Went round to mum and dads tonight. (I have to some times).
Dad usually buggers off into another room and doesn’t speak but tonight we were both trapped in the kitchen together because my mum was on the phone to a friend and standing in the way of the door.
For forty five minutes she yattered away to someone, and at the end of it she said ‘anyway, ring me later and we’ll talk more when I have time’
For that full forty five minutes me and dad exchanged the odd word of pleasantries that included, how the weather is, how the weather has been, how it will be this weekend, how it was earlier in the year, how the weather was last year and how weathermen are shit at predicting anything.
After moving on from meteorological maters we talked about a bird that sat on the garden fence and was scared off by a cat, how Tescos is better than Asda for shopping and why brown bread lasts longer than white.
Then he eventually got bored pushed mum out of the way and disappeared upstairs whilst I sat on my own waiting for mum to stop yakking.
There was a time when we got on like a house on fire, but not now. Neither of us know what to say to each other any more. I tried to think what we used to talk about before, but i can't really remember.
All i know is that we don't feel comfortable in each others company anymore.
Sad.
Dad usually buggers off into another room and doesn’t speak but tonight we were both trapped in the kitchen together because my mum was on the phone to a friend and standing in the way of the door.
For forty five minutes she yattered away to someone, and at the end of it she said ‘anyway, ring me later and we’ll talk more when I have time’
For that full forty five minutes me and dad exchanged the odd word of pleasantries that included, how the weather is, how the weather has been, how it will be this weekend, how it was earlier in the year, how the weather was last year and how weathermen are shit at predicting anything.
After moving on from meteorological maters we talked about a bird that sat on the garden fence and was scared off by a cat, how Tescos is better than Asda for shopping and why brown bread lasts longer than white.
Then he eventually got bored pushed mum out of the way and disappeared upstairs whilst I sat on my own waiting for mum to stop yakking.
There was a time when we got on like a house on fire, but not now. Neither of us know what to say to each other any more. I tried to think what we used to talk about before, but i can't really remember.
All i know is that we don't feel comfortable in each others company anymore.
Sad.
9 comments:
It sounds as if you both feel about the same way. I'm sorry you two are not as thick as thieves at the moment. But, with time I'd bet that will improve. In the meantime, it sucks. Can't think of the origin of the saying at the moment but, "this too shall pass" comes to mind. At the very least, though it's small comfort; many of us out here wish you the best.
I have a similar relationshop with my Dad. It's only me and him at home and apart from "do you want a cup of tea" that's about it 90% of the time. Other days we can chat for hours. Problem is, we have nothing in common so nothing to chat about! I get in from work and then go off to my room for the evening and then it's tomorrow. Other times I can sit in the lounge with him and chat all night! Father/Son relationships are a mystery.
I honestly do hope things work out for you.
Mac
And what has changed? Nothing. You are the same son they had before they knew you are gay. How long have they known? My mother had a fit about it when I came out, although she had to admit she couldn't pretend to be surprised. My dad never had any problem. Within a year or so, mum had come round and was even defending gay rights in public, and this was in the 80s when homophobia from politicians and the church was routine on TV and in the press. So give them time. My attitude to my parents was 'like it or lump it' but I could only be so defiant because I knew they would not disown me, or even consider it.
Are your parents religious by any chance? Christianity fucks with people's minds, I loathe it.
Thanks for your kind words everyone. I'm not exactly sitting here crying about it, it's just sad i suppose.
I think the fact that i don't live at home any more means i don't have to deal with it (or put up with it)anymore.
My parents arn't really religious Vilges,so they can't use that excuse. Mum is not as bad now, it's just dad. I think they were both brought up to see it as wrong.
But i don't think it is all down to me being gay. I think Mac hit the nail on the head, sometimes you have nothing in common, and right now i have less in common with my dad than i ever had in my life.
Imagine asking him advice on what to do about Brian ?
"I only had sex with him once dad and suddenly he's turned into a stalker, what would you do ?"
LOL
My son is my best friend. He tells me that I can talk enough for two people, so we still manage to have a decent conversation, if he runs out of things to talk about.
I am sorry things have worked out the way that they have for you. Maybe your dad will get used to the idea of who you are, and remember that you are indeed the same boy - his boy.
Have a wonderful day.
G =]
Thanks G. part of me would like him to read some of these comments.
But i wouldn't want either of my parents reading this blog.
Thanks god they don't even know how to turn a computer on.;-)
After my parents divorce, my father was my best friend. My absolute best friend. After he remarried, he tried to be my father again and less of a friend, which didn't work. At all. And when I came out of the closet, he became very distant.
It's still hard at times for us to talk and there are days when I would give anything to have him back as my best friend, but we work on our relationship. And it's getting better.
So sorry that you and your dad don't feel comfortable in each others company right now. Here's hoping that changes. Very soon.
mambam
I never speak to my parents, we have absolutely no relationship since I was 14 and now I live alone.
Most days that suits me just fine, but occassionally, just occasionally I wanna be part of a family. Keep trying man.
As always myy utter respect to you.
Have a good weekend
Nick
Stephen,
Everyone i speak to seems to have some sort of weird relationship with their parents, i sometimes wonder whether it would still be like this even if i was straight.
Maybe coming out was the trigger, maybe he can't me growing up and not hero worshiping him like you do when your a kid.
Nick.
I know what you mean, there was a moment there when i could have quite easily have followed your path. I was very angry myself for a while and nearly wiped them from my life completely.
It was all tit for tat stuff.
Must write more on this subject some time.
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