Gay or Not ?

Had a massive hangover on Saturday. I went to have my haircut in the afternoon and almost fell asleep in the chair. Which was a bit scary because all the people who work in this hairdressers have hairstyles that make them look like aliens. I think they practice on each other and experiment with styles. None of which look good. Why to hairdresses have the worst haircuts in the world?

Anyway i was glad to get out of there in the end i was feeling sick. Ohh the dreaded swill.

It didn't stop me going out again last night and after the first drink i was feeling a lot better ;-)).  I feel like shit again now though. :-(( LOL. Never again !. Until next week.

I went to Daniels today. The weather was brilliant again and his dad had his shirt off. He has the biggest man boobs i've ever seen on a man and i'm always transfixed when he gets them out. I wouldn't mind but he's not really that fat. It's just all on his tits. The fat sort of hangs under his arms. His mum was taking the piss out of his hairy back as well. She said it started just above his bum when he was in his 20s and sort of spread all over his back and shoulders. Daniel was mortified when i suggested that that's what he has to look forward to when he gets older. So we are now going the gym again next week and i've promised to help him shave his back if it ever starts to happen. LOL. I look at my dad sometimes and think the same though. He's not hairy but i don't wanna look like that when i'm his age. 

I saw a bit of Britain's got talent this morning. There was a little lad on who was about 12. He was very talented and sang really well. I know this is wrong to say about a 12 year old but my gaydar bell was ringing rather heavily if you know what i mean. And i smiled to myself.  If he doesn't grow up to be gay i would be very surprised let's just put it that way.

Later on whilst i was flicking through U tube i came across a clip of him singing again and made the fatal mistake of reading the comments. It made my blood boil. It seems that lots of other people thought the same as me but quite a few were homophobic arseholes. I wanted to find out where they lived and kick their fucking heads in. Bastards!.

Saying that, he's only 12 so i'm just as bad as they are, sticking a label on the poor kid. Why did i even refer to it?.

You forget don't you ?, Life carries on as normal, then all of a sudden something homophobic comes into view and you suddenly realise the world hasn't changed much has it ?. Things may have changed for me since i was younger and coming out. I'm a little less tolerant or shy of someone having a go at me nowadays for starters. Maybe that's why i don't get it as much as i used to?. But it's still there isn't it? 

Anyway judge for yourself.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xvUBUWM_UW4

or look up Ronan Parke.

Now, time to get in the garden again, the sun is still out and i'm gonna do a bit of nude sunbathing.
As if.

Homophobic Rants

I don't really look at my U-Tube Channel much. I just go on to watch stuff not meet people, chat or interact. I reply to no-one and take no notice of my mail.

I do log on properly every now and then though because you get recommended vids judged on the stuff you have already viewed and liked. But if i'm honest it's a bit like I Tunes recommendations. They are usually shit and bare no relation to anything i like.

Anyways i did have a look the other night and amongst the comments i removed from my channel were.

"die you fucking queer" and "i hope you get aids..the bad kind".

Nice eh ?. The kind ones just typed, " god that is so fucking gay!". As if it's a bad thing.

In real life (face to face) i'm sure we have all had the homophobic bile at some point or other in our lives. But nothing ever seems to compare to stuff that people vent from the anonymity of the Internet. I have to say that it's not just aimed at gay people. It's what happens on the Internet to almost anyone and i'm sure lots of other gay bloggers have had it.

When that woman put that cat in the bin a few weeks ago i saw posts by people who named her, gave her address, telephone number and ended off by saying "go get the bitch, she deserves to die". If you don't believe me take a look. How do they get away with that ?.

Anyway Since i started this blog a few years ago i've had everything from strange men wanting to pay for me to travel half the way around the world to meet them through to a thousand word rant on god hating gays and what i should do to repent.

The reason i am writing all this is because over the last week or so i've had emails that made me realise i need to be a bit more careful about revealing too much about myself on here.

I forget myself and get carried away. On facebook it's just family, on a blog it's anyone.

What was i thinking ?.  

I suppose i'm just the same as those bile filled toss pots who get a kick out of abusing people from the keyboard in their smelly bedrooms.
I forget that there are real people out there reading this stuff. Most of the time it's just water off a ducks back, but now and then it can get to you. Let someone stand in front of me and be a bit weird and i can handle it. Do it from the shadows and it's unsettling.
I need to look over this blog a bit more closely and remove stuff.

In Training

I Went back to the gym tonight. Bad Idea !.
I feel a bit sick at the moment. For some reason i stupidly thought i could start from where i left off. And after a heavy weekend and a crap day at work i think it was the completely wrong time to be going over the top with exercises.
I nearly chucked up after about 10 minutes, but had a rest, got my breath back and carried on. Now i feel all wobbly and weak.
I've skipped my tea and think i'll spend the rest of the night sitting on the sofa watching telly.

Actually it's a bit of a good (but weird) sort of feeling. I'm all flushed in the face and can feel the blood pumping around my body. Like a legal high.
On the other hand i feel like a chocolate biscuit with my cuppa so that was a fucking waste of 90 minutes don't ya think ?.

In the news over the weekend was the story of Last years X Factor winner Joe Mcelderry 'coming out'. Not a great shock as everyone in the world knew anyway and it was so bleedin obvious it was only a matter of time before we had the headline.
Even heterosexual people had their gaydar alarm going off at 100 decibels.
But the thing that amused me was the fact that a day later some gay guy was selling his story about his first kiss with him.
I can't quite work out whether this is a good sign that we are eventually integrating well with the rest of the world now that we have gay slappers flogging stories on gay men just like female slappers do it with footballers.

The only thing that offends me is that when it's a woman selling the story they have a picture to accompany it of the girl in nothing but bra and pants or maybe tits out sucking a finger.

This kiss and tell fella was fully clothed leaning against a tree. Now if they had him in a pair of speedos or with his cock out i'd say we've eventually turned the corner.

Gay Lesbian or Bi on TV

A lazy Sunday, i was gonna do the Garden but it was a bit overcast and i couldn't be arsed.
I took Daniel home and was gonna stay for the afternoon,but i couldn't be arsed.
I should have gone to the supermarket, but i couldn't be arsed.
I think you get the idea don't you ?.

I've been sat on the computer for a couple of hours now, which is ridiculous when you think that's what i do all week at work.
But its different at home. Theres more porn for a starters and it's like flicking through a book. Mindless at times and just something to pass the day.

I saw a survey on the BBC Website entitled "Consultation on the BBC's Portrayal of Lesbian, Gay & Bisexual Audiences".
It's a 5 minute question and answers thing where you can tell them what you think of them, so i thought i would give it a go.

It was quite good really, because normally with these things it's a straight forward box ticking exercise that you can tell is pre setup to make you give the answers that they want to hear. But this thing was full of questions and boxes that you fill in yourself and say what you like. Whether anyone reads it, or takes any notice is another thing mind you.

I Wrote that i was getting a bit sick of seeing only one kind of gay man on the telly. Camp, flamboyant, Acid Queens who refer to themselves as poofs, like Judy Garland or Madonna and only talks in double entendres.
I have no problem with people like that. But the BBC seems to think that Stereotype and gay are the same word. I suppose it's better than Dramas full of gays dying of aids, but i'm getting a bit bored of it. And i don't know about you but i'm finding more and more heterosexuals are slipping back into their old ways of assuming that we are all like that.

I couldn't say anything about Lesbians because if i'm honest there doesn't seem to be any on the telly. Or at least if there are they seem to be able to appear without shouting it from the rooftop.
And as for the Bisexual thing. I can't see any of them either.

Having written all that, i then went on Gaydar for a bit, spent some time looking at porn on Edengay and spoke to Rachel on the phone where we bitched about an Ex boyfriend of hers, before talking about how good her current one was in bed.
Perhaps the BBC have it just right. we are all like that deep down !.

Glad to be Gay ?

Saw a guy today at work that seems quite nice.
But he had dirty fingernails and it put me off.
Not just a bit dirty, i mean black as the ace of spades dirty.

This is one of my problems, being fussy about men. I can be put off the most beautiful of guys by the slightest thing. I've been told that it's because i don't like them enough or they are just not my type. But at the end of the day the reality is i'm just too fussy sometimes.

I once read an article in a magazine about the perils of porn. Written by a woman of course (what do you expect). In it there was a suggestion that men who view too much porn have problems having sex with real women because they don't associate the reality of sex with the fantasy. So for instance when watching porn there are no smells going on and when they indulge in the real thing it's nothing like their imagination wants it to be because at times sex can stink.

The reason i write that bit isn't because i watch a lot of porn. Although i do find myself knocking one off at least once a day. It's because i've always been a bit fussy with relationships in a similar way.
So for instance i might like the idea of having a boyfriend, but when it happens i want him to go away and come back when i'm in the mood for him.
The idea of someone pestering you for sex when your not in the mood sounds great, but If your woken at three in the morning and you've gotta get up in a few hours it's not the same. Reality and fantasy are two completely different things.

My nights out looking for a shag can go one of many ways.
I see someone, they look nice, i'm in the mood, they open their mouth and sound like a camp queen, i'm not in the mood any more.

I see someone who shows interest in me, i talk to them, they seem fine, i invite them round for a coffee, they start talking about their EX. I want then to piss off home again.

I meet someone, they come round, we talk very little, we have sex, they piss off and i never hear from them again because the phone number they gave was bollocks.

I see someone i like, we get on great, we have sex, he turns into a stalker who rings me every 15 minutes to tell me how much he loves me and does that annoying thing where they wanna kiss you in the middle of Asda whilst your filling your shopping trolley with Bacon.

I see someone i'm not keen on, they spend all night trying to get in my knickers, i have to eventually tell then to piss off because all the hints that i'm not interested don't work.

In fact i'm happy to be single. I'm seriously considering going down the Gaydar route. No relationships, no talking, no time wasting.
Just a shag and then i can get on with the rest of my day without being bothered by a partner.
Or am i just starting to get cynical ?. Is this what gay life is gonna be like ?.

Come out come out wherever you are

Sunny day today, so out in the garden.
Sunbathing with a can of Larger ?. NO. Gardening with a bloody lawnmower.

Anyone know where i can buy a load of paving stones for nothing ?. This thing wants turning into a huge patio.
On the other hand i did break into a sweat so it makes up for not going to the gym. I'm just gonna have to consider it a work out that's all.

I didn't get any last night again. I came home alone, Unused condom in pocket and had to finish myself off.
I think the main problem is that i live in a town that seems baron of any visible gay life. I say visible, because the place must be full of them, they just keep their heads down, or bugger off to the city when they want a night out.

One of the down sides to going to straight places is that you never know who is straight and who is gay. A pink top means nothing nowadays and neither does a trendy haircut and false tan. Everyone looks gay from what i can tell.
Even talking slightly camp is no measure of the man.

My pet hate about the Village in Manchester has always been that it's now full of tourists coming to look at the queers. Women on hen nights or just because they want to have fun without being pestered by men.
Only to spend most of the night pestering the gays with a patronising "oh isn't is a shame, if only you weren't gay"
Fuck Off !!
The flip side to the coin is the truly gay club or pub. This then turns into a sleazy cruising joint where going to the loo is like entering an orgy.

Anyway i'm rambling now, i've forgotten the point to this post. I thinks its a bit macho round here. Time to get back to Manchester. At least you know what your getting.
Better the devil you know.

Homosexuals on TV

As i watch TV this week it strikes me that we've come a long way since the 1970's type oo-er missus, i'm a man mad poof who is as camp as tits and spouts innuendo at every turn.
And thank god the hetero world is over it now and we can all live as normal as the rest of the world.

I'm not offended, i just can't tell the difference.

Who's the Daddy ?

I bought an old book off Amazon the other day.
Personally i prefer to read Crisp new ones in hardback covers. It's a much better experience i find, but this one was out of print so i went for a second hand one.
It stunk.
Old books smell. It wasn't a really bad smell, just old peoples hallways type of smell. I think i'll stick to new ones in future.

I spoke to Rachelle on the phone tonight. Haven't chatted to her in ages. She thinks she might be pregnant and is crapping herself. On one hand she wants it. On the other hand she thinks she's to young and not ready. Should have thought of that before you got jiggy with the boyfriend then shouldn't you love ?. It's happened before and we've had the same conversation back then. Luckily it turned out to be a false alarm, but one day it won't be.
Saying that, he's as fit as fuck so i think i would have struggled keeping my hands off when drunk.

Imagine if gay men could get pregnant ?. Would it make them sleep around less or would there just be a HUGE population increase overnight ?.

"Daddy, where did i come from ?" Stallions sauna on Saturday night son, i've no idea who your dad was it was a group session and it could have been one of at least 10 people.

I think i'm one of them

Everyone in the office is talking about the X Factor. For those that don't live in the UK, it's our equivalent of American Idol, Simon Cowshit and all.

It's the noisiest show on Telly and i always have to turn the sound down when it's on. Sometimes off completely when Jedward are singing.

I feel lost when people are talking about a show that i don't watch. It's like Soap operas or heavy rock music. It passes me by and i have no interest.

I once had a really strained conversation with a guy who started talking about what he considered to be "the greatest comedy show of all time".
As it turned out it was Mash. Never seen it, never been interested in it.
I'm sure it's brilliant, but not for me. It's a bit like Laurel and Hardy. I once found myself pissing myself laughing at one of their films and was hooked. I convinced Daniel to watch one with me. It was shit. They were about 60 in this one, and they looked like a couple of old men trying to act like kids. We both lost interest and turned over.

Anyways, i mentioned the fact that i wasn't interested and it was suggested in a humorous way that i perhaps was more of a Strictly Come Dancing Man.
Then they realised that it might sound a bit offence (your gay so you must like ballroom dancing) and it all went quiet for a bit.
I thought that was funnier than a Laurel and Hardy moment. People don't know what to say anymore do they ?. I knew they didn't mean anything by it, but they got offended for me.
LOL
You just know don't you ? when it's said in jest with no meaning, and when it's really meant to be offencive. Well i do anyway.

Gay Groups

I had an email from someone last night, sending me the address of the local Gay support group for when i move. Which was a nice thing to do but not something I would be interested in.

If you are a member of one of these support groups you might not want to read this next bit, and I apologise before hand for my comments.
A couple of years ago in my coming out phase I toyed with the idea of going to one of these meetings to get to know people. I didn‘t have the guts to go through with it but in the bumf i read on the net it said that after the meeting they all usually went on to a certain pub for a couple of drinks afterwards to socialise and get to know people more, and anyone interested was welcome to join them.
So I went for a drink in the same pub at the same time to observe and see what they would be like.

All I could see was a man with a beard in a anorak, two extremely camp guys laughing loudly, two lesbians holding hands and three bald men in their sixties wearing suits. I can’t say they were all part of the group and perhaps they didn’t bother going to the pub this particular night so none of them were actually members, but if put me off completely. I wanted people I could relate to, not this lot. It was like the Adams Family.
I know that is insulting to a group of people who are doing their best to help others, but it’s how I felt at the time.

It's a bit like going on a blind date. Much better to meet people naturally in my mind. I'll either meet them myself or i won't.
Besides even getting my end away and finding totty is currently at the back of my mind at the moment.

And i never thought i would ever hear myself say that !.

Bi Straight or Gay ?

Britain's Tom Daley won a gold medal for diving yesterday. A fit young man in speedos on the telly so he must have that obligatory question about his sexuality. It doesn't seem to happen to ugly celebrities or women, but good looking boyband members, film & sport stars always have rumours flying around about them.

I remember about a year ago seeing a Question on Yahoo answers that asked - Is Tom Daley Gay, Bi Or Straight ?.

The answers posted ranged from 'definitely straight' to 'only he and his sexual partners can answer that one' through to 'who cares'. But as he was only 14 at the time i was surprised no-one actually said 'maybe even he doesn't know yet'.

I know other gay men who say they knew they were gay practically from the moment they were born. Personally it didn't work that way for me. Maybe i was a bit backward or something but even though i knew i was different i still hadn't really come to terms with it at 16. I even had girlfriends, and not just for show either. I liked them, just not the same way as i liked boys.

Then i thought i might be Bi and if i am honest it was a worse feeling than being gay. If you are Bi you don't really fit in anywhere do you? straight people think you are gay. Gay people think you are really gay but edging your bets and trying to pretend you are straight. There are no Bi Clubs and Websites (not free ones anyway, i know i remember looking once) where you can meet other bi people. And you can offend both women as well as men if you mention it to anyone.

Thankfully i realised that i didn't like women. Not personally, i mean sexually. I could do it but i didn't want to because i felt absolutely nothing. In some cases it was like doing it with a sister. Not only was it not sexy, but it just felt wrong. And the thing that knocked it home for me was when i fell in love with a guy (more of a crush really he didn't reciprocate). The fact that i could have that sort of feelings for someone of my own sex yet never ever have even the inkling of the same towards the opposite showed me that maybe manlove is the road i should be walking down.

When i was trying to explain all this to my parents as i came out i didn't actually go into all this detail obviously. I just kept saying the word Gay. It's a wonderful word gay don't you think ?. It explains who you are in a sort of none sexual way. Poof suggests camp, Queer is the same. Arse Bandit is too graphic and rams home the sexual side of it (excuse pun). And Homosexual has the word Sex in it. Parents don't want to hear the word SEX when discussing their children, any more than their kids wouldn't want it used when discussing their parents lives. Because as we all know our parents never have sex or orgasms. At least my parents don't. My brain won't compute the idea, They just don't, end of.

My school bully was probably the first person in the world to realise my sexuality long before even i did, with these wonderful words of wisdom he shouted out in class as i was talking to Nicola Taylor

"your wasting your time love, he prefers cock"

All these years later i can honestly say, spot on Stuart Higson. how did you know, Gaydar ?.

Home Truths

Went round to mum and dads tonight. (I have to some times).

Dad usually buggers off into another room and doesn’t speak but tonight we were both trapped in the kitchen together because my mum was on the phone to a friend and standing in the way of the door.
For forty five minutes she yattered away to someone, and at the end of it she said ‘anyway, ring me later and we’ll talk more when I have time’

For that full forty five minutes me and dad exchanged the odd word of pleasantries that included, how the weather is, how the weather has been, how it will be this weekend, how it was earlier in the year, how the weather was last year and how weathermen are shit at predicting anything.

After moving on from meteorological maters we talked about a bird that sat on the garden fence and was scared off by a cat, how Tescos is better than Asda for shopping and why brown bread lasts longer than white.
Then he eventually got bored pushed mum out of the way and disappeared upstairs whilst I sat on my own waiting for mum to stop yakking.

There was a time when we got on like a house on fire, but not now. Neither of us know what to say to each other any more. I tried to think what we used to talk about before, but i can't really remember.
All i know is that we don't feel comfortable in each others company anymore.

Sad.

Patsy

I write that i had a night out in Leeds last night, but in actual fact we didn't really see much of Leeds we just seemed to walk up and down one street, moving from pub to pub.

It must be 12 months since i last visited this place, i was just following the girls, Simon's sister Jessica and her friend Karen.
I went to school with Jessica but didn't know Karen.
She is man mad and ended up dragging us both from one place to another following a guy she fancied.
He seemed quite nice but not worth trailing all over the place for.
At one point i had the dreaded, 'will you ask him for me', conversation.
This is something i am asked to do often when out with women and i hate it.
In fact i refused, going up to a guy and saying 'my mate fancies you' is something that you do when you are 12 not 24.

In the past i have even been asked to say it to guys i have fancied myself, and on one occasion in the village in Manchester i was asked if i could check that someone was really gay because the girl we were with was gonna try it on with him if he wasn't.
It can be great fun being out with women, but sometimes you feel like you are the token Patsy.

Camp call

I met my mate Simon in the arcade at lunch time today and went for a Coffee.
I'm going to Leeds later on tonight with his sister and her friend.

He reminded me that Steve's birthday is next Tuesday and although there is no party, we are all gonna meet at Sammie's and go for a few drinks to celebrate.

Sammie's mom and dad don't like his friends calling to see him, they are very anti gay and don't like camp queens turning up at the door so me and Daniel are always pushed to the front when it comes to knocking.
We are none camp and can get away with seeming straight, but Simon sounds like a woman and has a bad habit of wearing cloths that make him look like a peacock, he can't help it, it's just the way he is.

As we sat in the cafe i noticed he had been plucking his eye brows again.
he looked a pillock.

Pornstar in the making

I have been given the opportunity to earn £200 for two hours work.
Unfortunately this involves taking off all my cloths and performing on camera with an old guy whilst his husband films it all. When i say old, he looked early 40`s.

LOL, Some of the messages i get when i log on to Gaydar are unbelievable
Thank god he didn't contact me after a bad day at work. I might have taken him up on the offer.

In fact Gaydar is just a flirt for me, i don't take up many offers, they have to be exceptional or i have to be in a really horny mood.
If i wanna meet i prefer in person. Photographs and profiles lie.

In the past three visits to this site i have been invited to London for a week, asked if i am rent, offered to be taken on holiday to Italy, would i be interested in joining a gang bang that is taking part in Stockport on Friday night ? and would i send my dirty socks and underwear to someone who will pay good money in return ?.

The answer is no, no, no, no and YUK!.