a collegue helping her with some figures she was trying to work out asked if she had a pen. But the way he said it must have been translated in her head as -Why haven't you got a pen?. So she replied with a scream "yes!!, i've got a fucking pen!, Do you think i'm a fucking idiot or something?.

When he replied he was only asking if she had one, She threw the pen at him and stormed off shouting 'here... have the fucking pen if you want it, i'll get my own bloody pen!!!'. She then kicked a box across the room, slammed the photocopier top loader down and pushed the door open with such a force on her way out it left a hole in the wall where the handle caught it.

We were left looking at each other wondering what the hell that was all about. 10 Minutes later she was laughing and joking as if nothing had happened and turned back into a nice fun person who you can really get along with. It's weird.

Dr Jeckle and Mrs Hyde all rolled into one.

Her partner is a lovely bloke but she's the one in charge not him and you can tell he lives in terror of her, He tends to disappear when she's throwing a wobbler. Like a coward running away from a fight.

It's entertaining i suppose. But it's pathetic and embarrassing at the same time.

Book it

2011-12-13T22:54:00.000Z

As i type this I'm half watching something on TV about electronic books. Someone once lent me one of those Kindle readers for a couple of days. I think they were bored with it because i was told i didn't need to rush to return it. I can understand why.

What a horrible little plastic thing it is. I'm gonna sound like my dad here, but i like the feel and smell of a proper book. Especially a new one. I like to see how many pages I've got through and feel the satisfaction of seeing one side fill up whilst the other goes down. The weight of the thing, the texture, the sound it makes when you turn the page. The colours of the pictures. In fact everything about a book that makes it a book.

Reading a kindle was like surfing the net. I got bored after a bit. It's OK in small doses, But not for me.

Is this what happens to people as they get older ? I'll be complaining about saving my stuff on a hard drive rather than the cloud next. Bring back MP3 players that's what i say. These young 'uns don't know what they're missing.

Bit of a busy week this week. I'm trying to put up my tree, visit half a dozen relatives to give out birthday cards (why are so many people i know born in December?) and arrange a party for this weekend ;-)))

Weak end

2011-12-09T17:16:00.003Z

Heading towards the weeeeeeeekend and i'm skint again. Daniel has suggest we have some sort of christmas party at my place one week. It'll be cheaper and we don't have to leave the house.

People bring their own booze, we just provide the location and the nibbles.

If we pick the right people it could be a good laugh.

Then he spoilt the whole thing by suggesting we could make it an underwear party or single men only. I think he's pushing it towards some sort of orgy. But not at my bloody house !!.

I'm not having strangers wandering round my home, splashing fluids all over my bed sheets.

Now if it were someone elses place.....;-)

Anyways, i'm off to my mums again, so i'll be back on Sunday. Have a good weekend everybody, i'll leave you with something to look at.

Something for the weekend

Frustration

2011-12-07T17:00:00.001Z

My weekday evenings are getting boring. I sat watching telly all night last night.

I had recorded something on the history of light entertainment from earlier in the week. A famous Television Producer called Michael Hurl came on talking about Cilla Black. I'm fully aware that famous people have no idea how the rest of us live but when he said (and i quote, word for word here) "She worked like mad, she rehearsed from 9 in the morning until 5 at night, FIVE DAYS A WEEK!" I nearly put my foot through the screen. Imagine that eh? 9 till 5, FIVE DAYS A WEEK!!. WOW, Now that's what i call dedication.

Then i watched something on the Banking Crisis and nearly put my foot through the telly again. RBS Chairman Fred 'the shred' Goodwin and his smarmy mush with that £300,000 a year pension paid for by the tax payer after he walked away from the bank he just banked.

So how about some light viewing instead ?. Get the porn out. That's better and little less annoying. ;-)

Except the bloody DVD player packed in half way through and i had to go on the Internet instead.

Frustration is not the word.

I had a leaflet pushed through my door earlier today for the local adult learning centre. It listed enrolment information for courses running through spring/summer 2012.

amongst those that caught my eye and made me laugh were,

Art for the terrified (£56),

Funky fabric jewellery(£22.40),

Beauty on a budget (£58.50),

Design and make a silk scarf (£21.00)

& Blogging for beginners (no fee) LOL.

Blogging is obviously not worth paying to learn. Ha!

Don't read this if you are eating

2011-12-06T17:00:00.003Z

Daniel rang last night and sounded like he had a peg on his nose. He's got a cold and was all bunged up.

After about 15 minutes i had to tell him i was going. He kept snooking and it was turning my stomach.

I can't handle people with snotty noses and catarrh. Especially when they do that loud snoot followed by a big swallow.

Eeerrrkkk. Worse still are the ones that spit. there is never any reason in the world to spit. I don't give a shit if you've got a gob full of acid. Don't spit in my company or i'm liable to spew up at the side of you.

I don't even like it when i'm blowing my own nose. That horrible grobb sound when you managed to clear it is about as horrible as that wa-wa thing people do trying to loosten it up. Hanky in hand, one finger over the left nostril and blow like your playing a mouth organ.

Yuk.

Quick change the subject i'm feeling all queer. LOL

This time last year i was preparing to go to America....Sigh... How depressing a thought is that?.

I've started wanking with talcum powder. Some people use lube, some use other lubricants, but i've discovered talcum powder. It smells better and leaves your willy all soft.

Try it, you might like it. Ha!

That would make a good survey if i could be bothered to set one up. What do you use ? or do you go dry ?.

I need something because i can be at it for ages. Holding back, then building up again to nearly there and back again. i can go on for hours if i'm alone and bored. I'd be red raw if i didn't use something.

Do you think i'm getting a bit too personal here ?.

LOL

Induction

2011-12-05T18:13:00.000Z

Stayed at my mum and dads over the weekend. I say mum and dad, it's just mums now.

By Sunday she was doing my head in. I luv here to bits but i've remembered why i don't live at home anymore. It wasn't because she wanted to talk all the time. It was more to do with the fact that she had a list of things that needed doing. I'm a replacement for my father. Any odd job that he would have done now falls on my shoulders.

But i was out on the piss on Friday and had a good old blow out with Daniel. When i got back i was sleeping in my old bedroom. It seemed weird, it always does. I wake up in the middle of the night for a piss and it feels like i've taken a step back in time. For a second i'm 15 again.

At work this morning i have been given another new guy to "induct". He's a lovely lad but slightly dim. The lights are on but no one is in, if you get my drift.

I felt like shaking him on several occasions because there seemed to be no response to anything i said. He was walking around in a dream most of the time and it seemed as thought he was on another planet. A bit like me on Saturday Morning after a Friday night out. ;-) But he's only 17 and doesn't drink so he's no excuse.

Went shopping to Asda on my way home tonight and was bombarded with over the top customer service.

"thank you for waiting sir"

"do you want any help with your packing?"

"hasn't it been cold today?"

"these are really nice arn't they?"

"would you like any cashback with that?

etc etc.

It's like having your hair cut, the nosey buggers keep asking never ending questions. Now we know what happend to all those interrigators when they shut Guantanamo Bay.

They all got jobs at Asda

Strike

2011-11-30T17:00:00.009Z

I had a lovely evening with Daniel last night. He stayed at my place and we sat watching TV and drank a bit. nothing special, just company.

I went to bed sober (ish) because i was working in the morning.

At about midnight an ambulance pulled up outside next doors house. Two paramedics climbed out and were met at the door by one of my neighbours. The nosey side of me went out to see what was happening but they all went inside and shut the door behind them. How frustrating is that?.

It's like someone turning the telly over just when it gets to the best bit.

Real life is never like TV. You don't get to see the interesting stuff. God owns the remote and he's forever flicking channels.

I've still no idea what happened. There hasn't been a hearse parked up so i assume it was just an illness thing.

Today, half the country has been on strike as public sector workers shout about their pensions being raided. Even though all us private sector workers are in the same boat and our pensions are fucked up as well. But hey, as long as it doesn't effect them who cares about the rest of us. After all it's us that would be paying for it and i'm struggling to pay my own bills. I find it difficult to fell sympathy. Hang a banker if you have to but don't expect me to cough up extra for other people mistakes (a little bit of politics..goodnight).

Anyway there has been an upside to all this. The horrible woman i usually work with has been away for a few days to visit relatives in the US for thanksgiving.

And she's had to extend her stay by a day to avoid Heathrow.

So i'd like to take this opportunity to thanks all those people on the picket lines.

Well done. Can i suggest you extend it for a couple of weeks. Especially in the Heathrow area.

Busy

2011-11-29T17:57:00.000Z

Daniel is coming over tonight.

He's got a day off work tomorrow and fancied doing something different. So tonight he's with me and then tomorrow he's seeing a mate in Leeds. It's ok for him but i have to be up for work in the morning. I just know that drink will be involved in tonight's meeting.

Anyway i don't have time to blog so here's a picture instead ;-)

Friends & Family

2011-11-28T17:00:00.003Z

Had a bit of a different weekend.

I Traveled to Northampton to a surprise Birthday Party for a relative who is 65 today. He had no idea we were coming and it had all been arranged like some sort of military operation with precision choreography to boot.

It was at an Aunties home (rich side of the family, it was a bloody huge house)

We arrived at the right time to surprise him and what i thought was gonna be a laugh turned into everyone being in tears. He started it by blubbing with the shock of us coming so far to see him, which made my mother and Auntie joined in. Before long there was hardly a dry eye in the house.

It was actually a bit of a magic moment but i was glad when all of the hellos were over and done with, so we could crack open the booze and settle down to a good laugh. I then spent most of the night trying to avoid any conversation that referred to my dad. I couldn't do it. I don't want to wipe him from history but it's too soon for me. My way of dealing with it is to avoid it at any cost. A party didn't seem like the right place to be getting all droll. My Mum was talking about him constantly so i even avoided her most of the night as well.

Dad wouldn't have liked it either, it's what he would have done. I'm probably more like him that i like to think

I didn't really know most of the people that were there. They may have been family but they moved away years ago and i've never spoken to most of them since i was a kid.

One cousin who is now 15 or 16 was practically a baby when i saw him last. He's grown to be a really good looking lad, but was probably the shyest person i have ever met. He could hardly look at people in the face as they spoke to him and was nervous as hell. I chatted to him for a while but it was all very awkward and one sided. He kept disappearing off to his bedroom to get away from the festivities. You could tell he was hating every minute of it and just wanted us all to fuck off home. LOL.

My auntie got absolutely smashed out of here head, which brings out the Lancashire in her. She starts losing her southern accent and acts as common as muck. Very funny to see.

By midnight we had all had enough . 5pm to midnight is enough for a party for oldies so we rang for a taxi. I wasn't drunk really, I knew i needed to be careful as i was driving us back home again the next morning. We stayed in a local Travelodge that my mum kept referring to as "the hotel". I slept in a big double bed....alone.

All in all i enjoyed it, but hated all the tears. It happened again when we were leaving to come home this morning.

We called for a coffee before leaving which gave us the opportunity to have a proper look around the garden now that it was light enough to see and we had another guided tour of the rest of the house that we hadn't seen the night before.

At one point we were all standing in the bathroom discussing her new toilet and how she had this one fitted because the one that was there before seemed to be a bit too low, which was bad for her back.

It was at this point i realised i should probably bring up the subject of going home 'before the traffic gets bad'.

Women can talk forever about any old bollocks. The colour of the wallpaper the view from the window, the shade of wood that the bathroom cabinet is made out of. Bloody hell i was getting bored.

We did all the hugging and kissing you do when leaving people you love and then just before we drove off we all agreed we should do this sort of thing more often.

As we drove away i knew that we probably wouldn't. You never do, do you ?.

Basic

2011-11-26T16:43:00.001Z

Room for the night, cold and very basic, but it'll do for what I need it for ;-)))

Alarming times

2011-11-25T17:00:00.009Z

Had a major panic on tonight.

The house that i live in has a burglar alarm fitted to it but has never worked. I don't even know the combination number to turn it on or off, the previous owner didn't leave it and in any case it looks like it was fitted in the 80s. I searched to find out who installed it but the company name on the front panel seems to belong to to someone who went to business heaven years ago.

So i ignored it.

Imagine my panic then when i returned home tonight to find it flashing and screaming like an air raid siren warning of a bombing raid to everyone down the street.

It hadn't been set off by burglars, there had been a power cut. But....How the fuck do i turn it off ???.

Whats the code ?. Where are the buttons ?. Who do i ring for help ?.

I tried every combination of numbers from 1234 to 09876. I didn't even know how many numbers i was supposed to press. Maybe there should have been three numbers not 4.

AAAAAAArRRRGGGh.

All the time this was happening i was getting a piercing screeching in my ears from the main control panel that was so loud and hurting so much that i even tried sticking a dish cloth in one lughole and a teatowel in the other to dampen the sound down enough for me to get close to it.

I must have looked like Basil Fawlty in Fawlty Towers, I was trying to rip the bloody box off the friggin wall to stop it ringing. I tried turning the electricity off at the mains, but they go to battery power don't they? and any way i can't sit in the dark until the battery runs out can i?.

Next solution, Unplug the battery. NO , it's still friggin wailing.

The whole bloody street must have been getting as pissed off as i was because there is nothing worse than an alarm constantly ringing for no reason.

In the end i found a little box at the side of the panel and pulled out a tiny 3amp fuse. Joy ! it's fallen silent.

I'd never make a very good burglar would it ? The whole of the kitchen now looks like a bomb has hit it. I've ripped half the wall away and the alarm box looks like a 1980 Apple computer pre assembly. With wires, a scraggy box and a couple of broken elements dangling all over the place.

My ears are still ringing though and if i'm honest, they actually hurt.

God i need a drink. get me out of here.

Sausages Mmmmm

2011-11-24T17:00:00.002Z

I've noticed that most of my twitter followings are of accounts with the name 'gay' in it. I've obviously just clicked and followed anything to do with gaydom, which in turn has got me followers who are gay and suggested other tweeters who are gay and so on.

My facebook account on the other hand is private and i reject and block anyone i don't know personally.

It's interesting how some people see tweeting as broadcasting and facebook as following friends and family.

On the other hand i know someone who has Asda amongst his many facebook friends and i've just seen an advert that says you can follow Jimmy Dean Sausages on facebook.

How sad would you have to be to have Jimmy Dean Sausages as a facebook friend?.

I've got one of those old apple I-Phones. You know the ones, they look nice and are great for the internet, email, games, music etc. But they seemed to have forgotten to add the Phone facility to this particular version of the I-PHONE and it is forever cutting out.

I was talking to my mother today and as usual the bugger just cut off in the middle of our conversation.

Sadly my mother never noticed and apparently kept on chatting happily at the other end for ages. It just went silent to her and she had no idea i had gone.

Gym Tonight.....I think.....I don't know yet.

It's always a bad idea to come home first. Once i'm here i can't be arsed to go back out again. You should just go straight from work and get it over with. But that's what everyone else does and it's packed to the rafters with people fighting over machines.

By half 7 it's dying down and if i went at 9.30pm i could get on anything i liked.

Saying that, the changing rooms are much more interesting places when it's full than when they're empty.

I saw a guy in there with the hairiest back i have ever seen last week. You could have shaved it off and made a wig for a 80s rock star out of it.

How pissed off must he feel though that he can grow hair like that on his shoulders and back but the top of his head was like a bowling ball. God was definitely taking the piss on that day of creation.

How often do you see hairy bald men? All the bloody time. Taking the piss, definitely.

Hellllooooooooooooo

2011-11-23T21:26:00.000Z

Shiver me timbers, I'm back blogging.

I almost deleted you, but thought better of it. Not that i have anything to say, but hey, it fills a few moments i have spare.

So lets get back to talking bollocks shall we?. Diary or diarrhea ?

Things are settling down at work (touch wood). I neither hate it or love it. I'm treading water and i know it.

If you asked me how the business was doing a couple of months ago i would say it was struggling. We were holding cheques back and not paying our suppliers unless they rang and asked for it. I couldn't understand why because the bank account (that i have access to) showed at least £150,000 in credit.

But i have learned today that the boss is trying to dump his overdraft facility so that he can go tell his bank manager to fuck off. How satisfying would that be?. Apparently he's renegotiating terms and they want to charge us more as well as getting more collateral to cover.

It explains why this bank manager has been visiting so often recently. I met him a couple of times. He looked like a spiv. about 27, smart suite, shiny shoes and a gob that oozed double glazing salesman. Just as you imagine they all are.

Went for a walk with Daniel the other day. I know that may sound a shocking statement. And i'll be honest it's not something i do ofter with him. But it's the middle of November, the weather has been fairly nice, we both need to keep fit and someone told us that there is a cruising/dogging area not far away from where i live.LOL.

Not that we were going to do anything, but we thought we'd have a look for a laugh.

It started raining and there was bugger all going on . But we passed a couple of hikers so pretended we were out for a nice healthy walk as well. I asked them how long it would take to walk round the lake and the fella said 'probably about an hour'.

Daniel (the nob) replied "we don't have that much time, we'll just walk half way and then come back"

This weekend i'm supposed to be driving the family to a surprise birthday party for a relative. He's 65 and lives in Northampton somewhere

How the hell did i get roped into that?

Member me ?

2011-10-06T21:26:00.000+01:00

Not back to blogging properly but i'm bored tonight and thought i would tickle the keyboard for a bit.

A little potted recap of the happenings since i last posted something....

I'm feeling a bit better now than i did at the time of my last post. My mum is still struggling to cope with living on her own, but life goes on i suppose.

Daniel is just the same. He just split up with someone for stealing some cash out of his wallet whilst staying at his place for the night. I never liked him anyway, i could tell he was a dead leg.

I've got a new job after walking out on my last one (don't ask)

Luckily i still live in the same house that i did after scaring the pants off myself wondering where i was gonna get the money from to pay my mortgage. Note to self -: find a new job before you end your old one next time.

I'm still single but i'm hitting the town less and less lately so that doesn't help does it?. Is this what happens when you get older ?. The same thing seems to be happening to my mates as well. We used to be out every weekend.

People are getting married and settling down all around me. Then they have kids and that's that, they disappear into their own little world and unless i visit them we lose contact completely.

My sex life is lagging and i've taken to gaydar for too much over the past few weeks just to keep my hand in. But it's the same old story. I'm bored when i'm on my own, but when i find someone they start to smother me and i want to be on my own again.

I do want a partner, i don't want a partner. Make your bloody mind up Mate!.

Anyway if anyone is still out there. Hope you are well and everything is ok with you. Now how about an obligatory picture of a half naked man for us all to enjoy together ?

Plonkers out lads..

Ball bag or sock stuffing ?. You decide

The end

2011-07-28T23:31:00.000+01:00

FYI my dad died on Tuesday.

This is my final blog post. There are more important things to do than sit at a computer half the night blogging.

Time to move on and re-evaluate my own life.
Sorry to cut things dead like this but it seems appropriate under the circumstances. My heart just isn't in it any more.
There's no self pity or depression. Just glad there's no more pain and distress.

I'm fine and so is my family. We knew it was coming and it's just a relief it's now over.

Thanks for following. But for the moment i shall be spending more time offline than on.

All the best

Mambam ;-)

Made me smile

2011-06-24T15:06:00.001+01:00

Dreaming of a German Lad

2011-06-18T00:26:00.000+01:00

Went out last night to show of my tan. Best make the most of it because the weather is so shit in this country i imagine it'll be gone by the end of next week. No wonder Brits are so white.

Like a pillock i dressed in full Tshirt mode and spent most of my time running from one watering hole to another trying not to get wet or freeze my bollocks off. Daniel didn't come. He's totally skint and couldn't borrow any more, in fact the down side of borrowing money is that you can't be seen to have a good time until it's paid back.

The one question everyone asked was 'did you get off with anyone?' and the answer, sadly, was no. It was only 7 days and two of them were traveling to and from the UK. Even when i did see someone i fancied i dare not make an approach. Funny that, isn't it?. It's ok when you are at home, but miles away in a foreign land tends to put you back to square one. I almost spent an entire week back in the closet it was that bad.

I'm reminded of when i moved from Oldham to here. I had to start all over again with new friends and letting them know i'm gay. You imagine that coming out is something you only have to do once. But in reality you spend your life coming out. Maybe if i was camp it would be different. People would just know and assume i am. But i'm forever being asked if i have a girlfriend or am married. and even though i say so myself, both Daniel and I could have shagged at least twi girls who staying at our hotel if we really wanted to. There was lots of smiles and hello's coming from their direction every time we passed them by.

Why couldn't it have been like that with the boys ?. That German lad is still in my brain and i've had many a good wank thinking about him. The stuff we've done together i could not repeat. LOL, sometimes he was all lovely and kissy, the next minute he was a bit of an animal. Ha!. If only. He's probably got a girlfriend or married or something.

Anyway i'm rambling now.

Again, tonight no one got to see my white bits. I didn't get so much as a kiss, and i am back home already at 12.11 am. But it's fathers day tomorrow and i'm going to my parents for the day so an early night will be a good thing.

I've written in the past about the way i feel when i have a boyfriend. They seem to stifle me and i long to be single again. Now i've had a bit to much singledom and want to get back to boyfriend material again.

Or maybe that's just the drink talking. Time to go to bed me things.

Back Home

2011-06-16T20:53:00.000+01:00

Well i'm home now and we all know how bloody depressing that is after a lovely holiday. Especially when it was one you enjoyed. In fact i didn't realise how much i enjoyed it till i got up this morning and looked outta the window.

How is my dad?, back to work on Monday, i've no milk left, need to go to the supermarket, no one cooking for me anymore, the grass needs cutting..etc.

And my bank account is empty as well. Back to life, back to reality.

I've been looking through my holiday snaps. Hardly any have me or Daniel in them. It's nearly all scenery. We both dodge each other when taking pictures. I hate looking at myself. But that just leaves lots of scenery and arty farty snaps that don't really have the same impact afterwards. What was once a breathtaking scenic view now just looks like a flat picture on a computer screen. it's just not the same is it?. I wished i dared whip my camera out and take as many as i wanted too of images i wanted to really keep. I was reading a book by the pool that mentioned 'Cocteau's cocktail parties'. "they say that Jean Cocteau, to amuse his friends, could lie back knacked on a table and bring himself to full ejaculatory orgasm without touching himself, through the power of imaginative thought alone".

Well, i can tell you, there were times sitting around that pool when i could have done the same. Sitting around half naked people does that for you.

There are some pictures of us in the hundreds i did take, but not as many as i thought. I'll post some this week (not of us, i've told you before, if you wanna blog properly don't tell the world who you are).

But amongst them there are the odd ones of fellas i saw and fancied and dared take :-) Trying to get Daniel to stand in the foreground whilst i was really trying to get one of some fit fucker in the background. LOL.

In fact it became a bit of a catch phrase during our holiday. Whenever anyone took a picture the other one said "was that a real one or just a background shot?"

It will make a change to post pictures with my blog that i took myself i suppose rather than nicked of the net. They may be tame in comparison but it'll give me a little sigh of...i wish...

Before i left i unplugged the telly recorder by mistake. So i've missed a weeks worth of telly. But then again, did it matter?. No is the answer.

I don't wanna go

2011-06-15T09:35:00.001+01:00

As I type this I'm sitting in reception waiting for the bus to take us to the airport. Had a last minute top up of my sun tan, shower and change into suitable cloths for English weather, waved goodbye to my room and handed in my key.
God it's depressing. It's fantastic weather outside and I don't wanna go home. It's like that regeneration scene from dr who where he changes from david tennant to matt smith.
(who fans will understand that reference).
I don't fancy the journey either. When you are going home it's not as much fun travelling. You just want to click your fingers and your back.
Back to the real world soon.
More on this holiday at a later date. You can't blog properly on a phone.

Landing

2011-06-14T11:38:00.001+01:00

YouTube Video

Feel like this today

2011-06-14T06:36:00.001+01:00

Meet and greek

2011-06-13T19:04:00.001+01:00

Tonight we will be drinking here at some point
http://www.rodosnightlife.com/en2/big-brother-bar
Join us why don't you ?
We've done faliraki. We even went there today. It was deserted. Everyone must have still been in bed sleeping off last night.
Faliraki is the Greek Blackpool. With lots of drinking holes, tatoo parlors and strip clubs.

Rhodes is the Greek st annes (if you are English you will understand that reference) but we've had some tips where to go local and have decided it's cheaper than traveling every night

It cost us nearly 20 euros to get there and another 20 back. And the journey was more like a theme park ride it was so scary. He kept calling us young boys lol.

I look like a bloody beetroot. But it's going brown as well.
Anyway I'm out and about when I post this
Tried to post some mobile bid warier but couldn't get it to blog so check out my twitter feed instead it seemed to work there.

Bog door in faliraki

2011-06-13T13:26:00.001+01:00

Testing video u tube

2011-06-13T13:09:00.001+01:00

Trying to post video to blog from my phone but can't get it to work

Try this instead
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KjFFLXvtGwU&feature=youtube_gdata_player

Suffering for my sins

2011-06-13T07:27:00.001+01:00

Should have posted this yesterday but didnt get time ;-)
Very hungover, Really tired.
Day of rest.

But more of the same tonight I hope ;-) it cost 17 euros to get there in a taxi but split between the two of us it's money well spent.

I'm in love with a German. No idea what they call him, or even if he's gay, but he's tall, blonde, and has the most amazing bod ever.
Better still, he looks like he's been here a while 'cos he's all golden brown. Yum.
We've been following him and his mates around for a couple of days now but sadly they don't speak English and we don't speak Germany. Shit !
Not sure I'll be making any advances though. He's with a group of seven lads. But you can admire the view though can't you ?.
I'm now a sort of red/brown mix. It's really windy down this side of the island which makes it great for sun bathing. The sun roasts you and the wind keeps you cool. Daniel is complaining that his bellybutton is sore. He obviously didn't stick his finger in it when applying the sun block.
The back of my kneck is the worst.
There's a couple who are always by the pool. They are in their late 30's or 40's and look like ex porn stars. He's got tatoos and pierced nipples, she's got huge false tits and fake body of a 20 year old but a face of a 50 year old. Daniel took one look at them and said "swingers".
They always strut around in g strings and when in the pool they are always kissing and touching each other up. Today they were sat across from us and our view of them was up their arses because they sunbathed face down. When they rolled over to do the other side his cock fell out and he just slapped it back into his swimming trunks (?) again as if nothing had happened. It looked like a baby's arm hanging out of a pram.
I wish o had the guts to get my camera out. I could fill a blog with some of the sites I've seen this week.
I wish I could show you;-(
We have been told that Greece is a very conservative country and we don't really know how open or careful we should be. But I went to buy a bottle of water this evening in a grubby shop just around the corner from our hotel and noticed that there was a small stash of porn for sale along with all the other essentials you might need for your holiday. It wasn't a huge section, just 3 DVDs, a couple of dirty books and a set of playing cards but I was surprised to see it.
Mind you the guy serving me looked like a dirty old man so it's probably second hand stuff he's getting rid of himself after getting bored with it.
I bet all the cards are all stuck together.

Faliraki

2011-06-11T20:15:00.001+01:00

Visited the old town today. It's just a short walk away.
The whole place is ancient and surrounded by a big wall. There are several entrances but once you get inside it's like a maze of little streets no wider than a car. It's easy to get lost inside and we were warned to take a map with us, but of course we didn't. We just had to retrace our steps back the way we came to get back out
again. This was more like it, it seemed like we were actually in Greece for a change. Previous walks seemed to be much like home (apart from the half naked people strolling by). But this was like a trip back in time.

It was scorching hot and I've caught it on my face, but it didn't stop us coming back and sitting by the pool all afternoon in the blistering sun.

Tonight we have just discovered faliraki ;-)))))

Party time !!!

2011-06-10T20:01:00.001+01:00

The food here is amazing. But you have to dress up for dinner. It's all a bit fancy, like going to a posh restaurant. It's decked out like a wedding reception though. White table cloth, White chairs, etc. All we need is a bride and groom.
They have a sort of buffet at lunch where you can load your own food up onto a plate as much as you like.
It's all inclusive so we use it a Lot (although it's too hot to eat most of the time).
The main problem is wandering up and down staring at food I've never seen or heard of before. We are constantly looking at each other and saying "what's that?".
So we put a bit of everything on a plate and try it. Unfortunately this can sometimes mean you have chicken, fish, cheese and cake all together with a blob cream. Or your taste buds are expecting mayonnaise and get whacked with yogurt. Anyway it's all staying down and in, so it must be ok.
We are a stones throw away from the old town. Which is supposed to look old. We thought it did but when we took a closer look those bars, cafe, and shops are selling burgers, lager and the daily mail newspaper. We werent in the old town at all. Just the scruffy end thats all. You just have to watch you don't get run over by some guy on a scooter. They are everywhere and I'm not impressed with some of the driving here either. Greece is on it's arse at the moment. The country is bankrupt. But I don't think that's why you get hassled to go into every shop, restaurant or bar you pass. I think it's just normal for here.
"hello boys, table for two ?, best restaurant in town, I sit you next to some lovely ladies" no thanks we've just eaten. "hello boys, i have all sizes inside, you want to see more?" no thank you.
They are very polite and not pushy but it's a pain when you've heard it the 100th time and we stopped walking down one street because of it.
Sitting by the pool today I noticed that most of the people wearing nothing were over 60 and all the young ones were covered up.
We took a strole along the beach where it was slightly different. So I got my camera out and took pictures of the beautiful blue sea (lol) I may post some when I get back. My phone got the odd sea view though. ;-) follow those guys

There was a young girl no more than 16 or 17 on her own sunbathing in the middle of nowhere with just a g string to cover her modesty.
She looked a golden brown and had long blonde hair. Every fella walking past seemed to stop and take their time looking at the sea around her before moving on.
What confused me was that apart from a towel she was laying on she had nothing else. No bag, no cloths, nothing.
And there were no friend are family around either. Just here an a sort of deserted stretch of beach laying flat on her back with her legs apart.
Silly girl.
We ended our day walking to the harbour and entrance to the real old town. It was really nice, must go again tomorrow when it's light.

This place is the least gay town in the world.
I'll be honest. I wouldn't even dare own up to it here.

Budgie smugglers

2011-06-09T18:27:00.001+01:00

A new day and let's hope a bit more relaxing. I feel a bit better this morning, maybe a good nights sleep after a long day travelling helped.
The food and service in the restaurant is fantastic. We had breakfast and decided to tackle the dodgy subject of changing our rooms from crap ones to good ones.

At reception we accosted to a lady who spoke to use slowly in English then turned to her friend and spoke Greek at a hundred words per second.
We had a weird sort of argument going on between us where we insisted on better rooms. Everyone was being polite and pleasant in a forceful and aggressive way.

In the end she said there were a couple of rooms coming free later and showed us one that hadn't been cleaned yet. It would be free once the maids got round to cleaning it. She couldn't let us see the second room because people hadn't checked out yet, but that would also be free later. It seemed ok and a lot better than the ones we had so we agreed to accept. But its never that easy is it ?. we would have to vacate our rooms now so they could be allocated them to someone else when they arrive. Meaning we would be without any room at all until 2 in the afternoon. But no worries we'll just sit by the pool watching the guys walk by in budgie smugglers and the girls wearing string for swim suits
We found a nice spot and stripped off. Both of us looked like ghosts in comparison to some of this lot. I felt slightly embarrassed really. There was a woman sitting across from us who looked like a leather sofa she was so brown. We were vanilla ice cream to their chocolate magnum. So we needed to get brown, and quick.
But after about 15 minutes in full sunbaking mode I realised this wasn't gonna be the same as sunbathing at home. It was HOT and I mean HOT!. There wasn't a cloud in the sky and you couldn't breathe. Even with factor 50 I could tell this might be dangerous. And I decided to move into the shade,
It didn't bother Daniel though. He just lay down and insisted he would be ok, then fell asleep.
As I type this I'm wondering if I dare get my camera out. Some of the sights are amazing ;-) on the other hand some others are horrific I've just seen a 60 year old woman topless and her tits were practically dragging on the floor.
It's definitely the type of holiday where you need to nip back to your room every now and then for a quick ...er... Rest ?
People seem to be pleasant but unapproachable. I can't work out if they just don't understand us or they really don't like the Brits.
After sitting round the pool for 4 hours we got our new rooms, a vast improvement and I'm settled now. It couldn't come too soon because I was feeling a bit sick. Not with sunstroke. I think it was the heat (heatstroke). I needed a cold shower and a lie down in a darkened room for a bit. But still felt a bit wobbly afterwards.

It's a weird place Rhodes. One hotel looks nice and lush, but the next building can be derelict and falling down. The shops are very similar, it goes from busy newsagents to building site and back again in the space of 10 yards. But I'm liking what I see so far, just need to explore further afield.

Day one

2011-06-08T19:04:00.001+01:00

Never slept a wink last night, how can you sleep when the sun is still shining outside and the birds are singing in the trees.
But I needed to be up for 3.30 am to get to the airport in good time so I had to force myself into an early night..
Everything seemed to go well at the airport we arrived in good time dumped our luggage and went for something to eat. A full English breakfast, sausage, beans, egg, hash browns, the works. Yum.
Then we got on the plane and it all went tits up. A technical fault left us sitting like chickens in a coupe for an hour and a half And I was sat in front of a screaming child (again). Children under 3 shouldn't be allowed on planes unless they are muffled.
In the end a flight attendant announced that the delay was due to someone flushing a nappy down the toilet so we would be flying with one bog down.
He followed this with another announcement "today's in flight movie will be... meet the........ Er.... Fockers!!
I think it was an old VHS copy because it was unwatchable.
Then they tried to sell us magazines, drinks and headphones, before asking us to part with more cash for some charity or other. But no worries because the in flight meal came next, which was a full English breakfast of eggs, beans, sausage....etc. Doh !!.
When we eventually arrived there was a 45 minute wait sat on a coach. Our rep went looking for some missing passengers who never appeared. Then we eventually set off to the hotel, only to be told that our stop would be drop number 9. It took 1 hour 30 minutes to get from airport to hotel.
I was hot, irritable and really fed up.
Then we were allocated our rooms. Two singles (lol) but next door to each other.
Even I could tell they were really shit rooms. I think they just assumed that we wouldn't be bothered but we were. There is a huge air conditioning unit outside my window and we overlook a flat roof.
This is a four or five star hotel is it?
We complained but they said they couldn't move us until tomorrow.
£25 to have a safe for valuables and wifi only Accessible at reception.
It's going well don't you think?
Let's hope there is some totty about or I'm outta here.
Already spotted one in the restaurant tonight though and a quick stroll on the beach looked promising. Lots of Germans around. so you never know ;-)

I think we have contact

2011-06-08T17:51:00.001+01:00

Welcome to Greece

Ready For Go

2011-06-05T23:39:00.000+01:00

Well that's it then, i've got everything ready to stick in a suitcase. As long as things go ok i'll be flying to Greece this week.
I know i haven't been blogging properly for a while. I've been at my parents or the hospital most of the time but if there is internet acess over there i'll do like i did in America and spend some time writing up and posting pics of my short stay.
If you hear nothing it means we are no where near anywhere with a signal.

My dad is feeling a bit better and back home but still not 100% so i'm not sure i should go. But he wouldn't be happy if i didn't and let's face it i can't do anything over here anyway.

Fingers crossed i can take some pics of the locals getting a nice tan (LOL)

The Gay Scene

2011-05-30T20:07:00.000+01:00

Not long now before i get on a plane and fly the hell outta this place.

I'm still in two minds whether to go or not because my dad is really ill. It's weird, I still try to switch off and have a good time but it's always there in the back of your mind. When i'm with him it gets a bit intense and i need a break by getting away, but as soon as i do i'm wondering how he is. Last night i was out having fun. But i just wasn't in the mood. That's why i've blogged less. I'm not really in the mood for anything at the moment.

Anyways i've got my tickets, booked my seats, arranged a lift to the airport (via a friend of Daniel's) and all i need to do is get there.

I'm just not excited about it like i should be.

Daniel confessed to me the other night that he's not happy either, so we're both turning into miserable bastards. He hates his job and is sick of the scene. It's like going through revolving doors. When you first go on the scene it's a wondrous place. All those men and suddenly you feel like you've just walked into a fairground. But after a while you realise it is just like a fairground. It's all front and no substance. You suddenly notice that you're talking to guys who spend most of their time looking over your shoulder to see who else is about. You think you've had a great night with someone, only to find they're not answering their phone to you the next day. Then you're having to leave a pub because an ex just walked in. Or look around the room and notice the only ones you like don't wanna know you. Then a stranger appears and it's fresh meat for the masses. It's just a never ending chase.

I know how Daniel feels but i've sort of dropped out of the loop lately so i crave a night out like that at the moment. I'm not in the mood for anything serious. I just wanna have some fun.

I've had the other end of that stick. The other night i got talking to a guy who was only 17. It was his first night EVER in a gay club and he was like a dog on heat. I couldn't get rid of him. He latched onto me and the more pissed he got the more morbid he got. I had two choices, take him home and fuck him. Or go to the loo and climb outta the window.

I decided to go for a piss and just walked outta the door. There would have been a time when i would have gone for the latter, but i've learnt that there are consequences and you could tell he would have been trouble.

Saying all that, I'm not sat watching Britain's got Talent and haven't been outta the house today. Is this it ?.

The exciting life i lead eh ?.

Donate a Day

2011-05-23T18:50:00.001+01:00

On the telly this morning i saw something about a 'donate a day" charity thing. They are asking people to donate a day to help someone or some organisation.

I don't have time but i thought i would take a look. I always wished i had a job that meant something to someone instead of shuffling paper around. And now that i'm sort of looking after my dad on and off i've got a taste for it.

But i didn't wanna do just anything. I'm not fucking interested in The Dogs trust or the Royal Horticultural Society (Eh?). so i went for the Terrence Higgins Trust. Well what do expect?, i'm a poof..

I found a link to the website and found out how to volunteer and who to ring. But was hit with...

"At present we have no vacancies for volunteers in North England - please check back soon or contact Naomi to put yourself on the waiting list."

I've been over to my parents this weekend. My dad is ill again. They think it's an infection and he's on antibiotics

I think he’s taken a turn for the worst. I thought he would start getting better as time went on, but he seems to be up and down a lot. Eating food is like a game of Russian roulette. Sometimes he’s fine with it. Other times it makes him really poorly.

And I can see in his eyes that he’s had enough. I suppose that when you have been ill for a long period of time it’s not just about the illness, it’s about how long you can stand feeling that way.

He’s already said he wished he hadn’t bothered having an operation and just let nature take its course.

How do you cheer someone up who feels like that?

As i type this i’ve just realised I still haven’t arranged transport to get to the airport as well. I looked at all the options, but never got round to doing it.

To be honest I’m in two minds whether to go now. If he’s really ill the week I go away what will I do?

What a shitty weekend it was.

Dust off those bollocks

2011-05-13T18:31:00.001+01:00

I’m supposed to be staying in tonight so I can be up early tomorrow to clear out a garage for someone. But balls to that one, I’m on the razz. I know I’ll regret it in the morning but sometimes you just have to go with the flow.

I’ve been asked to meet someone for a drink. Does that constitute a date? I’m not sure really. It wasn’t arranged as a date. We just said we’d meet for a couple. But there will only be two of us and we’ve never met for a drink before on our own.

All I know is that after i post this I’m having a bath and will don my best underwear, just in case. ;-)

I went to see my dad last night. He gets tired very quickly but doesn’t want you to go because he’s bored and craves company that he feels comfortable with. When friends or family call he seems to want to put a face on and pretend he’s ok. But the second they leave he’s complaining that he’s tired and wished they had gone an hour ago. With mum and I it’s different, he’ll just fall asleep mid conversation or tell us to shut up for a bit whilst he has a kip.

He took off his shirt so I could look at his scar and he looked like a bag of bones. The operation has ruined his pallet. Everything tastes funny or of nothing at all. So he’s not interested in food and only sees it as fuel

Sometimes he’ll crave a meal, but by the time my mum has made it he’s gone off the idea and a few mouths full in he’ll complain that it doesn’t taste anything like it should do.

We watched a bit of the Eurovision song contest semi-finals together but he hated everything and everyone on it. The UK entry 'Blue' were winding him up the most. He hates the fact that they come across as “Cocky” and were waving and acting up to the camera all the time.

He’s turning into a miserable moaner and even thought It’s understandable there are times when you just wanna slap him.

God knows how my mum copes with him 24 hours a day.

Anways, short post over, time to doll myself up for tonight. Shave, teeth, bath, shower. A little light dusting of talc to the bollocks and bum (not too much, don't want a puff of smoke when i'm de-robing, as has happened in the past) Deodorise, filck my hair into some sort of creation, glad rags on, take them all back off again because i'm not happy with the look, glad rags on and off again for the next 30 minutes before saying "fuck it, no ones looking anyway". Fight my way through a sea of cloths now cluttering the bedroom floor that i intend folding & putting away in the morning.

Cash, Cards, condoms, condiments, and outta the door like a rabbit up a drainpipe.

See ya the other side ;-).

Skip that

2011-05-11T17:36:00.000+01:00

Daniel has come up with a so called brilliant money making scheme to get some extra cash together for his holiday.

Unfortunately the scheme involves me as well. He's clearing someone’s garage out for them this weekend and so am I apparently. They have ordered a skip and we (I repeat...WE!!) are gonna fill it for him.

How the hell I got roped into this job I’ve no idea. I'm not the one who's skint. But it seems I volunteered to help a mate out. The worst aspect to it all Is that we have to be there for 7.30am (Saturday morning ?, eh?) and it will be a full day of hard graft humping shite up and down.

So that's Friday night on the town outta the window. Never mind, it'll be worth it in the long run.

I have been reading some of the comments about booking a taxi to go to the airport (thanks fro that by the way) and went online to find that there is a scheme where you can pay £79.99. You meet someone at the airport, hand them your keys and they park it for you. When you arrive back they meet you at the door with the car and hand it back. You can even pay a bit extra and have it valeted as well.

My dad thinks I’m mad to even consider it, but I like the sound of a bit of luxury. All I need to do is find out how much a taxi to and from the airport is. If it's anywhere near this figure I’m booking it.

Someone sent dad this u tube post and it cheered him up no end. You've probably seen it before but if you haven't take a look. It's the Ultimate dog tease.

Town & Out

2011-05-09T18:39:00.000+01:00

Although i was on top form this weekend it was pretty uneventful really. Daniel came over and we spent Saturday night in Town.

There is a pub or club on every corner and your spoilt for choice really. The minute you step out of one watering hole you're no more than three strides away from another. But it's not really sophisticated, it's just a piss up.

When i'm away from Manchester i've got my heterosexual head on. Which means i'm not on the pull. I don't feel safe in places i don't really know. And this town seems very Homophobic to me. You know when you just don't feel right. Sometimes it looks like guys are gay friendly but two words into a conversation and they reveal their true colours and i'm breathing a sigh of relief that i haven't tried it on with them.

People throw out insults without even realise they are doing it. It's not uncommon for someone to describe anything that is shit as 'being gay' nowadays but around here they don't throw insults they throw punches.

I'm making it sound like a town full of thugs aren't i?. Not true. But i just don't get the same vibe as i do in the big city. Daniel is the same. He can never understand why i want to drink local when i could be over the tops to Mancs. But i suspect that is more to do with him not wanting to travel to me, preferring it if i came over to him.

Since i went on that first aid course everyone is taking the piss. I've had requests for everything from looking at a guys hemorrhoids through to diagnosing yellow puss coming out of a Lady's fanny.

Very funny lads, now leave me alone.

I was walking to the shop at lunch time and noticed a pair of underpants in the middle of the road. This made me wonder where these odd garments you see lying around come from. It's not unusual to see a stray sock in the gutter but undies?.

How can you lose a pair of pants?. (answers on a postcard to...)

Getting Excited about my holiday now. But can't decide whether to book a taxi to take us to the airport or drive there in my own car and stick it in the car park for a week. You think you've spent all you need too when you book at the travel agents, but suddenly hidden costs mount up. Daniel is shitting himself. He can't afford and is struggling to get the cash together. I suspect i'm gonna be paying more for this holiday than he is.

Happy Happy Happy

2011-05-05T17:00:00.005+01:00

I'm in proper party mood tonight. I've just booked a cheap last minute holiday to Greece with Daniel and we go in a matter of weeks !!!.

This time next month i'll be baking my ass on a beach a zillion miles away from here. Roll on summer i'm coming for yah...

And dad had one of his up days today as well. I know it's only a temporary thing but i'm having an up day too.

Now roll on the weeeeeeekkkkeeennnd!.

Some people have no sense of Humour

2011-05-04T22:39:00.000+01:00

Been busy the last couple of days so i didn't have much time to blog.

I went on that First Aid course. A full 60 minutes worth of training stretched out to 8 hours.ZZZzzzzz. It was like going back to school again. I forgot how boring it can be. Someone told me that it could be a good laugh, depending on the others on the course with me.

Unfortunately the others with me (all total strangers) were not the laughing kind and i seemed to have found myself in a crowd of the shyest people i have ever known.

I'm not exactly the life and sound of the party myself with strangers, but no matter how much i tried to talk to some of them the conversation always hit a brick wall and we would sit there in silence for a bit whilst i desperately tried to think of something else to say.

At one point 12 of us sat around a table eating our lunch without acknowledging each other. It was like being in a library. In the end i was laughing to myself because all you could hear was sipping tea, chewing sounds and swallowing of food. LOL.

As i looked around the table 5 of them were looking intensely at their mobile phones and the rest seemed to be transfixed on some sort of speck of dust on various parts of the wall or ceiling. God forbid we make eye contact with each other.

I even tried bringing up the subject of the weather but all i got back was "yes it is, isn't it..." and then back to silence again.

"Did anyone see the Royal Wedding ?"

Yeah. bits of it. (and back to silence)

Bloody hell, i thought, help me out here, I can't do it on my own. I felt like shouting out "has anyone ever sucked on a cock?"

During the course the guy started coming up with stupid Mnemonic words to remind us what we should do.

SEEP....Sit, Examine, Elevate, Pressure. That sort of thing. Then he came up with AVPU which sounded a bit too much like 'Have a poo' to me, so i laughed out loud and looked round the room. No one else laughed and looked at me as if i had just had a poo, right in the middle of the friggin' room.

I know my humour can be childish at times but fuck me. It's not as if I wasn't listening to what he was saying and i wasn't mucking about. But you must at least raise a little titter when two men are demonstrating the heimlich maneuver. It's comman knowledge that It just looks like they are bumming each other LOL.

But no !. there were no 12 year olds with me so i was on my own with that one as well.

This was a very serious lesson and i should have known better.

But seriously, I know of a better way to dislodge a blockage than the heimlich maneuver So we didn't need to bother with that bit.

LOL.

Us Lot

2011-05-02T16:21:00.016+01:00

This morning I woke to the news that Osama Bin Laden is dead. (Which should help my mum because she keeps getting him mixed up with President Obama).

He was living in a big posh house in Pakistan somewhere. What a surprise. The news was announced in a speech live on TV by the President. and i saw a bit of it. When he speaks he always sounds like he's fronting a business meeting. I don't expect him to throw in a couple of jokes or laugh out loud but he never seems to show any emotion when he's talking. Hardly Triumphant stuff.

But there was no such thing coming from the rest of America, There was dancing in the streets with mobs chanting USA! USA !, as they do. But it just makes me feel even less safe now. Those buggers will be all out for retaliation just you watch.
Some of the news coverage was a bit weird "Breaking News- Osama Bin Laden was shot in the left eye".
But my personal favourite was a tweet from singer Lilly Allen. "I know that Osama Bin Laden is dead, but if we could all stop for a minute to consider todays REAL news I'd very much appreciate it....It's my Birthday, i'm 26"

I hope my holiday is nowhere near that region anyway. Scary times.

We will know more about our holiday tomorrow because i've been told to ring my Aunt in the afternoon and she will come up with a couple of suggestions for us. Daniel told me to say yes to anywhere. He dosn't care where it is and will leave it up to me. Which means if it turns out to be crap it's my fault.

I went to Daniels again from a bit and they had some family around. I got chatting to an old bloke who turned out to be his Grandmas "man friend" and he told me he was 80 this year. He was getting more and more drunk as time went on and nearly fell off his chair twice. He blamed it on vertigo but i suspect it was the 2nd glass of wine he had drunk in 20 minutes that did it. As time went on his language got more and more fruity. It went from 'Fucking' this to 'fucking' that and eventually the odd C**t shot out. But when Daniels Gran came over he stopped. Then, when she wandered off again he would look around like a spy checking that no one was listening and start swearing again.

Suddenly he said to me "are you one of Daniels Queer Friends then ?" Daniels mum Chastised him for saying it but he apologised and said it again using the Gay word in place of Queer.

I wasn't offended, He meant nothing by it. He was only asking after all. He told me he knew a queer when he was in the army during the war. "he was a nice enough bloke really" he said.

In the end i was pissing myself laughing because he was sort of insulting me with every sentence without realising it. He thought he was being nice to me but it was all coming out wrong.

"i don't know what all the fuss is about" he said "you lot don't do anybody any harm do you?"

LOL.

No, us lot don't do we ?.

Gay or Not ?

2011-05-01T15:00:00.004+01:00

Had a massive hangover on Saturday. I went to have my haircut in the afternoon and almost fell asleep in the chair. Which was a bit scary because all the people who work in this hairdressers have hairstyles that make them look like aliens. I think they practice on each other and experiment with styles. None of which look good. Why to hairdresses have the worst haircuts in the world?

Anyway i was glad to get out of there in the end i was feeling sick. Ohh the dreaded swill.

It didn't stop me going out again last night and after the first drink i was feeling a lot better ;-)). I feel like shit again now though. :-(( LOL. Never again !. Until next week.

I went to Daniels today. The weather was brilliant again and his dad had his shirt off. He has the biggest man boobs i've ever seen on a man and i'm always transfixed when he gets them out. I wouldn't mind but he's not really that fat. It's just all on his tits. The fat sort of hangs under his arms. His mum was taking the piss out of his hairy back as well. She said it started just above his bum when he was in his 20s and sort of spread all over his back and shoulders. Daniel was mortified when i suggested that that's what he has to look forward to when he gets older. So we are now going the gym again next week and i've promised to help him shave his back if it ever starts to happen. LOL. I look at my dad sometimes and think the same though. He's not hairy but i don't wanna look like that when i'm his age.

I saw a bit of Britain's got talent this morning. There was a little lad on who was about 12. He was very talented and sang really well. I know this is wrong to say about a 12 year old but my gaydar bell was ringing rather heavily if you know what i mean. And i smiled to myself. If he doesn't grow up to be gay i would be very surprised let's just put it that way.

Later on whilst i was flicking through U tube i came across a clip of him singing again and made the fatal mistake of reading the comments. It made my blood boil. It seems that lots of other people thought the same as me but quite a few were homophobic arseholes. I wanted to find out where they lived and kick their fucking heads in. Bastards!.

Saying that, he's only 12 so i'm just as bad as they are, sticking a label on the poor kid. Why did i even refer to it?.

You forget don't you ?, Life carries on as normal, then all of a sudden something homophobic comes into view and you suddenly realise the world hasn't changed much has it ?. Things may have changed for me since i was younger and coming out. I'm a little less tolerant or shy of someone having a go at me nowadays for starters. Maybe that's why i don't get it as much as i used to?. But it's still there isn't it?

Anyway judge for yourself.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xvUBUWM_UW4

or look up Ronan Parke.

Now, time to get in the garden again, the sun is still out and i'm gonna do a bit of nude sunbathing.
As if.

A day in bed or in front of the telly ?

2011-04-28T19:11:00.000+01:00

It’s the Royal Wedding tomorrow so I’m having the day off work. I’m not really interested in it to be honest, but any excuse to get out of work for the day I suppose.

If you watch the news you might imagine the whole of Britain is gripped with Wedding fever. But I don’t see it much around here. We’ll watch bits of it on the telly I think but I can’t see a party taking place down my street.

Like every other major event in this country people will be watching it on the BBC so I’m surprised any of the other channels bother at all. If the other side stuck a good film on i'm sure the viewing figures would be a lot higher than they imagine they would be. Who watches stuff like this on ITV anyway ?. Either way it’s gonna be wall to wall coverage so we have no choice.

B&Q are offering 15% off everything the same day and it’s gonna piss it down as well so I might just have a sleep in. (bah humbug)

I am being sent on a first aid course next week from work, which should be fun. No-one else is going in the company, just me. I should have gone a while back but it was canceled and rescheduled. I’ve no idea what this all entails but they need someone to be the designated emergency first aider in the office. And I’ve been designated.

Anyway nurse Mambam will be available for appointments from next week onwards, Just pop your cloths on the chair and stick your legs in the air. I’ll slap on my rubber gloves and do an internal investigation.

If your good looking I may test my kiss of life skills as well. I wonder if I’ll get a uniform and a badge ?. LOL.

I've just thought. I might just celebrate the Royal Wedding tomorrow night after all. It's friday and that means it's the weeeeeeekkkkeeeeennnddd!!!.

;-)

Dirty Movies

2011-04-27T17:00:00.057+01:00

I was talking to Daniel on the phone tonight and mentioned last nights incident with the superglue. He said "you should be really careful with superglue you know, i had an uncle who got some on his finger once and didn't realise it until he went to pick his nose. He had to go to hospital 'cos he superglued his finger up his right nostril".

He does talk bollocks sometimes.

I saw an old ~~boyfriend~~ Shag in town today. He must have put on about three stone and hadn't had a shave for days. I don't know who was more shocked to bump into each other. Me or him. I've also had a similar thing happen the other way around though. I don't mean i've been caught looking a mess. I mean i've bumped into someone who i turned down in the past because i didn't fancy them, only to find they turned from ugly ducking into a handsome prince. It's amazing how people can change so quickly.

If i ever bump into old friends i haven't seen since school they always say i don't look any different. I can't work out if they are complimenting me or taking the piss.

One of the doctors dealing with my dad comes from India. "He has one of those mono brow things going on, where his eyebrows roll into one along the top" said my Dad when he first saw him. He's a really nice fella but talks a bit like a judge. He seems to have no sense of humour at all, or at least he doesn't show it anyway. My dad fires jokes at him but gets no response. He confessed to me at the weekend that it's annoying him a bit. Dads way of getting through it all is to make a joke of things and it doesn't work if your audience is stone cold to your humour. I don't care if he's the most miserable person in the world, as long as he can do his job properly that's all that matters.

There's bugger all on telly anymore. I don't even look at the box until after 9'oclock now. Anything pre 9 is a soap and i can't stand 'em. In fact the best stuff seems to come on as i'm going to bed. The times i've just picked up the remote to turn off and suddenly the flash of a tit or naked bum stops me in my tracks.

Next thing i know i'ts 1.30am and i've just sat through a weird movie on the hope that there might be another sex scene or the bloke with the fit body might have another shower. I wouldn't mind but i've got a stash of porn upstairs so why do i bother ?.

I wished i lived in France. Their films are full of it. I think it's compulsory over there. Every actor must at some point get his billy bollocks out no matter what. Thats why subtitles never put me off foreign films. And if they are all talking in french accents it's a must.

On the other hand American movies are crap for sex scenes. They cut them to shreds. LOL. I don't think i'd make a film critic do you ?.

Do It yourself

2011-04-26T19:34:00.000+01:00

Someone gave me an old in-car phone holder for my I-Pod last week. I used it for about three days and it seemed to break for no reason. Whenever i tried sticking my I-pod in it, it flops down and rattles about, so tonight i thought would try to fix it.

I spend half an hour with a screwdriver pulling it apart only to find that a bit of plastic had broken inside.

But, no problem, the genius that is Mambam rummaged through his man draw to find a small tube of super glue. I put a dab on one end and held the bits together for a while before leaving it to dry.

10 minutes later i came back to find that i super glued it to my kitchen tiles on the windowsill .There must have been a hole in the plastic and the glue ran through the center and blobbed onto the tile i had it sitting on.

How to get it off ?. I have no tools and it seemed pretty solid. So i stuck a knife under one edge and used a pan as a hammer. That should shift it.!.

And so it did. Taking half the bloody tile with it as well.

Shit !!. I'm no good and do-it-yourself stuff. I need a man for that kind of thing.:-(

Spoke to my Auntie about that holiday. I've told her to come back with anything as long as it's cheap but a good hotel. She's suggested everything from Cuba to Ibiza. But if we wait a bit we might get a cancellation or something.

We are looking at June, It's up to her to come up with the goods now. It's all rather exciting. I know i'm going on holiday, but i don't know where. I hope it's not bleedin' Benidorm.

How weird is google ?. I got a message from someone last night who said they found my blog because they were searching for a song by 3 Doors down called Kryptonite and came across this post. LOL.

Day in the Sun

2011-04-23T17:25:00.000+01:00

It's been another really nice sunny day today. As i type this it's 26c (80f)on my weather station (lol i sound like me dad).

Actually that's not really a good thing when you're trying to recover from a hangover. I had a bit too much to drink last night. It's amazing how you can get out of the swing of things. I must have more or less dried out over the last few weeks. No drink at all for that length of time meant i wasn't used to it.

After two i was blotto. I ended up snogging a stranger i've never seen before or since. But he tasted nice and his lips were like a juicy orange. Yum. Then he was gone. Daniel said i need to be careful. "you never know who's bum he's been licking" was his advice. LOL.

Anyway to help recover i thought i would do the gardening... or should i say.. cut the grass. That's about the extent of my gardening skills. It's a bit like vacuuming round, only you do it outside. The downside being that you have to find somewhere to throw the cuttings afterwards. Last time i did it i threw all the shit in the corner at the back, but today as i cut the grass around this pile of rotting crap i noticed it move. A rat or something had built a nest in the middle of a nice warm pile of dried old grass cuttings and i was disturbing it. I nearly shit myself. and had to chase it off with a stick. So from now on the crap goes in the back of my car and straight to the tip.

When i finished i got the sun lounger out, a bottle of Bud 66, some sun lotion and stripped down to my shorts for a nice relaxing afternoon in the fresh air. But the bloody neighbours three doors down had other idea. They have about three kids of their own and must have invited more round to enjoy some sort of blow up paddling pool. To top it off they stuck some speakers outta the window and played music loudly.

The music wasn't really that much of a problem because the sound of kids screaming at the top of their voices, as if someone was trying to murder them, drown out the sound of Lady Ga Ga quite well.

Then they started a barbecue as well so the smell of burning sausages drifter over. The fuckers!!!!.

In the end i went back inside again. But sitting in the sun isn't good for me anyway. It's like kryptonite is to superman. I feel drained if i sit in it too long. And i'm all tired and crap afterwards.

I spoke to an Auntie the other night about that holiday. She works for a travel agent and told me that she could look up some late deals if i wanted. It would have to be a last minute thing and i might not get a choice of where i wanted to go, but it would be cheap and she promised to find somewhere good and in my price range... Mmmmmm. It's all sounding like a good idea. Even my dad suggested i "get myself off". I've mentioned it to Daniel who will beg steal and borrow what he can, but until she comes up with something neither of us can say yes or no.

Going to see dad again tomorrow. He looks like crap and has lost loads of weight. But at least he's heading in the right direction. Weeks ago he was only going one way, down!. Now we have our fingers crossed that were are in the elevator marked up.

Updated and return ?

2011-04-21T20:59:00.000+01:00

Well I'm still here. The operation has taken place and my dad is currently very ill, but recovering, so that's a good thing. I can't be arsed to go into all the details. Suffice to say the fact that they operated in the first place is a good sign. All we need to do now is wait and hope.

Work is very quiet, But that could be something to do with the weather being so hot. It feels like it's the middle of the summer and it's only April.

Here in the UK it's a Bank holiday weekend and i'm getting four glorious days off work for Easter. Then i go back for three days and we getter another 4 days off again for the royal wedding on Friday 29th and Monday 2nd May for...er May day. (whatever that is supposed to celebrate ?)

Anyway i need to take my mind off things so i'm gonna be out this weekend and i'm gonna get pissed as usual. I know that might sound terrible to anyone who doesn't understand our drinking culture in the UK. But i don't mean i'm gonna end up throwing bricks at a pensioners windows and chucking up in someones back garden. I just mean i'm gonna make merry and let my hair down a bit.

Daniel has just finished with another Boyfriend so he'll be up for it as well.

I'm gonna stop calling them boyfriends from now on. It's just someone he sleeps with and finds out later he has nothing in common with. I'm gonna implement a 6 month rule. Unless he stays with them for at least six months they are just a shag or a mate.

My love life is none existent, I've been nowhere and done nothing. So you've not missed nowt. I nearly wanked myself to death. I've gone through a full box of man size tissues. However the upside to not going anywhere means i've spent nothing either. I've never had so much dosh in my bank account. Bloody hell, show me the way to Thomas Cook and let's book another holiday.

Actually as i type this i'm thinking i might just do that LOL. Must talk to Daniel about it later...

Anyway i shall return to intermittent blogging for a bit. When i have something worth writing about mind you.

Thanks to everyone for your kind comments, and support, it was much appreciated. Now let's change the subject. I'm sick of hearing the word Cancer it's fucking boring. Let's thinking of better things. (see below)

Remember me ?

2011-03-27T00:57:00.000Z

Just how rude can you get ?.

Blog away for years and then suddenly stop. No explanation, no warning, no goodbye, kiss my ass or anything. Just disappear without a word.

Well i'm sorry about that but stuff happening in the real world has smothered all thoughts of blogging for now. All i know is illness, hospitals, treatment and dancing around the main subject of death. I'm sick of it. It's not something i would wanna read about let alone write. I find TV shows about hospitals sick. It's not entertaining and i can't understand why people would wanna watch something like that. Especially if you have been in a similar situation. It just brings it all back. So sitting at a computer and telling you all the intimate details doesn't seem to be doing it for me for some reason. Nothing to tweet, no pictures worth posting (wanna see inside a hospital ?)

I'm spending very little time at home anyway. I'm back at my parents, sort of. I sometimes stay over and then come home for a couple of nights. My father is having treatment but its making him very ill and he is now on the verge of a major operation. He has Chemo that goes on for 5 days (24/7). It starts to kick in after a couple of days and then he gets ill. When he comes home he is really really ill for about a week. When he eventually seems to have recovered and gets his strength back he's back inside for another shot.

And all this in hope that they can shrink it enough to be able to operate and cut out as much as possible so he can keep going for 5 years, Max. It's not good.

On a personal note. I haven't been out in weeks so have nothing to report there. My sex life is nil and i'm fed up to the back teeth with my job.

(great blog post this isn't it ?)

Anyway this is just a small update to apologise for not writing. But to save any confusion, this blog is now suspended. Maybe i'll be back at some point. Maybe i'll find time to write something interesting. But for the moment i should thank you for passing by.

I'm not dead, i'm just busy. I'm a real person not a fictional character and real people have shit happening every now and then.

Thanks for your patience we value your following and will be back to you as soon as possible.

On Hold.

:-)

Sexy Hitcher

2011-02-22T22:51:00.000Z

I seem to spend most of my time in the car now. Driving from Mom and Dads to home and work and back again. I even considered picking up a hitch hiker tonight just for some company who might talk about anything other than bloody cancer and illness.

Actually, if i'm honest i only considered it because he looked fit. A bit unwashed, but blonde hair and a bit hippyfied.

You don't see many Hitch hikers nowadays do you?. Well i don't anyway. Maybe i'm driving in the wrong (or right) places.

I didn't stop of course. The fantasy of some sexy stranger getting i my car sounds better than the reality. I'm a bit anal about clean and if he had any body oder whatsoever he'd have been out on his ear. Never mind him being a mad murderer.

In the news today: The Uprising in Libya and rumours that Colonel Gaddafi is on the run. Or at least that’s what it says in the paper. On telly he was sat in a Golf Cart with a brolly up telling the world he is still in Tripoli

In New Zealand there has been a major earthquake. At least 65 people are confirmed dead and there are fears this figure may rise to 300.

Worse still just next to this story there is news that Tess Daly (41) the female presenter of Strictly come dancing has the beginnings of ‘Turkey Neck’ according to the Daily Mail.

Truly Shocking I’m sure you’ll agree. And they wonder why people don't buy papers any more.

Actually i saw something about a book worth reading called 'stick it up your punter'. It's the story of a behind the scenes story of a Murdock newspaper here in the UK called the Sun and in particular what happened when a new editor called kelvin Mckenzie took over.

I went on Amazon to see if i could buy it cheap. The prices ranged from £5 to £40 and the delivery times started at a week through to three months. So you can sort of understand why electronic text is buggering up paper and print as well.

When was the last time anyone bought a mucky book ? Why would anyone want to buy a mucky book ?

Old Pictures

2011-02-21T21:14:00.000Z

I've borrowed a book from a guy at work that has lots of old Pictures of Halifax in it. I'm fascinated by stuff like this. My dad used have lots of old Manchester and Oldham snaps at one time . I remember looking at them when i was a kid. I don't normally like to look at old snaps from years gone by of people i don't know, but when it's somewhere you live it's different. You recognise buildings and how things have changed over the years.
I always imagined myself climbing inside the photograph and going back in time. I once wrote a story i was really proud of at school about doing something similar.
I don't remember the teacher showing much interest in it mind you so it must have been shit. But it went along the lines of me stepping into an old photo and finding myself in the 70s. I knew the surroundings (Oldham) and i knew where i lived, But my parents were younger then and didn't know who i was. Of course none of my friends were born yet, so i had to try to survive on my own as a 13 year old with nowhere to live, in the 70s!. LOL.

Anyway her is a photo i took recently and one from the book taken a very long time ago. Oh how times have changed. (Spot the difference)
And also my favourite picture from the book. The biggest Car you have ever seen. Or is it an early bus ? I don't know but it just looks funny.

Note the Policeman on foot. You don't see many of them nowadays

Doesn't look quite as nice as it did does it ?

Taxi !!

No Party

2011-02-20T14:01:00.001Z

One of my aunties called to see my dad the other day. She's died her hair Red and it looks ridiculous. When she walked in my dad looked and me and i looked at him, we both smirked but didn't say anything about it. But after about an hour i had to leave the room because we had a sort of thing going on between us where we kept mentioning the colour red in our conversation and it was a odds on for who would burst our laughing first.

When she eventually went home my mum asked what we were laughing at and when we told her she said "stop being so facetious"

Except that's what she was trying to say, but it came out " stop being so feses"

It snowed on Fridsay night/Saturday morning, which was a bit of a surprise because i thought that winter was over and things were warming up a bit. I went to bed at night when there was nothing to be seen and woke up at about 8am for a wee. When i looked outta the window it was white everywhere. Don't ask me why, but i had he phone by my bed and went on facebook to write "SNOW !, WTF ? where did that come from?".

Then i went back to sleep.

When i got up and looked on facebook again afterwards there were at least 3 messages from people saying. 'You must have got up for a wee, i don't believe you are out of bed and dressed at this time in the morning'.

And they were right.

I had been invited to a birthday party on Saturday night. A friend of a friend of a friend who was 20 on Friday decided to arrange for everyone to be at the same pub at the same time. So not really a proper party i suppose.

But it was a good job she didn't because when i rang to say i couldn't make it she told me it had been cancelled due to so many people saying they couldn't come either or who never bothered to confirm they were coming in the first place. They were going into town instead.

I have never had a party for any birthday of mine. 18 or 21st. I would hate it really. I don't mind going to other peoples but never my own. When i was 18 was a bit of an outcast anyway so i don't imagine there would have been anyone there.

But imagine the humiliation of inviting all you friends and relatives and no one turning up? It's the sort of thing that would scar you for life and you'd wake up in the middle of the night with a cold sweat having nightmares about forever.

Naked people cheer me up

2011-02-18T21:05:00.012Z

Been to see Dad again tonight. Bloody hell this is costing a fortune in petrol. I've filled the car up twice already this week.

Not that it matters. It's worth every penny, but it's at times like this you realise how much it costs. He's in high spirits but that's probably because he had taken something that made him seem like he was on Speed for a while. Hospitals are horrible places, i hate 'em. They stink, they are inhuman and although everyone tries to pretend they are happy you can tell that deep down inside they are really thinking get me out of this place.

My mum came to mine for a cuppa and something to eat before i took her home. she had a bit of a cry. I can tell it's really getting to her, which in turn got to me.

He was told that if he didn't have any treatment the cancer will really start to show in 6 weeks. After that he would have 6 months. So as you can imagine there is no time to think about quality of life or if he wants to go through any treatment at all. He's just doing as he's told and getting on with it.

As i drove back in the dark i cried to myself in the car. I nearly ran off the fucking road i could hardly see out the bloody window.

Anyway enough of the update now. No more Cancer talk unless i have to. I need cheering up. so here's a picture of a naked man. Even at times like this sex can work it's wonders at the right moment.

How to publish your own ibook from your blog

2011-02-18T21:00:00.001Z

Well after yesterdays post asking how i could turn my blog into a format worth saving for the future. I got an email from a very kind person who gave me a quick and easy way to turn it into a e-book that can be viewed on a I-Pad or Kindle. He even explained how i could make it available on the web. LOL.

For any other blogger interested it's as simple as 123

1. Copy your blog (or write your book) to a document on your computer in word or open office etc.

2. Convert it to PDF Format (Office has a button for this and will do it automatically)

3. Convert that to a Epub format here (i'm sure there are lots of other sites that will do it also)

PDF files will actually view on a iPad or iPhone anyway, but Epub works better as you get the full page turn/sizing/cover and indexing options if you do it properly.

Then you just load it into itunes like you would any mp3 or book you bought.

And as for making it available to download by other people ?. Just use one of the many file sharing sites there are online and add a link.

Oh and by the way, you can include pictures as well if you like.

I won't be publishing my blog personally because i can't imagine anyone else but me wanting to read it on the way to work in the morning. But it's worth knowing. I think there is probably more to the process than those three steps, from my little experiment there are a few tweeks you need to make. But i had a go and this was the result. It took me about 5 minutes.

How to keep a Diary

2011-02-17T17:00:00.002Z

This blog has been going since 2009 in this format. I actually started long before that with no readers or followers. Then i stopped for a bit, deleted the whole thing and started all over again.

I wished i'd saved it really because it is my diary after all. Most of what i write might be shite to you (and if i'm honest it is to me as well) but when i look back on it, it's a bit of my history. A bit like a biography with all the boring bits kept in, spelling mistakes and all. That's it with history isn't it. things that seem normal and boring at the time suddenly spring to life in the future. I was looking at some old pictures at my mum and dads the other week and the things that jumped out of the photos where the normal everyday items that i had completely forgotten about.

That horrible carpet we had, the cups we were drinking out of, that ornament that broke and got thrown away, the video recorder!! we had and even the slippers on my mothers feet.

I've been thinking about finding some way of downloading a copy of this blog and keeping it in a format that i might save for my future. I know Blogger lets you back up your blog but it turns out unreadable and goes from current date backwards.

Diarys should start at the beginning and work your way forward. It's like reading a book from back to front otherwise.

Someone suggested i copy and paste to word document and turn it into a pdf file because that's a more universal format.

Anyone else thought of doing something like this ?. how did you get on ?.

Who knows i may want to read this on my kindle or I-Pad one day. LOL.

Going on to hospital again tonight to see dad so short post today. No adverse effects yet from his treatment thank god.

Stan the man

2011-02-16T23:35:00.000Z

After the debacle with Daniels bollocks yesterday it was weird to hear that he fell down some stairs today and has done his leg in. Apparently he's been to hospital and may have torn a ligament.

What the fuck is happening to everyone all of a sudden? No dancing for him for a few Weekends by the sound of it anyway.

I don't know how he did it yet but his mum said he was "acting the goat as usual". For those of you who don't know what that means. It’s a sort of expression that suggests he was being an idiot.

I remember he once tried to jump over a concrete bollard in the street. He caught his leg and landed on top of it like a porn star sitting on a massive tool.

He was in agony for ages and we still laugh about it to this today. Well I do anyway.

That is the sort of thing that Daniel will do. Walking into glass doors, spray peanuts everywhere whilst trying to open a bag or tread in dog shit whilst innocently walking down the street. If it’s gonna happen to anyone, it will happen to him. I think he's a reincarnation of Stan Laural.

I have found out who sent the Valentines card. He’s 15 and he's far to young for me. Who gave him my address that's what i wanna know ?.

Dad is in hospital having his first dose of Chemo. He has to stay in from a few days. will let you know how it goes.

Picture this

2011-02-16T17:00:00.001Z

I don't normally post pictures on their own, they are just something to add to my text and fill up a blog post.

But I've found these in a folder on my computer. I have no idea where they came from because they don't particularly do anything for me. Well, no hang on a minute, that's not strictly true i suppose. But they don't mean that much to me that i would actually want to download them to my computer and keep them in a folder anyway.
Who could have done that ?.
Daaannnnieeeelllll !

Bollocks

2011-02-15T19:27:00.000Z

Last week, on route to a customer, I drove through a small housing estate.

There were about three council vans and some workmen planting new trees in a line on the pavement. A small group of school kids where also there with spades, along with a teacher taking pictures of them as they shovelled some soil onto the roots like the Queen does when she plants trees.

It made me smile and I thought it looked really nice. It’s always good to see people planting trees. I like trees.

But this morning as I drove past the same spot I noticed that 2 or three of these new trees had been vandalised. They were snapped in half and dangling down on the pavement. I imagine a couple of drunks swinging on them on Saturday night. Bastards.

I got a call from Daniel tonight. He had been to the hospital this afternoon for a scan on one of his bollocks. apparently he thought he found a lump a couple of weeks ago. The doctor had a feel and sent him for a scan that he described as something like they have when looking at babies inside pregnant women. In the end it turned out to be nothing (thank god) and he sounded really releived. He hadn't said anything to me about it before because he didn't want to stress me out, under the circumstances, which was nice of him. I couldn't handle anyone else i love having a bloody illness, especally not cancer.

We then spent the next half an hour making testicle jokes and talking about doctors fondeling young men for a living. Daniel said his Doctor looks about 60 and showed no interest in him at all. He sounded disappointed to be honest. Lol.

During the call i sat there with my hands down my pants checking myself over. My hands are down there every day but i rarely roll my bollocks around my fingers. They are ususaly grabbing the shaft. You never think do you ?

I saw a guy on telly once who got mellanoma skin cancer off a mole on his back. He didn't actually know about it becasue he couldn't see around the back end. But he was a bit of a slapper and slept around a bit. So It wasn't until one of these various women he had carnal nights in with mentioned the state of this mole on his back and suggested he go to the doctor and have it checked out that it was eventually discovered and cut out. If it had been left any longer it would have been too late.

The moral of the story? If you are single, sleep around more. You need someone else to check the bits of the body you can't reach.

Amongst other things. ;-)

Relaxing

2011-02-14T17:00:00.001Z

I went with my dad to the hospital on Friday. Here's a tip for you, If you don't want to know how things are don't ask a doctor. He might just tell you the truth.

Yesterday afternoon i sat in and watching crap telly for a bit. It pissed it down most of the day so i didnt' feel like doing anything else. An old lady who lives a few doors down kept walking past with shopping. She's got Alzheimer's bless her. She must have been for a loaf of bread about 8 times. I know i counted.

There is a small corner shop at the end of the road. When i got bored later i walked on to get some milk and a loaf for myself. There was none fucking left! I felt like knocking on her door and asking her if i could borrow some.

I got a valentine card delivered on Saturday. I've no idea who it's from, which sort of defeats the object really. I know i should be flattered but all i can think is who sent it?. It's like having a stalker.

For all i know it could be from a woman. Actually i hope it is a woman because i'm not really into blokes sending blokes valentines cards. It's a bit like holding hands and kissing in the street. I've dumped boyfriends for wanting to do things like that so sending a card with kisses on it doesn't really hit the spot, it's a bit too sissy for me.

Saw a fella at the supermarket with his son. Even though they were strangers i know he was his son because they looked the spitting image of each other, only smaller and taller.

The guy was about 30 and the 'mini me' looked about 8, but they were like twins. The only difference being that i would have shagged the older one.

Poppers and gay teen sex

2011-02-09T22:53:00.002Z

I watched a bit of 'the Joy of teen sex' on telly tonight. Two gay lads wanted to know a bit more about poppers.

The silly buggers started by explaining that they liked sniffing the stuff, but the hit only lasts a few seconds. So once tried sticking it in a dish with a candle underneath !. Very funny. but a great way to burn the house down.

Anyway as usual with these sex shows a heterosexual woman who has absolutely no bloody idea about gay sex gave them some advice. "well i've got a great alternative to poppers" she said. This made me sit up a bit. An alternative to Poppers eh ? what's that then ? some carpet cleaning fluid that is safe and gives you a longer hit?. Well not exactly.

Obviously gay men only sniff poppers so that they can relax their assholes and take a stiff one don't they?(yeh right), so the alternative was a special anal relaxing spray. "it's organic and has a lovely scent" she said.

"i think it smells a bit like Curry Powder" Said the gay.

Yes, exactly fella, what a fucking stupid suggestion as an alternative to poppers. And when having anal sex, Curry is the last smell you wanna whiff from someones backside.

Next week an alternative to having a wank. A cold shower and go to bed early.

Snot funny

2011-02-08T17:00:00.014Z

You may notice that i haven't said much about my dad for a few days. Well that is intentional. For starters i'm sick of talking about it and secondly it's too depressing to blog about.

But as this is supposed to be a diary and i've already mentioned it i will update now and then to keep you in the know. short and sweet and to the point.

Meeting with the specialist this week. Chemo next week, operation after a couple of chemo sessions, followed by more chemo.

Or at least that is the plan. Now, after much pressing from my dad to tell him what his chances are the surgeon has said that after the operation 50% of people last another 5 years.

So dad is taking it that he has 5 years tops. and if that is all he's got, is it worth going through with an operation in the first place ?. I'm pulling my hair out, he's giving up before the battle has even started.

Anyway on to happier news (cos i need a laugh).

Daniel went to visit his grandma the other day and whilst he was there she told him that she had got him a present. It was a set of handkerchiefs with his initial on the corner LOL.

When he got home he showed his mum and dad what she had bought him and was told that these hankies were actually about 20 years old and belonged to his grandad who was called Derek. He always used real handkerchiefs not paper ones and his gran used to buy them cheap off the market.

Then they said that he should expect to get some cuff links with a D on them for his birthday because she had been talking about it a couple of weeks ago.

It wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't for the fact that she was giving him his grandads old tat rather than expensive family heirlooms.

Whilst we are on the subject who the hell walks around with a cloth hanky nowadays ?. Do you really want a pocket full of snot?.

There was a news story on the telly the other night about about a block of flats in a rough area of this little town that i live. This block of flats had been condemned as a fire risk and all the residents were made to leave almost immediately and move elsewhere.
During the story they interviewed a couple who were very upset and talked out the flat they used to lived in and how they had spent lots of money on it. New bathroom, kitchen, carpets, curtains, WINDOWS!.. the lot.
To make things worse they had been moved to another block of flats that overlooked their old home and as they were discussing all this the camera zoomed across to reveal a grotty looking old 60s style concrete shite block building that was boarded up and covered in barbed wired.
Then they homed into this couples old flat that actually had a set of Georgian windows fitted to it. LOL. It looked so out of place i nearly pissed myself. Imagine an old Laurel & Hardy type Car with Go faster stripes down the side and you get the idea.
Brilliant. Give those people a medal.

Sleep cycle

2011-02-08T13:22:00.001Z

Must go to bed earlier, I got up late this morning.

God bless America, God Save the Queen

2011-02-07T17:43:00.000Z

I watched a bit of the Superbowl the other night. I’m not really interested in American Football and it’s about as popular here as our Football (soccer) is over there.

But I love the whole show that they put on. In particular I love the way that they aren’t as precious about their national anthem as we are with ours.

God save the Queen is possibly the most boring drone of a tune ever written and sends me to sleep every time I hear it, god forbid anyone should Jazz it up a bit.

But every time I hear the American national anthem they give it their all and don’t seem to be frightened of turning it into a full blown patriotic masterpiece with over the top singing and swaying.

Whenever you see someone singing our national anthem it looks like a funeral is taking place and most people are just miming or whistling to it.

I’m on facebook but don’t bother trying to look me up. I rarely post anything on it. It’s just close family and friends. I don’t accept anyone outside that circle. It’s just to keep in touch with what they are doing as far as I am concerned. I block all my pictures from any outside viewing and I only post fun or humorous stuff knowing that it’s going to family.

But there are people I know who seem to take the bloody thing seriously and are always posting stuff that makes me cringe.

Not being sexist or anything, but it’s usually the women who do this. They get drunk and change their status to “feeling really low, why doesn’t he love me the way i love him ?” or “felling really angry, all men are bastards”.

Then all their female friends write comments like “what is up darling ?, hugs and kisses, you know you deserve better” bleeaarkk!

Save it for your chat offline, don’t post it to the whole fucking family!.

Over the weekend one of our family wrote a really sad poem and posted it for all to see. Several years ago she lost a child three weeks after birth and it was coming up to the anniversary, So the poem referred to the death of this child and how she weeps for her lost son. However, not everyone knows about this sad death years ago and misread it that her 4 year old had just died. The result was like something from an Orson Wells War of the world radio play. Panic!. Phone calls, text messages, and someone actually calling round to see she was ok.

Ridiculous.

Gone with the wind

2011-02-03T21:26:00.000Z

As you may imagine i'm spending more time at my parents at the moment.

Although i'm not sure why because nothing is actually happening yet. My dad seems ok in himself. He says he feels a bit off and nauseous at times and has to be careful when he eats, he also feels more tired as well, but apart from that externally he looks and acts the same.

He's even questioning me visiting him so often. "i'm not dead yet you know".

As i drove back home tonight the wind took one of my windscreen wipers off and it disappeared over a wall. Thank god it was the passenger side. But it still caused problems. With no wiper on one side how do you keep the other one running. They both work in unison. So as one arm is cleaning the window of rain. the other is scratching the glass.

I wrapped a piece of cloth around it and hoped for the best. Thankfully there were no police cars around. when i got home i put an old one on, i'll fix it in the morning.

But it just goes to show, It might be blowing a gale outside but the bloody thing must have been lose in the first place. What else have i got loose ? ( anyone who says a screw gets my foot up their arse)

One of the women at work is off with the shits. This means i'm taking over her role for a bit and am tied to a desk until she gets better.

I'm sat staring at a screen all day with nothing more than the drone of computer fans to keep me company. God it's boring. She has an office of her own and it's out of the way from all mankind. She loves it, but i hate it.

I nearly fell asleep this afternoon. Total silence. It's like working in a library, no one to talk too and no interaction. The phone rang at about 2 o'clock and i nearly jumped out of my skin it was that quiet.

I think i might bring my I-Phone earphones in tomorrow. I need more going on around me than all this. It's not as if she has much to do. I know that i am a bit anal when it comes to being tidy but she takes things to the extreme. Even her pens and pencils are lined up on her desk top together in colour order.

She has the neatest flowery writing i have ever seen. there are little notes everywhere and everything has a sticker on it telling you what is inside.

In one draw i found a her own personal stash of toilet rolls. Super deluxe and soft for your arse.

I think she might have been best taking it home with her from what i hear.

Tomorrow i'll try find her porn collection. I wonder if women have porn collections ?. Men do but you never hear about women do you?.

They might have a dildo in a shoe box somewhere but no DVDs or anything to watch whilst using it though i bet.

Nothing there

2011-02-02T15:15:00.001Z

Bit busy at the moment. But to just to update on dad.
The good news is that there was nothing going on in his bowel so no sign of a spread.
That means the next step will be some chemotherapy followed by a major operation followed by more chemotherapy.

I'm over at parents again tonight. Getting a bit tired to be honest.

Big Tits

2011-01-31T17:00:00.001Z

Most popular post of the week last week was entitled Pussy!. and when i say popular i mean popular. My stats register that more people read that post than all the others put together. Mmmmm. I suspect that not all you readers are really gay. It could have been a group of old grannies looking for something on cats. But i don't think so do you? I wouldn't mind but the post had nothing to do with lady parts.

Anyways i've decided to call this one big tits to see if my theory is right. LOL.

However on the same subject i watch a documentary on telly last night called Boob Envy. I turned it off after about 15 minutes because it was the third TV show i've seen this week that slags men off for liking sex. Not that i'm interested in women or anything as pervy as that, but i'm getting really pissed off by all this hypocritical shite on telly.

You know that sort of thing, a special investigation into why men watch porn conducted by a woman who can't understand why anyone would want to look at people having sex in the first place and commented on by a gang of women watching it together and not understanding it either. Why would a man even want to masturbate when he has a female partner ? how strange!.

Last nights boob envy even got a woman to wear a really low cut top, then inserted a hidden camera inside the cleavage and got her to go into a pub and talk to strange men, whilst filming how many times they looked at her tits.

For fuck sake!.

I don't know where that rant came from ? How weird ? i just started typing and there it was.

Shall i delete and start again ? No, bollocks.

I'm going over to my dads tonight. Might know more tomorrow. :-(

Fag Hag

2011-01-29T00:12:00.001Z

12.12am on a Friday night/Saturday morning and i'm back home after a night out.

I'm never home that early, i'm usually just starting to get going, but for some reason i wasn't in the mood and someone in a pub was getting on my tits so i had a choice. Leave, or punch him.

I left Daniel alone because there was a group of us and it seemed selfish to ruin his night as well.

It had nothing to do with my dad. I just wasn't in the mood. Same old faces. Same old places. It wasn't exciting enough for me, i was bored.

It's funny how some weeks you can do exactly the same thing, go to the same places with the same people, but have a ball.

It's a bit like weekends. One week it will drag and i'm half looking forward to getting back to work on Monday morning. The next weekend there doesn't seem to be enough hours in a day and before i know it it's all over before it seemed to begin.

Jason (one of our mates) is heterosexual and never comes with us on a night out in Mancs. He is an alpha male who walks away when we mention anything to do with gay sex. Which of course makes us talk about it all the time just for the amusement of seeing him squirm.

His parents split up when he was at school and his Mum (who he still lives with) is the sort who still acts like a teenager. Dresses like one and seems to have a different boyfriend every other week.

She is actually quite good looking i suppose for her age and is great fun whenever i have met her. A sort of MILF. But as i'm gay that doesn't really apply does it.

Jas told us that he came home from a night out the other week and caught her and her latest boyfriend laughing and joking in the front room.

This has prompted him to make a move and find somewhere of his own at the tender age of 25. He can't afford too and has no idea what he's letting himself in for because he's been a mummy's boy all his life and doesn't even know how to wash his own cloths let alone pay bills.

As we were talking his mother turned up. She's about 50ish and her boyfriend is about.....25!!!. When he opened his mouth and started talking he was as camp as tits. I'm not convinced he is straight. He's not my kind of gay guy but if he's not gay i'll fuck a woman.

I suspect his mum is a fag hag.

Pussy

2011-01-27T17:00:00.015Z

Friday night. Stay in or go out?.

MMMmmmmm. Daniel says go out. But he would wouldn't he?. I'm not one of those people who get all emotional when i drink. I'm a happy person. I Love the world (sometimes literally ;-)) and just want to be happy and laugh. I don't wanna talk about work or the horrible things in life. I wanna talk bollocks about shite and nonsense. So out and about i will go.

One of the reps came into the office this afternoon. He is a very funny man and i always look forward to seeing him so went out of my way to say hello. I could do with a good laugh right now and he was the man to do it.

He then launched into a story about how he has had a terrible week because he had to have his dog put down on Monday. It was very ill and he'd had it for 13 years. His eyes were misting over as he was telling me.

Fucking hell!! i thought. Typical.

But as he left he sneezed really loudly and half the people in the office jumped out of their skin, so he did bring a smile to my face in the end.

We once had a cat years ago. When it was a kitten it was lovely, but it soon started stopping out all night and after a while not coming home at all. Then when it did come come in it was quite vicious. It was all black and fluffy, but after a windy night on the tiles it looked like a wild animal with matted hair sticking up all over the place and it would be spitting and hissing at people who dared go near it. My father used to move it away from the front of the fire with the aid of a long brush. I was scared to bloody death of it as a kid.

Then we got a dog and the dog was scared of it too even though it was 10 times bigger than the cat and could have flattened it with one paw. In the end it died after being hit by a car whilst crossing the road. The driver got out and tried to save the poor thing as it writhed in pain in the street, but no one could get anywhere near it, it just tried to bit and scratch everybody.

It was a street fighter to the end. The dog was a lot happier though.

Update

2011-01-26T21:19:00.000Z

It seems weird that this time last week everything looked ok and now everything is turning upside down.

I don't want this blog to turn into something about cancer all the time. To be honest i am sick to death of talking about it. If i'm not talking to my parents about it i'm repeating their story to friends or other relatives. So the last thing i wanna do after all that is to go online and blog about it as well.

I've decided to try keep it to a minimum and even thought it may seem strange to read i won't talk about it unless there is something specific worth mentioning.

At the moment the situation is still up in the air. They have now found something in is colon as well and more tests have been arranged to find out if it's something or nothing. If it's something and it's spread, the worst scenario will be that no operation will take place and it's just be a matter of time. If it turns out to be nothing then chemotherapy and a major op could either make it go away or at best drag things on for years.

My dad has said he doesn't want to be a burden or have a colostomy bag, so anything that sounds remotely like that and he's gonna refuse treatment and wants to go now.

What the hell can you say to something like that?. I'm not arguing with him. lets wait and see shall we ?. We'll cross that bridge when we come to it. But my grandad had a similar thing. he was about 80 and the doctor told him he either had an operation now or he will be dead within days. He had the operation and then spent the rest of his short life hating it and telling us all that he wished he had refused and just died. He was 80 though so it's a slightly different situation there. But my fathers point about all this is that when they do tell him what needs to be done. They wont then send him home for a few weeks to think about it all and decide at his own leisurely pace whether he wants to go ahead or not. So he does actually need to explore all options and consider them now, even thought they ain't on the table yet.

We now have to wait until the weekend to find out more. Test test and more tests, and just when you think you're about to get some solid info.....more tests just in case.

I've mentioned the situation at work and they seem very understanding. But what can they do?. If i want some time off i can take it. But what can i do?.

Right, that's it for now. lets change the subject if we can. What else has been happening around me ?

Nothing. absolutely nothing. Or so it seems. I suppose people don't wanna tell me anything because my news out trumps theirs.

I suppose at times like this it's supposed to put things into perspective, but i was still pissed off that i couldn't find my phone charger this morning and had to go to work and watch my phone slowly lose power as the day went along. Life goes on.

Lets have a picture instead to cheer us all up.

Panic

2011-01-24T18:07:00.003Z

Never slept a wink last night, but i made a New Years resolution to be positive this year so i decided not to panic just yet.

I've had another talk with my dad who said that he doesn't want to worry my mum. He had been having tests and knew a bit about it before Xmas but didn't say anything to us. He will know what the next step is on Tuesday (hopefully). But then he said that he will find out if they can do anything or how long he's got left !!!. Bloody hell.

I told him that whatever they say they have to do he's got to do it. But he's talking about quality of life after an operation and things like that. I know it sounds a bit selfish but i'd rather have him disabled than not at all. I feel sick.

Scrub that bit about being positive and not panicing, i'm panicing and not thinking positive. Half of me wants Tuesday to come as quickly as posible, another side of me wants to hope tuesday doesn't happen at all.

I rang Daniel and told him, but what can you say ?. We just sat joking about it in the end. he had a sick sense of humour and that's how he would get throught it.

My dad can be a bit like that also and i know that when i see him he'll be doing the same, but it doesn't seem funny to me. I go along with it just to keep him happy.

This is not a good start to 2011. And i'm worried about how this year is gonna pan out.

WHAT NEXT !!!

2011-01-23T18:00:00.007Z

I feel a bit stunned and don't know what to say tonight. What the fuck is gonna go wrong next in my life?

I was summoned to see my Mum and Dad today. When i got there i was told that my dad has got cancer of the oesophagus.
He had been feeling tired and a bit off for a while and had lots of test. We won't know until next week what the treatment will be but there is talk of chemo and an operation.
We talked for two hours about it but i can't remember anything about anything they said. It's all a blur.

FUCK!

weak end

2011-01-22T14:00:00.002Z

I won't be telling you all about last nights exploits. You'd only disapprove. And i think my ever embarrassing Tweets tell the story, Imagine what it was like to be there !! LOL.
I was doing it on purpose because Daniel took the piss out of me for being a hypocrite. I've slagged off twitter in the past and he found the App on my phone. My drunkenness took control again. Queue tut tut comments. Ha!

Needless to say, i'm a live and well and had a very good time.

I met a guy who can speak three languages. German, french and Italian. It's not his job, but he does teach people as a sideline for extra cash (he actually works at Asda at the moment, LOL). I've always wanted to be able to speak another language properly. But when he told me how much he charges i decided to give it a miss and stick to pointing at things and shouting louder when i meet foreigners.

Mind you, when he spoke English he was quite Camp. It made me wonder. If an American taught you how to speak English you'd have an American Accent. If you were taught by an Englishman you'd have an English accent. What if you were taught by a really camp gay man ?. Would you have a camp accent too? Imagine being the secretary of state for Italy and greeting the English prime minister sounding like Alan Carr "hello Girlfriend, you go girl !!"

I don't know if i mentioned that Daniel has split from the guy in Huddersfield. Not a surprise really but the big surprise is that in an unusual move for him, he stayed friends with him. So when he appeared later in the evening we had a drink with him and a laugh before he buggered off with a stranger that Daniel suggested he would be fucking later on.

Why can't i split without falling out with people?. It gets to the point where everywhere you go there is an Ex.

And then you start moving to another pub because either he is watching you or you are watching him.

Mind you i've also had that really horrible moment where you think 'he's nice, but he looks familiar to me' Then the realisation that you went out with him for about three weeks two years ago sets in.

Visiting famlly

2011-01-20T20:54:00.000Z

Been over to my parents for the night so no time to blog.
Lets take the opportunity to look at some eye candy instead. ;-)

Dog

2011-01-19T17:00:00.001Z

One of our customers is guy called Gerald. When I first met him he was a little apologetic about his name for some reason saying that it was his fathers sick sense of humour. I couldn’t really understand why because there is nothing wrong with the name Gerald is there?.

Today I discovered his second name is Dean

Kath in the office has got a new dog. It’s a cross between a Poodle and Jack Russell and she described it as a Jack-a-doodle. LOL

Better still there’s one that is a cross between a Chihuahua and a Jack Russell called a Jack-a-wawa.

Ha!

God help the animal kingdom with us humans in charge. It sound horrendous.

I'm getting a bit sick of diet programs and diet advice on the telly or in the papers. it's the same every fucking year.

Eat less and exercises is the only one that really works but on top of that there is always a new craze of eating things whilst upside down or drinking horse piss after every meal to lose pounds in a matter of days without giving up chocolate or something ridiculous like that.

On the other hand sex education is a one off thing. How to shag and not have babies and catch anything tends to be something your supposed to know about already.

Saying that, as i type this i'm reminded that channel 4 is this week showing a program called "the Joy of Teenage Sex".

End blog, gotta go, something on the Telly.

Stop Thief !

2011-01-18T17:00:00.001Z

Anyone remember summer ?

My mother told me that dad had a “funny do” at the supermarket over the weekend.

He was standing with my mother buying some meat that was wrapped up in the freezer section.

Someone bumped into him from behind and carried on walking and shopping. Dad looked around but ignored him and carried on as normal because it’s not really unusual for that to happen in a busy shop.

But half way down the isle he suddenly realised there was something heavy in one of his pockets.

He had his big coat on because of the weather and it has massive deep pockets down the sides.

When he reached inside to feel he pulled out some pre packed meat. He couldn’t be sure but the fella who just bumped into him must have put it there.

Dad just put it back and carried on with his shopping but when they had finished paying and were about to leave he noticed the guy was waiting for him at the exit.

We have all deduced that this guy was trying to get dad to set off the alarm as he left and whilst he would be dealing with security the fella could slip by with some stolen goods.

Did mum and dad mention any of this to security? NO! Did he go over to the bloke and Punch him NO!

The Bastard. I’m glad I wasn’t there because I would have done.

I went on gaydar the other night for the first time in god knows how long. I had a few messages that i had ignored and needed to read.

Some of the offers were from really nice looking guys but what's the point ?. Meeting in person is better than online. It's usually crap and both parties are usually disappointed in some way or other.

On the other hand, at lest two of them were definitely worth checking out when i get chance ;-)

Asbestos

2011-01-17T17:00:00.004Z

What could you do if you had 5 minutes with him ?

It's been pissing it down for the past few days now and my garage roof is leaking like a teabag.

The garage floor is piss wet through but i've no idea where it's coming from.

Someone told me its an asbestos roof. Isn't asbestos dangerous ?. It's crap at keeping water out anyway i know that much.

On the upside it has also been a bit milder outside. Which means that for the first time in nearly three months i've managed to turn the heating off for a bit.

I'm turning into my dad. It's funny how sensible you get when you start getting bills through the door with too any numbers before the .pence.

Had a really boring day at home yesterday doing nothing. Nothing on the telly and nothing i fancied doing. Lots i could have done of course but being bored makes you want to just do less.

Three wanks later i went to bed feeling fed up.

Made an appointment with the dentist today. He couldn't fit me in for two weeks!!.

Bloody hell, it's riridiculous. Doctors can't fit you in for the same length of time and if you want to have an operation at a hospital it's even longer. That's the wonderful NHS for ya.

Sunday Picture

2011-01-16T16:22:00.001Z

A spider taking a shit

2011-01-15T16:45:00.003Z

I had a sensible but boring night in last night.

Watched the telly, surfed the net and fell asleep on the sofa.

I woke up at about three in the morning sweating and feeling like shit. It's never a good idea to fall asleep fully clothed in front of a fire.

Before i went to bed i flicked through the TV Channels (which was still on) and saw a bit of Babestation. A shitty soft porn channel with dumb blonds trying to get guys to ring them up at £10 a minute. This woman had the biggest arse crack i've ever seen in my life. It seemed to start half way down her legs and finish in the middle of her back. That's another reason why women don't turn me on. They always seem to have weird looking arses.

I remember someone at work once making a joke that i prefer women's bums to look like boys bums. Not true, but i don't like things to go all pear shaped.

Compared to where i used to live before it's really quiet around here at night.

My neighbours don't make a sound and you can hear a pin drop. The problem with this is that you get used to it so when there is the slight sound of a clock ticking or a tap dripping it keeps me awake. When i eventually got to bed i couldn't sleep and found myself getting up several times to block light from the window shining on the wall in front of me, move an alarm clock into another room because the ticking suddenly sounded loud and the most ridiculous thing of all, to straighten a pair of shoes that were in a pile at at the side of the bed. I do this sort of thing often.

I woke again at about 5am with a bit of a bad taste in my mouth and it seemed a bit claggy. Nothing major, just not right. At first i thought i might have swallowed a fly or a spider had crawled in and had a shit whilst i was asleep.

I had to get up and clean my teeth and gargle with some mouthwash it felt so wrong.

When i got up this morning/Lunch time it seemed the same and when i saw Daniel i asked him to check my breath to see if it stunk. You can't do it yourself can you ?. trying to breath out and catch the smell in your hand doesn't work, and licking your finger and smelling it is useless too. What you need is someone you can trust who is willing to let you breath in a ridiculous manner into their face. It's a very antisocial thing to do and not many people will let you do it to them. I know i wouldn't.

Anyway i'm happy to report that he said there was nothing whiffy about it other than the smell of bullshit. But his first words when i told him i woke up with a bad taste in my mouth were. "you must have caught something off that bloke last weekend".

I fucking hope not !.

I'm gonna have to keep an eye on it though now he's planted the suggestion in my brain. It's not as bad now, but i'm drinking tea and eating during the day. What will it be like when i go to bed at night?.

Am i being paranoid and a hypochondriac?. I've had worse things in my gob it can't be something like that can it?.

Maybe it is just bullshit. Or maybe it was a spider taking a dump

Sad story

2011-01-14T14:15:00.001Z

Where are all the pretty people ?

2011-01-13T17:14:00.001Z

Because it's been a bit of a boring day with nothing interesting to report i thought i would look back at all my Holiday snaps.

I have taken Hundreds of them in crowded areas with lots of people about. At one point i was just snapping anything that moved. That's the beauty of digital cameras you can just delete stuff you don't want and they hold thousands per card so why not?.
Now i've seen other blogs where guys have taken their camera to the beach and clicked candid pictures of people sunbathing or snapped at someone sexy walking past. I think it's a brave thing to do, i know i wouldn't dare do it (although sometimes wished i had).

But what if i just took a picture of a crowd ?. There must be at least one or two that contain fit guys looking all sun tanned and sexy ?. Or just good looking blokes walking past.
Well...er...no actually, not one. I know it's Disney and the weather wasn't brilliant but i can't even see an attractive face i like. What a disappointment !.

I'll keep looking and the first sight of a bit of totty and i'll post it. But it's like looking for a needle in a haystack. Hundreds of pictures, thousands of people and nothing to report. ;-(

Where was this guy when i needed him ?

Cut

2011-01-12T18:00:00.001Z

I caught the bus to work this morning for a change. Gotta save a bit of petrol i suppose it cost a bloody fortune now. In America it was about 2p and gallon. Over here is £100 a thimble full.

Whilst standing at the bus stop an old old bloke stood next to me smoking a pipe. No one smokes pipes nowadays do they ? It’s a dieing art (literally in some cases). You don’t get many 15 year olds standing on street corners lighting one up because it’s associated with being old I suppose. A bit like thermal underwear and slippers.

Daniel sent me another email recommending a new hair care product. I assume his email address has been hacked again. What sites has he been looking at?. It's always happening to him. I think he just clicks anything that pops up.

Note to self, never let him use my computer.

I cut my finger on some paper today at work, it was agony. They say that there is no worse pain than a paper cut. Someone else in the office suggested that toothache is worse and another said that back pain beats both.

Personally I think a red hot poker up your arse would trump all three. But it did bloody hurt. How can such a tiny little nick cause so much pain?.

What the f............?

2011-01-12T13:29:00.001Z

Looking for something Hot

2011-01-11T18:30:00.007Z

I'm back from holiday a couple of weeks and already i'm planning another one.

Daniel wants to go away. He can't afford but is jealous of my America trip so we've agreed to go somewhere together on the cheap.

Its got to be abroad and it's got to be sunny for him (and me if i'm honest). So, as it's on the cheap ,America is out for him.

We haven't got any cash together yet obviously but looking on the Thomas Cook website we could go to Turkey for Less that £300 each if we went next week. Neither of us picked Turkey specifically, it just appeared on the front page. There were lots of cheap offers for Turkey for some reason (well it is just after Christmas i suppose...Boom Boom) but i've heard that they are having lots of trouble at the moment. So we are now looking at anywhere hot enough, cheap enough, that will go direct from Manchester later in the year.

Watch this space.

Went to the gym tonight. It's packed again. Always is after Christmas, people wanting to get fit again for the new year. A smelly woman sat next to me on the rowing machine and spilt her water on the floor. When she got up she slipped on it and almost impaled herself on one of the handles.

In the shower afterwards i felt myself getting semi erect for some reason. It was a single shower so no one could see and i couldn't see anyone else. It just happens sometimes.

I couldn't leave until things went down a bit. Why doesn't this happen when you want to impress ?.

When i was tidying up last night before i went to bed i found one of Daniels socks under the bed. EEEeiiiiirrrgggghhhh!!!.

Wait till i see him next........

Phfwoor !

2011-01-11T16:01:00.001Z

Do you wanna be in my Gang ?

2011-01-10T18:42:00.000Z

Comments

7th january 2011 (18.47)

Kinkynik

"You have a good weekend too, you deserve it.

Don't get too trashed, maintain your dignity."....FAIL!!.

Saturday night was interesting. I met a guy in a bar and like a complete idiot i accepted an offer to go back to his place within 20 minutes (very sexy man). He actually lived not that far away from my parents which is a bit of a distance from the city centre but no need to worry because he was getting a lift from the designated driver, his other friend standing at the bar next to him. When you're drunk all thought of safety goes out of the window. He seemed ok to me, nothing like i imagine a mass murderer to look or talk so what the hell.

When we got in the car, so did another guy as well. God knows where he came from.Now i'm pissed as a fart, sat in a car with three strange men and going back to their house in Oldham at three in the morning.

As i say, they seemed ok. There was no suggestion that they might rob me, or gang rape me, or strip me and dump me by the side of the road for a laugh.

We got back to a small house 15 minute walk away from home. A terraced building on a dodgy street. I expected the others to drop us off and then carry on to their own destination, but no, they came inside as well !.

One put a pizza in the oven, another put the kettle on and mine fucked off upstairs. I didn't know whether to join him, do a runner or ask for milk, two sugars.

When he came back downstairs the two others disappeared upstairs with the whole pizza (greedy bastards) and i never saw them again. (i heard them thought ;-))

We then spent a pleasant hour or so together in front of the fire before i fucked off and walked home, staggering through Oldham at 5 in the morning and it was fucking freezing.

Its only in the cold light of day when i'm telling this story to Daniel that i'm reminded how stupid it was.

Imagine that. i could have been forced into three way sex by these strange men, using me like a sex slave before discarding me when they had had their wicked way with me.

I know i shouldn't be making lite of the matter but you can't help but feel a bit horny at the thought can you ?

I wonder how many of you reading this post will be having a wank to the idea later on tonight ? LOL

Molested by the opposite sex

2011-01-08T14:42:00.009Z

At weekends there are certain places around Manchester that have loads of middle age women out on the pull. They are either divorced or on a night out with the girls away from their husbands and what starts as a flirt usually ends in getting banged for a lot of these milfs (LOL).

But they all go for younger men (although they usually end up with blokes their own age). I know this because from time to time Daniel and i have had the come on from this crowd. It's starts as a joke, but you can tell they want more than just a laugh.

Saying you are gay stops nothing. In fact it attracts them even more.

This weekend i was sexually molested by a woman who is old enough to be my Mum. She must have been 50!. And after much flirting eventually went for the full grope of my cock in the middle of the pub in full view of everyone.

I say grope it was more of a rubb up and down. She got the down stroke but i managed to pull away for the upstroke.

Trying to make a joke of it and point out that i was gay i suggested that i would probably be more interested in shagging her husband than her.

But she then suggested i come back and have a threesome.

Now i know this all sounds like something from a film. And i am fully aware that if i had said 'Ok then, your on' she would have probably backed down.

But it does show to the extent that these women go mad when they are unleashed from their married shackles.

But there is nothing so sad as seeing a women in her 50s trying to act like a sexy teenager. She and her mates were trying to dance like strippers and it looked awful.

At the end of the night she left with a guy who looked like he tattooed people for a living.

And thinking about it, i probably would have been interested in a threesome with them because she was so pissed that by the time we got back to her place she would probably have collapsed into unconsciousness leaving me and him to have some proper fuck fun.

Daniel told me more about his fall out with the Boyfriend.

Before they were together the guy used to meet guys off the net, go to saunas and generally have cock around for one off sex sessions. Since he and Daniel got together all that stopped but now he wants to maybe still have the odd fling (with his consent).

In all honesty i think he's more pissed off that the guy should be interested in the first place. (doesn't seem to be questioning his sexual health i notice).
He has even suggested that Daniel does the same or even join in with him. LOL. After all that he and i have done in the past it's amusing that he's so outraged by the suggestion.
If i know Daniel, the guy just needs to show him a picture of someone he fancies and there is a chance he might give it a go.
Dirty Boy !

Out and about

2011-01-07T17:02:00.005Z

Nice tan, a little bit of cash left over from my holidays, In the mood for a good night out.....

Watch out Manchester here i come.

Daniel will be coming too. He's had another fall out with his other half. I knew that spending a Christmas with him would show up some cracks. Apparently the guy wants a more 'open' relationship.

It's funny but i thought Daniel would be happy with that, but it seems reality and fantasy don't fit.

His idea of an open relationship must have meant that Daniel goes out and shags around whilst his boyfriend stops at home. Not Daniel stopping at home whilst his boyfriend goes out shagging around.

There is more to it than that but i'm sure i'll get the full story later.

I can't really say anything because i hope to be sleeping around a bit myself tonight ;-)

Have a good weekend everyone. I know i intend to.

New Year New Me

2011-01-06T17:00:00.000Z

Right thats it, New Year, New me.
Time to stop being negative and start being positive. The whole Rachel thing has made me think. It might not last but my New Years resolution is to stop thinking negative and turn to the positive. Have a laugh and say yes to everything on offer. This weekend im going out and i'm determined to have the weekend of my life.

Back to the Gym on Monday because ive been eating so much crap over the last two weeks i must have put some weight on somewhere.

As unbelievable as it may seem i had my first wank of the new year last night.
Imagine that 5 days without a tug !. I was so tired and it seemed disrespectful to have one on the day of Rachels funeral. LOL. Rachel would have found that funny. I should have done and said 'this ones for you Rachel', she would have approved. But i just couldn't. It's like the time my Gran died when i was 15. I knocked one out the same night that we were told about the news and i felt guilty about it for ages. But still managed to do it again on the day of the funeral.

Bad Day

2011-01-05T17:00:00.004Z

Horrible horrible day yesterday. Rachel's funeral. It was packed and everyone was in bits. Because she hadn't arranged anything herself her mum and dad had picked the music and it wasn't really her. Classical stuff that meant nothing really until the end where we went out to David Guetta . It was totally inappropriate and had nothing to do with a funeral but it was her favourite record and the sound of the first two bars had her screaming and on a dance floor.
Anyway we only got about 30 seconds of it because it was played as we all left.
God i hate funerals, they are worse than learning of the death itself. You don't know what to do or say and everyone is acting differently. You don't know how to react. I spoke to very few people and if i'm honest i was looking for any oppertunity to get away as soon as i possibly could. Which i sort of feel guilty about now. I didn't go on to the pub for a drink afterwards i just couldn't do it.
She was cremated so there is no grave to visit or anything like that. So that was that. Then end.
Gone.

Not looking forward to tomorrow

2011-01-03T20:30:00.000Z

I still feel a bit knackered today. Can't seem to shake it off. One minute i'm ok, the next i wanna lie down and go to sleep all of a sudden.

I'll get back to answering all your comments at a later date, at the moment it's a struggle just to find time to blog. But i needed to add something tonight because tomorrow is the day of Rachels funeral.

It seems such a long time since i heard about it and i was so far away. I managed to put it out of my head and not dwell on it. But now i'm back and i've already had a call from her mum to make sure i'm gonna be there. I'm not looking forward to it at all.

If i'm honest i was hoping that i wouldn't be able to attend as i was away on holiday, but for some reason it's not happening until now.

Home sweet Home

2011-01-02T17:05:00.000Z

Late night New Years Eve, Early morning New Years Day to pack, out of the Villa by 10, wander around aimlessly in the baking sun through crowds of shoppers until flight in the late afternoon, check in, security, waiting waiting waiting, 8 hour flight, security again, bags, Taxi, finally back in the country 24 hours after getting up. Just in time to see the sun come up on a new day here in the UK.
I feel like a zombie, high as a kite and absolutely fucked.
Ive seen the last of the sun and want to go to bed for a week.
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzz

Happy nude year

2011-01-01T02:15:00.001Z

I spent the day in the villa alone today. Yesterday afternoon i was feeling so off and tired i went to bed and slept solid for 12 hours.

I know its not very social but i think ive seen everything i wanna see now. Im sick of charging around like a demented idiot. This afternoon we packed ready for tomorrow. I should be making the most of my time here but I'm sick of being with parents and family who wouldn't appreciate a trip to the nearest gay bar.

I sat by the pool with a book and my iPod and thought I'd have a nice rest so I could be fresh for tonight.

Then I heard music blasting out of the villa next door. Spanish or Mexican stuff. It was ok for a while but after about an hour it was getting on my tits. In this age of headphones I'll never understand why people play music so loud in the open that the world has to listen as well. What do they think they are a radio station?. I tried to get in the pool again but it was so cold I nearly died of hyperthermia before it reached my knees. It's not really a pool it's a pond. No one goes in it. It's also a bit to open to be able to strip completely. I can just about drop up pube level and no more.

The pool rules on a notice board says "no lifeguard on duty/swim at your own risk" which is a shame. But it also says "do not place foreign objects in the pool" so perhaps I shouldn't be in there anyway.

Watched a tv show called 1000 ways to die. No 746 was a guy who got so addicted to porn that he forgot to eat or drink, got so dehydrated that he collapsed and several boxes of porn tapes fell on top of him. He lay there unable to move and eventually died.
This was being broadcast at 2 in the afternoon.
obviously the moral of the story is to stack you porn safely and remember to have a sandwich and a cup of tea at hand when watching Debbie does Dallas.

The book I am reading is called an idiot abroad by Karl pilkington which seems to be a funnier more entertaining version of this blog.

Its been great having two weeks away from that bloody go compare advert and no snow.

Happy new year everyone have a great 2011.

And to everyone in the UK, happy vat increase.

American tv

2010-12-31T04:02:00.001Z

Watching tv over here you would imagine that all gay men are camp and spend their every waking hour verbally ripping the shit out of anyone in sight. None of them come across as being likeable at all. It's like watching a bully tease a small kid. You just wanna punch them in the face. Acid queens are big on American tv but they are just there to act like nasty opinionated jerks who "tell it like it is". it's no wonder there are so many homophobic people if this is what they are force fed, I'm sort of feeling it myself tonight after watching so much crap. It's so depressing the way people pull each other to bits.

They also do this strange thing where they have a big build up and introduce a presenter who isn't actually there.

"Abc news here tonight with Diana sawyer!!!" says the over dramatic voice over. But a man in a suite appears and a slightly less dramatic different voice quickly says "Diana is on holiday so here's Joe bloggs"

If Shes not here then it's not abc news with Diane sawyer then is it? Its abc news with joe bloggs So why mention her?.

By the way this blog is brought to you by elvis Presley (elvis couldn't make it tonight so mambam writes instead)

British people have terrible teeth. Luckily I was always taught to look after mine since I was a child but they don't shine like a pure White 1000 watt light bulb like some people do on tv.
I imagined most Americans would be like this for some reason but this is not true. Only on tv do people look like this. Everyday guys and gals just look normal and nice.

Shiny and glam news presenters are also big over here. Ours look like they are going to the office. Theirs look like they are going to the oscars. Women looking sexy as they tell you about another murder hunt and guys with hair that looks like a rug on top (even though it probably isn't) distracting you from what they are saying about the economy.

And there is a lot of 'uplight' going on, to hide the wrinkles I think. Judge judy looked like she had a 20th century fox search light shining up her nose this afternoon. Either that or she's had a face lift. Her mush was all washed out with light.

But the thing that stands out the most is opinion. Everyone has one.
Even the woman on the weather tells you what she thinks about it.
Why do they think I would want to know what they think about it?
Just tell me what happened and let me decide.

Time is running out and we go home soon but new year In the us will be fun. At the moment everywhere looks like it's gonna be too busy. We've been warned to avoid the parks on new years eve because they will be far to busy so tend to stop entry really early. This means you need to get in by early evening and then stay there until midnight.

Considering that we go home the next day and need to be up really early to leave the villa, check in our bags, fly for 8 hours and arrive home in time for it to be still early morning at home, no one fancies it.
Besides, could we face another day of mayhem?.

A shit wank

2010-12-30T09:30:00.001Z

Sorry if this is a bit graphic but.....

The toilet in my parents en suit is blocked. Mine has a sign in it that says waste pipes in the US are 50% thinner than in Europe so suggest you use less paper because they charge $25 to unblock any blockage. Which also suggests it happens all the time.
There is no such sign in my parents room and my dad has done a particularly big one and followed through with lots of bog roll. The result left a pan full of water and after attempting a full sink plunge he's now turned this pan of clear(ish) water into something that looks like bovril and beef soup and won't go away.

This means that until it's fixed they are using mine and at any time of the night whilst im supposed to be asleep either of them can sneak into my room for a quick piss.

You have never experienced a worse erectile dysfunctional
Experience than when you have been interrupted mid wank by your mother wanting to come into your room for a whizz. And then had to listen whilst she pisses like a horse and ends with a short fart.

Happy holidays everyone we go home at the weekend !!.

Nice Americans

2010-12-30T04:11:00.001Z

The weather forecast for today said cool again so im gonna wrapped up this morning. If it gets warmer i can always strip off a few layers. They actually have an entire tv channel dedicated to weather Which seems strange as it doesn't normally change much down here. Now if they did that in the uk........

Had the radio on in the car as we drove off. If I hear another phil Collins track I'll scream. You would think he must have died the amount of times they play in the air tonight or a genesis song. Rock, rap and country are all they seem to play. Heard a great country song about a father checking out his daughters new boyfriend that had some of the weirdest lyrics ive ever heard. In the song he suggest he treats his daughter right or he will come after him with a shotgun. I though it was hilarious. Eventually I just plugged my I pod in and tuned out from everyone and everything around me during the journey to wherever we are going for the day.

We made the mistake of trying universal studios again today. Mainly because we had pre paid for the tickets, but also because we wanted to see Harry potter. Well they did anyway. I just tagged along.

I have never seen so many people in one place at one time, it was a nightmare. The waiting times for rides reached three hours and eventually they closed the park completely to anyone wanting to enter because they were at full capacity.
There was a queue waiting to get tickets to wait for another queue to get into Harry potter and that queue was miles away from where the queue started. We worked out that you would need to stand in line for nearly 5 hours if you wanted to get inside. Are people mad ??.

As you can imagine we didn't bother. Some of the party went to see a show so we just wandered around looking at the attractions.

When we came back to the villa i could feel my face burning. I have kept out of the sun with my hat on and sunglasses so how the he'll did that happen?. As I type this I am feeling a bit sick but we are supposed to be going for a meal in half an hour. I don't feel like food at all. I'm turning into a tomato.

Whilst we were waiting for a table at the Restaurant we got talking to the fattest man I have ever seen who was also waiting for a table for himself and his fat family. Actually they weren't all fat. They seemed to grow in size depending on age. So the small kids were still thin but by the time they got to teens they started tipping the scales.
They were really nice people and friendly. They came from Texas and were themselves on vacation. Like most Americans we have spoken to they immediately launch into British stereotype mode when they find out our nationality. It's great that they try to relate to us by referring to (in order). The royal family, soccer!! (Manchester united), London, and possibly someone they know who lives in the uk. All that is missing is the beatles and Simon cowell.

I've not met an American I didn't like so far. Which is good, if not lucky.

Baby it's cold outside

2010-12-29T03:56:00.001Z

Had a break again this morning, all the others went for a game of crazy golf. I wasn't interested so I sat and relaxed, watched a bit of tv and attempted to sunbath a bit until I eventually accepted that is was actually bloody freezing and I looked a pollock sitting on a sun bed with three layers of clothing on.

It's just so weird. It looks nice and warm but feels like it should be snowing. Looking back on all my snaps so far it looks like we are enjoying a heatwave.

They say that everything in America is bigger. This is true but for some reason the alcoholic drinks seem smaller. I had a bud lite in a bar the other night and it was more like a half pint in what looked like a pint glass.
They are really hot on making sure you are old enough to drink over here. I've been asked 5 times now, to the amusement of my father, who always asks if they want his I'd also. Yawn, very funny dad.
They also check the Id closely. No quick flick and then hand back, no, this is a proper look and scrutinise.
I could drive a huge car at 17 and joint the army but can't have a drink.

I've only seen one person smoke and there is very little litter around. I don't know if the weather has killed all the bugs but I'm also aware that there are few flies and insects around. One cockroach and a cricket are the sum of my entire creepy crawly viewings.

The birds are huge though. No little sparrows or robins around here. They look more like buzzards circling in the air looking for dead meat.

An ice cream van crawled past the house this morning. It was doing about 1 Mph and I half expected someone to overtake it on foot. In the UK they whizz in. Park up, sell as much as they can as fast as they can, then whizz back out again when they have finished.

We don't seem to have many neighbours around us at the moment. It got a bit busy Xmas eve but I thing those people must have come for a couple of days and gone back home now.

There are lots of for sale signs and the property seems remarkably cheap. A few doors away one house has a small sign nailed to a board and stuck in the garden. It's some sort of prohibition or repossession notice.
All very sad. Especially when they advertise to the world and all your neighbours that you've been kicked outta your house. Seems a bit harsh to me.

In the evening we decided to visit the magic kingdom again. The women wanted to see it all lit up. It was bloody freezing again. Please god give us some typical Florida weather instead of this crap we get when we normally get at home.

Saying that, I was impressed. Beautiful.

Crap

2010-12-28T00:57:00.001Z

Universal studios today for a change and what a difference. Less organised than Disney, worse service, crap food, queues everywhere, and doesn't look half as nice either.
Add to that the fact that it was freezing and you end up with the worst day so far. Some of the rides were good but I wasn't impressed.
Whilst we were eating a couple were arguing with the girl at the till. She was complaining that it was taking so long to be served. On the other side of us were a family arguing about a ride they did or didn't wanna go on. And the soundtrack to all this was Christmas music about having a wonderful Christmas and a jolly happy time.

If I'm honest I've had enough of tourist America and I'm just using the rest of this trip as helpful info for a future trip alone or with me and Daniel (assuming we can afford it).

Looking forward to new year though.

Shopping

2010-12-27T02:45:00.001Z

Spent the day in a shopping mall today. To be honest it was just like a day at the Trafford centre. It was packed and I had no idea what to buy so didn't buy anything at all. I spent some time thinking about getting an iPad but what would be the point? I have a phone that does everything that it does, just smaller. I managed to have a go on one at the apple store. It was almost impossible to touch one because the table was being hogged by kids playing games on them. When I did manage to shove one of them out of the way I was less impressed than I thought I would be.

When we left the mall we got stuck in a huge traffic jam. It's nice to know it's not just the uk that has these things. It's the first one we came across over here though. The roads are so wide and long it's seems impossible to create a jam unless there is an accident to block the way.

After that we had a meal at an Italian Restaurant, this eating out all the time is getting expensive and we still have more parks to go to so I need to start cutting back or I'm gonna be skint before the weekend. Tomorrow it's up and out again by 8.30 and it's becoming tiring as well. But i would hate to miss anything. I don't see myself returning to this part of the states again. I think I would definitely come back but maybe try somewhere less touristy. I hear San Francisco is good (lol).

The weather wasn't brilliant today. Thank god we were inside. The worst weather day by far I think. And it's gonna be the same for the next couple of days apparently.
No need for a swimsuit this journey me thinks

Christmas day

2010-12-26T01:49:00.001Z

It's Christmas morning and I'm glad to say we are going nowhere for most of the day. The women are attempting to cook a proper Christmas dinner but first thing they want to do is to go to church. I wouldn't go normally, I never do, but I'm curious as to how it will be. We are supposed to be Catholics so I don't expect gospel singing and arm waving.

As it turned out it was the usual catholic affair. Lots of standing up and sitting town, singing dreary songs and god be with you "and also with you" kinda thing. The church was huge, more like a concert hall than a place of worship. I mimed singing a bit and spent most of the time looking at the ceiling. I would like to believe but I find it so uninspiring. It was full of tourist you could tell and most of them didn't bother dressing up. We looked out of place in our Sunday best.

We then went back to the villa to have a traditional Christmas dinner. I find it all a very sexist affair. The women cook whilst the fellas piss about. Then when it comes to the washing up the guys offer but know they won't have to because the women insist they don't do it right. So we all sit down and have a kip whilst the women wash and have a good natter at the same time.

This is the first time I have ever sunbathed on Christmas day. I was sat by the pool with a bud in my hand, my iPod on my head and the rays burning my face. It's just weird.

Sorry but this is not Christmas in my book.

I rang Daniel at home to see if everything is ok and wish him happy Christmas. He said the house was ok but it was freezing. Last night temperatures dropped to -10. Which is unusual for home.

In some ways I'm glad I'm not there but I miss being at home for Christmas. It's about meeting all your friends not just some of them.
I don't think I'll go away at Christmas again. Any other time but not Christmas.

Happy Christmas everybody

2010-12-25T03:49:00.001Z

Slightly less busy day today. The weather was fantastic so we went to epcot again. This time we avoided any rides and just walked around the lake visiting country's of the world.
It was all predictable and amusing. France had the Eiffel tower and the shops sold berets, morocco had a Market selling carpets that sort of thing and the UK had a pub and a fish & chip shop with streets that looked like sherlock Holmes should be walking town them plus actors dressed in stuff from 1842.
Lots of royal stuff with coats of Arms and a shops selling tea and weirdly Manchester united kits. The only thing missing were bowler hats Lol

it's the equivalent of us imagining Americans as cowboys eating a big mac with one hand and shooting each other with the other.
I've got a nice tan now but my father has burnt his neck.

In the uk we are on a recycle/save the planet thing. When I go to the supermarket I take the same bag everytime to save using plastic bags. Here there are thousands given out every hour. Why do I bother ?

Later we went to watch the Harry potter movie at a cinema that had about 40 screens. I thought the film was a bit slow and boring by the way but loved the fact that people reacted to the on screen action. Laughing loudly and at one point someone crying at the death scene near the end. Very strange.

It's Christmas tomorrow and they all want to go to church. I never go myself but am curious how it will be. So it's early to bed tonight then I can be up early in the morning.

This sun is making it feel like the weirdest Christmas ever. In fact I don't feel christmasy at all.

I'm thinking of buying a iPad whilst I'm over here and smuggling it back home so maybe when we hit the post Xmas shopping mall I'll get it then.

Hurrah for Hollywood

2010-12-24T03:42:00.001Z

Another day another theme park. It's getting bit tiring now if I'm honest. And it's packed everywhere. Its like being in a herd of cattle most of the time. This time it's Hollywood studios with the good shows (extreme stunt show) and the crap (journey into narnia). I would hate to work here. The music is annoying and you have to be on show form constantly. These people deserve every penny they are paid. I couldn't do it. There was a parade at one point and every male dancer rang my gaydar bell. I must say that even though I have been looking I haven't seen many guys that did it for me. I think it's because most of the people here are either kids or parents. Then when there are guys my age I notice they dress like they don't care. Some of them look like tourists with no fashion sense at all. We hope to go to the beach if the weather is ok and I'm already planning my wardrobe.
In the evening we went for another meal. I'm sick of dining out now. I just want a sandwich now. Roll on Christmas.