Old undies

Going to the solicitors tomorrow to pick up my Cheque. A thousand pounds isn't exactly a life changing amount but it does mean i don't have to worry about paying my gas bill this time.

I was sorting out some old cloths to give away to charity. That sounds good doesn't it ?. In fact it's just easier to drop them off in a sack outside a local charity shop than it is taking them to the tip. But what do you do with old undies ?. I had some i've not worn since i was about 14. Why keep them ?. Old bits of paper and ordinary rubbish always goes straight in the bin, but cloths linger in a bin bag or at the back of a drawer for ages. I tried these undies on and it felt like i was trying to squeeze into a small sock.

If you came to see me tonight you would think i'm a poor person living on nothing. I Bought a packet of digestive biscuits form Morrisons last week. When I came to empty them into the biscuit barrel (yes I have one, how posh am I getting ?)
I opened the packet and they all fell out like dust from a vacuum cleaner. Broken bits everywhere but mainly crumbs. Obviously someone had dropped the packet at some point and kicked it round the shop a bit before I bought it, so by the time it reached my house what should be solid biscuits had the look and consistency of sand.
I couldn’t be bothered to take them back to the store so over the past week I’ve been picking out all the biggest bits to eat with a cup of tea until I reached the point where all that was left was a big mound of crumbs.
As I type this I am now using a spoon and finishing off the rest.
A cup of tea and a spoon full of Mcvities Digestive just doesn’t seem the same.

Homosexuals on TV

As i watch TV this week it strikes me that we've come a long way since the 1970's type oo-er missus, i'm a man mad poof who is as camp as tits and spouts innuendo at every turn.
And thank god the hetero world is over it now and we can all live as normal as the rest of the world.

I'm not offended, i just can't tell the difference.

Surprise Surprise !

I'm in shock tonight.
I have been given £1000 in my uncles will !!
I never expected anything and it's come out of the blue. What can you say to that ?.

I'm quite touched really, and i must admit i felt a bit emotional when i was told.
Of course my mum and dad have been doing that "make sure you spend it wisely, put it in a high interest bank account..." thing.
I did imagine a big bender one weekend but i'm not that stupid.

I also feel a bit awkward because since he died i haven't been to the grave.
I don't think he's there. He only went once and they buried him in it. I have no memories of my Uncle in a graveyard so why go ? is my take on it.
My mum has been loads of times and it's turning into some sort of chore. I can see here getting to the stage where she feels guilty for not going, which is stupid.

Anyway the dosh is going into the bank and will be my cushion should anything go wrong and i need it. I'm trying to imagine it's not there, which it isn't yet of course because i haven't got the cheque yet.

What a happy surprise. As my father used to say when he feigned surprise.

"well bugger me!"

P.s. Since i came out he seems to have dropped that phrase for some reason.

Why is everything so old ?

There is a fella i've seen around a lot who had a look that doesn't normally do it for me, but for some reason it worked on him.
Long blond hair in a sort of heavy rock fashion with a pretty boy face and ripped jeans. I saw him today and he's cut it all off !. He looks like a bald monkey and that pretty face actually looks a bit weird and podgy now.
It's funny how a haircut can change your looks isn't it ?.

The local paper prints pictures of Old Halifax all the time.
But all these pictures were taken in 1910 or something like that. I assume they think that the readership of this rag ranges from 80 - 100 because i never see any old shots from the 70s, 80s or 90s.

My dad loves books full of pictures of old Oldham. I assume because he can be all nostalgic and remember shops and streets as they were when he was a kid. But i always thought the same of these books as well. All the pictures seemed to be from the fucking 1900s and i'm pretty sure my dad isn't that old.
Looking around the town center, even the bloody electric lamp posts are designed to look like gas lamps, the houses are built to look like they have been around for a 100 years. The street signs look like something from 1460. Even some of the shop front writing is marked out old style which just looks silly when your selling flat screen telly's and mobile phones.
Don't get me wrong i'm not for going too modern, but i still can't get my head round why time is supposed to have stopped in 1920.

Mambam Says Relax

I am feeling a little weak and under the weather after my nice quite relaxing weekend.
I now need a nice quiet relaxing Sunday night to get over it. So to fill a gap here's a picture to remind me of the summer. It seems so long ago since i last saw a ray of sunshine and weather warm enough to wear any less than four layers of clothing. I'm beginning to forget the joys of looking at strangers prancing around showing a bit of naked flesh.

Wet my whistle at the weekend

The weekend starts here.
I'm in party mood tonight. Don't ask me why. I have no reason to feel happy, it's just one of those days. I'll be back to my normal depressed self Monday so lets make the most of it shall we ?.
I'm out on the town in a couple of hours and i'm going over to Mums on Saturday (Daniels later). So off goes the heating at my place and all the money i would save on gas and electric will be swilling down my gob the next two days.

I watched a TV program the other night about saving money through energy efficient means. They picked a family with three young boys and amongst the suggestions made the oldest boy (about 13) was told he must spend less time in the shower. Apparently he could be in there for up to half an hour !!. If the kids saved money they could get 10p each a day for their piggy bank, if he still spent half an hour in the shower they took 10p back.
Now maybe i'm making presumptions here, but when i was 13 i'm sure i would forgo any measly 10p for a wank in piece. I bet he spends more time having a shit from now on.

I don't know how we got onto the subject but there was much discussion about tattoo's in the office today. A snap survey of the room found that no one had any so couldn't really say whether they were a good thing or bad.
Personally ive never really bothered about wanting one. I've had others try pressurise me into having one but i could never see the point. It's like branding yourself with something that will look out of date in a few years time. I know a guy who had one showed me his (oo-er missus) and it was a sort of design that shouted 90's acid house smiley face rave scene. Tattoos can date you in the same way that old cloths can.

At night when your drunk, the Town Center looks like a magical Christmas tree of lights and music, happy people, sexy people, hustle, bustle, excitement.
During the day it looks like a hearse and coffin are about to drive pass at any time and a more depressing dump you would be hard pushed to find.

Who's the Daddy ?

I bought an old book off Amazon the other day.
Personally i prefer to read Crisp new ones in hardback covers. It's a much better experience i find, but this one was out of print so i went for a second hand one.
It stunk.
Old books smell. It wasn't a really bad smell, just old peoples hallways type of smell. I think i'll stick to new ones in future.

I spoke to Rachelle on the phone tonight. Haven't chatted to her in ages. She thinks she might be pregnant and is crapping herself. On one hand she wants it. On the other hand she thinks she's to young and not ready. Should have thought of that before you got jiggy with the boyfriend then shouldn't you love ?. It's happened before and we've had the same conversation back then. Luckily it turned out to be a false alarm, but one day it won't be.
Saying that, he's as fit as fuck so i think i would have struggled keeping my hands off when drunk.

Imagine if gay men could get pregnant ?. Would it make them sleep around less or would there just be a HUGE population increase overnight ?.

"Daddy, where did i come from ?" Stallions sauna on Saturday night son, i've no idea who your dad was it was a group session and it could have been one of at least 10 people.

Suckered in

A guy knocked on the door tonight with a clipboard in his hand. He had a name tag on the jacket lapel of his suit and called me sir. He then proceeded to bid me a good day and mentioned how cold it was at the moment.
This is the worst possible scenario for someone walking up my drive. It stinks of salesman trying to flog me something and before he even opened his mouth i must have given him the look of someone about to stab him with a knife. If it weren't for the fact that he was actually quite good looking i probably wouldn't have opened the door (damn he got my weak spot).
In fact he was supposedly offering government grants to households in the area for cavity wall and loft insulation. I still didn't trust him and wouldn't let him past he door but i did consider it.
Even when i'm confronted with something i consider to be my mortal enemy (pushy salesmen) i'm still a sucker for a pretty face. I told him to come back tomorrow night.
(i'll make sure I've put clean bed sheets on my then ;-)).

Sometimes, when there is bugger all going on in your life it's difficult to blog. I can sit at the keyboard and stare for a while thinking to myself, what happened today ?.

I still have the time to blog and still wanna post something, but bloggers block hits and you don't know what to type.

Then it occurred to me that something is missing here. I started this blog as an online diary. Not specifically for you the reader (let's face it you don't know me anyway) more for me.

The difference between an old fashioned pen and paper diary and an electronic one, is that you don't just have to write things. I can (and have) posted pictures and video & music in the past. But it hasn't always related much to the online diary theme has it ?. Let's face it pictures of eye candy are just that, eye candy, and bear no relevance to the text on what's happening in my life at the time. I suppose i could say that i've definitely knocked one out to these pics so it does have a bit of a diary reference doesn't it ? Yes i hear you say, so they can stay.

On the other hand if i post music it's something i am definitely listening to now, or reminds me of an event i've attended or night out. so that can stay as well.

The next thing to look at is video. I think i need to avoid bog standard U-tube, and post more things i've uploaded myself of anything from stuff I'm watching on TV or personally recorded to the area i live in or stuff i see.

Expect a few changes, more additions than subtractions, but blogs get boring if they don't progress i find. For the blogger more than the reader.

This video clip just shows the pervert in me. I only watch this show because it has a tendency to show nudity from time to time and filthy perverted sex on a regular basis.

It's a man thing i suppose and something i've done for years, i've watched whole 2 hour boring foreign films on the hint that there will be to naked men having sex somewhere in it. Now how pathetic is that ?

Single and Gay

I don't know if it's anything to do with my Uncle dying a couple of weeks ago, but I've been having some of those 'where is my life going' type of thoughts recently.
I don't mean work or home, i mean relationships.
Am i gonna be alone for the rest of my life ?. Do i wanna be alone forever ?. Or am i happy to be single and stick with friends on the end of the phone when i need them ?.
I have written in the past about being quite happy to be single and how, when i have had a partner, it's made me feel a bit smothered and wanting to be single again, so what's all that about ?.

I know someone who dumped a girl because she went to the toilet and left a smell. I've finished with guys because of the way they scrape the plate at the end of lunch.
I've taken boys home who look pretty but have nothing between the ears and turned down guys who i get on with like a house of fire and made me laugh, but didn't hit it in the looks department.

But it's all superficial and i'm starting to think i should have just stuck with 90% personality with 10% fanciability, instead of the other way around.
I can't quite work out tonight if i'm reviewing my opinion of being single. Or just lonely for a shag.

LOL

Too young to to drink

Changed my mind and decided to go out last night. I was bored.
It was bloody freeeeezing everywhere, but all the girls still wandered round with their tits out and arses showing.
Blokes don't really do that do they ?. Why not ?. Tops off for the lads i say.

I went over to see Ryan for about an hour or so at his local pub. It's one of the few places he can get into because he recons he looks too young to get in anywhere else and keeps getting turned away. That's probably because he is too young and should be turned away. Imagine what it must be like to live in America ?. You can't drink until your 21 i think. On the other hand they can drive around in cars the size of buses when they are about 12, so that seems a fair swap.

A girl down the street has been waving and saying hello as we pass. She's about my age and seems really pretty, but i hope it's not what i think it is.
I'm gay luv. sorry but your barking up the wrong tree. On the other hand i could be getting up my own arse, maybe she is just being friendly. I'm conscious that just because a pretty girl is nice to me that i don't naturally assume she's trying to get off with me.
On one level it's nice to be liked, even if it's someone your not interested in. I have noticed more heterosexual men doing this over the years. The ones who say they are not homophobic and gay friendly always enjoy the attention. Tell them they are good looking and you can see them feigning fake horror.

Whilst inside they obviously love it.

Gay, not coming out

I've decided to stop in tonight and do nothing. After watching President Tiger Woods giving his Press conference at the Whitehouse (well that's how it looked) i'm gonna give the Live Episode of Eastenders a viewing, with fingers firmly crossed in hope that one of them forgets their lines and makes a complete tit of themselves.

It's the most boring, depressing, patronising PC soap on the box so i don't normally bother with it.

Every gay character must have a gay storyline to go with it, just like any black or ethnic resident. I'm waiting for the storyline where one of the Muslim family members fight their conscious and toy with the idea of becoming a terrorist. Trust me, it'll happen you mark my words.

It reminds me of the time Gay drama first started to hit the small screen. They all ended up dying of aids or getting beaten up after coming out.

TV is actually crap at the moment, but Friday nights (when you wanna go out) is the one night they seem to make some sort of effort.

I'm gonna bugger about with my recorder so i might post some video over the weekend, just for something to do.

Hope you all have a good one and get up to something a little more exciting. Have a great weekend ;-)

Confessions

No time to blog today but i would like to leave you with my Tip of the week.

Never confess to killing someone on prime time TV. You'll get into trouble.

Big Puff

You can always tell when a celebrity is getting old. The interviewer announce their age as if it's some kind of state secret and then the audience gives them a round of applause, presumably to congratulate them on reaching that age without dying yet.
You expect that of someone in their 80s or 90s i suppose, but the other night i saw Jeff Bridges get a patronising clap for being 60. Daniels Dad said, "that's not fucking old, people will clap any old shite, what does he want, an award or something ?".

Daniels Dad moans constantly and is sometimes quite funny with it without knowing. I've never noticed it much before but over the weekend i saw more of him than i normally do and it suddenly stood out more than it normally does.
He thinks The Prime Minister Gordon Brown is a one eyed twat and The Winter Olympics is just people winning medals for sliding up and down. "they wanna get to Washington, those buggers know what snow is, not these silly sods wrapped in plastic sliding down hills on tea trays!"

I spoke to Daniel on the phone tonight and in the background i could hear him complaining about the news and how they are reporting stories that are not news in his eyes.
Then Peter Mandelson (Gay Politician)must have come on screen
"Peter bloody Mandelson, i can't stand the bloke, the big puff....no offence Daniel, but he is"
Daniel just tutted and we continued our conversation.

It may sound strange, but i wish my relationship with my dad was like that.
I know that in print it sounds like a terrible thing for him to say but It's not really like that and at least they can talk about it in front of each other, and Daniel can answer back.
In my family it's as if the word gay should never be mentioned in case we all disappear into a parallel world where the sky's are falling in.

If my dad had said something similar there would have been a deafening silence as he suddenly realised what he had said and then my mum would have changed the subject fast.

Gym Buddy

Another weekend over and another week begins.

I've taken a bit of the advice people give in the comments section of this blog (i do read them all honest) and decided to take a closer look at my bills to see if i can cut them back a bit. Perhaps change utility companies and shop around for cheaper car/home insurance.

That last section isn't very interesting blogging i know, so on to something a little more fun.
Ryan is going to the gym LOL!. That may not sound funny to you, but if you knew him you would know that it's not something you expect him to do. As you can imagine i have volunteered my services if he wants someone to go with, but he said he's going with his twat of a mate.
His mate is called Pete and i suspect he is the one who really wants to go to the gym, he's slightly overweight and when he was at school his nickname apparently was Peteloaf. Ha!!. I know that shouldn't be funny, but i don't like him so it is.
Ryan on the other hand probably needs to put some weight on. The only thing i can see him getting outta going to the gym is to grow the odd muscle.

I could help him there as well if he would let me. :=)

Prisoner

Blu Movies

Daniel has been great over the last couple of weeks.
It's at times like this you find out who your mates are. Someone suggested once that he would be a good housemate to share the bills with.
We'd kill each other !. We get on great, i like his company, he's my best friend, attractive, loyal, and we spend just about enough time together before we know it's time to walk away and part for a few days.

Tonight i'm going over to his place because his Mom & Dad are away for the weekend on a romantic anniversary trip to Paris.
So, as we are both skint and can't afford to go out, he's bought a couple of bottles of wine and we're gonna stay in and watch Blu Ray on his huge HD TV with surround sound and all that shit.

Do they do any porn on Blu Ray yet ?. I haven't seen any if they do. They say that with HD you can see everything warts and all. I don't fancy seeing any warts, but the all would be good.

The only problem with Daniels house is that it's very fluffy and women like. His mother has drape curtains and fluffy rugs, cream carpets and ornaments everywhere. You daren't turn round in case you knock something over. No shoes are allowed in the main room and he rarely goes in there himself because he's always being told off for not using coasters for his drink or putting his feet up on the chair. It would be so easy to leave a stain on the sofa as it's a light cream fabric and the cushions look like bloody mattresses.

It's really nice i suppose, but hardly practical.
Note to self - try not to spill any fluids. Not that we will be doing i might add.

Fantasy Sleep

You know what it's like when you can't sleep. It's three in the morning and all you can hear in your head is that fucking tune from the Go Compare TV ad going round and round like a stuck record in your brain.
I never slept a wink last night. Obviously i did, it just didn't feel like it. No matter how much i told myself to stop thinking of things, 3 seconds later i'm thinking things.

Stupid things that i can't do anything about at three in the morning. I even had an argument with my next door neighbour from Oldham, who i never see anymore, about some rubbish left on the step.

In my dream thoughts i actually hit him over the head with a metal bar and killed him, then disposed of the body on the moors. This dream was slightly more entertaining than those fucking Go Compare ads but left me wide awake. Well it would wouldn't it, if you just topped someone ?.

I'm running short of cash at the moment, what's new ?. I need to find some other source of income. Last night whilst flicking through gaydar i even looked as a couple of commercial profiles for companies looking for escorts and porn stars. It was all fantasy stuff of course. Like most people i wouldn't have the guts to do it and in all honesty it's like everything else on gaydar, a flirty fantasy.
But i need to think of something serious to top up my bank account. I just got my gas bill this week and it's crippling me.

Knock one off

It's been a weird couple of weeks.

You may have noticed i haven't blogged. Well those that bother to read stuff and not just look at the pictures might have done anyway.
I feel a bit fed up and i'm tired of traveling to be honest. I couldn't be bothered to blog. And now that events have passed i can't be arsed going over the past couple of weeks to update things.
Life goes on, people go on and it's not long before you return to the monotony of daily life.

To be honest i'm happy to get back to some sort of normality really. Since my uncle died everything has been turned upside down. Even having a wank seems like i'm being disrespectful.

How long do you leave it after the death of a close relative and their funeral before you knock one out ?. I'm ashamed to say in my case it was about 48 hours

I won't be bursting back into the blogesphere full tilt just yet. I'll just upload something when i feel like it. Meanwhile i'm off to bed with a box of tissues and a need for some tension release.

In need of some light relief

Burial

The funeral was yesterday. There were quite a few people at the church but less so at the burial.

The Church was freezing and the whole thing went on forever. We sat there listening to solemn music for a bit all quiet. Then one of the smaller kids started playing up and screaming he wanted a wee. So someone took him out.

It didn’t seem personal and was all religion. People whispering to each other and shaking hands or hugging each other. Then going through the motions as if they knew what they were doing. You never know when to sit down or stand up and even though you have the words to the hymns in front of you , you don't really know the tune so arn't sure how to sing it.

At one point i saw one hymn and thought to myself, thank god it's just a short one. Then it turned out that the last block of text was the chorus and had to be sung in between each of the previous versus. It went of forever!.

During the ceremony there was the sound of muffled crying. Then the priest said a few words about him, but you could tell he didn’t really know my uncle and was reading from a script made up from quotes and stories that people had given him. At one point he referred to my uncle as someone who was a bit of a joker. In fact he ONCE played a joke on my Auntie. Everyone remembered it mainly because it was so out of caracture for him. He never played jokes on people and didn’t really like that sort of thing. Then the Priest waved a canister thing with incense over the coffin and nearly chocked everyone with the smell. Now that would have amused my uncle.
My mum cried a fair bit. I've never seen her like that before, My Grandma was even worse.
The cemetary was a horrible place. Not one of those really nice walk in the park burial grounds. This was like a derelict field. All overgrown graves and bushes. People were falling over staggering through the grass to get to the hole. He would have found that funny as well. But it did make me think this is not how it should be. Other peoples Funerals are never like this, why did he wanna be buried here?. This was like a walk through a tip, There was even a small skip by the entrance.

As i looked around there were relatives i haven't seen in years. We only get together at weddings, christenings and funerals and don't really have anything in common with each other. Some looked older and fatter, others grown older and more attractive. One of my aunties kids is now about 18 with looks to die for. The last time i saw him he had a pizza face and acted like a spoilt brat. A Cousin i haven't seen for years and don't really know said hi and asked how i was. "we've been hearing a lot about you" he said. I bet he has. That side of the family love a bit of gossip, i'm pretty sure they think i'm a rent boy in my spare time.
Afterwards we went back for the wake. It seemed weird and more like a party than a funeral.
I came a way early, i didn't like it.