To vote or not to vote ?

I'm wondering whether to vote at the general election. I probably will, but i still haven't decided which box to tick yet. I just can't bring myself to find out who is gonna do what for me. As soon as their faces come up on my telly screen and they start talking bullshit i turn off.

They all seem like tosspots to me. None of them have my vote yet. Almost daily now i get some crap through my door from labour or Conservative propaganda head office.
It usually has a picture of a middle aged man or woman dressed like my grandma or grandad on the front, and from what i can see scanning over the leaflet it's two thirds telling me how crap the other side are, and one third telling me how good they will be.

They ask stupid questions that your supposed to answer no to, like
Do you want your pension raided and given to illegal immigrants ?.
Do you want murderers and rapist released from prison early ?.
Do you want taxes to be doubled and given to the greedy fat cats in charge of our banks ?
if the answer to all these questions is NO !. then you need to vote for.......

Do you think their treating me like a child ?. Talking down to me ?. think i'm an idiot ?.
Answers on a postcard to......Labour, conservative, Liberal......Blah blah blah.

According to the weatherman we're gonna get some snow this week. Bloody hell, please no.

I'm getting addicted to Family guy and American Dad on BBC three. It's the only thing on this channel worth bothering with and they show them all the time.
When i was a kid i loved cartoons, then i reached my teens and the sight of animation turned me off. Now i'm back to the toons again.

If i hear Florence + the Machine dog days are over one more time i'll bloody scream. It seems to have take over from Here come the girls as the tune that every TV show wants to slip in somewhere

Gay Lesbian or Bi on TV

A lazy Sunday, i was gonna do the Garden but it was a bit overcast and i couldn't be arsed.
I took Daniel home and was gonna stay for the afternoon,but i couldn't be arsed.
I should have gone to the supermarket, but i couldn't be arsed.
I think you get the idea don't you ?.

I've been sat on the computer for a couple of hours now, which is ridiculous when you think that's what i do all week at work.
But its different at home. Theres more porn for a starters and it's like flicking through a book. Mindless at times and just something to pass the day.

I saw a survey on the BBC Website entitled "Consultation on the BBC's Portrayal of Lesbian, Gay & Bisexual Audiences".
It's a 5 minute question and answers thing where you can tell them what you think of them, so i thought i would give it a go.

It was quite good really, because normally with these things it's a straight forward box ticking exercise that you can tell is pre setup to make you give the answers that they want to hear. But this thing was full of questions and boxes that you fill in yourself and say what you like. Whether anyone reads it, or takes any notice is another thing mind you.

I Wrote that i was getting a bit sick of seeing only one kind of gay man on the telly. Camp, flamboyant, Acid Queens who refer to themselves as poofs, like Judy Garland or Madonna and only talks in double entendres.
I have no problem with people like that. But the BBC seems to think that Stereotype and gay are the same word. I suppose it's better than Dramas full of gays dying of aids, but i'm getting a bit bored of it. And i don't know about you but i'm finding more and more heterosexuals are slipping back into their old ways of assuming that we are all like that.

I couldn't say anything about Lesbians because if i'm honest there doesn't seem to be any on the telly. Or at least if there are they seem to be able to appear without shouting it from the rooftop.
And as for the Bisexual thing. I can't see any of them either.

Having written all that, i then went on Gaydar for a bit, spent some time looking at porn on Edengay and spoke to Rachel on the phone where we bitched about an Ex boyfriend of hers, before talking about how good her current one was in bed.
Perhaps the BBC have it just right. we are all like that deep down !.

A quiet night in

It's a Saturday night and i'm staying in tonight.
Cash flow and all that.
But Daniel has come over and we are sitting here drinking and having a merry old time. Not!.

He's fast asleep on the sofa and i'm on the computer. What a bloody boring idea that was!.

When you've been mates with someone for so long and know each other inside out it's ok to not talk sometimes. You don't feel uncomfortable having to try keeping up the conversation in the same way you might do with a new boyfriend or acquaintance.

The down side is that you don't feel compelled to stay awake when someone gets boring and if they are getting on your nerves you don't have any qualms about telling them to sod off and leave you alone for a bit.

We've run out of conversation, and the drink isn't hitting the spot tonight.
I think you have to be in the mood to have a good night on drink. I know that i for instance would never sit alone at home with a can expecting to have fun on my own. I need conversation and company to do that. So is it really the drink or is it the company ?. Tonight there has been plenty of drink, but we are still not in the mood.

I like Daniels company and we get on great. That's the up side of having a close friend. You don't feel the need to talk all the time. Sometimes it's enough to have them there in the background.
Even if he does snore !.

I am messing about with the template. All change, time to spring clean.
The clocks also go back tonight so one less hour in bed.
I don't know why i wrote that last sentence, it has no relevance to the rest of the post and i have no other comment to make on the subject.
To much drink, i'm babbling.

Porno Filth

I'm going out to dinner at Mike and Marks again tonight.
But we don't eat till about 8.30. I'll be fucking starving by then.

I've been sent a list of porn DVDs from someone i know. £1 each. 10 for a fiver. The Internet is even killing the snide DVD market. No one buys music, films have gone outta the window, and with a web full of porn who would bother to buy any ?.
I remember when i was younger i would buy a CD at the shop, copy it, then take it back and swap it for another saying it was an unwanted present.
I could copy loads that way, Photocopy the cover and flog them for £4 each.
Daniel had a whole list printed up and used to hand them round at school.
Proper little bootleggers we were.

The porno video market was a little different. To be honest it was all straight stuff. It's difficult to get dirty videos with man on man action when your 14. You just thank your lucky stars it's any kind of porn.
One of our mates used to borrow his dads without him knowing. He had a huge stash in the locked wardrobe. But one Christmas when our mate was trying to find his stash of hidden Christmas Presents, he found a way of opening it from the back by taking out a screw that stopped a panel from sliding over.
He was looking for Christmas presents and came across a stack of porn. In fact all his Christmas's' came at once, Literally ;-).
There were magazines as well. Who bothers reading them ?. There was loads of the stuff apparently. But we spoilt it all really by taking the piss out of this guy saying that his dad must have been wanking off to certain films he lent us, or suggesting his mother flicked herself off to the black guy in another.
He stopped lending us them in the end.
Twat !.

(i bet she did flick herself off though....i know i did..;-))

Oh the shame of it

I have spent much of this morning pissing around with the computer at work. When technology goes wrong it's a pain in the backside.
But it was interesting to discover a folder full of pictures and video that the person who worked here before me had left behind.
Nothing filthy, just funny pictures and crap music, but amongst them were a couple of wedding photographs featuring the ugliest bride in the world.
I can understand why she wore white.. (Meow, sorry that was a bit bitchy wasn’t it?)
They were obviously relatives of this old staff member because someone pointed her out in the crowd.

My mother has a picture on her wall in the front room off the whole family, taken at my Aunties wedding years ago. In the middle at the front is little old me age about 4 or 5. I’m wearing a black suite complete with dickey bow tie and a white Rose in my lapel.
I look like a ventriloquists dummy and everyone who sees it pisses himself laughing.
What no one has ever seen is a follow up photo taken later on in the day when we got home. I’ve discarded the suite and am standing in my socks and undies but still have the dickey Bow tie around my neck.
I still shudder at the thought and if anything ever happens to my parents the first thing I will do before anything else is to find and burn this picture.

And now for some local news

Glad to be Gay ?

Saw a guy today at work that seems quite nice.
But he had dirty fingernails and it put me off.
Not just a bit dirty, i mean black as the ace of spades dirty.

This is one of my problems, being fussy about men. I can be put off the most beautiful of guys by the slightest thing. I've been told that it's because i don't like them enough or they are just not my type. But at the end of the day the reality is i'm just too fussy sometimes.

I once read an article in a magazine about the perils of porn. Written by a woman of course (what do you expect). In it there was a suggestion that men who view too much porn have problems having sex with real women because they don't associate the reality of sex with the fantasy. So for instance when watching porn there are no smells going on and when they indulge in the real thing it's nothing like their imagination wants it to be because at times sex can stink.

The reason i write that bit isn't because i watch a lot of porn. Although i do find myself knocking one off at least once a day. It's because i've always been a bit fussy with relationships in a similar way.
So for instance i might like the idea of having a boyfriend, but when it happens i want him to go away and come back when i'm in the mood for him.
The idea of someone pestering you for sex when your not in the mood sounds great, but If your woken at three in the morning and you've gotta get up in a few hours it's not the same. Reality and fantasy are two completely different things.

My nights out looking for a shag can go one of many ways.
I see someone, they look nice, i'm in the mood, they open their mouth and sound like a camp queen, i'm not in the mood any more.

I see someone who shows interest in me, i talk to them, they seem fine, i invite them round for a coffee, they start talking about their EX. I want then to piss off home again.

I meet someone, they come round, we talk very little, we have sex, they piss off and i never hear from them again because the phone number they gave was bollocks.

I see someone i like, we get on great, we have sex, he turns into a stalker who rings me every 15 minutes to tell me how much he loves me and does that annoying thing where they wanna kiss you in the middle of Asda whilst your filling your shopping trolley with Bacon.

I see someone i'm not keen on, they spend all night trying to get in my knickers, i have to eventually tell then to piss off because all the hints that i'm not interested don't work.

In fact i'm happy to be single. I'm seriously considering going down the Gaydar route. No relationships, no talking, no time wasting.
Just a shag and then i can get on with the rest of my day without being bothered by a partner.
Or am i just starting to get cynical ?. Is this what gay life is gonna be like ?.

Come out come out wherever you are

Sunny day today, so out in the garden.
Sunbathing with a can of Larger ?. NO. Gardening with a bloody lawnmower.

Anyone know where i can buy a load of paving stones for nothing ?. This thing wants turning into a huge patio.
On the other hand i did break into a sweat so it makes up for not going to the gym. I'm just gonna have to consider it a work out that's all.

I didn't get any last night again. I came home alone, Unused condom in pocket and had to finish myself off.
I think the main problem is that i live in a town that seems baron of any visible gay life. I say visible, because the place must be full of them, they just keep their heads down, or bugger off to the city when they want a night out.

One of the down sides to going to straight places is that you never know who is straight and who is gay. A pink top means nothing nowadays and neither does a trendy haircut and false tan. Everyone looks gay from what i can tell.
Even talking slightly camp is no measure of the man.

My pet hate about the Village in Manchester has always been that it's now full of tourists coming to look at the queers. Women on hen nights or just because they want to have fun without being pestered by men.
Only to spend most of the night pestering the gays with a patronising "oh isn't is a shame, if only you weren't gay"
Fuck Off !!
The flip side to the coin is the truly gay club or pub. This then turns into a sleazy cruising joint where going to the loo is like entering an orgy.

Anyway i'm rambling now, i've forgotten the point to this post. I thinks its a bit macho round here. Time to get back to Manchester. At least you know what your getting.
Better the devil you know.

Preparation for sex

It's the weekend again and i always feel uplifted on a Friday night.

I've decided to go out late. Nothing seems to happen anywhere until after 10 and i know none of my mates bother hitting the town until then.
This means i can spend the next couple of hours preening myself. Bath, shave, dusting of talc round my bollocks (LOL) Plax, brush teeth, floss, scrape tongue, mouth wash, gargle. I always go a bit overboard with my dental hygiene which is a bit strange when you think that i'm out looking for a fella and when i find one i'm liable to have something in my mouth that is less than hygienic.

When i think to myself how much preparation i make for sex when getting ready to go out it make me laugh. Especially when most of the time i come home alone.
Either no one i fancy shows interest, or someone i'm not interested in does.

I've even been to family weddings and got ready and prepared 'just in case'. Why would you take a packet of condoms to a wedding reception ?.

Well maybe one day i'll get to shag the groom..Ha!

Mark and Mike will be along for the ride, which is brilliant because Mike drives !! and when he drives, he doesn't drink !!!.
It must be horrible for him thought, i can't think of anything worse than driving round a car full of drunks. I've done it myself. They think the world is a magical, fun, hilarious place. You don't get the joke.

The only up side is that your the one left stand when everyone has passed out, so you get the pick of the bunch to sexually assault when they are unconscious.
LOL

Teenage holidays

My Mum and Dad have decided to go to America for a couple of weeks on holiday later in the year.
As usual they will be going with some friends and a couple of uncles and aunties, kids and all.
It's a bit of a tradition. they rarely go alone, they have to go with a gang.

I'm always being asked to go as well, but i remember what it was like as a kid.
When you're a teenager, going on holiday with your parents is more of a chore than a break. Up to about 10 it's fine, then it just becomes and embarrassment.
Sitting next to a pool with my Mum in a bikini and my dad telling me to go and talk to "that pretty girl over there" warrants a dirty look and a storm off in a strop.
When i think back i was a right little moody twat.
But who could blame me ?

There was me looking in a funny way at men in speedos whilst trying to keep covered and out of the sun. The very idea of being even slightly naked filled me with horror.

It could be fucking 30°c and i'd still prefer to keep my jumper on LOL I think it's a British thing. I'm different now, but back then i was whiter than white, the sun never saw a single area of my skin during my pubescent years.

I quite like the idea of going with all my mates though so i'm thinking of asking round to see if anyone else Fancy's it.

TV has been shit again this week, but here are a couple of highlight's that caught my eye.

A little bit of politics

Still got a pain in the gut, getting a bit worried now.

Or am i just turning into a hypochondriac ? (definitely had to spell check that word)

My dad has rung and told me he's got a load of old gardening equipment off a bloke up the road who's died.
His daughter gave it to him because she lives in a flat. That's typical of my dad. I bet he actually went round and asked her for it. How embarrassing.
On the other hand it will come in handy. But the bloke was about 90 so i can't imagine it's been used much. I suspect there will be a sithe and an ox amongst the rusted implements.

Since Ive been ill i have been laying off the old pudding pulling.
But after a couple of days, no matter how ill you feel, you still fancy a quick one don't you ?. Perhaps i'm not that ill.

One of the women at work is worried about the BA strike. The silly cow had the same problem at Christmas but still booked with the same airline.

Whilst we're on the subject of things in the news. If i hear another word about David Beckham i'll scream.
I'm sick of the world cup already and it hasn't even started yet. Also, my heart sinks when i hear the words general & election in the same sentence
Lets get on with it and get it over with. Then they can all get on with ignoring us for another four years whilst they do whatever they want.

All little bit of politics, over and out.

Unscheduled weekend diet

I've not been anywhere this weekend. I've been ill.
I spent most of Saturday night sat on the loo (LOL) now how sexy does that sound ?.

I've now been left with this really annoying aching pain in my abdomen and it's not going away. I don't know if i've strained something or what, but the only time i ever have this sort of ache is when i've over done it with the sit ups.
At least then you know you've done something good. An ache after exercises is a good sign. One after having a crap is a bad one.

Anyways to change the subject quickly, i've had a letter from a mysterious person. Actually they arn't that mysterious. Their name, address and telephone number appears at the top of the page.
It must be for someone who lived here before me and they obviously don't know they have moved.
It's a full 5 page letter written in ink from a proper pen with handwriting that is sometimes hard to decipher.
E-mail has destroyed letter writing, not that i ever did any myself, but there is something special about getting a letter, even if it's not mine.

I won't go into the details, it's all quite boring to be honest, but lets just say the operation turned out well and the kids are doing fine at school.
I know i shouldn't have opened it, but i have no idea where the previous owners now live so i couldn't pass it on, even if i wanted to.

I've been invited round for tea again to the hairy bears palace. They must be getting desperate for company. I turned them down this time. I think i need to avoid food for a bit. Maybe they are the reason i feel so bad, have they been spiking my food with something ?.

Google Street View Comes to Town

Don't ask me why i'm posting this particular picture. I think it's in response to a message from Naturegestz in the comments section.
I've only ever been in this pub the once and didn't like it. But it does illustrate something that i've spent the past hour or so looking at tonight.
Google Earth has now included the whole of the UK in it's street View mode. Which means my own house and the home of most of my friends are up there on the Internet in full 360° crystal clarity.
How do i feel about it ?.
Actually i think it's great. I'm a nosey parker and have checked everyone out. The novelty will soon wear out though. It always does. But for now, i quite like to see into peoples windows and am looking to check out who's car is parked outside who's house. Am i walking down the street in that one ?. Any totty with their tops off ?.
Or better still, old boyfriends houses, Is he shagging who i thought he would.? LOL.
From what i can see it was all taken during the summer so some places look really nice. If i find anything of interest i'll nick it and post it.

I Spit on your MP3s

Saw a bit of the football on telly last night and saw one of the player gob all over himself. He was obviously attempting to spit on the ground and had a bit of a blow back.
Never in my life have i ever had a wish to empty the saliva in my mouth onto the floor.
Unless i've eaten something i didn't like or got a bad taste from licking something (insert your own joke here) i've managed to spend most of my life not spitting when playing sports.
Why do people do it? It turns my stomach.
And before anyone suggest other filthy reasons, there are better lubricants than gob.

Just checking my computer i've now got about 25,000 MP3s stored away. I've borrowed, copied, downloaded, stolen, ripped and filed away anything and everything that anyone would let me get my hands on and built up a collection of stuff that according to I-tunes would take me 67.5 Days to play. Most of which i will probably never play ever and will no doubt sit on the hard drive doing nothing. It's been a bit of an obsession collecting them at times and i don't know why i've done it.

What happens when we move from MP3 my MP9 ?.
Will all this music become as useless as a bloody cassette ?.

Nicknames

It's ok, i'm still alive. I Just had a couple of busy days that's all.

The sun has been out and the nights are getting longer so as i now have a garden to attend to i thought i would attempt to clear some of the rubbish out of it in the hour i have spare before it gets dark when i get home from work.

I'm beginning to have second thoughts about having a garden. Seems a bit to much like hard work to me. "i find it a nice relaxing way to unwind pottering in the garden" Bollocks !. It's all hard graft from what i can see.

Spoke on the phone to Mark tonight. Or 'Skiddy' as some people call him. I refuse to use a nickname on a man in his 40s. Mambam is an old nickname from my distant past but no one uses it, well not to my face anyway. It's a kids thing.
I knew a guy called Midge, he was small kid (midget...get it?, Kids can be cruel ) But he's about 6ft 4 now and married with children. Calling him Midge just seems ridiculous.
Although i have seen an old school teacher and still called him Mr Swift, and Sir.
Bryan didn't seem right, and would have felt too much like disrespect. Besides he might have given me a clout and sent me to detention if i had.
It's like calling your Mum by here first name. I know friends who do this, but to me she's Mum, and my Dad is....er...Dad !.

Anyways back to Mark, i've been invited round for another meal. I haven't bloody met them two minutes and already i'm being wined and dined twice in a week. Let's hope they're not wanting to follow it with a sixty nine ;-).

Weekend Friends

Well i've just had a great weekend.

Daniel came over and we went out, got drunk and met some people i didn't really know much on Friday night, but now consider to be new friends.
Mark and Mike are not my type at all but we have seen them in Manchester before. They live local and are partners apparently.
We said hello because we had done it in a drunken stupor a couple of times when out in Mancs, so were surprised to see them over here.

They are a bit like bear types. Not really, i suppose, 40s? shaved heads, one slightly camp, the other more manly, they don't have beards and not Roley poly, but The house is full of pictures of half naked men with hairy chests and Freddie Mercury Clone Zone Moustaches, you get the idea. I'm stereotyping them a bit arn't i ?.
Anyways, we all seemed to hit it off so we stayed together most of the night. Then on Sunday we were invited over for a meal.
The only annoying thing was that they assumed Daniel and i were an item. But apart form that i feel like i've met some new friends who live more local that i have something in common with.

Marks' Nick name at work is skiddy. The reason ?. Well apparently his second name is Brown, so in the phone book he is listed under Brown-Mark. LOL

Embarrassing TV

I nearly didnt get round to posting anything today.
i've been off work and decided to visit my parents in the afternoon.

I just got back, had something to eat and sat in front of the TV, only to be confronted with one of the most horrendous shows on TV.
Channel 4. 9pm Fridays. Embarrassing Bodies.
It's like car crash TV. You can't believe what your watching, but at the same time can't turn over.
As i type this a man is being examined in the arse area (very graphically) and has been told he isn't wiping his bum properly.
Then we move onto a group of people standing in a town center shopping precinct demonstrating how they wipe whilst sitting on the toilet before being given advice on how to do it properly.

British TV is the best in the world.....?
I find myself thinking this a lot and have decided i must post more video of TV i see that makes me go.. WOT !!!

Tomorrow night i am having Daniel round to my place, we intend going out around Town.

I haven't had sex with another person for what seems like forever. Anyone flashes their eyes at me tomorrow is gunna get it.

:-)

Old undies

Going to the solicitors tomorrow to pick up my Cheque. A thousand pounds isn't exactly a life changing amount but it does mean i don't have to worry about paying my gas bill this time.

I was sorting out some old cloths to give away to charity. That sounds good doesn't it ?. In fact it's just easier to drop them off in a sack outside a local charity shop than it is taking them to the tip. But what do you do with old undies ?. I had some i've not worn since i was about 14. Why keep them ?. Old bits of paper and ordinary rubbish always goes straight in the bin, but cloths linger in a bin bag or at the back of a drawer for ages. I tried these undies on and it felt like i was trying to squeeze into a small sock.

If you came to see me tonight you would think i'm a poor person living on nothing. I Bought a packet of digestive biscuits form Morrisons last week. When I came to empty them into the biscuit barrel (yes I have one, how posh am I getting ?)
I opened the packet and they all fell out like dust from a vacuum cleaner. Broken bits everywhere but mainly crumbs. Obviously someone had dropped the packet at some point and kicked it round the shop a bit before I bought it, so by the time it reached my house what should be solid biscuits had the look and consistency of sand.
I couldn’t be bothered to take them back to the store so over the past week I’ve been picking out all the biggest bits to eat with a cup of tea until I reached the point where all that was left was a big mound of crumbs.
As I type this I am now using a spoon and finishing off the rest.
A cup of tea and a spoon full of Mcvities Digestive just doesn’t seem the same.

Homosexuals on TV

As i watch TV this week it strikes me that we've come a long way since the 1970's type oo-er missus, i'm a man mad poof who is as camp as tits and spouts innuendo at every turn.
And thank god the hetero world is over it now and we can all live as normal as the rest of the world.

I'm not offended, i just can't tell the difference.

Surprise Surprise !

I'm in shock tonight.
I have been given £1000 in my uncles will !!
I never expected anything and it's come out of the blue. What can you say to that ?.

I'm quite touched really, and i must admit i felt a bit emotional when i was told.
Of course my mum and dad have been doing that "make sure you spend it wisely, put it in a high interest bank account..." thing.
I did imagine a big bender one weekend but i'm not that stupid.

I also feel a bit awkward because since he died i haven't been to the grave.
I don't think he's there. He only went once and they buried him in it. I have no memories of my Uncle in a graveyard so why go ? is my take on it.
My mum has been loads of times and it's turning into some sort of chore. I can see here getting to the stage where she feels guilty for not going, which is stupid.

Anyway the dosh is going into the bank and will be my cushion should anything go wrong and i need it. I'm trying to imagine it's not there, which it isn't yet of course because i haven't got the cheque yet.

What a happy surprise. As my father used to say when he feigned surprise.

"well bugger me!"

P.s. Since i came out he seems to have dropped that phrase for some reason.

Why is everything so old ?

There is a fella i've seen around a lot who had a look that doesn't normally do it for me, but for some reason it worked on him.
Long blond hair in a sort of heavy rock fashion with a pretty boy face and ripped jeans. I saw him today and he's cut it all off !. He looks like a bald monkey and that pretty face actually looks a bit weird and podgy now.
It's funny how a haircut can change your looks isn't it ?.

The local paper prints pictures of Old Halifax all the time.
But all these pictures were taken in 1910 or something like that. I assume they think that the readership of this rag ranges from 80 - 100 because i never see any old shots from the 70s, 80s or 90s.

My dad loves books full of pictures of old Oldham. I assume because he can be all nostalgic and remember shops and streets as they were when he was a kid. But i always thought the same of these books as well. All the pictures seemed to be from the fucking 1900s and i'm pretty sure my dad isn't that old.
Looking around the town center, even the bloody electric lamp posts are designed to look like gas lamps, the houses are built to look like they have been around for a 100 years. The street signs look like something from 1460. Even some of the shop front writing is marked out old style which just looks silly when your selling flat screen telly's and mobile phones.
Don't get me wrong i'm not for going too modern, but i still can't get my head round why time is supposed to have stopped in 1920.