Friday, 31 July 2009

Weekend away

I am going to Halifax with Jack this weekend, we are stopping at his Mums & Dads house i think.
We will be going tonight and i am possibly stopping till Sunday so no post until Sunday evening i don't think. I say 'possibly' and 'think', because it depends on how things go. I'm not keen on staying with people i don't know. I like my own space and the idea of sleeping on the sofa or sharing the same bedroom as his brother fills me with horror.

Jacks brother has a big attic room and i'm almost certain i'm being lined up for sleeping up there. From what Jack has told me about him in the past he is a typical scruffy 15 year old boy. But now he is talking about me having to sleep in the same room as him he is back tracking and telling me how nice and spacious and light it is. He sounds like an estate agent trying to sell me a flat. I reserve judgement until then. I am even considering taking my own car over just in case. if it's crap i can come home. If i get a lift with Jack i'm trapped there with no option to come home.
Of course we still have the added problem of keeping things quiet about us both as well so that is awkward as well. But my main problem with it is not really wanting to stay over that's all. I know it's a bit selfish but i'm not really interested in his family, it's him i'm after. Oops did i just say that ?. Your not supposed to are you ?.
They are nice people, but ultimately they are strangers. Maybe over time...

Daniel still hasn't returned my call from the other night so i rang again. He wasn't in again so i asked his mum if she had told him i had called once. She said yes, but he has been out a lot lately. I'll give him till Monday and then i'm going round to see him.
No replies to text messages, no answers to his mobile and never at home. This is getting serious, the little shit. I think we need to clear the air. I would rather we has a stand up row rather than total silence.

Right, i'm gonna get my glad rags on, because you all know what time it is don't you ?

It's Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeekkkkkkkkeeeennnnnnddddd!!!!!!!!!!! (my spell check thinks i've lost my marbles)
I have just thought of another problem with stopping at Jacks parents house. NO SEX !
bloody hell. this is gonna be a really crap weekend i can just tell. ;-((

Thursday, 30 July 2009

Naked conversation

I went to the Gym on the way home tonight. The first time in ages and i feel a bit wobbly now. I have that shaky hands thing you get when you have overdone it.
Must remember next time not to launch into the same exercise regime as the one i had taken ages to build up to weeks ago.

Chris came to talk to me in the showers again afterwards. I wish he wouldn't, it doesn't feel right. The strange thing is i'm gay and you would have thought it would be quite happy to standing in the showers with naked men chatting away whilst i rub soap into me genitals, Not him, a heterosexual with an eye for the ladies.
Maybe that's why it doesn't feel right. I didn't get the impression he was interested, it was just a normal thing to him. If it were another gay man and i though i was in with a chance i probably wouldn't be so bothered because i would no doubt be flirting, even if i didn't fancy him.
Flirting with men you have no intention of having sex with and wouldn't touch with a barge pole is probably wrong, but enjoyable. Cock teaser i may be but it can make you feel good. It's an ego thing. After all half the entertainment of going on a night out is seeing and being seen. In other words feeling like people are looking at you and liking what they see whilst looking out for people that you fancy as well.
Everyone likes to be liked.
I wonder what he would do if i tickled his bollocks next time he starts talking to me ?. On second thoughts no, he is a big man and would probably twat me.

Rang Daniel tonight, he wasn't in, Asked his mum to get him to ring me when he does. Still haven't heard anything yet.

I fancied going for a drink but with no Jack about and no Daniel i didn't fancy it. I'm a social drinker not someone who drinks for drinking sake. I only drink in the company of others. I would never sit at home and open a few cans and get blotto on my own. I wouldn't sit in a pub on my own either. Sometimes you see old men with dogs reading the paper and drinking a pint slowly before going home. They talk to no-one, and do nothing. How sad.
Anyways, as there is no one to go with so i'm stopping in. I can't just spend another night in on my own.
When i get bored i start looking at doing things i shouldn't.

Wednesday, 29 July 2009

Sacked ?

Well that went down well.

I decided to knock my evening job on the head so thought i might give some notice and tell them when i went into work tonight. The intention was to carry on working until i wasn't needed any more. If they wanted me to carry on for a couple more weeks ok, if they wanted me to finish Friday, that would be ok as well.
In fact they were so pissed off that i was asked to leave immediately. When i say asked to leave i think piss and off where a couple of words used.
It seemed a bit strong considering the fact that they were busy and needed me, But Daniels Uncle is supposed to be notorious for cutting his nose to spite his face. It seems that he prefers to employ people who are grateful to him for supplying a job. Not someone who is just doing it for extra cash and is quite happy to pack it in. I can't work out whether i managed to hand in my notice or he got there first and sacked me.

I don't know what i did wrong, i was as nice as possible and to be honest am quite shocked at the reaction.
By the time i got home my own reaction was along the lines of Fuck em.

I rang Daniel when i got back to tell him the news, but he seemed uninterested and i got the impression he was wanting to get off the phone to do something else. So i then rang Jack, he was driving and couldn't talk. I rang my Mum, she was out, I rang Rachel, no reply. Where the bloody hell is everyone when you want to talk to someone ?.

It does mean i can get my life back though, but i'm not gonna spend it sat in all the time and I'm not gonna blow all the money i have saved either.
Saying all this, i'm sitting twiddling my thumbs right now and wondering what to do.
Tissues and the Internet i think, LOL

Tuesday, 28 July 2009

Nothing to report

What a shitty day.
Nothing of any relevance to post about anyway. Got up, went to work, came home, had something to eat and am ready to go out to work again.

It never happens like this in films or books does it ?. I don't ever remember reading the chapter where Harry Potter did nothing today because he couldn't be arsed or Ron Weasley went for a shit and run out of toilet paper. Real life is slightly less exciting than fiction so writing a journal can sometimes be difficult for someone like me. I was gonna write about the terrible service i got at lunchtime in the cafe, but that is bordering on the shite that people post on twitter.
Sometimes i think it's best not to write anything at all, if nothing at all happened.

Monday, 27 July 2009

Job vs Friends

Spent much of yesterday lounging around and sleeping. Recovering from the night before. Then as usual i couldn't sleep when i went to bed on Sunday night and stayed up till about 2am pissing about on the computer.
So by morning I'm knackered again and late for work.

Because i have been working nights i haven't been to the gym at all but i bumped into Chris at lunchtime and he asked how i was and why i wasn't going anymore. He mentioned that he had seen Daniel a few times who seems to be keeping it up and suggested that he is not happy because i hardly see him anymore. I knew this would happen. I spend weekends with Jack and work all the time during the week.
Something has to give and it seems it is him at the moment. Thinking about it i haven't been round to my mums for a while and i can't remember the last time we spoke on the phone. I seriously considered stopping my night job, but i got paid today and it was very nice thank you. Perhaps I'll just do it for a couple of weeks more, fill my boots and then call it a day.

I am now an online banker. How cool is that ? I never did it before and can't understand why i haven't. No, come to think of it i do. I don't trust the security side of things.
But as i hardly have millions of pounds worth nicking, hopefully it won't be too bad.
I have even set up a savings account and have a transfer of £25.00 that goes in every month. It's not a fortune (but all i can afford) and i'm gonna keep it as a savings for a rainy day. This is a miracle for me, i'm the sort of person who gets his wage, takes out what he needs for bills and food, then blows the rest.
I feel quite good about it actually. I wonder how long it will last ?.

Sunday, 26 July 2009

Bed Post

Either i have a weird form of bird flu, or i have the worlds worst hangover.
Last nights events in edited format as follows
Drink, sex, sleep.
The perfect Saturday night out really.
End of post, I'm going back to bed.

Saturday, 25 July 2009

Friday Fun

A nice Friday night out but nothing special.

That power nap thing did & didn't work by the way. It didn't work because i slept longer than i should have i think, but did work because i didn't feel too bad after a couple of hours and was wide awake in the early hours.
The real problem was getting to sleep and waking up in 30 minutes. I set my mobile alarm for 30 minutes and was just drifting off (after 30 minutes) when it woke me up (LOL). So i turned it off and went to sleep for an hour and a half. When i woke up i felt like shit and was late, so i jumped up and rushed around to get ready. That made me feel sick and i had to sit down for a minute. You can't just jump up from a deep sleep and start running all over the place it's not healthy.
Then for the first hour or so i just felt spaced out. It was like going clubbing at 7.30 in the morning after you just got up and had breakfast, it was weird.

Anyways Jack Picked me up and we set off for a meal at some restaurant he knows (all on the company credit card) and On to meet more friends of his in Cheadle before coming back to Mancs and staggering around Canal street for a couple of hours.
When we went through Stockport we stopped off at Dave's who looked to be having a bit of a party.

We appeared unannounced at the wrong moment because there were several guys there all looking nervous and not doing much talking because they obviously didn't seem to know each other.
It would take an idiot not to work out what was gonna happen when we left. Jack disappeared into the kitchen to give Dave the money he owed him and i chatted a bit to Brian who was also there.
There was lots of booze and porn on the telly, Three men sat on the sofa, one on a chair, another standing in a corner and two others in the kitchen sorting out drinks. Dave goes on Gaydar, Manhunt, Out everywhere, Bearforest, Slave4master, fact any gay website going where you can meet other men and arranges 'get togethers' at his place every now and then according to Jack.

In my fantasies a gay orgy would be lots of good looking guys my age writhing around on a bed having fun. This looked more like the Adams Family had invited round members of the local old peoples home to have sex with.
One guy had really dark rings around his eyes that made him look weird. A sort of double black eyed look. He said he banged his head when he was younger and he had been like that ever since. He wore black trainers with white socks, Tracky bottoms and a t-shirt that said Queen live '86 on it.

A Scottish guy rolling his own cigarette and drinking some sort of spirits was talking really loudly and every other word started with F*** or C***. The ages of these people must have been 50's upwards and although they all seemed quite nice i turned down the opportunity to stop and have some fun with them by the Scottish guy.
We pissed ourselves laughing as we drove away but Jack said he has seen worse at Dave's. "you should see what goes on upstairs" he said. Dave covers all the beds with sheets, Leaves piles of condoms, lube, and various sex toys all around, turns all the lights off and so upstairs is the play area, downstairs is the party.
In his Cellar he puts a red bulb in the light fitting and has chains and things to tie people up with.
Thanks for telling me all this on the way out of Dave's, it would have been more helpful if you had told me these stories on the way in Jack.

I'm getting a bored with Manchester to be honest. it's the same old faces, same old places and i don't really like it anymore. I can't describe the excitement of my first visit to The Village. It was like taking some kind of drug. I felt excited, and on a high all night. I couldn't believe i was actually standing in a bar and a club with other gay men. It sounds a bit pathetic now, but when you have been starved of any contact with people you can relate to, it's a massive thing. Now the excitement is gone i feel completely different. That's actually one of the down sides of coming out. You don't have that same sense of danger living a double life.

If someone sees you, you couldn't give a shit. When you are in the closet, you feel like James Bond on a secret mission, scared you might be seen, but still enjoying seeing and being seen by people you want to.

We need to find somewhere else to go. Or at least give Mancs a miss for a while.
I don't know what to do tonight.

Friday, 24 July 2009

Power Nap

I'm Not working tonight so the weekend really does start here again.

I'm feeling knackered though and as i'm not meeting Jack and going out till about 9ish i think i'm gonna try something i have never done before. have a little sleep before i go out.
If i have a kip on the sofa i always feel horrible afterwards, all groggy and tired as if i have been awoken at three in a morning and forced to get up.
But i know others who can have power naps and feel refreshed and awake afterwards.

Rachel told me that she read somewhere you shouldn't have any more that 30 minutes for a power sleep. Any longer and you drift into a deeper sleep and this is why you wake up feeling terrible. Stick to 30 minutes and you get the refreshment without the groggy feeling afterwards. But how do you time your sleep ?. I'm not the sort of person who closes my eyes and just turns off. I can lie there tossing (literally, lol) and turning for an hour before i eventually get off. And how do you then know when your 30 minutes is gone and it's time to wake up again ?. This sounds ridiculous but i'm gonna set the alarm of my Mobile and try it that way. 30 minutes and counting...close my eyes and.......Go !. I can't see itworking can you ?.
It will either help me have a good night out or completely ruin it.

Jack does a lot of work South Mancs and is taking me to a place he knows somewhere near Cheadle. We will be passing Stockport and he wants to pop into Dave's to drop some Money off that he owes him (what's all that about?).
Anyways it will give me a chance to mention the filthy pictures he sent the other day. LOL.

Work has been shit today. An atmosphere in the office that has been unbearable. No arguments or shouting, just silence and everyone looking fed up. Misery, like happiness is infectious, and i caught it big style today.
Thank god it's Friday.

Thursday, 23 July 2009

No time for a quick one

When they advertise jobs in the paper they are always very vague about pay. "good rates of pay" can mean anything and it's not until you jump through hoops before you get to know whether it was a waste of time or not. I was offered that job i attended an interview for a few days ago. But when we talked money, suddenly it all seemed to come with strings and the words "up to" and "if you work hard enough" came into play.
I decided to turn it down. They led me up the garden path and convinced me i was gonna be on more. If they do that before you have even started then i think my whole job prospects at this place are doomed before we begin.

I saw Daniel for about half an hour tonight and spoke to Jack on the phone for ten minutes at lunch time. I feel like i am working all the time. I get about an hour after i get home from work in the afternoon to eat and change and then i'm off to the next place before getting home late and feeling too knacked to do anything other than crash out on the sofa and watch telly.
I fell asleep watching TV last night and woke up and 2am, still fully clothed, TV on, lights on and a plate on the floor with left over food i had finished eating before nodding off.
And this will make you smile but horrifies me. For the first time since i can ever remember i never had a wank.
This is unheard of for me. There is not a day goes by without me knocking one off. Even if it's just a quickly. This job is affecting my sex life and i don't like it(LOL).

Rachel rang and told me that she went to a 50th birthday party for a work colleague the other night and it was fancy dress. Everyone had to go dressed as a pirate. Don't ask me why, it was some kind of in joke that only staff know about.
She didn't fancy the idea of dressing up like everyone else so she pretended that she had misheard and went dressed as a pilot, complete with goggles, scarf and jodhpurs.
That is typical of her. If i had done that everyone would have thought i was a twat, but i suspect they pissed themselves at her personal little in joke.

Wednesday, 22 July 2009

Bi Straight or Gay ?

Britain's Tom Daley won a gold medal for diving yesterday. A fit young man in speedos on the telly so he must have that obligatory question about his sexuality. It doesn't seem to happen to ugly celebrities or women, but good looking boyband members, film & sport stars always have rumours flying around about them.
I remember about a year ago seeing a Question on Yahoo answers that asked - Is Tom Daley Gay, Bi Or Straight ?.

The answers posted ranged from 'definitely straight' to 'only he and his sexual partners can answer that one' through to 'who cares'. But as he was only 14 at the time i was surprised no-one actually said 'maybe even he doesn't know yet'.

I know other gay men who say they knew they were gay practically from the moment they were born. Personally it didn't work that way for me. Maybe i was a bit backward or something but even though i knew i was different i still hadn't really come to terms with it at 16. I even had girlfriends, and not just for show either. I liked them, just not the same way as i liked boys.

Then i thought i might be Bi and if i am honest it was a worse feeling than being gay. If you are Bi you don't really fit in anywhere do you? straight people think you are gay. Gay people think you are really gay but edging your bets and trying to pretend you are straight. There are no Bi Clubs and Websites (not free ones anyway, i know i remember looking once) where you can meet other bi people. And you can offend both women as well as men if you mention it to anyone.

Thankfully i realised that i didn't like women. Not personally, i mean sexually. I could do it but i didn't want to because i felt absolutely nothing. In some cases it was like doing it with a sister. Not only was it not sexy, but it just felt wrong. And the thing that knocked it home for me was when i fell in love with a guy (more of a crush really he didn't reciprocate). The fact that i could have that sort of feelings for someone of my own sex yet never ever have even the inkling of the same towards the opposite showed me that maybe manlove is the road i should be walking down.

When i was trying to explain all this to my parents as i came out i didn't actually go into all this detail obviously. I just kept saying the word Gay. It's a wonderful word gay don't you think ?. It explains who you are in a sort of none sexual way. Poof suggests camp, Queer is the same. Arse Bandit is too graphic and rams home the sexual side of it (excuse pun). And Homosexual has the word Sex in it. Parents don't want to hear the word SEX when discussing their children, any more than their kids wouldn't want it used when discussing their parents lives. Because as we all know our parents never have sex or orgasms. At least my parents don't. My brain won't compute the idea, They just don't, end of.

My school bully was probably the first person in the world to realise my sexuality long before even i did, with these wonderful words of wisdom he shouted out in class as i was talking to Nicola Taylor

"your wasting your time love, he prefers cock"

All these years later i can honestly say, spot on Stuart Higson. how did you know, Gaydar ?.

Tuesday, 21 July 2009

Drugs & Porn

On my way home from work last night i stopped off at Ian's to collect some DVDs.

He packs 'em with Mp3s of all the current albums and singles and usually flogs them for £10 or £15 each. You get about 20 albums and a stack of singles for your money. complete with jpg pics of the covers (back and front) so you can print them off and make up your own album. I get a copy for free. I never buy music, or download it from the Internet either come to think of it. I know it's wrong and I'm killing the music industry but there you go.

He was watching a mucky movie and didn't turn it off (he also does porn copies to sell as well).
It was called Girls Allowed. A spoof on the group Girls Aloud. It had characters called Cheryl Hole (Cheryl Cole) Sarah Hardon (Sarah Harding) and my personal favourite Quimberley (Kimberley Walsh) LOL, very funny. Crap film though it only had women in it. I can handle straight porn but it must have men in it. Lesbo stuff does absolutely nothing for me whatsoever.

I had a coffee and we chatted then someone appeared from the bedroom. It was a mate of his who looked like death warmed up. Ian also sells drugs so i assume the guy was recovering from something he took. He wore nothing but a short T-shirt and Undies. I found it strangely exciting until he walked past me. He stunk to high hell of sweat and unclean.
I get on great with Ian but every time i come away from his place i look over my shoulder.

The night job is going OK. It's just like working in a factory now. You have your bit to do and after a while it's like clockwork.

Daytime job is slightly different. As the bosses wife gets more into the job she is getting more uptight. So we now have someone else helping us. Howard. Howard is a Neanderthal man. He looks like something from Spinal Tap. Wild black hair that probably hasn't been washed in weeks and someone you might expect to see in IT. In fact he is intelligent and thick at the same time. His idea of comedy is the complete opposite to mine. His musical tastes are different. His fashion sense is different. And of course he prefers women. Saying all this, i find it strange that he isn't homophobic, nor is he Racist. That might seem a strange thing to say but if you met him you would probably know what i mean because sexist is definitely top of his list. Women are birds & bitches and something to empty your load into. I found that line offencive. Then remembered i didn't find it offencive the other night when someone in a gay porn film used it before...

Monday, 20 July 2009

Job interview

Had the afternoon off to go to the dentist.

Or at least that was my cover story. In fact i went for an interview for that job i had applied for ages ago. I wore a suite and looked a complete idiot. Jack was in the area and gave me a lift and as he wears one as well we both looked like a couple of sales reps ready to sell double glazing. Why, in 2009 do people still insist on these things. They are uncomfortable, unpractical and with a tie round your neck you feel like your being strangled at the same time.

I think it went well, i didn't fluff my lines and it was all jolly and stuff.
But then we got to the touchy subject of pay. You don't want to jump in and ask straight away. It makes you look like your only interested in cash and don't care about the job. So i threw in a couple of duff questions about the actual job itself and then mentioned the pay thing at the end. Unfortunately like most employers they were very vague about it. From what i can make out it would be much better than i am on now. But i would need to know hard facts before i took it. If in fact i actually get the job in the first place. We will have to see.

I caught the bus back home afterwards because Jack went onto another job. I sat next to a really good looking guy with headphones on and an i-pod. He must have had it on full tilt because i could hear everything. David Guetta & Kelly Rowland-When love takes over. He even likes the same music as me.
Shame he was straight though. My gaydar also works on straight men too. It's funny that. Sometimes you can just tell. Inside you know not to go there. One the other hand there is that felling that you might be in with a chance. The real problem with gaydar is that it is never that precise. And when the wrong move could leave you with a black eye you tend not to go with your gut instinct as much as you might do with other feelings.

On to job No 2 now.

Things i'm listening to on my Pod

You may not like it but this is one corner of my musical tastes. It's weekend music. stuff to lift me up and get me in the mood for a happy times. It's not the only type of music i like but it's the thing that makes me happy the most. Where would we be without music ?. A gift from the heavens. A drug for your ears.

Sunday, 19 July 2009

Lazy Sunday

Another Sunday and another hangover. Well a little one anyway.

Jack came back to my place and stopped the night, leaving to go home at about 11.30. Then i went back to bed for an hour. We didn't sleep much last night ;-0
It seems that the only time i see the sun rise at weekends are when i'm actually going to sleep.

Daniel came round about 3ish and has just left. It seems he is also seeing someone at the moment. He won't go into details so i don't know if he exists of whether he's just trying to get back at me for not seeing him as much now. It's not all Jack. Working most nights last week shows that sacrifices have to be made, and that also includes not seeing as much of my friends as i want.

Anyways i showed Daniel the pictures sent to me by Stockport Dave. I have also had a couple of other messages as well from him and he even mentioned popping round for a coffee the next time he is in the area. Daniel thinks i should turn him down or make sure i have someone with me if he does appear. He assumes i'm gonna get drugged and gang raped just because of some things that Dave writes in his e-mails.
People act differently on the net. They write things that they probably would never say or do in real life. I know this from my experiences on Gaydar. I'm always amazed that people post pictures of themselves in compromising positions on there let alone talk to each other in that way. Dave is the same. I've met people like that before
I can't say anything anyway. i write stuff on here i shouldn't and wouldn't mention if you ever met me in the flesh.

Saying that after Daniel left i mailed Dave and told him i am working most nights.

Watched the Neighbour from hell trying to walk down the steps with his injuries after he got knocked over the other week. The poor man was still in pain and you could see every movement was killing him. I laughed an evil laugh.

Just seen that commercial for Car insurance fronted by Iggy Pop. I hate it, it's as bad as Johnny Rotten selling Butter. And when there is a punk album advertised on the telly it's either free with the Sunday Times or The Guardian (posh papers).

I say all this because a guy i work with who is in his 40's and an old punk fan is forever slagging off current music and harking back to the past. Must remind him of all this on Monday because all this week there has been a load of crap flying round about old television and radio presenters being replaced with young ones. They say nothing of the fact that Radio 2, 3 & 4 is full of oldies and employs no-one under the age of 40. God forbid we have a station with young DJ's.
Rant over, i'm just rambling now.

Saturday, 18 July 2009

No More Fridays

Last night was the one and only Friday night when I work cleaning offices, it’s eating into my weekend. Never again!.

I’ll work any and all hours needed between Monday morning and Friday afternoon but as soon as we hit Friday night that’s it.
What’s the point in earning money when you are too knackered or too busy to spend it?
There are men working for our company who come home with ridiculous wages, Hundreds and hundreds of pounds a week. But when you look at their time sheets it seems like they never went home, working horrendous hours, day and night (through choice I might add).

I’m sure they have nice big bank accounts or live in lovely houses, but what’s the point in having a nice house when the only time you spend there, your asleep.
Sod that for a bag of spanners. I don't have jobs i do for enjoyment, it's purely for money to live on.
I wonder what it would be like to enjoy your job?

I put Jack off for last night, so tonight and stayed in. I still stayed up until two in the morning watching TV, listening to music and surfing the net. Then i slept through till 3pm this afternoon. I do this sometimes. Burn the candle at both ends during the week and then have one really long 12 hour sleep to catch up at the weekend sometimes.
Anyway we will be out in Manchester tonight.
I may have worked all week but i don't reap the benefits of all this till the end of the month so i'm still a bit skint. I asked my mum if she could lend me some money to go out with. Just till i get paid and i will give it her back.
'OK', she said 'is £20 ok ?'. i'm not sure when she last went out for a few drinks but £20 will just about sort out the taxi.

Rang Daniel and asked him to come round tomorrow. I seem to be seeing less and less of him lately. You have to make an effort or people drift away from you. That's the down side of having boyfriends, everyone else seems to take a back seat.
Oops, did i say boyfriend ?. Boy and friend should be separated by a space there i think.

Ok that's it for now. it's a little late but it's started again. Weeeeekkkeeeennnnd!

Friday, 17 July 2009

Interview with a gay

It had to happen didn't it ?, it happens to us all so the sooner the better i suppose.

I have had the gay conversation today with the women i work with. It doesn't start with them asking if i am gay, it usually starts with questions about a girlfriend or if i am married with kids. If you don't answer questions like this properly in the beginning it can lead to difficult moments later. In the past i would just say no and leave it at that. Nowadays, depending on the person asking and the situation i am in I just say i'm gay and leave it at that, hoping they don't take it further. And lots of people do leave it there. Sometimes because they don't know what to say, sometimes because they weren't expecting it and need to rethink their line of questioning.

But now and then i meet someone like Julie and Irene who find it all exciting and interesting. "i don't know any gays" said Irene. Well you do now.
So then i spend the rest of the night answering questions about what my family think, do i have a boyfriend ?, when did i come out ?, and the best one of all, "doesn't it hurt ?". They were very nice about it all, even asking if i mind them asking these questions.
Yes yes, get all the questions out now, because from Monday night i will be bored with it all and expect you to stop interviewing me and start talking to me like a normal person.

I spoke to Jack at lunchtime and cancelled going out tonight. I will be working late and i am knackered. I would probably end up falling asleep in a pub somewhere anyway. Especially if i had a drink.

Had an email from Dave in Stockport. If had attachments and when i opened them it was a stack of porn pictures. At closer look i recognised Brian in one of them.
So much for being closeted and discreet!.

Thursday, 16 July 2009

Having a threesome

5 Days ago i had a job i hated and little on the horizon as far as anything new.

Today i have two jobs and tonight i have a reply to an application form i sent off ages ago. Like buses, none for ages and then three come at once.

Working with the bosses wife seems to be going OK at the moment, she seems calm and sociable with me. She has still been a bit moody and done some shouting and slamming of doors, but that is all aimed at the boss (lol) who is obviously scared stiff of her. It's obvious to see who wears the trousers in that relationship.

Then i started working as a cleaner, or as Daniel calls me Mrs Mop.
I have been put together with two women. Julie is about 30ish, blond, slim, but common as muck and talks about men a lot. Irene is probably in her 50's, has had 5 kids, all grown up now, and is very funny but very dim.
We clean offices, vacuum the floor, flick a duster round, mop steps, etc etc.
Cleaning is cleaning is cleaning and offices are offices are offices.
As i spend most of my day behind a desk it doesn't make that much of a change to me, but I'm usually sat on my bum in front of a computer screen most of the time so this is actually quite energetic for me, another good excuse for not going to the gym.
I am a novelty because i am a man, most of the others are women, apart from Reg, who is a retired bloke that sometimes joins the team.
It's OK at the moment, I've only done it once, i reserve judgement till later when i get paid. I do feel a bit stiff today though ;-)

The other job on offer came from a company looking for an accounts assistant who can use Sage, Lotus and a kettle(!).
It was just a standard reply, but they said there will be a vacancy coming up at the company during the next few weeks and they are inviting people to attend a second interview. I don't remember doing the first one. In fact i sent out that many CV's and applied for so many jobs i can't remember who these people are.

I hope it's not that creepy bloke who offered be a drink.

Wednesday, 15 July 2009

Diary Dates

I am gonna have to change my posting times for this blog if i'm gonna keep it up. Two jobs mean late hours and I'm gonna be to knackered to do it late at night.

So as i have a window between one workplace and another i may be blogging earlier. This then makes it difficult to write about my day when my day isn't even over so i am toying with the idea of blogging a day behind.
writing about yesterday today instead of doing it at the end of the night.

I need to think this one through.

Tuesday, 14 July 2009

Mr Sheen

I bet you started reading this blog expecting to read all about the salacious goings on of a twenty something gay boy didn't you ?
Well this posting might depress and drive you away for good. I don't write this thing for the same reason that you might read it. It's just a diary I'm afraid so that means at times it's depressingly realistic and sad.

There have been lots of changes implemented at work today. Including my hours. i now start earlier, but happily finish earlier as well.
This means i might be able to do another job in the evenings. i couldn't do it before because the starting and finishing times clashed. One of the job offers i got came from one of Daniels uncles. He apparently has a business that cleans offices and work places. It's not brilliant money, but it's not really hard work pushing a vacuum cleaner around and flicking a duster about either. Everything will be extra cash in my pocket and it gives me something to do at nights during the week other than sitting in front of the computer. I know it's not very rock and roll or glamorous (Daniel already finds the idea amusing) but I can give it a go and if i don't like it I'll pack it in.
It's not a replacement job for the one i have, but the way i see it i can use it as a cushion. Any problems in my main job and i can tell them to stuff it whilst using this one as cash cow to tied me over.
I have spoken to Daniels Uncle and i can start tomorrow if i want (hang on a minute, let me get my head round it first), he is already short staffed with people off on holiday or sick.

Two jobs means two wages that's what attracts me. Other people work in pubs for extra money, some sell their bodies on Canal Street. I pick up a duster and a can of Mr Sheen and prance around an office at night.
How gay is that ?
Who cares, More Weeeeekeend Money that's what I'm thinking of.

Monday, 13 July 2009

Monday Monday

Started working with the Bosses wife today. I don't know if she was trying to be nice but there was no drama and everything seemed ok.
This happened last time but it didn't take long before it all went tits up so i'm not holding my breath.

The Gym was too busy tonight so i gave it a miss. It doesn't take much, i'm bored with it already. The only thing i enjoy about it now is the shower and the feel i get when i walk out the door at the end. After Exercises is like that feeling you get after sex. The difference is that i tend to enjoy the entire journey up until sex is all over, with exercises i would be quite happy to skip everything up to that point and just go for the all over bit.

The neighbour from hell is out of hospital and back home after his accident the other week. He looks a bit of a mess and i can't help but smile as i passed him on the steps tonight. Maybe i should ask him for a fight now. One finger is all i would need, a poke and he would be in agony.

I have that Monday feeling. tired and miserable that it's another 5 bloody days until weekend again.
Life is boring.

Sunday, 12 July 2009

Sleeeeezy men in Stockport

Went to Stockport last night for a few drinks at a pub up the road from where Jacks friends lived.

Dave and Brian (not another bloody Brian) were there and were already half cut when we turned up. So some more drinks, Fish and Chips and then a walked back to Dave's house for some more drink and a smoke of the smelliest marijuana i have ever sniffed, watch a couple of DVD's and generally listen to music and laugh.
It sounds a bit boring i know but it was a great night. I don't know why, we didn't do anything special but the company was top notch. Dave is about 40 something and very funny. Brian was probably in his thirties, a bit quiet in the beginning but soon livened up after a few drinkies.

Dave works in Stockport itself as some sort of lawyer. He didn't want to say more and wouldn't talk about his work. Brian is a Builder and looks it. Tattooed, tanned and a face that is well weathered for someone in his thirties.
Apparently they met at a sex party in Ashton Under Lyne about 5 years ago and have stayed in touch ever since. They ain't partners but describe themselves as Fuck buddies. They had one go at each other early and then stayed mates for all future seedy sex meets.

If one goes to a sauna the other comes along, but they both go separate ways and meet back at the end to go home together. If they go cruising they share the same car and split up for their own fun, before arranging to meet back at the car to go home together, they watch each others backs and make sure neither does anything unsafe.
They also go on holidays together. stay in dodgy hotels or go to really hardcore pubs and clubs in Amsterdam or London. The stories they told will fuel my wanking sessions for the next 12 months, but some are quite hairy and the mentioned some things i have never heard of before.

They even visit GUM clinics together and funnier still are alibis for each other if they ever need one for their straight friends.
If out in the village they bump into someone they know, the other will cover for them saying he has been dragged there for whatever reason or on a stag night, etc. All a bit strange really. But i suppose if you are really closeted i can understand some of it. I have been there and it would have been good to have someone like that.

On the other hand i think i might never have come out if i did. Let's face i didn't exactly come out to the world myself, i was outed, if i had someone who could have helped me to stay in i think i would have jumped at the chance.
Anyways i was invited to parties, given a list of cruising places worth visiting, offered holiday accommodation the next time they go away, drugs, porn and at one point when i was saying i hated my job Brian suggested i could actually make some money as an escort and he knew men he could fix me up with. you name it, they knew about it. these were very very dodgy men.

But i am very interested in knowing more, call it curiosity, call it dangerous excitement, but i stupidly gave Dave my e-mail address and asked him to keep in touch. I won't be going to any of their parties or anything and i wont be taking their drugs, but it was all fascinating hearing about a world i am fully aware of, have known plenty about before, but never had the proper names and details of.

If i ever go to London i must never ever ever go drinking here. It sounds wild.
Or should i ?

Talking to Jack afterward about whether he had ever done anything with these two he said no. They are too old for him and not his type. But i'm not so sure.
'Not even one drunken night Jack ?'.
NO !

I have a thing about sexy eyes

Saturday, 11 July 2009

Meeting Jack again tonight and we are going out with a couple of his other closeted gay friends.
From what i can gather they are similar to him, straight to anyone who knows them outside of their own little circle.
I'm not sure where he met them but the more i dig i think it's either gaydar or the equivalent, perhaps some dodgy party, maybe a sauna ?. I don't know. It certainly wasn't at work or down the pub that's for sure.

Daniel won't be coming, he has made an excuse. I can tell it's an excuse because he was all up for it yesterday, but when i mentioned who will be there he suddenly remembered he was skint and wanted to stay in.

Rachel's boyfriend called to drop off some Cd's i lent her. He came in and had a cuppa, we chatted for about 45 minutes and then he went.
I have to say, the more i see of him the more attractive he becomes. I know he's a friends boyfriend, but...If only. At one point he bent over to pick the Cd's out of a back and i could see the crack of his arse. LOL. Not hairy, smooth. and quite muscly i think, i wonder what he looks like with his top off ?. snigger..

I need some new cloths, it's ridiculous, you can't go out AND buy cloths, it's either one or the other. I just noticed a top i like to wear is starting to fade.
Must do that shopping thing this week. I don't wanna start looking like a bloody tramp.

Friday, 10 July 2009

Diet of the day

Imagine this, it's Friday night and I'm staying in. Bloody hell!.
Jack is going over to his parents tonight and my wallet could do with a rest anyway, even if it's just for one night of the weekend.

Rachel came round earlier with her friend Jean. Jean is about 40 and has split from her husband about 6 months ago. Actually he ran off with another woman but we won't go into that. Since then she has started going out on the town more often and acting like a teenager again. She joins Rachel whenever she can on girly nights out and when she isn't free shes out with all here other divorced & single female friends who are all about the same age as her (late 30s early 40s) and hunt for young men in a pack.

You see it a lot around Manchester. Groups of older women roaming around and in most cases being really loud. You know that the odd one or two are gonna end up on their knees up some back ally with a guy in his 20's in their mouth or taking them home to ride them like a horse all night. One the other hand i do see the odd group of older gay men trying for the same thing on canal street, they just don't seem to be as successful at it as their straight female counterparts.
Jean is always on a diet and tonight she was telling me about her dab a day diet.

This involves having a breakfast in the morning and then a Dab of Speed afterwards, which is all you need for the rest of the day.
She is actually losing weight and her house looks immaculate as she spends most of the night cleaning from top to bottom for something to do.
Taking speed isn't a good thing if you want to get much sleep and the results are the equivalent of a hyper child who's taken to many e numbers.
The amount of women i know who are on diets that are either weird, dangerous or just plain stupid is amazing.
I don't know any on the eat less and exercise more one.

I'm bored now and alone so after i post this i think I'll go to bed and wank myself stupid (LOL). At least once a day, that's my motto. If I'm bored I'm liable to get friction burns Ha!

Thursday, 9 July 2009

Return of the She Devil

What a shite day.
Was i sacked ?, no !. I was actually promoted and given a pay rise, sort of.
That sounds good doesn't it ?. Well no it bloody well isn't. I get about £ 10 a week more (After Gordon Brown syphon's off his share) and i have to do some extra work that people who were paid 10 times more than me did before they were 'let go' yesterday.
But more important than all this, i will be working with the bosses wife who will be joining the company full time from next week.
Me and her in the same office !!!!. Me her office junior, her the big loudmouthed cow i remember from when i first started working here a couple of years ago.
She covered for a girl on Maternity leave and was the most hated person in the building, even more than the boss himself (and that is saying something).
The best way to describe her is a cross between a yeti and a gorilla. Very big, loud, opinionated, arrogant and vicious.
Like a small child she can be very moody, throw tantrums, shout if she doesn't get her own way and if it is the wrong time of the month has been known to kick objects and throw things around the office out of sheer frustration.
So we now have the owner of the company and the main boss, horrible, but ultimately just a pratt, joined by his she devil wife who will be my immediate superior.
This isn't good, my stomach is still churning. Is it the bug from yesterday or is it her influence already ?

Too cheer myself up i asked Daniel if he would be interested in a threesome with me and Jack, then he might to get to know him better and start to like him more.
He didn't see the funny side and wasn't impressed.

I heard the neighbour from hell got knocked over today. He was walking across the road and a car clipped him and broke his leg, wrist and cut his face down one side.
He was about 20 yards away from a Pelican Crossing but couldn't be arsed to walk that far so he crossed further down instead.
His wife didn't seem too upset when she told me tonight. in fact her exact words were.
"It serves him right the stupid twat"

Wednesday, 8 July 2009


Had an e-mail at work today that read as follows.

Following a company restructure Mr ****** has decided to leave the company by mutual agreement, and with immediate effect. Until further notice all departmental correspondence will be dealt with by...Blah blah.
This is obviously company bullshit speak for ‘we just sacked someone, forget they ever existed’
It’s like working for robots sometimes, it may as well have read Mr **** has been deleted and we are awaiting an upgrade.
Even worse than this i have an appointment to see the boss again tomorrow morning at 9.30am, gulp!.

I have actually had some kind of stomach bug today that has made me feel slightly nauseous and sick. Nothing debilitating, just feeling off. But any attempt to eat food results in it wanting to escape my body almost immediately, and it doesn't seem to care which exit it uses.
I am absolutely starving, but i dare not eat so much as a wheat flake.
I recommend this condition for anyone wishing to go on a diet, and i expect to lose a few pounds by Friday. One the plus side i am detoxing from last weekend so i can go again next weekend.

I pay into a company pension and i have had a statement today. only another 40 years to go and I'll be paid enough money each year to cover my gas bill at least, what's the bloody point ? i could do with that cash now.

Tuesday, 7 July 2009

My day today

I decided to go to the gym again tonight on my own straight from work, i haven't been for nearly a week now so it was hard getting going again. Chris was there and when he had a shower afterwards he had a massive bruise on his lower back and arse (not that i was looking especially ;-).

When i asked him how he did it he went into a long laborious story that seemed to go on forever. Basically he fell down some stairs on his arse, but as we were both standing naked in the shower it was getting a bit uncomfortable listening to all the details, especially as it was going on and on and on. I wanted to walk away but that would have been rude as he was still talking. And i was trying to keep my head at eye level so i didn't look at his cock whilst he was chatting. At the same time there is only so much washing yourself you can do before it starts to look like your wanking yourself off, so in the end i made up a story that i was gonna have to go because i was meeting Daniel in 10 minutes.
When we finished and got dressed we walked out of the changing area together and through the Gym.

Unbeknown to me Daniel had come in and was working out. 'what are you doing here ?' he said. Oh yeh, i was supposed to be meeting you weren't i ? i said.
'No i don't think so', said Daniel. 'Well i thought i did', said i, 'No', said Daniel 'I've no idea what your talking about'.
Why do i lie in situations that don't really require one ?. All i need to do is tell the truth and everything will be ok. The only time i tell lies is in stupid situations like this.
When i was a kid i was in a shop and a bottle of pop fell off a shelf, i didn't touch it, no one touched it in fact, it was nothing to do with me and i was nowhere near it at the time. As it smashed to the ground everyone turned round and looked my way. I immediately pointed to an old lady and said it was her who caught it with her brolly.
I still to this day can't think why i did it.

Daniel came round afterwards and we discussed Jack. I don't think he likes him very much because he was very critical of him. I don't think they had any bad words for each other but i did sense that they weren't really hitting it off the other night. I can't work out why, i just think things didn't gel.
I'm a bit worried about this because it's important that they do get on OK at least. I have known Daniel a long time now and he is a close friend, when my life was upside down, he was my lifeline. Whoever joins my list of mates has to fit in with all the others as well. I don't expect them to love each other, but there is nothing worse than being stuck in the middle of two people who don't get on.
The more i think about it Jack didn't mention Daniel at all over the weekend. Nothing good or bad, he didn't even ask how i knew him, how long i had known him or anything really.
Not a good sign.

As i type this the Michael Jackson Memorial Concert is on the telly. It looks like a cross between an awards ceremony and a pop concert.
Did i really see a coffin at the front of the stage with Mariah Carey singing at it ?

Monday, 6 July 2009


A busy weekend, so busy i didn't blog.

On Friday night i went to Halifax with Jack. His family and friends live there and the idea was to pop in, say hello and then go for a few drinks. He would show me round the area where he came from and meet a couple of friends.
I had strict instructions not to say anything about us. But I was quite happy with that. Why the hell you would want to make major announcement's about yourself as soon as you meet new people I’ll never know. Unless it’s someone your are wanting to cop off with anyway.
And I’m not one to be showing affection in public so no worries there either. But I’m under no illusion as to why I’m to keep my gob shut. He doesn’t want his family and friends to know the truth of us.

So anyways, once we sorted out the rules of engagement we set off and it took bloody ages to get there, because it was the other side of Halifax nearer to Bradford or Keighley, I’m not sure where, I wasn’t driving and I wasn’t looking out the window enough. I was lost to be honest.
They were nice enough people. Normal parents, normal family, normal mates.
We went to a local pub and chatted about shit, then later on we went into town for a couple of drinks as well. I have been to Halifax before a long time ago. It’s only a small town but there is a pub or a club within yards of each other on practically every street corner.
You can walk out of one and straight into another in no more than 10 steps. It seemed a bit rough though (and that coming from someone who lives in Oldham) and the clientele aren’t exactly people you would want to meet up a dark alleyway either (I’m talking about the fellas here by the way). So we just got pissed and had a laugh.

Jack was driving, so two bottles early on for him, then coke the rest of the night and a Chinese last thing.
Then the plan was to take me home. But we took a detour to his place.

It's a nice little house, no garden, just a yard at the front and back. One bedroom and a bit small inside, but in a nice area and everything looks all new and clean.
Makes my place look like a dump.
I won't go into the details of the next few hours, but needless to say the birds were twittering and it was light outside before i eventually diffted off to sleep.

I hadn't planned on stopping at his place so the next morning (or should i say just after lunch) when we got up i wanted to get home fairly soon to change and put some clean cloths on. Worryingly Jack had a spare toothbrush for me to use (planned?) but you need more than that don't you ?.
Saturday we just chilled out at my place. I can't even remember what we did or talked about. We slept most of the afternoon (and i mean sleep as well). so that meant that by evening we were both wide awake and ready to go out again.

I rang Daniel and Rachel came as well with her new Boyfriend. The more i see of him the more i realise how hot he is. Then we went to a couple of local places we knew people would be at and i sort of introduced Jack to my mates. I say sort of because i just introduced him as a mate that's all.
I was skint so not much drinking took place really and then it was back to my place this time, and, er, same thing as last night.

This may all sound boring to you as i'm leaving out the detail i know. I can't say more without switching the adult content warning on for this blog. But lets just say, we talked and talked then had a break from talking, then we talked some more.
The best bits where when we had a break for talking, LOL.

Jack left my house at about 5pm on Sunday and if i'm honest i was glad. It was getting a bit intense. Too much, i needed my space again and i was tired and starting to get a bit ratty.
I won't see him now until next weekend and i think that's about right.
I'm not sure if this is a relationship that is going anywhere, especially if i'm thinking like this already. But it's fun at the moment so let's enjoy the ride.

Tonight i need to chill. I'm going nowhere and doing nothing.

Sunday, 5 July 2009

The weekend ends here

I feel absolutely knackered.
Just like you should do after a busy and fun weekend. No time to blog about it right now, i feel asleep on the sofa about three hours ago and now i just feel groggy spaced out like something from another planet.
Maybe write about it tomorrow.

Friday, 3 July 2009

The weekend starts here

As i sit here now, i am waiting for Jack to come pick me up and take me out. I think i quite like having a friend who does all the driving. Now i know what Daniel likes about me being the driver when we go out.
On the downside,he is late. Whoever drives is in control. Where the bloody hell is he ?.

We are supposed to be going to see his family and then on to a drink, so i am on strict instructions not to say anything about us. That's fine by me.
I hate public shows of affection so he doesn't have to worry about me giving him a kiss either. I am under no illusion as to why i am supposed to be keeping all this under wraps mind you. And i don't care.
I'm listening at the window to hear his car pulling up, so that's it for blogging tonight.
It's weekend again so we all know what i'll be up to over the next few hours.

Clean bed sheets again.

Thursday, 2 July 2009


I don't really pay much attention to the news. Unless it is something major i just skim over the headlines and pick out bits that catch my eye.

For instance this week, all i know that has happened is that Michael Jackson died, and we are all gonna get swine flu by Christmas. I also seem to have stopped watching the telly as well. I gave up on soaps ages ago because they are on practically 5 nights a week. Unless you watch every episode you don't know who is who or what is happening, i would rather look forward to watching something rather than feel like i have to keep up, so i don't bother at all. There is nothing else on the box that interests me either.

As well as all this i can't think of any films that would make me want to go to the cinema to see right now and i even turned the radio off this morning because it was getting on my tits. I'm sick of hearing music being played that i can't actually go out and buy yet because it's not out until July or something, and then it gets put back till September.

At the moment my current rant is aimed towards Reverend and the makers ! are you reading this ? (probably not) I would have bought your single when i first heard it about three bloody weeks ago but I'm sick of hearing it now so you can stick your stupid song up your arse. This is 2009 not 1985. If i hear it now, i want it, NOW!.

If it wasn't for the Internet i think i would feel like I'm withdrawing from society completely, everything is either boring me or annoying me.
Perhaps it's just the hot weather that's turning me all grumpy.

Sexy Mechanic

I pass a garage on my way home from work every night. There is a mechanic i see sometimes outside and i always thought he was quite fit.
Tonight he was washing a car, he had his overalls top down and wrapped around his waist, no t-shirt, bare chest and all sweaty.

Sound good eh ?. Well no not really, he was as skinny as a rake, i could see his ribs he was so thin. His chest looked like it went in rather than stick out and he was as white as a sheet.
Sometimes imagining people with their cloths off is far more erotic than the real thing.
I've gone off him now, how shallow and i ?.

Wednesday, 1 July 2009

The Sound of the Crowd

Spent most of tonight at Daniels. It's like Piccadilly Circus sometimes at his gaff with people coming in and out every two minutes. He has a big family and they seem to be in each others pockets all the time. It might sound like fun but he hates it. There is never any piece and you can't really escape from people to your own little privacy. Even when we disappear up into his room you can guarantee there will be some point when someone will knock and come in without waiting for an answer. Not that we are doing anything, it just seem rude. This results in Daniel shouting, then they throw a strop, and before you know it, it's slamming doors and sulking silence for 10 minutes or so.

Tonight there was a major row developing and his mum joined in, then his dad appeared, his sister started crying, and someone trod on the dog so it yelped and ran in the kitchen, stood in it's water bowl that splashed all over the newly moped floor and as all this chaos was going on i decided to slip out the back door and come back home again.

There is something to be said for living on your own, Peace, quiet, and a little less hassle.

I only get lonely on rare occasions nowadays. If i could have a boyfriend that i could keep in a cupboard somewhere for when i fancied a little company it would be great. Wheel them out when I'm in the mood for some fun. Then stick 'em back in again when they start getting on my tits

If only life was as simple as that. I'm starting to sound like one of those nutters you read about in the papers arn't i ?.