Rage against the Bitch

I've had a bit of a fall out with Rachel tonight over that bitch from my past.
Rachel is suddenly friendly with her and has started going out with her socially. To the point where she's her new best mate.
I know i can't do anything about that. It's up to her who she picks as her friends but don't fucking expect me to be friendly with the cow as well and don't be expecting me to join in the fun on a night out together.
What do you do when your friend suddenly mates up with your mortal enemy from School?.

Worse still, i've tried to tell Rachel seriously and calmly how much i don't like this woman and how i would prefer it if we didn't meet again. But Rachel just laughed as if i was making a big thing about nothing. That is exactly how this witch works. She would wind you up to high heaven and when you nearly crack with rage she then just pisses herself laughing and makes out that you are going over board and in the wrong.
I fucking hate her and the fact that Rachel is becoming her mate is turning me off Rachel as well.

Before anyone comments that maybe i'm jealous of them, Rachel has many mates, it's just this one i can't stand.
I'm more incensed that no-one else sees it. Even Daniel thinks i'm being stupid and he knows what this woman is like.
I'm the type of person who will cut my nose to spite my face. I'll happily stay mates with Rachel, but any attempt at getting me and the bitch from hell together as friends will result in Rachel losing me as a bloody friend all together.

I'm not the same person as i was at school. I'd punch her for nothing nowadays. Who was the twat who said men shouldn't hit women ?.

Can you tell i don't like her ? LOL.
If only you knew how much of a misery she made my life. It's funny how something from so long ago sticks with you isn't it ?. I can think of at least three people i haven't seen in probably 10 years who still make my blood boil when i think about them.

One in particular i would happily gut with a fish knife. But who knows ? they might be completely different now, Maybe married with kids of their own, sensible grown up adults with sensible thoughts and ideas. But in my head they are still 14 or 15, they still have that arrogant swagger and they still talk like tit heads.

Let is go Michael, let is go.......

The End

Well that went down like a lead balloon didn't it ?.

I thought it would, it's my own fault for waiting until we both had too much to drink.

I met him early on, but we were with friends so i couldn't say anything then. I tried to be a bit standoffish for most of the night and he could tell there was something wrong.
So we went outside for a chat.

I said that i liked him and i didn't want to fall out with him, but i wasn't ready for a relationship.
After the drama of the past few years i was settling down and wanted time to myself.

I have just realised that you might not know about my life before this blog in it's current format, so perhaps i should explain a little. This is a resurrected blog from quite a while ago that i eventually deleted and left dormant.
I originally started it when i came out. Or should i say was dragged out.

I won't go into all the details again, but i was well and truly in the closet and was outed by a so called friend. My family and many of my friends were -and in some cases still are - very anti gay.

It resulted in me falling out with my family and losing a lot of long time friends. I left home and ended up in this flat on my own and at one point had no job.
My dad took it the worst and still isn't really speaking to me properly and i haven't seen my best mate from ever school since.

Even now thinking about how it was just turns my stomach and i would have quite happily have jumped off the nearest bridge if i had been brave enough.

Anyway, i have new friends now, some of my family are talking to me, and the rest can sod off.
It's taken some time but I'm happier now, and i think that is down to the fact that i have less drama in my life.

Things are getting back to normal. I don't wake up in the morning with my stomach churning. and i don't jump when the phone rings in case it's someone else slagging me off for being a bender.

I don't want any more hassle, in fact if i am honest i don't think i can handle any more drama.
It would do me in for sure.
I want to have fun that's all. I don't want to settle down, i want someone who will make me laugh but won't expect anything from me.
I still don't even know how i feel about being gay myself. I mean, i am gay, but the thought of having a full on relationship with a man leaves me cold.

I don't mind having sex with them and i do fancy men. But are you gay if you just see men as sex objects?.
I'm rambling now, so back to the subject at hand.

Anyways, i told Brian all this and it seems he has heard it all before. In fact i might as well have said 'it's not you it's me' because he thought i sounded as contrived and obvious as anything he had heard from previous boyfriends

Sadly i moved onto plan B and started to tell him what was wrong with him (well he asked).
He was smothering me with constant text messages and phone calls, it was as if he thought that having my number meant he could speak to me anytime, anywhere. Like some sort of umbilical chored we were connected by it.
If he thought of something he wanted to say he would ring or text there and then, and god help me if i didn't reply immediately.
I had met him on the Friday and by the Saturday he was playing at husband and wife.

In the end we had a screaming showdown and i said it's over and i didn't want anything to do with him any more.
It made me laugh afterwards because amongst the most sad & pathetic sights i see in the village in Mancs tends to be two gay men having a lovers tiff in the street.
I have seen it many times and we always laugh at them when we do.
Tonight it was my turn LOL

We looked a right couple of pillocks

I know you shouldn't feel like this after breaking up with someone, but i actually feel happy today.
It's like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders.

I might still have had 20 text messages saying sorry and 'can we talk', but as far as i am concerned it's over and i can move on.
And i didn't need a brick or a body bag.
Easy.

Crunch time

Right that's it, I've made my mind up, tonight is the night.
I'm gonna bite the bullet and tell him.

I may need a couple of drinks first but I've gone over it in my head and with a bit of luck, and if i can keep my nerve, I'm gonna be all nice and kind about it but end this farce once and for all.
I shall avoid the 'it's not you it's me' line, because as we all know it's not me it's him!.

Vilges suola suggested yesterday that i be direct and spell it out for him. But just as his bad points are obsessive infatuation, mine is a cowardice when i comes to confrontation, especially when it's with someone i quite like in some ways.

Reading this blog you may think i am a very forthright and opinionated person, but please remember, it's a blog, and i am not like this in real life. with the possible exception of the neighbour from hell i would run a mile rather than upset someone and this is what has got me to where i am now.

I think i will be honest and say that i probably rushed into things, and that i have been single so long that i don't really want a relationship right now because i am to young and blah blah blah.

If that doesn't work then I'll tell him he is doing my head in because he is a drama queen and a crazed stalker who is smothering me with calls and messages and is now gets on my tits.

But that is only plan B of course.
Lets hope plan A works first shall we?
Wish me luck