Lack of sex

In the time i have been away i have little to report. Still no boyfriend. Only had one shag (and that was more a rubbing up and down session because the bastard was too pissed to get it up). Work seems to be getting really quiet all of a sudden, Everyone is in panic mode. recession is starting to seep through to us.

We have filled out our ESTA forms needed to get a visa for America later in the year, which was embarrassing in itself because the questions asked of my mother and father included
Have you got Gonorrhea or Syphilis ? and Have you ever been arrested for a crime involving moral Turpitude (we had to google that last word because my mother had no idea what it meant). Also, i've started painting the outside of my house !.
I've borrowed a ladder from someone, bought some paint and am swinging from the rafters trying to stop the wood rotting any more than it currently is by covering it up with Gloss.

I've decided i'm not a heights person. the troughs and fall pipes are getting no more than a lick. It's a white knuckle session just climbing up there.

It's not long since i started blogging again after a short break, but i'm finding less and less time to update this page.
I'm in two minds whether to bother. I don't know if it's because it's the summer and i'm out and about doing things more. Or am i just losing interest ?.

This is my second attempt at blogging, i've deleted it once before and started again. I won't do it this time but it seems like a bit of a tease to pretend i'm still here when in fact i'm out doing far more exciting stuff elsewhere.

Expect more intermittent blogging in future. Maybe just weekly, i haven't decided yet.

Strip

We still haven't sorted our visas for American yet so i have been summoned to my parents at the weekend to help them fill it in online.

Apparently the cheeky buggers are gonna charge for a visa from September so we need to sort them out before then.
I'm dreading it. My parents are useless when it comes to this sort of thing, they know nothing about the internet and can't understand why you can't just write something in when it's a tick box only form.
We've been through it all before and i end up getting annoyed.
My mum once gave me a 20 page booklet and asked me if i could fax it on the Internet to my auntie Barbara in Cleethorpes.
Trying to explain to her that it wasn't quite as simple as that was like trying to tell a caveman how television works.
In the end she said she would ask Uncle Eric to do it instead "it will be less hassle"
It took him a week to scan it and get it ready before he got back to ask for the email address to send it too. Mum didn't have it so asked him to look it up on the phone book.
It turned out Auntie didn't even own a computer....

Had a call from Daniel tonight asking me if i wanna go see a stripper on Friday !. LOL.
There is a private party for a mutual friend in Mancs and they have arrange a strippagram for her. I suppose we could just pop in and have a look couldn't we ?.
Must remember to take my camera ;-).

Bukkake Surprise

Bored bored bored.

It's been pissing it down this morning, but as i type this bit the sun has come out and it's made me think i need to get out and about a bit more today.
So i've rung Daniel and i'm heading over to Mancs tonight for a blast. It'll probably be a bit of a cheap night because obviously he is skint at the moment, but you don't need money to have a good night do you ?.

I suppose it depends what you get up to ;-)

Been listening to some old Skool music this morning whilst i vac up, clean the house and do my washing. Fucking hell, how cool does that sound ? All the things you have to do when you don't live with your parents any more. Suddenly you realise what they did. Or should that read as, suddenly you realise what your mom did ?. For instance. The bathroom mirror suddenly looking like someone has given it a bukkake surprise and three feet of dust on top of picture frames.

I feel like moving back home again.

It's funny how you still call it home don't ya think ?. My room is still called my room, and when i called to see my parents last time i was a bit pissed off that my dad was turning into some kind off office. So that chances of me moving back are starting to deminish anyway.

I wanna tell you a dirty story

As life starts to settle down again after our recent drama i'm suddenly struggling for things to write about.
Other than the excitement of swotting a fly in the kitchen today and treading in some dog shit whilst cutting the grass last night, i can't think what else to write about.
I even considered making something up, but couldn't think of anything interesting. I never re-read any blog postings, and don't look back over this blog. but for inspiration I did tonight and thought i was just talking shit most of the time. But that's fine, that's why i blog. To let the shit out.

I'm not the type of person who reads story books so making up stories would be difficult for me anyway.
But i once tried (unsuccessfully) to set up a story blog ages ago. The story itself was to be a sort of seedy, sexy, murder mystery type thing. Not Pornographic, but certainly the sort of thing that would get an 18+ certificate at the cinema (i'm laughing at myself as i write this). I had just watched a gritty British film on the telly about gangsters set in the 60s. I can't remember what it was called, but i liked the idea of it and wanted to write a story on a similar theme, but with a gay element. I even included the odd picture to set a scene,(none Nude) and thought about posting a chapter a day or once a week.
What the fuck i thought i was doing i don't know but i actually wasted a whole night on the computer doing this (snigger).
I think i wrote three short chapters and then gave up bored like i normally do when i get a bee in my bonnet.
Wanna have a laugh at the first chapter ?.

Well i actually found it saved on the system last night. I never deleted it !, just moved it into a draft unpublished folder. LOL.
So here is chapter one. Don't worry there were only three chapters and it didn't go anywhere, but it makes me laugh to read it back. I think i just caught bloggers D.O.G. (delusion of grandeur). I must have forgot that it's just the fucking Internet and i'm not Steven Spielberg. LOL. Embarrassing isn't the word. It might amuse you if nothing else

Chapter One is here

In Training

I Went back to the gym tonight. Bad Idea !.
I feel a bit sick at the moment. For some reason i stupidly thought i could start from where i left off. And after a heavy weekend and a crap day at work i think it was the completely wrong time to be going over the top with exercises.
I nearly chucked up after about 10 minutes, but had a rest, got my breath back and carried on. Now i feel all wobbly and weak.
I've skipped my tea and think i'll spend the rest of the night sitting on the sofa watching telly.

Actually it's a bit of a good (but weird) sort of feeling. I'm all flushed in the face and can feel the blood pumping around my body. Like a legal high.
On the other hand i feel like a chocolate biscuit with my cuppa so that was a fucking waste of 90 minutes don't ya think ?.

In the news over the weekend was the story of Last years X Factor winner Joe Mcelderry 'coming out'. Not a great shock as everyone in the world knew anyway and it was so bleedin obvious it was only a matter of time before we had the headline.
Even heterosexual people had their gaydar alarm going off at 100 decibels.
But the thing that amused me was the fact that a day later some gay guy was selling his story about his first kiss with him.
I can't quite work out whether this is a good sign that we are eventually integrating well with the rest of the world now that we have gay slappers flogging stories on gay men just like female slappers do it with footballers.

The only thing that offends me is that when it's a woman selling the story they have a picture to accompany it of the girl in nothing but bra and pants or maybe tits out sucking a finger.

This kiss and tell fella was fully clothed leaning against a tree. Now if they had him in a pair of speedos or with his cock out i'd say we've eventually turned the corner.

Single still

Got loads of hassle from a couple of acid queens on Saturday night.

The only thing that stopped me dropping one of them was Daniels little incident a while back.

But i was definitely tempted. Why do some gay men think they can act this way ?.

I think they had been watching too much TV and assumed that it's they you act when your a camp fucker.

I wouldn't mind but they couldn't have been older than 17 at the most.

Little shits.

This trip to America at Christmas is now on. I'm going with my parents and a few others, Daniel was asked, but as you can imagine, he's skint.

I've been adopted by a cat. I don't know who's it is but whenever i come home from work it's there waiting for me.

I give it a stroke, tickle it under the chin and then fuck off inside.

But it then climbs onto the window sill and watches me from the outside.

I don't know who's it is (a family down the street i think) but it's black, and black cats are supposed to bring good luck. I could do with some of that so it can get as many tickles as it likes.

I wonder what it would be like to come home to a fella i could tickle ?.

My sex life is none existent at the moment. I seem to spent to much time watching porn and not enough doing it.

On one hand I'm happy that there is less hassle. On the other, you can't beat the real thing.

Get well too soon

Daniel came over yesterday.
He seems a lot happier now, but he tends to be able to put things behind him a little quicker than is healthy I think.
It’s always been the way. One minute he’s suicidal over something, but when you help him out by sorting it for him he forgets about it almost immediately and is super happy again instantly.
He’s not putting it on, he really is depressed and really does feel happy again. But the change is too quick for my liking.
I don’t think he realises that his financial problems are only just beginning and that there hasn’t just been a quick fix.
Mark my words, in a months time he’ll be all depressed again when he realises that for the next five years he’ll be paying off his debts on top of his normal bills.

On the plus side, he’s lost a bit of weight with all the stress and worry and looks as fit as fuck all of a sudden. LOL.
We were both laughing about it.
There are upsides to no food and sleepless nights.

One of my bosses can be really annoying when it comes to leaving the office for a meeting or to visit a customer.
He'll tell you he is going, but 20 minutes later he's still pissing about making calls and sorting things out.
Not because they need to be done there and then. In fact he's probably spent the past 3 hours doing bugger all. But for some reason all those little jobs need doing just before he goes somewhere.
He can do more work in that half an hour before leaving the office than he's done all day. Then he'll go for a piss, ask if anyone needs anything whilst he's out, make another quick call, tell you he’s going again for the 12th time, start talking to someone, read a bit of the front page of a newspaper that someone has left lying around in the canteen, ask again if anyone needs anything. rings the person he's going to visit to say that he's on his way, gets involved in another piece of work whilst he's still at his desk, and so it goes on.
Sometimes he'll piss about for so long that he'll eventually say that it's too late and wont bother going at all.
This has nothing to do with me, doesn’t effect my work and is just something that goes on in the background whilst I’m busy. It matters not one iota to me whether he stays or goes..
So why does it piss me off so much that after about an hour of this I just wanna scream "WILL YOU JUST FUCK OFF !"

DJ on the Radio Blog

I've just finished reading a book by Simon Garfield called The Nations Favourite.
If you live outside the UK it would probably be a bit of a meaningless read for you because it's the true story of a famous and popular UK BBC Radio Station going through a huge change from it's staid old fashioned DJs and music of the past through to supposed young trendy audience and Jocks of the future.
It's quite funny in parts and interesting if you know the people it writes about, but the thing that amused me the most was the backstabbing self opinionated prima donna behaviour of DJs who, lets face it, just talk for a living in between playing other peoples music.

For some reason some of them actually thought that the nation waited with baited breathe for the words they spouted every day in between Billy Joel and the Beach Boys. And many couldn't understand why they couldn't still be playing music on a station aimed at 15 to 25 year olds, even though they were now in their 60s.

But any time i've ever met a DJ they always turned out to be a tosser anyway. I nearly went out with one once who worked in a pub in Bury. Then i saw him playing one night and couldn't get over the fact that he spoke with an American accent on the mic.
The final straw came when he told a joke and it fell flat. you could practically see the tumbleweed blowing past as he slapped a record on quick to cover his embarrassment.

Then i think to myself, isn't that what this blog is anyway?. Someone elses pictures instead of music but still with me waffling away about any old shite in between.
Am i a tosser ?. Well i'm definitely a Wanker i can confirm that analogy for a start. :-)).

But i think I'd like to be a DJ. How much hard work could that be?.

It's 4.23 on a warm Thursday afternoon here in the UK and your reading the Mambam Blog. Earlier on i'll be writing about a fat smelly man with black socks and well be looking at some gay erotica that bares no relevance to the blog postings attached.
But for now... heres a picture of a half naked man by Ev Dylan.
Fffffwwwwooooooorrrr !!!

Older Gay Fat men

After a great June we've now settled back into a typical English summer. Pissing it down every 5 minutes and Cloud all over the place.
But it's also warm so your caught between getting wet and feeling cool or sweating your arse off but covering up.
I wished i lived somewhere else.
I imagine hot country's with hot guys walking around half naked. But the reality is probably fatties in tight T Shirts.

On Saturday i went to the Supermarket and there was a huge sweaty scruffy man looking through a bargain bin full of DVDs. He was about 30ish, unshaven, dirty finger nails and hair down to his shoulders (even though he was bald on top). he wore a stained Def Leppard T-shirt that hardly covered his belly, Had jeans that sagged round his bum, black socks, slipper (?) and the hairiest arms and ears i've ever seen on a man.
Worse still he stunk to high hell and i wasn't even walking past him, i was at least three feet but the pong still managed to hit me. He can't have had a wash in 6 months, and with all the hot weather and all....
Yuk !. You wouldn't wanna be rummaging round in his underpants thats for sure. LOL. Anyways the reason i say this is because i know someone who really goes for big men. OK, he's a bit of a chubby chap himself, but he's actually got a bit of a fetish for older fat guys with beards (his words not mine).
I wonder what he would have thought of this guy ?. Imagine sucking on his toes...
BBBBBBlllllleaaaark !!!!! I think i'm gonna be sick.

Computer Back up and running

No time to blog, I'm testing my repaired and rejuvenated computer now that it's back in it's rightful place, on the unit, in the front room, 6 feet away from the telly that's playing in the background.
God I've missed you. Never ever go away again you little bastard.
Now then, where were we before we were so rudely interrupted.....

Dick Tate

My computer has gone down on me (i wish) . So thats why im phone blogging but im getting it back tomorrow after all the porno viruses are cleaned off my hard drive.

Got a new app for my phone today called dictation. It's a voice recognition program where you just speak and it types it out for you.
So to try it out the next bit is copied direct from that.

"As I dictated this blog entry I'm driving home from work the problem with dictating a blog entry instead of typing it is that you've got to think about what you want to say otherwise you end up with a warm air and Andy Cole comes out gobbledygook whereas when you type out the blog entry you can think about what you're going to say as you go along and collect things easily on the other hand it will be interesting to see whether it can translate the words shaped fork bollocks and hairy moles"

It doesn't really work does it ?

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Lasagne sandwich ! Why ?

Yuk !!


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Sexual positions

Whats the best thing about screwing a guy?When you reach around you think you've gone all the way through.

That was An SMS text message joke sent to me today by a friend.

Probably because I'm the only gay person she knows.
I didn't reply because I didn't have my phone with me at the time and was busy working anyway so I hadn't read it yet.

Then I got another text message later asking if i thought it was offensive.

And later still a call to say sorry for sending it.

Bloody he'll some women are paranoid.

Besides I don't do reach around, I like to be face to face. Hetero people have one image of gay men having sex and it's rarely the way I screw.

I know one gay friend who will not and never has had anything up his arse.
And Daniel once told me he's not a big fan of testicles LOL.

To late now boy. Chin up.

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Phone sex

At the top end of my satellite receiver there are dozens of porn channels and a string of phone sex shows where you get some topless slapper sat with a phone in here hand trying to entice a hapless guy to part with £1.50 a minute whilst wacking of & chatting to her about dirty knickers or something.

I'll never understand why, not just from a gay point of view, more for the £1.50 a minute point of view.

I don't see any queer versions of it, probably cos you could find millions of gay men willing to talk filth for free anywhere you like.

In fact if you think about it you can probably get someone to have gay sex for free easily and anyone looking to make a porn film would get a string of men willing to perform for zilch as long as you weren't fussed about looks or hygiene.

It's a wonder male prostitution still exists in this day & age. Gaydar is the napster of the rent boy world me thinks.

Anyway the reason I write this is because I've been pissing myself laughing at what women think is sexy for men.
Talking in a deep raspy voice and bobbing up and down grinning like a mad woman at the camera. Heterosexuality makes laugh sometimes.

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Scruff bags

Phone blogging for a bit. It might not look pretty but its words.

Thanks for your comments by the way. I do hear you and will take your advice. I just can't work out how to reply to comments via my phone yet.

I'm single again by the way.
To much time spent on sorting Daniel out and not enough on him. In the end he found someone else to screw. Or should that be he found someone else to screw him.
That reminds me of the most cutting put down I ever heard from a mate dumping his boyfriend.

"you were getting a bit slack anyway" ouch!

I've been on gaydar a bit as well to drowned my sorrows. All I get are fellas in their 40s.
Not actually taken the plunge mind you. I'm still listed as living in Manchester so anyone interesting is miles away.
I'm told I should try grindr for my mobile but I'm only flirting and looking for cheap thrills. The fact that guys live too far away makes me think again. If I could see someone online who lived 100 yards away I might not think before I leap.
Saw a guy in the shop this week who looked as fit as fuck. As he walked past I got a really bad whiff of BO.
He stunk. There is a downside to hot weather. I felt like chasing after him and sticking some deodorant in his pocket.

Beauty and cleanliness don't always seem to go hand in hand. Some of the prettiest people I know are scruffy bastards.
you imagine smelly old men and fresh clean you guys but from my experience it's usually the other way round. (not that I've had any old men).

Quick Update to the update

I have a few minutes spare, so for anyone who still looks in on this blog i thought i would let you know what happened.

The guy was ok in the end. In fact he seemed to make a bit of a miraculous recovery from what i hear. which seems strange because one minute they are making out he's in serious condition, the next he's out of hospital. WTF ?. You don't get better that quick surely ?.

He doesn't wanna press charges or take things further for three reasons. 1. he was a bit of a twat and well known to the police, so, neither he nore his family wanna say anything. 2 he's also on some sort of parole after being involved in a violent incident himself in the not to distant past. and 3. Getting battered by a queer doesn't help your street cred very much.

It's not as simple as all that of course because the police are already involved and you can't just tell them to forget it and lets all pretend it never happened shall we ?. I know no more because i haven't spoken to Daniel about it for weeks now. It's sort of something he doesn't wanna talk about. So everything i have written above could be bullshit and he might be on the verge of being locked up with the bad men next week for all i know.

But as a side issue (not really) it has also come to light that Daniel is in massive debt. He's run up a few credit cards and owes thousands. I wouldn't mind but it's not as if he's got anything to show for it. The stupid twat. No big holidays, flash car, big house, cloths and jewelry for him. NO, this idiot just frittered it away on nothing. A night out here, a meal there, some new Jeans, Cheap Christmas or birthday presents for people. Maybe the odd DVD or some Shit off Ebay.

Then he pays the minimum on the card and it builds up from there. Its not as if i ever saw him flashing the cash. How did that ever happen ? It's thousands !.

Anyway with the help of his mum and dad, he's sorting this out with an IVA (individual Voluntary Arrangement) to pay it back sometime between now and forever.

They aint paying it for him, he is. so that's his life fucked for a few years. If he doesn't end up going to prison of course.

On one hand i feel sorry for him, on the other i'm really angry.

But probably not for the reason i should be.

I'm annoyed that i'm supposed to be his best mate and i didn't know. He didn't say anything to me and i never had a clue.

From a selfish point of view i feel like i've been lied to and considered less of a friend.

I know i'm not, but you get the idea. If you found out your best mate had a secret side to him that he never told you about, how would you feel ?.

Hang on a minute that last line touched a cord. !

Update

To much happening no time to blog right now. The guy is ok, Daniel is ok but there are other things he needs to sort out as well. I knew there would be more and it involves money.
Will return to blogging when things settle down a bit,
but for now I need to take a break.

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Found him

Had daniel knocking on my door tonight, he came across on the bus!.
Really worried. He was in a right state. He's been ignoring all calls to his mobile, including his mum.
no news of the condition of the guy he smacked but I told him he's not dead and we need to go back and sort this out.
Apparently there is more but he won't tell me about it. He looked like he's been crying.
Have called his parents and we are going back over when he gets outta my shower.


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Drama

Houston we have a problem.
As amazing as this may sound we have a situation unfolding here.
Daniel has punched someone outside a pub. Some guy was being abusive with a couple of his mates, a row followed that turned into a small fight.
Unfortunatly one punch from Daniel knocked the guy to the floor where he banged his head.
The latest info we have is that the guy is in intensive care and Daniel has gone missing thinking he's killed him.
I can't believe I'm writing this, it sounds like something from a film.
More to follow when I hear it.



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Smelly weather

It's amazing how a bit of sun can cheer you up.
It's been a scorcher this weekend and ben is burnt to a cinder. I tan quite easily if I could be bothered to sit in it, but I don't.

It's also a bit hot and sticky having sex in this weather. Not that it shouldn't always be, but I'm touching noone in this heat until they've had a shower first Lol. That's my OCD kicking in again.

On saturday night the smells were overpowering. I didn't mind the fellas, most of them just overdid the deoderant but the women were horrendous. Half of them must have had a bath in perfume before they came out, and it was that horrible floral flowery type stuff. Eeeurrgh my gag reflex was struggling to cope at times. Ladies, a little is nice, a lot just stinks.

I've been lucky enough to get out of the office today. Normally I'm sat sweating my arse off indoors on hot days and out when it pisses it down. But not this time.

Then I stood in some dog shit and no matter what you do it's permanant. I could hardly breath in the car.
Fucking dog owners!.

Ben is gonna stop at my place over the upcoming bank holiday weekend.
Let's see if we can live together for three days and still like each other afterwards.


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