The acid test

Went to see Steve tonight and Ryan was there. He still hasn't forgiven us for some row we had weeks ago, which is no surprise cos he likes to wallow in things like this and will drag on a grudge forever if he can.
I never really liked him anyway, he is best described as a non camp acid queen. By this i mean that he takes great pleasure in belittling other people and has no idea when to stop.

Perhaps he does know when to stop, but that is only when the other person is in tears.
He will tease people mercilessly until they either punch him or cry.
If they do cry then it makes his day. If they punch him he can disappear up his own backside looking for sympathy, and the next few weeks he turns all 'poor me'
Horrible, horrible little git.

I have told him what i think of him before so we avoided speaking to each other. Then his mum appeared and everything fell into place. I have never met her before, she is a female version of him.
She works as a nurse at the local hospital and was telling Daniel (who's friend is training to be a nurse) all about it.
"It's great working nights, all you have to do is to move the dead ones" and that just about explains her attitude to the job.
Before she left she took the piss out of Steve's mums curtains and made a joke about how Daniels driving was so bad.

I resisted the temptation to tell her how fat her arse was and that she looked like a ugly old slapper.
Maybe next time.

Gym'll Fix it

Another night at the Gym, and i'm aching a bit now.

I have tried this all before and the novelty usually wears off after a couple of weeks. The only difference this time is that it's cheap and i pass the place on my way home from work, so no excuses.
I met Daniel and we spent an hour or so pretending to lift things and push stuff about as if we knew what we were doing.

Then a guy called Chris came over and started chatting. He is obviously a regular at gyms and was a bit of a body builder, he looked about 50 and had skin like leather.
Actually he just looked fat to me, it wasn't until i saw him in the changing rooms afterwards i could see how big he was.
Steady now, i meant his muscles. LOL.
He started giving us advice on what equipment to use for which part of the body and recommended certain things we should try. When he went away Daniel said he thought he was a bit of a perv who was trying to get off with us. But he always thinks that about anyone over 30 who talks to us nicely.
After we came away from the gym i gave Daniel a lift home and his mum invited me in for my tea.
We then ate Beef Stew and Dumplings, followed by Apple Pie and Custard.

It's a good job we are going to the gym just to keep fit not lose weight.

Summers day

At dinner time today we all sat out on the grass. For about half an hour the clouds disappeared and the sun came out.
It's amazing how sun can cheer you up. If it wasn't for the sound of traffic whizzing passed in the background i could have shut my eyes and imagined i was in a field in the middle of nowhere.
Then someone spoilt my fantasy and reminded me it was time to get back to work.
In this country i think all work should be stopped -by law- when the sun comes out. It's not as if we would lose many working hours, we see so little of it.

Ten minutes later it was pissing it down.

Home Truths

Went round to mum and dads tonight. (I have to some times).

Dad usually buggers off into another room and doesn’t speak but tonight we were both trapped in the kitchen together because my mum was on the phone to a friend and standing in the way of the door.
For forty five minutes she yattered away to someone, and at the end of it she said ‘anyway, ring me later and we’ll talk more when I have time’

For that full forty five minutes me and dad exchanged the odd word of pleasantries that included, how the weather is, how the weather has been, how it will be this weekend, how it was earlier in the year, how the weather was last year and how weathermen are shit at predicting anything.

After moving on from meteorological maters we talked about a bird that sat on the garden fence and was scared off by a cat, how Tescos is better than Asda for shopping and why brown bread lasts longer than white.
Then he eventually got bored pushed mum out of the way and disappeared upstairs whilst I sat on my own waiting for mum to stop yakking.

There was a time when we got on like a house on fire, but not now. Neither of us know what to say to each other any more. I tried to think what we used to talk about before, but i can't really remember.
All i know is that we don't feel comfortable in each others company anymore.

Sad.

Gym Bunnies

Steve's dad has opened a gym.
He looks like a wrestler, has tattoos on every available piece of skin (yes, even there apparently), has a head like a billiard ball and looks like the top half of his body came from the incredible hulk and the bottom from mini me. Although he is very nice to me I wouldn’t want to cross him or meet him up a dark alleyway.
I hear he is the type of bodybuilder who uses drugs to get his physique rather than any form of proper exercise but I wouldn’t dare ask him about it.

Anyways he has opened his own little gym and is letting me and Daniel join for next to nothing.
There isn’t a lot of equipment there and it’s really just three rooms, shower, gym changing facility and looks like it’s set up in an old garage.
It’s a million miles away from JJB’s and Fitness first and is frequented exclusively by men only.
I don’t mean gay men, I mean rough buggers from housing estates over the age of 30 who don’t speak and are there purely to make themselves look like they could kick sand in your face without you daring to react back.

When I used to go to Fitness first people dressed to impress, even though they were sweating like pigs, they wore the right uniform of expensive trainers, track suits, I-pods and all.
These lot look like they just stepped off a building site and the only music you hear comes from an old cassette and speakers in the corner. The Jam, The Specials, UB40 and Sex Pistols were tonight's treats from the past.
Perhaps they ain’t in their 30`s, maybe they are in their 50`s.

We went for the first time today and kept our heads down, it was a bit intimidating at first but once they knew we were friends of the owner it was ok.
I’m not sure I will be going there alone though.
The fantasy of getting in the shower with this type of man might not be as exciting as the reality.

Belly Boy

Saw Lucy and her boyfriend today.

I don't think Lucy knows i fancy her boyfriend because if she did she wouldn't even allow me to talk to him.
Not that he would be interested, it's just her, she is a bit of a jealous type.
They were taking her little sister for a walk and at one point Michael (that's his name) picked her up to sit on his shoulders.
As he did her foot got caught in his t shirt and lifted it up slightly revealing a naked belly and a little bit of chest before it dropped down again.

Lucy knows i'm gay and made a crass remark about covering himself up in front of me and we all laughed.

But actually i did get a good look and i have stored it away for future use.
It was all flat but not muscly, an inward belly button and that sort of hair that runs down from the button and disappears into you pants to join the rest of your pubes round your knob.

It's amazing, i only got a millisecond of a look and i can describe it in detail.
It's a man thing, anything sexual and the brain springs into action.
Sums, work, or where you left your keys and it's forgotten immediately.

Ashton Kutcher

I just spent what seems like hours now changing the format of this blog.
Everyone Else's look better than mine so i though i would try and tweak it a bit.
With the help of a fellow blogger, who sent me this template, i changed things round and buggered about with it and, well, i think i preferred it as it was before.
What do you think ?
It's shit isn't it ?
I'm not gonna turn it into a picture blog, but it does mean i can post bigger ones if i want i suppose.
But what a waste of a couple of hours.

Blackpool for the day

Not a bad day today.
I feel a bit guilty, but relieved at the same time, so a call to Daniel this morning and time to make the most our bank holiday weekend.

I think Daniel is happy it's over too. It's only been a week but it's the same as when he had a boyfriend, it gets in the way of our matey relationship.

We put together and topped the car up. Forty quids worth! of petrol and drove to Blackpool for the day.

What a dump this place is turning into. The smell of fast food and piss is everywhere.
Apparently it was Blackpool Pride last weekend -which is a laugh in itself- so we missed out on that. Never mind, I'm sure it's like Manchester Pride but probably a bit more down market.

Meeeeoooowww, I'm sounding like an acid queen all of a sudden.

Anyway there were no gay men parading through the streets in their underpants and no drag queens staggering round looking for a shag.
Which for Blackpool is unusual in itself.

There were hundreds of old fogies and men with tattoos though. In fact there were quite a few women with tats as well i seem to remember.

Anyways all we did was walk round and round in circles, ate crap, threw some coins away in an arcade on the Pier, and wandered round the pleasure beach.
We would have liked to have gone into some of the bars and drank a bit, but we spent all our money on petrol, which was a stupid thing to do because it didn't need £40 of petrol to get to Blackpool, we should have put 20 quid in and saved the rest for drinkies.
But i wouldn't have been able to have any more than one or two anyway, and i did get the best part of the deal in the end because i still have a car half full of petrol when we got back.

There was a little hassle from some kids in a cafe though when a group of little scroates came in and were mouthing off.
They couldn't have been any more that 11 or 12 years old. But they were throwing straws and shouting abuse at people as they came in.

A big guy came and sat near us and one of the little brats sang to him, "me thin, you fat, me small, you twat" and they all laughed at him.
Daniel had a red top on and they thought he was a Man United fan (which made me smile because Daniel has absolutely no interest in Football whatsoever) and they were shouting crap at him about how shit Man U are.
Daniel agreed with them and then slapped one across the face as we left for being cheeky.
The little one got even more mouthy and i though we were gonna end up taking on a group of 11 year olds in a mass brawl in the street.

Trust me when i say that although they looked about 11 or 12, they were not little sweet and Innocent 11 or 12 year olds, they were tomorrows prison fodder and i was getting a bit scared if I'm honest. When he said he was gonna get his dad we legged it.

As we disappeared off into the distance one of them called us a couple of puffs.

So even at such a young age it's comforting to know that at least one of them had already started developing his gaydar.

We pissed ourselves laughing all the way home in the car, imagine being scared of a few kids, LOL.

Anyways it was a day out and a nice change, i have a touch of sunstroke but apart from that everything is great.
Better still the phone stopped ringing.

Bliss !

Looking for a friend

I have decided to give up on men for a while.
There are too many weirdos out there.

The End

Well that went down like a lead balloon didn't it ?.

I thought it would, it's my own fault for waiting until we both had too much to drink.

I met him early on, but we were with friends so i couldn't say anything then. I tried to be a bit standoffish for most of the night and he could tell there was something wrong.
So we went outside for a chat.

I said that i liked him and i didn't want to fall out with him, but i wasn't ready for a relationship.
After the drama of the past few years i was settling down and wanted time to myself.

I have just realised that you might not know about my life before this blog in it's current format, so perhaps i should explain a little. This is a resurrected blog from quite a while ago that i eventually deleted and left dormant.
I originally started it when i came out. Or should i say was dragged out.

I won't go into all the details again, but i was well and truly in the closet and was outed by a so called friend. My family and many of my friends were -and in some cases still are - very anti gay.

It resulted in me falling out with my family and losing a lot of long time friends. I left home and ended up in this flat on my own and at one point had no job.
My dad took it the worst and still isn't really speaking to me properly and i haven't seen my best mate from ever school since.

Even now thinking about how it was just turns my stomach and i would have quite happily have jumped off the nearest bridge if i had been brave enough.

Anyway, i have new friends now, some of my family are talking to me, and the rest can sod off.
It's taken some time but I'm happier now, and i think that is down to the fact that i have less drama in my life.

Things are getting back to normal. I don't wake up in the morning with my stomach churning. and i don't jump when the phone rings in case it's someone else slagging me off for being a bender.

I don't want any more hassle, in fact if i am honest i don't think i can handle any more drama.
It would do me in for sure.
I want to have fun that's all. I don't want to settle down, i want someone who will make me laugh but won't expect anything from me.
I still don't even know how i feel about being gay myself. I mean, i am gay, but the thought of having a full on relationship with a man leaves me cold.

I don't mind having sex with them and i do fancy men. But are you gay if you just see men as sex objects?.
I'm rambling now, so back to the subject at hand.

Anyways, i told Brian all this and it seems he has heard it all before. In fact i might as well have said 'it's not you it's me' because he thought i sounded as contrived and obvious as anything he had heard from previous boyfriends

Sadly i moved onto plan B and started to tell him what was wrong with him (well he asked).
He was smothering me with constant text messages and phone calls, it was as if he thought that having my number meant he could speak to me anytime, anywhere. Like some sort of umbilical chored we were connected by it.
If he thought of something he wanted to say he would ring or text there and then, and god help me if i didn't reply immediately.
I had met him on the Friday and by the Saturday he was playing at husband and wife.

In the end we had a screaming showdown and i said it's over and i didn't want anything to do with him any more.
It made me laugh afterwards because amongst the most sad & pathetic sights i see in the village in Mancs tends to be two gay men having a lovers tiff in the street.
I have seen it many times and we always laugh at them when we do.
Tonight it was my turn LOL

We looked a right couple of pillocks

I know you shouldn't feel like this after breaking up with someone, but i actually feel happy today.
It's like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders.

I might still have had 20 text messages saying sorry and 'can we talk', but as far as i am concerned it's over and i can move on.
And i didn't need a brick or a body bag.
Easy.

I think i need cheering up

Crunch time

Right that's it, I've made my mind up, tonight is the night.
I'm gonna bite the bullet and tell him.

I may need a couple of drinks first but I've gone over it in my head and with a bit of luck, and if i can keep my nerve, I'm gonna be all nice and kind about it but end this farce once and for all.
I shall avoid the 'it's not you it's me' line, because as we all know it's not me it's him!.

Vilges suola suggested yesterday that i be direct and spell it out for him. But just as his bad points are obsessive infatuation, mine is a cowardice when i comes to confrontation, especially when it's with someone i quite like in some ways.

Reading this blog you may think i am a very forthright and opinionated person, but please remember, it's a blog, and i am not like this in real life. with the possible exception of the neighbour from hell i would run a mile rather than upset someone and this is what has got me to where i am now.

I think i will be honest and say that i probably rushed into things, and that i have been single so long that i don't really want a relationship right now because i am to young and blah blah blah.

If that doesn't work then I'll tell him he is doing my head in because he is a drama queen and a crazed stalker who is smothering me with calls and messages and is now gets on my tits.

But that is only plan B of course.
Lets hope plan A works first shall we?
Wish me luck

Drama

I'm always a bit depressed mid week but this time i also have the added problem of what to do about Brian.
Sorry to keep going on about him, but he is all consuming at the moment and things are going from bad to worse

I have tried hinting that he should back off a bit, i have tried telling him, i have even shouted at him to stop fucking texting me every five minutes, but nothing works.

On top of all this there seems to be none stop drama in his life, and he wants to get me involved in it too.
Tonight i got a call asking me to come round immediately because his ex boyfriend had heard he is seeing someone else. They had a massive row and his ex put a brick through his kitchen window.
The Police had been called and he had cut his arm on some glass.
I refused, which resulted in him first crying, then getting angry. Men crying are a massive turn off for me, he did it again, something else that turns me off him.
He might as well have sat on my face and farted.

I eventually put the phone down on him but an hour later he turned up at my door.

He said he was sorry and then went into a long monologue about his past life with his ex boyfriend and how he was glad to get rid of him and i am ashamed to say i started to get really bored with it all and wanted him out of my flat asap.

I don't know if he wants me to feel sorry for him and so get closer, but the exact opposite is happening.
I have enough problems of my own and my life is only just settling down after my own drama of the last couple of years so i don't want to take his on as well.
I managed to resist sleeping with him tonight, in fact it didn't even cross my mind, the neighbour from hell would have had more chance of fiddling about with my dangly bits than he had.

It didn't seem the right time to do it tonight, but i have made my mind up, he has to go.
Can i do it gently or is it gonna be nasty ?

I think i have learnt a valuable lesson this week. I feel like crap and it's my own stupid fault.
So now i have to think of how to handle this situation.
Sit down and have a serious talk man to man, or hit him over the head with a brick and dump the body in a lake ?
Mmmmm Not an easy choice is it?

Cheer me up

Pictures of pretty people help to cheer me up.

What to do

Daniels brother is a dirty git.

He is the type of guy who throws his socks against the wall and if they don't stick he knows he can still get a couple more days wear out of them.
I, on the other hand, am obsessed with cleanliness and will re wash cloths that i only tried on for a few minutes to see if they will go with something else i am wearing.

So when i was offered the opportunity to share a caravan with him, Daniel and his best mate this bank holiday weekend i turned the offer down flat.
I can't think of anything worse.
But i will have to think of something to do this weekend, I need to escape Brian.

I wonder if i can get any last minute flights to Afghanistan?.

Hideaway

Brian Knocked on my door tonight and i pretended i wasn't in.
How pathetic is that?.

It was like something from a sitcom as i crept behind the sofa in case he looked through the letterbox to see if i was there.
It was a good job i did because he did look through the letter box to see if i was there and was shouting hello at the top of his voice as well.

I seem to have been bombarded with text messages from him today, all of which require an answer.
And if i don't answer i get a snotty 'why are you ignoring me?' follow up text.

I didn't invite him round tonight, he just decided he wanted to turn up out of the blue, which is something i hate from anyone.
Daniel knows to ring before he comes round and gets a bollocking if he doesn't and even my mother makes appointments before popping in.

I know that sounds bad but I think most people like a little warning before visitors arrive. Not that i was doing anything, but it would have been just as well anyway wouldn't it?

Why was i lying down behind the sofa though?, why didn't i just answer the door and tell him to fuck off?.
He eventually went, but then my mobile was ringing most of the night until i plucked up courage to call him back and tell him i was out and had left my mobile at home.

So just to recap. I am lying about not being at home and not having my mobile with me, whilst hiding at the back of my sofa in my own flat and stuffing my mobile inside a cushion to muffle the ring tone.

I get the feeling this relationship is doomed, don't you?

Don't stop the music

I went with Daniel to see his Auntie Jean tonight, anything to get out of the house and away from Brian.

Auntie Jean is a normal person in most aspects, but after talking to her for a while the subject turned to music.

It doesn't interest her. She has never ever bought a CD or even a Record, doesn't listen to the radio and couldn't care less whether she hears it from one day to the next.
Even as a child when her friends had pictures of bands on the wall, she wasn't interested.

I find this totally weird. She may as well have been telling me that she never eats.
I spent most of the night quizzing her to see if it was just certain types of music, or perhaps she hadn't yet found something that she liked. But no, she just doesn't listen to any music and is quite happy with that.

My god, the woman's a freak!
I can't imagine it, it's such an alien thought i couldn't really register it in my brain. Imagine not liking, or caring about music?. Imagine not wanting to hear it even now and then?.

It was like telling a actor that 'Shakespeare is shit', or walking into a pub in the middle of Liverpool and shouting 'The Beatles were crap!'.
She was swimming against the tide with me on this one.

Even now i can't register the thought.
Someone not liking music, NO MUSIC, ANY MUSIC!

Someone call a doctor, quick!.

Not Funny

Daniel is loving it.

He knows Brian and he knows what i am like. According to him, we were an accident waiting to happen and it's all gonna end in a car crash or a wedding, because we are totally opposite to each other when it comes to relationships.

I know what he means, today i met Brian in town and the first thing he did was to try and kiss me in front of everyone. Worse still he couldn't understand why i wouldn't hold his hand in the street outside.
I'm not openly affectionate like that. I hate to see others being all sloppy in public as well.
They should either get a room or strip off and get down to some man on man action while we all watch as far as i am concerned. Just save all the lovey dovey kissy cuddly stuff for their own private place.
I'm gonna have to bite the bullet and tell him that this is not working.
But i just slept with him again tonight.

Shit!

Oh boy

Pretty Person