Wednesday, 22 July 2009

Bi Straight or Gay ?

Britain's Tom Daley won a gold medal for diving yesterday. A fit young man in speedos on the telly so he must have that obligatory question about his sexuality. It doesn't seem to happen to ugly celebrities or women, but good looking boyband members, film & sport stars always have rumours flying around about them.
I remember about a year ago seeing a Question on Yahoo answers that asked - Is Tom Daley Gay, Bi Or Straight ?.

The answers posted ranged from 'definitely straight' to 'only he and his sexual partners can answer that one' through to 'who cares'. But as he was only 14 at the time i was surprised no-one actually said 'maybe even he doesn't know yet'.

I know other gay men who say they knew they were gay practically from the moment they were born. Personally it didn't work that way for me. Maybe i was a bit backward or something but even though i knew i was different i still hadn't really come to terms with it at 16. I even had girlfriends, and not just for show either. I liked them, just not the same way as i liked boys.

Then i thought i might be Bi and if i am honest it was a worse feeling than being gay. If you are Bi you don't really fit in anywhere do you? straight people think you are gay. Gay people think you are really gay but edging your bets and trying to pretend you are straight. There are no Bi Clubs and Websites (not free ones anyway, i know i remember looking once) where you can meet other bi people. And you can offend both women as well as men if you mention it to anyone.

Thankfully i realised that i didn't like women. Not personally, i mean sexually. I could do it but i didn't want to because i felt absolutely nothing. In some cases it was like doing it with a sister. Not only was it not sexy, but it just felt wrong. And the thing that knocked it home for me was when i fell in love with a guy (more of a crush really he didn't reciprocate). The fact that i could have that sort of feelings for someone of my own sex yet never ever have even the inkling of the same towards the opposite showed me that maybe manlove is the road i should be walking down.

When i was trying to explain all this to my parents as i came out i didn't actually go into all this detail obviously. I just kept saying the word Gay. It's a wonderful word gay don't you think ?. It explains who you are in a sort of none sexual way. Poof suggests camp, Queer is the same. Arse Bandit is too graphic and rams home the sexual side of it (excuse pun). And Homosexual has the word Sex in it. Parents don't want to hear the word SEX when discussing their children, any more than their kids wouldn't want it used when discussing their parents lives. Because as we all know our parents never have sex or orgasms. At least my parents don't. My brain won't compute the idea, They just don't, end of.

My school bully was probably the first person in the world to realise my sexuality long before even i did, with these wonderful words of wisdom he shouted out in class as i was talking to Nicola Taylor

"your wasting your time love, he prefers cock"

All these years later i can honestly say, spot on Stuart Higson. how did you know, Gaydar ?.


Pilgrim said...

I think he´s deffo staight, his prob is that is adored by gays again and again. Propz Pilgrim

callen said...

isnt it posible that sexuality is a spectrum? that most people fall somewhere in between? i seem to think so. cause there are people who practices homosexuality, but in heterosexual relationships, and vice versa.

naturgesetz said...

Even though I was never interested in girls, other than as friends, I didn't realize what my feelings for boys were until I was sixteen and a friend told me he was glad he was attracted to a certain girl because he had begun to be afraid something was wrong with him. In that instant, I realized that the "something" he feared was actually my condition.

There is more detail and follow-up in a post I made last year.

Mambam said...

Pilgrim, i agree he is adored by gay men, personally i think he is a bit too young, he seems like a kid to me. In a couple of years time i might be having his picture on my bedroom wall though.

Callen, I think you are spot on, that is what sexuality is, everyone has their place along a long line that runs from totaly gay at one end to completely hetero at the other. Most of us sit somewhere along that line at one end or the other but and i suggest that hardly anyone sits at the extreme ends of totaly gay or straight.

Naturgesetz. I also have your condition. There is an ointment you can get that helps. you get a man to rub it in twice a day ;-)

jlo said...

As a bi male it took me a long time to realize that I had more than just a passing interest in men as well as women. so I guess I am in the middle of the spectrum. Nice post Love and Hugs

Antony said...

I think he maybe gay, but only time will tell.

Thanks for your interesting insight in to how you came out to your parents, thinking about it I did the same. lol.

As for the bully if you tracked him down, perhaps he would now be gay himself?


A x

Mambam said...

But where are you in the spectrum ? I knew a guy who was bi and he told me something i never thought about before. I assumed all bi men think of men and women together, but he never had bi thoughts like that. If he is in the mood for men he isn't interested in women at all. If he is in the mood for women he has no thoughts of any other men being involved. He never wanted to have sex with a man and a woman together, they didn't mix in his mind. It was as if he felt hetero one minute and gay the next, depending on his mood. He was quite happy about it all and said he had the best of both worlds and could never be bored LOL.
I have seen that bully since school. He is married with two kids and was actually really nice to me when i saw him last. People change is suppose.