Friday, 30 April 2010

History in the making

I saw a woman on telly last night who was still breast feeding her son, even thought he is now five.
As you can imagine the heterosexuals in the office today found this highly amusing and sexy ?.

I have been hunting around the house looking for my passport. Apparently you need to have at least 6 months left on it if you go to America.
When i moved i threw a lot of stuff in the loft so decided to look up there. I found some old newspapers from years ago under some old insulation and spent the next hour reading them.
Whoever stuck them up there seems to have kept a paper printed on days there was some sort of major incident. 911 or Princess Diana. But it's all the other news and advertisements that i found just as interesting.
Funny really, i was never interested in history at school.

It's a bank holiday weekend and i'm off now until Wednesday (i'm going to a funeral Tuesday). We have had some lovely weather lately and it feel like summer is well on it's way.
So i and Daniel have plans. I'm gonna fill the car up with petrol and head to the coast. Cue heavy shows, freezing cold weather and thunderstorms.

Daniel has said he has no intentions of voting because none of them interest him and they are all liars who talk bollocks and they won't do anything they say anyway.
I asked him if he had watched any of the debates ? NO.
Do you read about their policies ? No.
Any idea what they are gonna do ? NO.

Well how the fuck can you say they are all talking bollocks then ?.

Anyway have a great weekend everyone, and if your in the UK, have a fab Bank Holiday as well.

Thursday, 29 April 2010

Pretty People

Work is usually a pretty sexless place for me.
No matter how much i keep my eye out for something that might catch my eye, or someone that might interest me, it's probably the only place and time in my life where anything sexual seems to have had a bucket of water thrown over it.

Ryan had been moved to another office for a while so that's why i haven't mentioned him much lately. But today he was back !. Much to the relief of both of us. He was sat with a sweaty fat man in a side office for a bit and he hated it. You could see that he was happy to be back and i'll be honest so was i. I was looking around the room the other day in a moment of daydream and noticed that i seem to work with some of the ugliest people in the world. Not that i would ever get off with Ryan, it's just nice to have something attractive to look at to cheer you through your day.

It's been decided, i'm going to America with my parents and a group of other family members later in the year.
I haven't decided, they have, and they told me tonight.
I'm still at the 'we'll see' stage.

I'm doing my final bit of political homework tonight.
It's the third and final Leaders debate on the telly so i'm putting 90 minutes on one side to watching it.
I don't read the crap they send through the post and most of the time i turn the radio off when they waffle on about it on the radio.
Roll on next Thursday....

Wednesday, 28 April 2010

Shopping for gadgets

The general erection is next Thursday (why is it always on a Thursday?) and i'm still undecided which party to vote for.
I'll be glad when it's all over and we can get back to normal telly. At the moment Party Political Broadcasts are popping up as often as commercial breaks.

My mobile phone is on a contract and it runs out next month.
This means i can either reduce my bill by going on a different tariff, or get another free phone and tie myself into another contract.
My head says be sensible and save money. My heart says get an I-phone.
Buying a new gadget every now and then, to me, is like a women buying a new pair of shoes. It makes my week and gives me something to look forward to.
The difference is that when women spend hundreds on an item of clothing they will probably only wear it twice and on special occasions, so they take it home from the shop and throw it in a cupboard for the next six months. Fellas on the other hand will have a gadget out of the box before they left the shop and stick to it like glue for the next 12 months until they have saved up enough money to buy another gadget.

I used to watch the Gadget show on channel 5 for tips and ideas but they are trying to turn it into Top gear and its now shit.
The gadgets have gone from MP3 players and super thin flat screen HD TVs, to Bicycles and Kites ?.
When once they would show you the future, now they are setting each other challenges that involve racing each other around the London Marathon with the aid of gadgets like Bicycles and sat nav.
If i were a TV Critic 'Crap' would be a copy and paste word i would use a lot.

I just saw something on the news about people buying (yes BUYING!) the manifestos of the three main political parties.
The reporter said that sales are currently running higher than that of JK Rowling ! Eh ?
Poor kids, imagine the Labour Party Manifesto as a bed time read.
No dad, i don't want you to read me a story tonight, i'm a bit tired thanks.

Tuesday, 27 April 2010

Totty watch

I decided it was time to stop pretending that volcanic dust was the reason my car looked so dirty and gave it a wash today.

When i say that i washed it, what i mean is that i got someone else to do it. I would normally drive through one of those automatic things, but i was passing a pop up car wash that is normally just a spare bit of land then suddenly when the weather is nice it springs into a 5 man car washer team.
You imagine topless guys with rippling muscles like something out of a Coke advert don't you ?.
In fact one of them was so fat his belly was giving my bonnet a wipe whilst the was leaning over to do the windscreen. Very Disappointing.

Driving back i did catch my first bit of fit & sexy summer totty though.
A group of lads sat on a wall, some with tops off, some with tight t shirts on.
I wouldn't have stopped and said hello mind you, they looked the sort who'd have robbed me and left me dead in a ditch.

Another relative has died. I don't actually know this one very well because he was quite old i've not really seen him in years.
Until my father asked whether i was going to the funeral i hadn't even considered it. Now i feel a bit unsure, Do you go? or don't you?. Funerals are for the living not the dead. So perhaps i should go and show my face as support for family. Or will people be looking and thinking 'what's he doing here ?, he didn't even know him'

What the F****???????????

Monday, 26 April 2010

Only a little one

I'm gonna have to make sure i have at least one early night at weekends It's only Monday and i feel knackered already.

More news on my mothers attempt at blackmailing me into going on holiday with her and the mob to Disneyland.
They are now looking at going sometime in December "because there will be less tornado's going on, it will be a bit cooler, and you'll have more time to save up".
better still "and your Uncle David will have had his operation done by then".

Rachel rang to see how i was going on. There was a short strained conversation and then that was that.

A short post tonight, I'm tired now.
But at least you still get a picture

Sunday, 25 April 2010


My mother has been pestering me about the Holiday she is planning for everyone.

Apparently she now has the idea that we might all go to Disneyland. And if i agree to come along she and my dad will "put too" and help me get the cash together.
In one way it's blackmail, in another it's quite an interesting idea.
If i do agree to go i won't accept any of their money, but it's nice to be offered.

Talking of holidays, this is the time of the year when we seem to have a public holiday every other week. Next week it's May day (can't think what that's supposed to celebrate) and at the end of May there is another (ditto).
So i'm planning on cranking the car up and buggering off somewhere with Daniel, Weather permitting.

Shagtastic weekend

Well what a great weekend it's been.
Not a great start on Saturday though. I met the hairdresser's, his name was Simon, i got it wrong. And he seemed a bit camp (sorry if your reading this and are camp yourself) it doesn't really do it for me, but we did arrange to meet up later. He was gonna be with a couple of his mates, i was gonna be with Daniel.

When we did meet later on we were both a bit pissed, this made him even more camp and flamboyant and me even less interested in him. I think we both sort of realised it and that nothing was gonna happen so he disappeared off one way and i went the other. We then had an awkward 15 minutes at each end of the pub, him with his entourage, me with Daniel.
In the end we decided to bugger off and we all waved to each other as we left, which was nice. I suspect i wasn't what he was looking for either. We did have a good laugh at their hair though. They looked fucking ridiculous.

Later on was different a bit of luck. This time i got talking to someone really really nice. I don't know how we did strike up a conversation but you just do when your drunk don't you?. I get really talkative and happy when i've had a drink. I'm more sociable and i think it makes me a nicer person.
Anyway his name was Jason, or Jay to his friends. I won't bore you with the rest of the night. But he lived within taxi distance of the city center and i left Daniel talking to some of our mates and disappeared off with him.

His body was a bit hairy, and looked better with cloths on than off. But you can;t have everything can you ?. It's interesting that when i have been with someone special we have lots of sex with the lights off. But all one night stand sex tends to be with the light on. You wanna see them and they wanna see you. It's a bit like porn, it's a visual thing.

On the downside, he smoked and his home smelled like an ashtray. When i got home later on Sunday morning ;-))) all my cloths stunk of smoke. I had forgotten what it was like before the smoking ban came in. Your cloths stink even if you don't smoke yourself.
I won't be seeing him again. Not just because i don't want to, also because i think he's one of those guys who just shag and move on to the next one.
I know this because his bedroom had a huge box of condoms, a lube dispenser and a box of toys. His mobile kept ringing and Gaydar was his screensaver on the computer in the corner of the bedroom. This fella is a professional shagger.
He gave me his number and asked me to call him, but it was said in a sort of "if you fancy another shag" type of way, rather than, "if you fancy meeting up for a drink and a chat".

It's funny because i have written in the past on this blog about not wanting a relationship and perhaps quite like the idea of someone who, like me, is happy to meet for just a shag with no strings.
Then when it happens i feel put out by it. Why doesn't he want a relationship with me ?. He's only interested in sex, not me, he could be shagging anything.
I'm a two faced self centered twat aren't i ?.

Wednesday, 21 April 2010

Hairy Men

Another weekend and another boring Friday night in.

I've actually been to the pub after work and feel a bit pissed to be honest so it's not a complete waste. After I've eaten i can see myself collapsing into bed early thought cos i feel knackered.

Going for a drink after work is not something i would normally do, but it seemed a nice day and someone suggested it so 4 of us went for a "quick one", that turned into a 3 hour session.
In fact if it wasn't for one of the women saying she had to go home to put her kids to bed we could have been there all night.
Well i could have anyway.

I rang that fella from last Weekend whilst i was in the pub. How bad is that ?. I ignored his calls all bloody week and then three drinks down my gob and I'm calling him to find out if he's worth a shag.
He sent me a picture of himself on his mobile and i sent him one back. He's a bloody hairdresser for fuck sake !!!. I'm not keen on that idea. Not that i have anything against hairdressers, except perhaps the fact that most i have met are as camp as tits (luckily he wasn't) and two, they always, i repeat, ALWAYS ! have the worst fucking haircuts known to man.
I don't know if they tend to spend most of the day experimenting with each others hair or something, but most of the time they look like something from Star Trek with some sort of concoction that looks really out of place outside of a Sci Fi movie.
In the photo this guy sent looked a bit like something from the 60`s so not as bad as i initially imagined. I'll wait and see what he is really like tomorrow. If he is a proper hairdresser he could have a new style by then. Daniel is coming with me and we're gonna meet him in a sober state at the Trafford center.

I saw a car plastered in England flags this morning. As there is a general election on i assumed it was something to do with the BNP (if you live outside the UK you won't understand that last sentence)
Anyways, it turns out to be St Georges day today. If i'm honest, and i'm showing my ignorance and lack of education here, i have no fucking idea who this St George bloke is. And as we don't get a public holiday for him i'm not really interested in finding out either.
I'm sure all you intellects will be horrified to read that last bit.

Daniel has been given some weed (long story). Neither of us smoke so he wants us to make them into biscuits whilst his mum and dad are away tomorrow.
Imagine me and him baking ?. LOL.
Sorry to much info in that last post. Erase it from your memory.

Sunny weather, a bit of money in my pocket, a whole weekend, and Manchester for two days.
I'm looking forward to a happy 48 hours away.
See ya Sunday.
Have a good one everybody !

My Type of Guys

Glorious sun again today, Summer is fast approaching, and i think it's brilliant !. I’ve Still not seen any descent totty walking around though. It’s hardly worth having a camera phone is it ?.
I must admit i am a bit white myself. I took a closer look in the mirror the other night after a shower. We don't get enough sun in this country, everyone is extra white in the UK after winter is finished with us.
In Scotland i think they are a lighter shade of blue.

One of the women at work today was talking about things that put her off men. Hairy toes is quite high on the list, but men who fart in front of them comes a close second.
When they have conversations like this i'm interested and listen in. Mainly because i find a lot of what puts women off fellas doesn't normally match my list.

I for instance don't give a shit what he does for a living. I'm not looking for someone to "look after me" and if i'm honest it would probably work the other way around. If a guy had a really good job with loads of money and living in a big posh house i'd feel a bit inadequate. Much prefer someone who's got nothing.
Does that mean i'm looking for someone who i can "look after"?
I don't really notice toes either. In fact i'm not a foot person at all (i think i have mentioned that before).
Sexually i don't really have a type. That would probably be their downfall. I swap and change a lot. if i was going out with a young guy i'd have an eye out for someone older. if i was with someone older i'd start looking at guys my own age. My wanking fantasies are different every night and i'd probably be expecting that in real life.
Kissing and cuddling someone in bed would be OK, but you don't want it every night do you ?. Sometimes a bit of Jungle Fucking is what the Doctor ordered. LOL.

Yesterdays news

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Tuesday, 20 April 2010

Sun & Cloud

It's been a really nice sunny day today so I sat outside at lunchtime hoping to watch all the totty walking past.
There were some ugly fuckers walking, and then a man with his top off who was as white as a sheet came into view. He was so white that you needed sunglasses to look at him and on top of that he was so skinny I could see his ribs. Yuk. He looked like an uncooked chicken.
It's nothing like Brazil is it? They walk around in speedos (I imagine) and everyone is a lovely shade of bronze. Well at least that’s how it goes in my dreams anyway.

But suddenly a bit of sun makes England look lovely. If you live in the city it’s probably not the same, but there are some quite nice rural areas around here. Drive a couple of miles and you’re in the countryside. It stinks of cow shit mind you but if you hold your nose and open your eyes it can be quite nice.

The phone rang today and it was obviously you know who from Saturday night. So I did that really bad thing where you stick your head in the sand instead of confronting problems. I pretended I didn’t have my mobile with me and let it ring out. 5 times !!!
I’ll be really pissed off if you know who turns out to be as fit as fuck. I just need to do a bit of asking round to find out more about him first.

If your not flying then this volcanic ash thing just seems like an interesting news story. I'm sure it's gonna affect us all in some way but right now its mainly a problem for all the poor people involved.
What i wanna know is. When i look on the virtual radar website that shows all the aircraft flying and an outline of where the cloud is, there seems to be a dirty great cloud of planes whizzing across Europe volcano or no volcano. Yet the UK shows about three or four, and they are foreign planes passing over ?.

Not a very sexy post today, but you can't always write about porn and shagging can you ? LOL.

Monday, 19 April 2010

Porn Star job application forms

Oh Shit !

Remember that fella who gave me his phone number of Saturday night ?. Well apparently i gave him mine as well. I don't remember that. Now that's a bit scary don't you think ?. Anyway he rang me today and his name is Steve. Thankfully i must have lied through my teeth on Saturday and told him i lived in Oldham still LOL.

Anyway this guy wants to meet up for a drink. I said i was gonna be a bit busy for the next couple of days so i'll get back to him Wednesday. I need to find out a bit more about him first from Daniel. What he looks like might be a good starting point.

Daniel is looking for a new job (again) so i need to ring him anyway. I looked on the net to see if i could find anything for him.
These two caught my eye on fish4jobs.

Adult Extras:
Nationwide Salary - Variable Working hours: Part-time
Job type: Temporary
Industry sector: Customer Service & Call Centre , Marketing, PR & Advertising , Media/New Media , Secretarial, Administration & PA , Travel & Leisure
Apply now Come & join in the fun & excitement of appearing in Adult Movies,either as a walk on extra, a voyeur in the background or for all you exhibitionists out there,the chance to get down and dirty with the popular porn stars.
We have space available for fun, open minded and adventurous individuals looking for excellent earnings potential.As long as you are aged between 18-80 no matter what sexual preferences you have we want to hear from you.
So here's your chance to join the gang, either send us your CV by clicking the button, email us at or call us - don't be shy, on 08719 711 877 where we will call you straight back because calls cost 10p per minute from a BT landline.Calls from other networks may vary.

Adfinder code: Ref 25420381

Adult Film Extras/Acting/Films: Nationwide
Salary - Negotiable
Working hours: Part-time
Job type: Temporary
Industry sector: Customer Service & Call Centre , Marketing, PR & Advertising , Media/New Media , Public Sector , Travel & Leisure
Apply now
Need to earn extra cash?.Do you enjoy adult films?Ever wondered what it would be like to take part in one.We are looking for open minded people males or females of any ethnic background/gender who want to get into the adult industry and fulfil their fantasies.For more information telephone:0871 919 0122 or visit the website (Over 18s Only)
Adfinder code: Ref 25640053
Apply now

Something to store in my memory bank for a future use when i'm on my own i think.

Sunday, 18 April 2010

Weeeeeekkkeeennnddd !

It was a Saturday night like the old days.

The wedding was shite by the way.
I have no idea why i went really, i hate them at the best of times.

Anyways it was interesting to see all the fellas from last week sober and with their wives and girlfriends. Women really are spoilsports. It was like seeing little kids with their strict mums.
For some reason women like to belittle men to bring them into line. "stop showing off" is one fun killer and there where others. Some of the bitches could do it with a look. Sad. It's a terrible thing to say, but i either love women or hate them. Most of the ones i saw yesterday fell into the Hate catagory.

It was a Catholic Wedding as well, so it went on forever. Afterwards it was on to a reception in a working mens club that looked like something from the 80s and after the buffet we slipped out the back way and escaped to Daniels to lose the suits and get dressed into something a bit more appropriate for Manchester on Saturday night. Weather was fantastic all day so lots of loose clothing and T shirts ;-)

It's never a good idea to have a couple of drinks in the afternoon and then take a break before going out at night. You sort of sober up a bit and i felt really tired before we stepped out the door. In fact i could have quite happily gone to bed for a kip first, but there was no chance.
Three drinks later and i'm wide awake and absolutely off my bloody face. Daniel was dragging me around trying to follow a fella he had seen and thought was fit. Then he did a really embarrassing thing that i fucking hate and mercilessly ribbed him about for the rest of the night.
He walked past the guy and bumped into him and smiled in a pathetic attempt at getting his attention. which went down like a lead balloon because the guy told him to watch were he was going and swore at him. LOL

Poor Daniel was gutted.

I didn't get any (again), but someone gave me their telephone number. We were coming out of a pub and a guy pushed a piece of paper into my hand then walked off with all his mates (about 4 of them). He waved and they all laughed. When i looked at the slip of paper it just had a telephone number on it.

Trouble is, this morning with my hangover and fuzzy head, i can't quite remember what he looked like.
I woke up in bed with Daniel at his house. I was wearing nothing except for one sock. He was fully clothed and had sick on his right hand from where he had been sticking his fingers down his throat trying to get it up.

A good night was had by all...I think.

Friday, 16 April 2010

Dressing up

This volcano that has grounded all the planes with it's plume of dust is confusing my mother. She rang today to tell me to keep my windows closed at home and swore that her house is more dusty than it normally is.

Tomorrow i am going to a wedding and i'm wearing my work suite. I don't actually wear a suit at work, but you get one for interviews and stuff like that don't you?. In the end you only put it on when your going to a funeral or wedding so i made sure it was a dark blue.
Horrible bloody thing it is. Uncomfortable formal. Then you stick a shirt and tie with it and you feel like your being strangled all day.
Thankfully it's smart but casual at work.
But one thing i did notice when i tried it on again was how slack a silky the inside of the trousers are. Mens cloths are never really soft and sexy feeling are they ?. When you see or touch women's cloths (and i should at this point say i don't normally do either) they are soft and light and nice to the touch.
Mens cloths are like Brillo pads woven into cloth.

It's the difference between wearing tight undies that hold it all in, or boxers that let it all swing.

I once had a leather jacket that always use to feel really sexy to wear, but it made too many farting sounds when you moved about. And it stunk of leather as well.
I'm staying in tonight to save everything up for tomorrow night, but i could murder a drink tonight.
Bed early, need sleep, save it all up Michael
Have a good weekend everyone.

Thursday, 15 April 2010

The Leaders Debate

Tonight on the telly "political history was made" here in the UK when we had our first American style Leaders debate.
90 bleedin' minutes of it followed by another 4 hours worth of "who won round one ?".
I managed to stay awake for the full hour and a half and thought that if i watch the other two debates as well it will give me a good excuse not bother with any other political shows during this boring election and i won't feel guilty turning the page when it's in the papers either.

Before the debate i had no idea who to vote for. I still don't, but Nick Clegg (Liberal) was the one i seemed to agree with the most, so they edge up the leader board a bit on my voting list.

But all the telly pundits see things differently to me. When i say i think he was the winner it means i agreed with most of the things he said. When they say he won the debate they mean he scored points and looked good. They then go on to dismiss him and his party as never standing a chance in the real election.

Being British that sort of thing touches on my bloody mindedness and makes me think seriously about voting for them just to piss people off. Besides, if so many other people said he did well surely that means they agreed with what he was saying as well ?. Or does it just mean everyone else thought he looked good and smiled in the right places like the pundits, but don't actually agree with what he is saying and won't vote for him ?.

I'm crap at this politics lark. I still don't know who to vote for.

After the debate, TV does what it always does, it fills the airways with reaction from other members of the same party. and what a bloody waste of time that is. Liberal politicians say Nick Clegg did well, Labour said the same about Gordon Brown, and Conservative went for David Cameron. Funny that eh ?.

Anyway let's drop politics for now shall we, i'm all politicked out (politicked must be a real word, it was on spell check)

Sex on the Brain

Have you noticed i changed the blog format back to a boring background ?.
I don't know about you, but it was taking too long to load the page with fancy backgrounds and stuff. Plain is sometimes better than trying to be all flash.

I sometimes feel the same thing applies to life. But i could do with a bit of flash every now and then to be honest.
I've decided that i'm not gonna stay at this wedding thing on Saturday. Daniel and i are gonna show our faces, then sneak off when no one is looking and get off our faces in Mancs instead.

Daniel told me that his Ex has been in hospital for an operation. He didn't know what it was and seemed quite worried about him yesterday.
Tonight we hear that the operation was for Piles (hemorrhoids) LOL !.
Daniel thinks that alongside Aids, hemorrhoids are one the worst things a gay man can get. Ha!.
I'm not so sure he's thought that one through do you ?. Still, i don't think i fancy anyone fiddling around my back passage with a knife. (shudder) poor bloke.
Why does it sound funny though ?.
When my mother says `i'm going to the doctors with my feet` that always makes me laugh as well.

I watched one of those police camera action type shows on the telly the other night. You know the sort where a criminal steals a car and is chased by the police, he drives up the wrong side of the road, through red lights, smashes into other cars, scatters pedestrians and fights the cops off with a stick before being wrestled to the ground by 10 coppers with batons who drag him away as he screams abuse. Then they tell you at the end of the show he got 30 hour community service or that all charges were dropped due to lack of evidence. (in America he would have got the electric chair plus 99 years).

Anyways there was a guy on it. A bad guy, who looked a bad guy and not someone to be messed with. I shouldn't say this but he was as fit as fuck, and he had no shirt on. When he was struggling to break free they pulled his jeans down a bit as well to reveal a very nice muscular arse. And that!, ladies and gentlemen, is how my mind works.
I'm watching a serious documentary on crime and punishment and all i can think is `he's fit, look at that lovely bum, i wonder what he's like in bed, i bet he's a bit of an animal, i imagine he'd be a bit rough and forceful, perhaps very verbal and top...`.

I haven't quite reached the point where i'm looking at news reports on world disasters and getting distracted by half naked people, But i'm getting worried about myself.

I must get a shag this week end, i'm turning into a sex maniac.

Yesterdays News

We have had a complete refit of computers at work. In the past most of them were kept well away from the Internet. No one was allowed to download or copy anything to the hard drive and they were exclusively set for Accounts and word processors only. We had one separate computer for the Internet and everything else was just on one network connected to nothing. This means that Microsoft never updated (still running XP) and there was no Antivirus and spam blocker needed.

If were being honest here, it worked brilliantly. The bloody things hardly ever crashed and they came on in a flash. (funny that eh?). Where as the Internet computer with Norton and spam blocker was always on the blink and took about 10 minutes to turn on or off. But times move on and we had to eventually update everything. The point to this post is that i can actually go on the net at work now and update this blog every now and then if i want to during my lunch break. The question is, do i ?.

Well actually the more i think about it i don't really want to be writing stuff on here whilst someone at work is looking over my shoulder (even though i am now), but i can send pictures every now and then (clean of course). so as an experiment i'm gonna try a extra post during the day as well as my normal evening blog post.
Starting here.

Our Canteen is full of newspapers. Some today's, lots of yesterdays and sometimes from a couple of weeks ago.
Then someone will tidy up and you have nothing to read when your drinking your morning coffee.

There isn't really much time to read the papers during a morning break, in fact i'm normally yakking away to someone whilst scanning the headlines. But every now and then something catches my eye and we spend the next ten minutes talking about the story having only read the opening line and not really knowing anything about the actual details.
Here is today's headline attention grabber. WTF ?.

Wednesday, 14 April 2010

Rage against the Bitch

I've had a bit of a fall out with Rachel tonight over that bitch from my past.
Rachel is suddenly friendly with her and has started going out with her socially. To the point where she's her new best mate.
I know i can't do anything about that. It's up to her who she picks as her friends but don't fucking expect me to be friendly with the cow as well and don't be expecting me to join in the fun on a night out together.
What do you do when your friend suddenly mates up with your mortal enemy from School?.

Worse still, i've tried to tell Rachel seriously and calmly how much i don't like this woman and how i would prefer it if we didn't meet again. But Rachel just laughed as if i was making a big thing about nothing. That is exactly how this witch works. She would wind you up to high heaven and when you nearly crack with rage she then just pisses herself laughing and makes out that you are going over board and in the wrong.
I fucking hate her and the fact that Rachel is becoming her mate is turning me off Rachel as well.

Before anyone comments that maybe i'm jealous of them, Rachel has many mates, it's just this one i can't stand.
I'm more incensed that no-one else sees it. Even Daniel thinks i'm being stupid and he knows what this woman is like.
I'm the type of person who will cut my nose to spite my face. I'll happily stay mates with Rachel, but any attempt at getting me and the bitch from hell together as friends will result in Rachel losing me as a bloody friend all together.

I'm not the same person as i was at school. I'd punch her for nothing nowadays. Who was the twat who said men shouldn't hit women ?.

Can you tell i don't like her ? LOL.
If only you knew how much of a misery she made my life. It's funny how something from so long ago sticks with you isn't it ?. I can think of at least three people i haven't seen in probably 10 years who still make my blood boil when i think about them.
One in particular i would happily gut with a fish knife. But who knows ? they might be completely different now, Maybe married with kids of their own, sensible grown up adults with sensible thoughts and ideas. But in my head they are still 14 or 15, they still have that arrogant swagger and they still talk like tit heads.

Let is go Michael, let is go.......

Tuesday, 13 April 2010

Tops off lads, it's summer !

I heard the little girl from down the street talking to her friend about her 9th birthday party that must have taken place at the weekend.
Her friend asked her if she remembered her 7th birthday party and they then started to reminisce about what it was like when she was Seven. LOL. They sounded like a couple of old women. I wonder what she’ll be like when she reaches the big One O.

A bloke at work had an accident the other week. He's ok, but he spent a few days in hospital and it was a close call. A little further to the left and he would have been impaled on a metal fence, Game Over.
So now he's gone all, second chance, where is my life going, must make something of it, i've been given a second chance. etc.

But when i was talking to him at lunch time i was amused to note that much of the conversation revolved around him being worried what his parents might have found searching through his things had he died LOL.
I have come across this problem before with someone else, but it made me think, if i died tomorrow and my mum and dad had to come round here and root through my things what would they find that i wouldn't want them to ?.
Daniel has a key and strict instructions to go straight for the box in the big wardrobe ;-). I think my mum would be for upset at the mess, and my dad would be disgusted by the state of the garage.

They hardly know how to work a computer so i think i'm ok there.

We have had two great days of sun and in typical British fashion people are still walking around in coats and hats. When we reach the end of the summer and the weather breaks it tends to be the other way round, it's pissing it down and guys are still walking around in shorts and sandals.
I'm really disappointed though, not one topless guy, no abs, no tats, no fucking nothing.
It's summer boys, get those tops off now !!.

Monday, 12 April 2010

Stag Weekend with a stranger

I've had a great weekend with a bunch of strange people.

It was a stag doo for someone that Daniel knows more than i do. I was just roped into it all as transport for Daniel. The Idiot left it to the last minute before deciding he wanted to go and there was no room on the coach. So i took him and another couple of guys in my car. I couldn't drink, which was fine up to a point. But then when everyone else started to get really blotto it wasn't much fun. But part from wandering around Leeds city centre like a Shepard trying to keep everyone together and in line, as well as making sure Daniel didn't show himself up too much, It was a blast.

There were lots of activities, free grub and all bought & paid for as well.
The weather was fantastic, but we spent at least four hours in a shed full of noise and fumes racing go Karts round a track.
Then it was into Leeds to frighten all the girls with loud drunken, noisy loutish behaviour (i didn't like that bit, it's not me as you know ;-).

Anyway, I'm invited to the wedding now as well. Even though i didn't even know the bloke last Friday I'm going to his wedding next Saturday morning !. Not sure about the morning bit though. It's Saturday for fuck sake. I re-charge my batteries on Saturday mornings having a sleep in.
Actually I've just had an even worse thought. A Suite !!!.

Thursday, 8 April 2010

Horrible Bitch

Rachel rang tonight and told me the name of the girl that knows me from school. Urgh !. She's bloody horrible and i hated her. This bitch was one level below the school bully. A right cow. Her speciality was humiliation and she loved winding people up.
Her aim was to have you in tears and then she would piss herself laughing. Sadly she has cropped up a few times in my life after school and she doesn't seem to have changed.
Every time i think oh no not her again. I'm concerned that Rachel likes her. God forbid we ever meet again. No thanks.

Daniel has said we are going to Leeds on Sunday so that will be interesting. What for i don't know.

My Mobile has been on the blink today and i'm lost without it. Not for making phone calls of course, for the internet and email and music and pictures etc. I was thinking of changing it but not yet. It's not top of my list of things to buy. But i can't imagine life without it. It's like a drug, i'm hooked.
We were discussing in the office today how boring the election coverage is and how it's wall to wall on the telly and in the papers. I mentioned that i was thinking of not bothering to vote and my boss went up the wall.
I told him that i couldn't tell the difference between them all and he actually went away, logged onto all the main party websites and printed off their individual Policies on the Economy. He then handed them to me and told me to read each one carefully and let him know later if they were all the same. LOL. It was like school and he was my teacher.
I still haven't read any of them yet (even more like school) i'll do it in the morning (ditto).

One thing that did catch my eye. A Tory MP claims that Bed & Breakfast owners should be able to reject gay couples if they want. The inference being that it's their own home and they should be allowed to choose the activites that takes place in their own home. Not sure if that allows them to let people smoke or reject Black people as well, but when it comes to homosexuality this fella doesn't seem to believe that the law and equal rights come into play.
So that's 10 points taken away for the Conservatives for a start.
You don't want gay people in your home ?. Don't start a fucking business as a B&B then. If you do, it's a business not a home and you play by the same rules as every fucker else does.
Rant over.

Wednesday, 7 April 2010

General Erection

They're off !!. At last ! they have eventually called a bloody election and it will be all over by the end of May 6th (i hope).
Telly and newspapers are full of it and you can almost smell the excitement coming from every bleeding reporter on screen as they wet themselves over the whole idea.

It's like the X Factor or something and i've already seen at least a half dozen representations of how we might vote and some just harbour on the ridiculous. Everything from Special Effect screen graphics full of % signs, through to the size of Ice Cream Cornets and a box of Chocolates "imagine this layer of the box represents the Conservative vote and this is Labour, now lets see what happens when we include liberal chocolate creams...." Wot ?.
God what must it have been like in America ?, their elections seem to go on for years.
Today's Political Musings from a thicko

Conservative : David Cameron has a scratch on his nose, who's he been fighting ?. Sorry did he say something ?, i wasn't listening, i was distracted, he has a scratch on his nose.
Liberal : Vince Cable as Chancellor of the Exchequer ?. He looks like Scrooge with a haircut.
Labour : Cocky bastard, left it till the last minute didn't you ?

As you can tell, i'm not interested in any of them or anything they say....Yet. And i'm so bored and unexcited by it all that i'm distracted by any trivial shite that catches my eye. I hope things change, i wouldn't wanna be casting my vote on the strength of who happens to be wearing the wrong colour socks on May 6th because joking aside, what the wifes wear, who went to what school and where they launched their campaigns from are the least important things i need to know. Time to drop the trivia and start listening to what they are offering i think. (hark at me getting all serious for a change..LOL)

Daniel rang tonight and asked what i was doing at the weekend. Obviously the answer was nothing so he told me he has something planned and i that i should keep my diary open for Saturday and Sunday. But he wouldn't tell me what it was. Now there's a bit of excitement for a change. What are we gonna be doing ?. Or should that be, where are we going ?, because he asked me to fill the car up, i'm driving. Typical.

Now that this blog has been going for a while i thought it best to do a blogger backup. This lets you download the whole thing (comments and all) to my hard drive.
once i had done this i decided to copy and paste just the text bits in one huge Cut & Paste to my Microsoft Word program just to see how much there was without all the pics.
118 pages and 102190 words long it's nearly half a book. Hardly Harry Potter i know and most of it is shit. But i'm thinking of printing it out and sticking it somewhere in the toilet so i can flick through the old stuff to see what i wrote.
One thing that bloggers will tell you about blogging is that once you've posted something and moved on to the next day, all previous stuff is forgotten by you and goes unread by everyone else.
In fact in most cases a blog could really be just a dozen pages you keep overwriting for what good the archive is. But this is a personal diary and the best thing about a personal diary is the looking back.
I'm forgetting to look back.
From my first proper post "It's Easter bank holiday weekend and i am as bored as hell" Sound familiar ? LOL

Tuesday, 6 April 2010

I Pissed myself

I recorded a 2 and a half hour comedy show that was broadcast on Channel 4 on Monday night so i thought i'd watch it tonight to cheer myself up. It featured a lot of my favourite comedians so i was looking forward to it.
I got bored after about 20 minutes and stared flicking through. In the end i managed to watch it all in 45 minutes.
The only laugh i've had this week was when i got up in the middle of the night for a piss with a massive erection. How the fuck do you have a piss with a massive hard on ?.

I tried pushing it down, but it was far too strong and hurt when i did. I even considered standing on my head but no. The only answer of course is to sit and hold the fucking thing down like an escaped snake whilst it's emptying itself. But It was so hard i actually had to lean forward and lift my arse a bit to point it in the right direction.
This is all happening whilst i'm still semi conscious in a sleepy daze with my eyes shut. No light on, pitch black.
Then the fucking thing slipped out of my hand and up in the air it went, piss everywhere, up the wall on the floor and me panicking trying to get it back in control.
So i lean forward again trying to make it aim down the pot and i bang my fucking head on the door in front of me that is half open. It was like a scene from a farce.
And by the time i'd cleaned up afterwards and got back into bed i was wide awake and spent the next hour pissing myself(not literally this time) laughing.

I now have a cut on my forehead where i banged it on the edge of the door and was asked at work "how did you do that ?"
I told the truth, not the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I just said i Banged it on a door.

Back to normal

Back to work again today and if i'm honest i was ready for it.

If you have something planned to do when your off work for a few days it's great and something to look forward to. But if your skint and have no plans, it's difficult not to sleep in till lunch time and do nothing all day sat on your arse. I was getting stalled.

My mother is still pestering me to go on holiday with her and a gang of others, including a couple of relatives and some friends. I think she's hoping to turn it all into one big event and i'm now getting full on emotional blackmail, to force me into going. "it'll be one last family holiday together"
Anyway i've said i'll think about it and i'm leaving it at that.

I've been given a wage rise at work. It's an extra £20 a week, which translates into about £13 once the taxman has sliced his cut off it.
Still, £13 a week is £676 a year and you can't sniff at that can you ?.
Especially as there was a lot of talk going around that there would be no pay rises at all for the next 12 months.
I'm sort of skint and in the money at the same time. I'm sticking it in the bank with my savings whilst pretending that i have nothing. Once you manage to get a little bit put away there is an incentive not to touch it. I think i'd feel guilty if i did spend big right now.

Rachel has rung and told me she is working with someone i knew at school. But then she couldn't remember her name.
I wish she wouldn't do stuff like that. It's a woman thing, they start a story about nothing and forget all the details. So it begins with a dramatic "you'll never guess" and ends in a "what's her name now...."
Rachel does this a lot. telling stories that are funny but fizzle out in the end so you wonder what was the point.

She once told me about someone we both knew getting run over. the story was quite dramatic and had all the details except, she could tell me how the person ended up. How bad was she ?. did she live or did she die ?.
"I don't know" said Rachel, " i never asked"

Monday, 5 April 2010

Something Throbbing

I don't know if i like this new blog format.
The page seems to take forever to load when i look at it on my laptop.
MMMmmm. I need to take another look at it. Sometimes basic is better than fancy shite.

Yesterday afternoon i decided to get stuck into the garden again. It was a mess after the winter so i think it'll take a few goes before i can get it in a state where i can just go out and cut the grass every now and then in order to make it looking good.

When i was clearing some leaves i found a used condom at the back near the wall. Where the fuck did that come from ?. There are gardens all around and no access to anyone walking past so it's either the people who lived in this house before me or one of the neighbours. I'm now checking out who lives where trying to work out who it might have belonged to. I hope it's not the fat bloke on the corner. I don't even wanna think about that.

Whilst i tidied up i stabbed my finger on a bit of wood and it bloody killed. The woman next door saw me swearing and kicking things around so she offered to give me some antiseptic stuff to wash it in (note to self, buy a first aid kit, i've only got paracetamols). When she was looking at my finger she remarked that i had soft hands.
I work in an office and have no manual skills whatsoever(nothing clean anyway) so i'd never thought about it before. Was she trying to make a pass at me ?. she's in her 40s i doubt it.

As i type this i can feel it throbbing so i'm gonna stop typing and log off now.
My finger is still hurting as well....Da daaa.
Happy Easter everyone.

Sunday, 4 April 2010

Politics & Porn

Meeeooooww !.
I'm away two minutes and a fight breaks out in my comments section. Typical homosexual behaviour, intolerance and ignorance combined with catty remarks. LOL. (joking of course). Don't be offended by this next bit but I refuse to join in. Mainly because i don't understand half of it. If i'm honest i got lost somewhere down the page.

In all seriousness it's one of the reasons i'm crap with politics, people start talking over my head. I don't know what they are on about so how can i argue ?. Please remember i'm not the best educated person (can't you tell from this blog ?) I skipped a lot of school, (It wasn't a happy time for me) and i'm still trying to play catch up. The title of the post was to vote or not to vote ?. Well Reading the comments section i'm reminded why i turn politics off when it's on the telly. I have the attention span of a goldfish and if your not talking my language my brain tunes out.

I know that's not something to be proud of and i look forward to your comments slagging me off. But the only thing that interests me about politics are. Will i be able to afford to live, and how much more are you gonna squeeze out of me for owning a fucking car !!. In truth I hate them all. i trust none of them and i know that the only time they seem give a shit about me is the last 6 months before a general election. Then, when its over and they get into power, they just carry on as normal. I will vote of course, but i've yet to decided who for. Since this post provoked such a response I'll keep you informed which way i'm swinging over the coming weeks, I may even tell you who i vote for when the time comes. It'll give me something to blog about, and it'll give you an idea of how the mind of a none political thicko works when it's election time.

First brainless political thoughts of the day ?.

Labour : Who voted Gordon Brown Prime minister ?(no-one) and who voted Peter Mendelsson anything ? (no-one) Who voted Lord Sugar anything (no-one) etc etc..i hate them for that alone.

Conservative : David Cameron needs to spend less time being pictured running around exercising and riding around London on his Bike, he looks a twat. It's like seeing your dad at the gym or trying to dance. And anyone who employes an ex editor of the News of the World as his PR loses my vote pronto.

Liberal : That bloke from the liberals (whats his name ? thingy) Are you the leader or is it that old bloke who looks a bit like a Wiesel ?. All i see is suits, sometimes Jacket on, sometimes jacket off. But when i think liberal i think suits. Don't ask me why.

UKIP : A rude tit head of a leader who acts like he's showing off to his mates all the time. He treats it like it's some sort of jolly jape and i once saw him say he enjoyed "stiring it up in Europe". Stop it you pillock!, your supposed to be representing Britain you nobhead, start doing your job and stop acting the goat. He's even arrogant enough to think he speaks for the whole of the UK. Someone punch him please, i don't care what country you come from, just do it, I promise you that people in the UK wont be offended, we'll probably just piss ourselves laughing then send you a medal.

Not very sophisticated political commentary i know, but there you go. The level of my thoughts.

Oh and one final note. who will be willing to legalise pornography ?. It's like the fucking dark ages in this country. Now there's a policy i don't see anyone adopting yet LOL

Anyways after that short rant, back the norm, it's a bank holiday weekend here in the UK so i've spent less time at home and more time with my family. But it's Sunday now and they were getting on my tits, so here i am, back home again.

Had a leisurely day with my mum and dad yesterday, which ended with us all sat in front of the telly watching Dr Who eating fish and chips.
It was like old times and i felt like i was 7 again. All that was missing was being told it's bath and bedtime afterwards.

When i stay over i sleep in my old room. Its starting to look less and less like my old room to be honest. It's turning into a store room and i had to move a cloths horse with drying tea towels on it and a Tesco bag full of old Birthday cards stuffed under a pillow.
Why do women keep old cards ?. My mum keep loads of 'em.

My Mum & Dad also got broadband the other week. which is quite funny because neither of them really uses the Internet. They just got it because everyone else has it. My dad can send e-mails and my Mum has discovered net shopping. But when it comes to buying stuff she then goes to the shop because she refuses to input her Credit card details.

On the plus side i can use my laptop the next time i'm over, so no excuse not to blog from their house in future.