Sunday, 30 August 2009

Nacked

Not a very relaxing Sunday afternoon at all today. I was invited to Daniels mom and dads for lunch and there was a house full of all his family all day drinking and being merry. It was like Christmas.
Then i came away at about 3 to be taken by Jack to his mum and dads in Halifax for much the same thing.

I feel like i am all partied out. My ears are ringing. There were grandmas and grandads nephews and nieces, Kids running round, Dogs and cats, even a budgie tweeting. I'm glad to get home again.
I sat in the kitchen when got home for 15 minutes with no TV or radio on and just enjoyed the silence.

Looking back it was a great day but thank god it's over and i can get back home again.
Jack didn't want to stop and has gone back home himself. On one hand I'm wondering why he didn't want to stay, on the other I'm glad he's gone.

Space, quiet, my own home, my own things, the world can piss off for a bit.

Saturday, 29 August 2009

Get Stuffed

Everything seemed to go ok last night.

Everyone turned up on time and the grub only took half an hour to make (make? LOL) so I didn’t have to do anything until we were ready. Which meant we could all get pissed first.
I refused any help from anyone, mainly because they would all get in the way. But as I was cheating, all I had to do was dollop it out on their plates anyway.
Those cheap knifes and forks from Wilkinsons were a bad idea. The forks bent if you applied any pressure at all and the knives were blunt. You couldn’t even cut a Yorkshire pudding in half without turning into Uri Geller. I may as well have bought plastic ones for all the good they were.

I was a bit stuffed by the time we reached the pudding, but you can be full to overflowing and always find room for apple pie and custard can’t you ?.
After we finished I dumped all the plates in the sink and filled it with water, I’ll wash them up next Tuesday I think. And Then we settled down in front of the telly and watched a DVD that Howard brought round. Some Horror flick that was rubbish, so we turned it off and put another he brought called shag me sideways or something like that anyway. I don't look at the credits.

I have no idea what we did from there on. Talk, laugh, took the piss out of each other. And got even more drunk. It didn't effect me much other than make me tired. It’s not the same drinking at home . It’s a social, going out, type thing for me not something I do sat on my own sofa. Maybe it was the food, I prefer to drink first, eat later, but by 1am I was getting tired and starting to fall asleep. By two o’clock I was turning the telly off and the lights out as a subtle hint that it was time to leave. If it had gone on any longer I would have probably gone to bed and told them to lock the door on the way out.
Maybe I wasn’t 100% after being ill from last week, or perhaps I was just knackered because it’s a Friday.
But everyone seemed to enjoy it and I did like the idea of people coming to me rather than having to go out.

Howard has suggested that he will do something in future. I don’t know if it was the drink talking but I wouldn’t mind that, he doesn’t live that far away so I could walk there.

Jack never offered though, He was too pissed. He climbed into bed before me and by the time I turned everything off and climbed in next to him, he was fast asleep.
I don’t like this. We are turning into a boring bog standard regular couple. I was to tired to be bothered myself but it would have been nice to fight him off for a bit.

Anyways, it's Saturday night now so the bank holiday weekend starts here. Manchester here we come.

Friday, 28 August 2009

Service with a smile

I bought a 'finest' Aberdeen Angus cottage pie from Tescos for the dinner party tonight. I know it’s cheating but what the hell.
The guy behind the counter was a good-looking bloke in his early 20`s. Long hair and a bit spotty but very friendly.
When he gave me my change, instead of doing the robotic 'thank you for shopping at Tescos, have a nice day' type of thing. He dropped the coins in my hand and then said “cheers mate, nice one!" then stuck both thumbs up in the air like Paul McCartney does.
If I am honest it seemed much nicer and friendlier than the usual but as I walked a way I heard his supervisor ticking him off for doing it.

On the way to the car i passed a guy on his mobile talking really loudly (like they do). "listen mum" he said " Nathan was never gonna be the type of kid to come away with any A's or B's". Which reminded me to ring my cousin and ask how he did with his exam results yesterday.
He wasn't available to talk because he was in the bath. His dad said "He's going out to get pissed tonight to celebrate !"

To do the full cheat I have also got three packets of frozen microwavable veg and some Aunt Bessie's frozen Yorkshire Puddings that take 3 minutes to defrost in the oven. Then I have a huge tin of custard and a pack of 6 Mr Kiplin Apple pies to pour it on for afters.
My mum gave me some old plates that match and are at least all the same size and I bought a set of cheap knifes and forks from Wilkinsons.
Everyone I have spoken to today about having this dinner party thinks it's either funny or can’t understand why I don’t cook properly. But who cares, if it works this once maybe I’ll experiment on them next time. Who knows maybe one of them will be inviting me to their place for a meal next time. Hopefully not Daniel. According to his mum, he once put an unopened tin of beans in some boiling water to ‘cook it’.
Anyway we’re all set for a great night. I feel much better and I’m in the mood for a drink as well.

I'm all excited. Fingers crossed.

Thursday, 27 August 2009

Dinner for Four

Now no laughing at this but i'm having a dinner party this weekend at my place.
I'm even cooking food and stuff. Imagine that ?. It might be something you lot do on a regular basis but i don't even cook for myself never mind others.

My microwave is the most used appliance in my kitchen, I'm not sure the cooker even works i never turn it on.

But for some explicable reason this week i decided to give it a go. All this talk of reading books as made me go all middle class and hooray Henry, LOL.

I asked Daniel if he and Howard fancied coming over on Friday night. Jack will be there as well, obviously, so a it's a foursome. They bring their own drink and i just provide the food.

What the hell i decided to do this for i have no idea. It was an off the cuff spur of the moment thing. Now it's planned i'm wondering what to do. I don't know how to cook.

By the time i got home i decided i would buy something ready made thing from Tescos and just add frozen veg and a couple of Yorkshire puddings.

They will be more interested in the pudding anyway so a tin of custard and a couple of apple pies will do there as well.

Hardly Gordon Ramsey is it ?. I'll let you know how it goes of course but to give you an idea of how things are going so far. I've realised i don't actually have enough plates for four people, none of my knifes and forks match. I only have two chairs and i don't even know if i can get four people round my kitchen table either. Well what do you expect ? I live alone in a rented upstairs flat.

I wonder where the phone number of my local McDonald's is ?.

If nothing else it will be a laugh.

Pretty People

Wednesday, 26 August 2009

Books

I met Rachel for lunch today. I didn’t eat anything myself, i'm still not right, but it saved spending any money. a cup of tea and that's it. Even more money saved for the weekend ;-).

She had a book with her by James Patterson and when she went to the loo I had a flick through it.
It was a big thick hardback book with hundreds of pages in it. But on closer inspection half were blank and the rest had big writing all spread out down the page. Chapter 42 started on page 120 with chapter 43 began on 121. I thought to myself, I could write like that. In fact I probably do on this blog.
But I suppose it’s not the presentation it’s the content isn’t it? Lord of the rings looks spectacular in book form, but I thought it was a shit read so what do i know?.

I have books all over the house, mostly out of the way where visitors can't see them. Some of my friends see reading books as the equivalent of wearing corduroy trousers. Unless it’s porn of course, that’s ok, you can leave that out. But everything else has to be hidden LOL. i Think your book collection is like your CD collection, it's up for criticism when it's on show. There is always some tosser who will pick it up and say 'what the bloody hell are you doing with this?'
I can be reading three books at the same time. Mindless autobiographies or diaries are kept in the bathroom/toilet, Interesting history type stuff is in the bedroom and the odd novel is under the cushions in the main room.

This makes me sound quite studious but when I say the autobiography currently sitting in my toilet is that of Robbie Williams and the History book in my bedroom is actually on The music industry then you won't be surprised to know that the novel (my least favourite type of book) is some mindless crap about a Guy coming out and shagging everyone he meets whilst struggling with his sexuality (poor soul).
Even if they are absolute shite (Chris Moyles) i still have to finish them.

But at least I read books. Daniel doesn’t even read newspapers, or anything come to think of it. I once asked him the last time he actually sat down and read something. Harry Potter, The Daily Mirror, a pamphlet, anything.
He said it was probably at school. Why read books when you can see the film?, why read newspapers when you can turn on SKY News?. And at the end of the day what is the Internet if not pages and pages of words that need reading before you click a mouse to get to the pictures of someone with no cloths on.

He has a point i suppose. Look at some of the weird collection of books (all read i might add) i have on the top of my wardrobe for instance.
Transaction accounting is a work thing, honest. and all the Piers Morgan ones are my dads. But the rest are off market stalls and charity shops. I still picked them though. Why ?
It's like showing someone your CD collection and suddenly finding Barbie Girl in the middle of it.

Tuesday, 25 August 2009

Can't write for toffee

Someone sent me an e-mail picking me up on my writing skills tonight. My spelling is terrible sometimes and i don't check over things enough before i post them to make sure i iron out mistakes first.
I felt like i was getting a ticking off from my teacher, but i wasn't offended, it came from a good place and the guy was very nice and encouraging about it all.

Can i just say thought that i am not a writer i know. I did nothing at school, i came away with hardly any qualifications and i never try make out that this blog will be anything special.
It's just a little hobby thing for me, an online diary to write my crap on. And like all good diary's should it takes me minutes to do, that's why i manage to keep it up every day and i'm not bored with it yet. The second it becomes a chore and taking forever to do, i'll stop completely.
But just like reading more should help with your spelling, surely writing more will help with your writing skills (or lack of them).
I always felt that if i had gone to school more often and paid more attention i could have made something of my life but circumstance shit all over that idea, maybe i will write about that sometime in the future.
But for now you should expect spelling mistakes, bad grammar and unintelligible sentences. It's me I'm afraid. i can't help it.

Bath time

Shouldn't i be feeling better by now ?. Well i went to work today but i wish i hadn't. After the first few minutes asking how i was and what i thought i had. No-one cared any more and things just carried on as normal.

Just to rub salt in the wounds Daniel rang at lunch time and asked if i would be interested in going for a couple of drinks tonight with Howard ?. Have you forgotten i have been in bed ill all weekend ?. 'Oh yeah, how ya doing now, better?' No call from Jack either. He text me to say sorry and that he has been really busy.
People don't give a shit do they ?.
I've felt really frustrated and tired. After lunch i just wanted to curl up in a ball on the top of the desk and go to sleep. Why can't we have a siesta after lunch like they do in Mexico or Spain.

On the other hand having a longer lunch means you work longer into your evening. Under normal circumstances i would rather miss out on breaks and lunch altogether if could go home an hour earlier.
The boss and his wife had a spectacular stand up row before i came away tonight. The full on screaming and shouty thing that could be heard in every corner of the building. I was on the phone and had to stick my finger in the other ear just to be able to hear what the customer was saying. Not very professional, in fact embarrassing. But his wife came storming into the office again with a face like thunder and apologised to us all. She was still annoyed to it didn't sound very convincing.
I wouldn't mind but from what i heard the argument was about him leaving the window down on the car when it was raining. God knows what it would be like if she caught him having an affair. She'd chop his Knackers off.


This blog is getting a little boring now with me feeling like this, so I'm gonna log off, have something to eat have a hot bath and go to bed.
Now there is an excuse to post a picture of a cute guy in a hot tub if ever i heard one.
Suddenly this post springs to life.

Monday, 24 August 2009

Having it off

I decided to have it off today. I always like that phrase 'have it off'. I don't know if it has the same connotations in the rest of the world but here in the UK it has a bit of a saucy seaside humour tone about it 'have it off' nudge, wink, meaning having sex.
I don't know where it comes from, or how it relates, but then again i do know that when giving a blow job, blowing is something you don't do so all these sexual connotations have stupid meanings anyway, even if you can understand how it might relate.

Anyway i set my alarm to get up as normal this morning and thought i felt OK at first. But by the time i had a shower and got ready for work i felt shattered again and a bit sick so i rang in and told them i wasn't well.
For some reason i put a 'I'm really unwell' sort of voice on. I don't know why. Maybe it's because i don't think they will believe me. In fact i was right. I could tell by the tone of voice at the other end that they thought i had just had too much to drink and wanted a day off to recover from a hangover. All that did was make me think that if i don't feel any better tomorrow i won't go in then either, they'll prove I'm not kidding.

Of course that also means i don't get paid. Three waiting days where you get nothing and then sick pay which is about £70 a week i think. I'll be getting better as fast as i can i think.
Actually i have now not left the house for three days and it's driving my round the bend. What must it be like for old people who are housebound ?.

Definitely must be feeling better, got the DVDs out and a box of tissues. ;-)

Sunday, 23 August 2009

Getting better

I'm feeling slightly better, even thought i still feel knackered. I don't know what has been wrong with me, i seem to have suddenly slept for Britain after climbing in to bed the other morning and blacking out for a full 14 hours and yet i could still lie down and go back to sleep again.
It's been like a lost weekend. I asked Daniel to go to the supermarket for me on Saturday morning. He went but i could tell he wasn't really keen on the idea. He still lives at home with his mum so i don't think he has ever been shopping for food in his life.

I kept the list short thinking i could get the rest myself when i feel up to it, but even then he had no idea and brought back completely different things to those i asked for.
I'm sure he walked in and grabbed anything he could. His excuse was that he couldn't find things.

Anyways i have Milk and cereal so that's breakfast lunch and dinner sorted.
Too much sleep can give me a headache so that's what i have now. I need to get some fresh air and go for a walk but it's 11pm and you don't go for a strole around these streets at this time of night. Well not unless you want to get mugged or arrested.
I stried standing on the landing outside my flat but the neighbour from hell was sat there having a fag so i came back in. He's still limping from his accident so that cheered me up a bit.

I'll decide in the morning whether i will be going into work or taking the day off. To be honest i need to get out of the flat so i might go in just for the sake of it.
On the other hand it's a shit office to drag your sorry ass into. I know there will be no sympathy or light duties. I'll be expected to work at the same speed and same level as normal. And no one will send me home if i get worse, so I'm thinking i might give it a miss already. They hardly encourage people to come to work when ill.
The worst part of all this is that it's completely ruined my weekend and that depresses me more than feeling ill.

But try to think positive shall we. I haven't spent anything so twice as much for next week. And next weekend is a Bank Holiday weekend. ;-)))

Saturday, 22 August 2009

4.30am mindless drivvle

I am typing this at four thirty in the morning.

I feel ill and i'm not sure what it is. Maybe it is a bit of flu, i don't know. I don't have the cough and snotty nose thing, but everything else seems to be there. Tired, aching, upset stomach, headache, the lot.
But i can get up and sit at the computer so it's not really flu is it ?. If it were i would be bed ridden for sure. And if it's a cold, it's the only cold i have ever had where i don't need a hanky or a bottle of cough syrup.

It's weird sitting here at this time. The world seems to be asleep and it's really quiet outside. I can't even hear cars driving up and down the road. I just looked outside and saw a light go on in the upstairs window of the house across the road. a minute later it went off again, so i assume they got up for a piss and then went back to bed. That is how my mind is working at this time in the morning. I watched a daddy long legs trying to fly up the outside window when i put the kitchen light on. That's not really flying is it ? it just kept crashing into the glass and banging about. It must be pissed. For the past half hour i have done that going into a trance thing you do sometimes. staring at the fire and seemingly switching off. Like a zombie. I even lifted my hand up in front of my own face and waved it about a bit to tray and snap myself out of it. I'm sick of drinking tea. I make one, drink half and then leave it. There is a cobweb near the ceiling above the computer but no spider. Where the fuck is it ? has it gone away for the weekend ?. It will take a millisecond to swipe this cobweb down, but i can't be arsed, i'll do it in the morning or when i feel better.

I'm feeling cold now. Why do your nipples stand up when your cold ?. My feet are cold as well. I hate feet, if i were to put in order my favourite body parts in terms of sexiness, feet would come last. And a big turn off for me in porn films are men who strip completely, apart from their socks.
I have 6 remote controls in a row on the coffee table but i only use two and one of the others is for a CD player that i don't even have any more, why don't i just throw it a way. Perhaps i'll put it in my man draw with all the other electrical shit. I wonder what remote controls will be like in the future ?. Will we be able to turn the telly over by just thinking ? The future is like heaven, everyone keeps banging on about how brilliant it will be, but no one actually wants to go there just yet.

I Just saw a tv commercial for stuff to get rid of grey hair. why does the man with grey hair look like a man with brown hair who has just died bits grey ?
On the telly there is sixty minute makeover or star trek the next generation. Who's watching programs like this at 4.30 am on a Saturday morning ?. Me i suppose.
I'm hungry, but i'm not hungry if you know what i mean. I wanna go to bed, but i don't want to go to bed, I can't be bothered to get dressed and i'm sitting here in my pants but i think i should get dressed and then i think i want to go back to bed.
Nothing i do feels right.

I have cancelled Jack for this weekend, so that's ruined. But i have no food in the house because i usually do my supermarket shopping on a Saturday and i don't think i'll be up to going out today. I'll ask Daniel tomorrow if he will go for me.
I'm sick of moaning now, this post is turning into a moaning droaning feel sorry for yourself pile of crap.
I can't be arsed to finish it or spell check.

Post over. Bed beckons

Friday, 21 August 2009

Sinking fast

What is the matter with me ?. i feel like crap today.
Of course everyone says it's swine flue. Any illness at the moment is swine flu. Got a headache ? Swine flu, Fell sick ?, Swine flu, can't go to the toilet ?, swine flu. Going bald ?, swine flu. Can't find your car keys, Swine flu.
Anyways i know it's not that, i just feel run down and sickly. No symptoms of any cold. I have cancelled going out tonight so it must be bad and i have even told Jack not to bother coming round either.
I'm taking the phone off the hook, downing some paracetamol and going to bed.

Thursday, 20 August 2009

Need Sleep

I've not been sleeping properly for the past few of nights.
I don't know why, i can usually put my head down and drift off into the land of nod fairly easily. But for some reason my mind has been too active and i'm running rubbish through my head. They seem to be arguments or things that wind me up so i'm all tense and hyper. I'm saying to myself 'enough now, switch off or change the subject', but this seems impossible. 2 seconds later i'm thinking of the same thing again.
I can lie awake all night like this until about 7am, then my mind decides to switch off and wants to go to sleep. Why ?.
This results in a day at work where i feel tired and long for my bed. I make a promise to myself that i will have an early night when i get home, but the same thing happens again. The more you think to yourself, GO TO SLEEP! the less chance there is for it to happen.
If i don't sleep properly soon it's ruin my weekend .

Wednesday, 19 August 2009

Quotes of the day

I’m at work as I type this post, pretending to look busy. There is nothing to do. I’m up to date with all my stuff and to avoid being given someone else’s shit to deal with I’m doing my best to look like I’m rushed off my feet.
My father always taught me to do this. “Even if you have nothing to do at all, never ever let it look that way”.” Find something to do yourself or someone will do it for you”.
And he was right. I can’t believe some people. Some of the guys here are happy to read a newspaper or sit with their feet up. Then they can’t understand why the boss suddenly gets all worked up when he sees them. Looking busy keeps the top brass happy. Even if the place is going down the toilet, the fact that everyone looks busy makes them feel secure for some reason.
Of course it does men that I have nothing to actually write about.

I was reminded of a book of quotes I have somewhere by famous people when looking at Michael Rivers blog.
I wonder if I listen carefully enough this afternoon I can see whether ordinary people can come up with similar thought provoking, amusing or interesting quotes.
Here are a few I have made note of in the past hour or so. The answer is obviously No!.

Fuck it, let’s have a biscuit

There is no sugar in this coffee, it tastes of shit

That Kerry Katona needs a rocket up her arse

Bloody X Factor, not again, and it goes on till Christmas….Please god no more I give in

“Paul McCartney dies his hair, my mate once saw him out in the sunshine and he had a blue aura round his head

“You use up more calories eating a stick of celery than there are calories in the celery”

“When he handed in his time sheet he stunk of ointment”

“Is anybody gonna answer that phone or are we all washing our hair?”

“has anyone seen my keys ?, I left them in the toilet”

“We once went to Granada Studios when you could go on the tour. You could actually walk down Coronation Street. It’s only tiny and the buildings are built three quarters the size of a proper house. Barry had a piss in Des Barnes’ back garden”

“Fanny Hair”

And my personal favourite exchange on the subject of Jordan and Peter Andre

“He’s a lost soul”…”she’s an arse hole..”

Tuesday, 18 August 2009

Hot Stuff

If Daniel has some chocolate or crisps with him you never bother to ask for a bite because he has this annoying habit of eating really weird flavours instead of the normal bog standard stuff that people love and share.

So if he has a packet of crisps it won’t be cheese & Onion or Smokey Bacon it will be chocolate and mint or something weird like that. If he has a bar of chocolate it will be chilli and sausage or beef and banana flavour. I’m making these flavours up of course because I can’t actually remember any of the stupid things he buys, but you get the idea. It’s so annoying, you’re expecting the wonderful taste of milk chocolate and you suddenly get slammed with some horrible gut-churning gunk.

Today he was eating a packet of Spicey Hot Wasabi Peas. The most repulsive tasting thing I have every had in my mouth (insert your own joke here)
They looked a little like salted peanuts from a distance and he enjoyed watching me take a huge handful and downing them in one.

I was nearly sick. If you don’t believe me, buy yourself some and give it a go. Great fun can be had by offering them round to your friends and watching them vomit when the taste hits the back of their throat. Blueeerggh !

Monday, 17 August 2009

Bath Time

I haven't had a bath in weeks. Dirty sod i hear you say, you must reek.

Well don't panic, i shower every morning and again later when i come away from the gym. If i'm lucky enough to have had a bit of hanky panky, i might have another one afterwards as well. Come to think of it, i overdo the clean thing a bit. Anyways, back to the point of this post. I had a bath tonight. The full Monty, bubbles, floating toys (don't ask, it was a present from Daniel) and some candles all round the side to make it look all romantic and relaxing.
Apart from nearly setting my hair on fire when i got in, it was great. Nice and quite, a warm and relaxing soak. My dad could have a bath in 5 minutes. I'm like my mum and can spend hours in there, topping up with hot water when it starts getting cold, sometimes falling asleep or even reading a book.

As i was lying there tonight though i was wondering if i can fit two people in here when Jack comes round next. I've never had a bath with someone else before. Do you sit up the tap end ? or do you make them have the uncomfortable bit ?. To be honest the size of my bath it's gonna have to be who goes on top and who drowneds underneath.

Sunday, 16 August 2009

Slob out

It's been a lazy Sunday today. I haven't even left the flat and intend spending the rest of the night doing the same. I need to recharge my batteries so it's gonna be a slob out day today.
What i notice form this is that there is even less on TV during the summer as all the channels seem to give up trying for viewers completely and assume everyone is on holiday. And that the less you do the more tired you feel.
I have stacks of DVDs that i intended watching but can't be bothered with, and stuff on my Sky + saved for later viewing now seem uninteresting and just need deleting.
All those things you save till later when you have time. Now i have time and i can't be arsed.
The only thing i can be bothered with is the Internet and that is just like flicking through a book. I'm not really reading or taking note of much, it's just eye candy and moving pictures.
Maybe that's what revamping your batteries is all about though. Not having to think. Being on autopilot and acting like a drone for a bit.

Jack stayed for a few hours earlier on but it reached a point where we were just not talking and staring at the walls. I don't mean not talking because we have fallen out. I mean that comfortable not talking when you don't need to with someone close to you.
I feel like that now with Jack. When we first met a 30 second silence would need filling with a question or some chat. But now we are both happy to let it pass and stay silent sometimes.
I worry that we are getting boring though. It's good that he goes home and we meet mainly at weekends or we would have nothing to say to each other. What must it be like to have a live in partner with whom you do everything with ?
My mum and dad have been married for over 25 years, no wonder they fall out all the time.

Saturday, 15 August 2009

At last a great night out.

Brilliant night last night. Everyone seemed to get on great, no one fell out and even Daniel and Jack seemed to hit it off.

Howard is actually quite a funny guy. He doesn't look like a comedian and is very drole but when he has had a couple of drinks he comes out of his shell.
He is also a bit of a geek at the same time though. He collects things. According to Daniel he has a massive vinyl record collection and wall to wall horror and Sci fi DVD's and videos.
Books piled all over the bedroom and a drawer full of plastic bags (?).
His cat is called Arthur and is his baby, and his mum comes round often for tea.
The only down side was when he had a few to many drinks, he starts to talk dirty. Making suggestions that are funny at first, but then get a bit to crude later on.
Daniel kept him in check though so it was ok in the end. Jack seemed to enjoy it as well and even suggested we should do it more often in future when we came away. That's good, because i felt the same.

We bumped into one of my dads mates earlier on. He is about 50 and was on a stag night out with a few others. It was funny to see because i have never seen him drunk before. He never goes into Manchester ever, and i think this was the only time he has ever been out without his wife in 20 years according to him. He kept slurring his words but still trying to talk to me like a Dad would to a son.
He invited us all to go watch his son play cricket. I can’t think of a more boring sport in the world.
I once went with my dad when I was younger to watch a local team. The players piss about taking their time to do everything and when there is some action your that far away and the ball is so small you can’t see where the hell it is and which direction it’s going in.
It’s like watching a flea race from the moon.
Other spectator sports that leave me cold. Golf, Tennis, Darts and Fishing.

It's pissing it down outside as i write this. Why can't it rain Monday to Friday when i'm at work and then be sunny for two days. I might as well go back to bed. Jack hasn't even bothered to get up ;-)

P.s. If you are wondering what the picture that accompanies this post has got to do with anything i have just written, the answer is, absolutely nothing !.
I just liked it for some reason.

Friday, 14 August 2009

Goldeneye

So what was that thing that Howard does in his sleep that Daniel was talking about the other night ?.

Well apparently he sleeps with his eyes open. Not completely open, but you can see the eyeballs and he looks like he is awake in the right light. In fact if it's dark it looks a bit weird and scary like a zombie. The first time it happened Daniel actually thought he was Dead (LOL) but the thing that freaks him out the most is when they are slightly open, and the eyeballs are up, so all you can see is white.

I asked if he slept with his arms across his chest and checked for teeth marks in Daniels neck but he didn't see the funny side. Why don't his eyes dry up ?. Does he blink ?, how do you know he is asleep and not just keeping an eye on you ?. Question questions and no answers.

Which reminds me of the time my mum and dad had a man to decorate our front room. He had a false eye, but could obviously see well enough to do a brilliant job. But the funniest moment came when i heard her recommending him to someone of the phone.
To me it sounded like
If i decide to do the back bedroom HE WOULD BE THE ONE EYED GIT"

Foursome

It's a weekend again and it party time again ;-))
Tonight we are going on a foursome, LOL. Me Jack, Daniel and Howard. Perhaps now that Daniel has someone to talk to and be with he will be a bit better with Jack. Who knows maybe Howard will hate Jack and they won't get on. I don't care, I've had a crap week and just wanna break. I like the idea of my two favourite people being out with me and someone new. The conversation gets more interesting and there is less chance of it being just a normal boring night out.

Thursday, 13 August 2009

Dummy

Have you ever done something without thinking and then realised how ridiculous it was later ?. I was walking down the street today and i saw a really good looking guy in a shop. Being me, i decided to take a closer look and walked in to see what he was like up close. It turned out to be a fucking showroom dummy they were preparing to set up in the shop window !. What a pillock. Anyways, if that isn't bad enough near a fire door there stood an identical one with no cloths on, and i genuinely walked round that way to take a closer look at the arse.
I wouldn't repeat this story to anyone i know you understand, but that's what the Internet is for isn't it ?. Shameful confessions.

The Day today

Daniel started to tell me something about Howard tonight but we got distracted by the phone and never finished the conversation.
When he eventually left i suddenly remembered the subject and was in half a mind to ring him up to finish what he was saying. Apparently he does this weird thing when he is in bed asleep..... ?.
That's it. he didn't get any further. How much of a bloody tease is that ?. What was it ?. I need to know and i need to know it now. I'll have to get back to you on that one though.

I nearly had an accident this afternoon on my way home from work. This stupid woman with a pram was waiting to cross the road and she did that thing that some women do (usually young mothers) where they actually stand at the kerb and the pram dangles out into the bleedin' road. Step back a bit you silly cow, you've got a baby up front.

No call from Jack for a couple of days. That's unusual and worrying. Worse still i haven't been bothered by it either. Is that right ? . He's a fairly new boyfriend, shouldn't one of use be getting paranoid by now ?

Wednesday, 12 August 2009

Don't fear the reaper

Went round to pick Daniel up from Howard's tonight. He doesn't live that far away from me and he could have walked round to my place, but i wanted to see his house so offered to give him a lift. It's a bungalow in an ok area with a massive garden to the rear and a small one at the front. I didn't get to see the inside because we were off and away as soon as i turned up. Daniel said the back garden is huge but looks a mess. Howard is not a gardener so it's all overgrown and full of bushes & trees.

He stayed the other night and looked out of the back window at about 2 in the morning. 'I'm sure i saw the grim reaper in the back garden' he said 'he wouldn't have looked out of place there anyway' LOL

Daniels boyfriend is into rubber

Think before you post on facebook


Tuesday, 11 August 2009

On the street where i live

Hark at me, one minute i'm posting nothing but text. Next i'm uploading video.
Don't get too excited, i'm bored and have nothing to do tonight.
Anyways I thought i would write a little more about the area that i live in. It helps fill in a few gaps for anyone reading this blog on a regular basis.
Thankfully BBC News kindly helped me out by doing a piece on Oldham last night.
My parents where horrified by it. But most of my friends found it hilarious, especially the Council approved way of having a drink at the end.
If you look really carefully it's possible you may in fact see me in the background somewhere staggering about.

video


The place has changed a bit over the years. My Mum and Dad just want it to be like it was 30 years ago.
Please god no !.

Chains

Jack has bought me a chain.

Nothing kinky or anything. I don't need a key to take it off and there are no attachments that fit to all four corners of the bed (LOL). It's just one that hangs round the neck and has a cross on it. God knows why, he's not religious and although i would like to be, i'm not either (god hates fags remember). It's all very nice and unexpected, but i don't wear any kind of jewelry. I don't even bother with a watch. I use my mobile to tell the time. I don't wear rings or bracelets. I once had an ear pierced but didn't like that either so let it grow over. This chain gets on my nerves. If you are not used to stuff like that it just annoys. I can't explain it. It's as if someone has made me to wear a hat 24 hours a day. It looks nice and everything but i'm afraid i'm gonna have to say something. I'll hang it over my bed head and give it a kiss every night before i go to sleep if he wants. But i can't be arsed wearing it all day. How ungrateful can you be ?. I feel ashamed.

Monday, 10 August 2009

The first time

Nothing of any relevence happened today so i think i'll just write any old crap, fill in some detail about my life for anyone who reads on a regular basis. I must do that more often in fact. It's better than posting that my kettle broke or what i had for lunch today.
When i was a kid i saw a cowboy film with Red Indians in it. They were all naked from the waist upwards and something inside me stirred to make me feel all funny and curious, i didn't know why at the time but it seemed exciting and strange.

For a short while i had a thing about cowboy movies until i realised that not all of them had half naked Indians in them, and worse still some were actually more about the cowboys. Last night there was a John Wayne film on telly and in it were those same Indians i remembered. All topless and running around waving tomahawks.

It didn't make me want to knock on off whilst watching or anything like that, but isn't it weird how something so innocent can take you back to your childhood ?. It also reminded me how as you grow older and experience more things sexually, stuff that would once blow your mind suddenly becomes normal, and you need something else to get that same kick.

The first porn film i saw, then the first gay porn film, the first time i went into a gay bar, the first time i kissed a boy, my first sexual experience. the first time i felt my skin against someone else's.

It's still fun and exciting, but not quite as euphoric is it ?. The first time is always the best. you just don't realise it till the second time.

I need some sleep

Weekends should be for rest. Then when you go back to work on Monday morning you feel fresh for the start of a new working week.
For me it's the other way round. after a good weekend i feel knackered on a Monday. I need an early night tonight.

Sunday, 9 August 2009

Dans Man

I met Daniels Boyfriend last night. Is it his boyfriend ?, i don't know. They were very vague when i asked about it. In fact it seems to be a gay thing at the moment not to call your partner your boyfriend until it's a dead cert and your gonna be together forever. If you keep it to friend who happens to be a boy there isn't the same commitment is there ?. And if he does the dirty on you and buggers off with someone else, you haven't been dumped, you were only friends anyway so who cares ?. Some call it an open relationship, some call it edging your bets.
Anyways back to Daniels, er, mate.

Jack and i were out having a drink and we bumped into the love birds (LOL). I'm no sure Daniel liked the idea but to late, we saw them before they saw us. His name is Howard. He is supposed to be thirty five but looks a bit older to me. I don't mind either way. But he has tattoos everywhere and is into piercings and stuff.
Apparently he is talking of having a Prince Albert and wants to have something done with his nose. Personally i think he needs something doing to his head if he does, but each to his own. The real surprise is that this guy is not what i expected at all. I thought i knew what Daniel liked and i would never have put these two together in a million years. I hope they are happy together and everything, but i was a bit taken aback.

From what i can see he is a typical gothic type of guy. He likes tattoos, is into dark screaming heavy metal music, watches lots of horror films, looks to be into S&M & bondage and likes death and black and gore. But on the other hand he has a cat called Arthur, is a really nice caring person, is very intelligent and artistic, looks after his mum, works in IT and is a vegetarian. LOL.
Never judge a book by it's cover.

Pretty Person

Saturday, 8 August 2009

Shite Night

What a crap night last night turned out to be.

I met Daniel and we went to the gym first, that was ok. I always feel brilliant coming away, blood pumping round the body, shiny faces and the feeling of relief that it's over for another day.

Going out after an hour at the gym is highly recommended as far as i am concerned. But it all seemed to fall flat from there on afterwards. I don't know if it was because i was anticipating some sort of amazing night out and it just didn't live up to expectations, but it all seemed to go wrong.

The first place we walked into was full of people in fancy dress. That's ok, but they were acting like pillocks and ruining it for everyone else, so we left. Then we couldn't even get to the bar at the next place, it was standing room only and 5 people deep to get drinks, knocked a drink over and had to share the only one we had left because we couldn't be bothered to queue for another one. We later paid to get into a club that was empty becasue it was too early, and ended the night being chatted up by a fat bloke and his mates asking if we screamed when we ejaculate and have we ever played on a bouncy castle and do we fancy coming home with them to bounce on top of theirs. Not the most sophisticated chat up line i have heard.

If you have a really good night on the town you don't even think of the expense afterwards. But when it turns out to be shit your counting the pennies next morning to see how much you have wasted.
All that money down the toilet (literally) and with the state of my stomach, coming out of all orifice's as well. Why do i eat curry when i have had a drink ?. I wouldn't think of it normally.
It was good to have a night with Daniel though. We laid a few ghosts to rest and had a heart to heart. He has a fella himself now as well. Apparently older than him (35). So meeting him is something to look forward to.
Tonight it's Jacks turn. If i can settle my stomach in time. I want to know a little bit more about Dave and his swinging girlfriend. There is a famous dogging area near where i live, i wonder if that's what he comes over this way for ?.

Note to Vilges : I don't know what they call dogging in other countries, but over here it involves hetero couples driving to some car park in the middle of nowhere and having sex in public, whilst other couples watch or join in.
Or at least that is what i think it is anyway. As gay men i can't really get my head round it to be honest. I am sure we all disapprove of such things. You wouldn't find homosexuals doing that sort of thing now would you ? (snicker)

Why don't i look like this when i am being sick ?

Someone mentioned that i could do with a few pictures on this blog. Well, as it's more of a Journal than a blog, most of the time i can't be arsed looking for a picture to accompany a post so i haven't really bothered much lately.
However they are right. Personally i avoid blogs with lots of writing and hardly any pics so i must at least make some sort of effort. Don't expect porn though, you can look elsewhere for that.

Friday, 7 August 2009

I didn't know that

I have been informed tonight that Dave's lady friend from yesterday is the women he takes to swingers clubs.
He is bisexual and not only does he cruise the gay world, he also does the straight equivalent of cruising, which is swinging and dogging.
Jack told me and said that he had met her before himself.
What i am surprised at is that Jack has never told me any of this before. Not that i expected him to read me Dave's full life story when we met, but even if you just skim over the interesting bits, swinging and dogging would be in there somewhere, especially if he had already mentioned his gay orgies and cottaging side.
It's not important really, but i am curious as to why Jack didn't even mention it in passing that he knew about Dave's female friend. They go to clubs in Manchester and Sheffield as a couple, but they are more interested in other people than each other. When i see Jack this weekend i want the full story. It all sounds very interesting LOL.

Meeting Daniel tonight. Going to the Gym and them back to his place for something to eat, then we are having a night out together with no Jack for a change, it will be like the old days.
Clear the decks i feel a drinking session coming on.

Thursday, 6 August 2009

Daves Tart

Met Dave for a drink tonight after work. He had a woman with him !.

She seemed quite nice, but slightly slutty. Mutton dressed as lamb if you know what i mean. mid 40's perhaps ?. Anyway she was supposed to be a friend and that's all. I was just surprised to see her that's all.
We only had a couple of drinks and a bar meal, then i came home. He was just passing and wanted to say hello. I could do with this happening most nights on my way home from work because apart from getting a free drink or two he also paid for a meal as well.

I'm wondering who else i can meet after work tomorrow night.

He mentioned that he was going on Holiday next month to Canada and that Linda (the woman) was paying for it. Apparently she is retired and loaded. Jammy cow.
I know it's wrong, but instead of thinking she might have worked hard most of her life and run a successful business that is now paying dividends. My mind immediately assumed she had screwed some husband in a divorce or sold herself in her younger years. Harsh, but if you saw her you might know why i thought that.

When she went for a piss I asked him if she knew about him and what sort of relationship he was having with her. He said yes she did and that they were just friends that's all. It seems a bit strange to me.
And no, she wasn't a tranny (although i wouldn't have been surprised if she was), i asked that question as well. He told me she was divorced with three kids.

Her husband was loaded but the split after he ran off with another women. He was about to go into detail but she came back.
Talking about someone when they are away is ok, but when they return it's difficult not to seem like your just chatting normally about anything but them. She immediately twigged we had been talking about her and wanted to know what i wanted to know.

I felt a bit embarrassed really and i couldn't think of anything to ask so i blurted out 'So you know he's a puff then ?' Luckily the both pissed themselves laughing.
'Not completely' she said.

So what does that tell you about Dave ?. The plot thickens.

Wednesday, 5 August 2009

Credit Crunch

Credit crunch scary moment today. I noticed the VAT return for our company for the last quarter, I was filing it away with copies of all previous ones so i took the opportunity to take a sneak peak back at how we are doing.
Our Vat payment for this same quarter last year is down £ 60,000. Bloody hell, If everyone else is like this Gordon Brown is up the shitter. Worse still, it doesn't look good for our business either does it ?. Perhaps i should avoid being nosey in future, Rather be ignorant.

I am going to the gym after this with Daniel. But i have made the fatal mistake of coming home first. I can only do it if i am on my way home from work. Get it over with and then i am free for the rest of the night. If i come home first i feel hungry and want to eat, i then sit down and can't be bothered to go back out again.
Perhaps i'll just take it easy and be social tonight.

Had another e-mail from Dave tonight. More porn and about 12 joke mail messages that i can't be arsed to read so i just deleted them.
I don't mind Comedy e-mail but it has to be pictures. If it's lots of written stuff i lose interest fast.
I'm not sure Dave has the right idea though, some of the porn was hetero stuff. Not my bag mate.
Anyways he is in the area tomorrow and asked if i am interested in having a quick one (a drink that is). As long as he is paying i think i might spare him an hour or so. LOL

Tuesday, 4 August 2009

Friends again

Daniel came round tonight.

There was a terrible atmosphere in the beginning, until i broke the silence by asking him what the bloody hell was wrong with him. I needn't have asked really because i knew the answer. I hadn't been giving him enough attention lately and in some ways it must have looked like i had dropped him from my friends list. On the other hand he escalated matters by not answering my calls when i did want to see him. Anyway we cleared the air and i said sorry and i think he took it ok.
It's horrible falling out with close mates. In the beginning it's easy to think F*** you, but after a while you start to miss them.

People who have been friends with you for a while have a bit of history they take with them. I can't talk to Jack about things that only me and Daniel experienced. It's not the same. I have school friends who i can only really discuss school with. Yet those same school friends know nothing about my gay life and i don't think they would really understand much if i spoke to them about it.

My life seems to have been split into little boxes. There is my School and pre gay days, then there was the in the closet, no one must know about me days, then came the outting and shedding of a few old friends and acquaintances who didn't like the idea of a poof as a mate, and now there is my out and getting on with it stage. In all these little boxes i have people who lived through it with me. And none of them really had anything to do with the other bits. So Daniel doesn't know much about my time at school, Jack knows nothing about me pre a few weeks ago, and my mum and dad know nothing about my Gay lifestyle.

I'm rambling now, anyways, me and Daniel seem to be back friends again and i feel happy for that.
The past few hours have reminded me how much i missed his company and how important he is to me.
I don't know if it was just because of how everything went, but i think he is more important to me than Jack. He was there through the worst time ever in my life and i had forgotten what he had done for me by just being there.
I'm gonna stop now, this all sounds all shit and sloppy. EEEeiiiirrrgh !

Friends again. That's the important bit.

Monday, 3 August 2009

Smoke gets in your eyes

I managed to speak to Daniel this Lunch time and although he is busy tonight he has promised to come round tomorrow night.

On my way home from work i called in to my mums. One of my uncles had been visiting. He is a big smoker and had been there fore a couple of hours. Instead of making him go outside for a fag, he was allowed to smoke in the front room and it stunk to high hell.
Then she had used some 'Oust' air freshener to clear away the stink and had made it smell even worse. I stayed about 10 minutes and had to go. It was making me feel sick.
I'm not a smoker, but since the smoking ban came in, whenever i do smell smoke it seems to be stronger than ever before.

I Have been invited to a 40th birthday party at work. One of the women in the office has arranged a 70’s themed disco and we have all been asked if we would like to come along.
I can’t think of anything worse than going on a night out with the people I work with. I get on ok with some but that's all. These people aren’t my friends, they are just people I work with.

Sunday, 2 August 2009

My Weak End

Two days away and I’m glad to be back home and in my own bed.
Went to Halifax to be with Jacks family and spent two nights sleeping in two beds (alone).

We spent Friday night out having a couple of drinks at a local Pub (that was dead by the way). Jacks dad and mum came and so did his older brother. There were other friends who I didn’t really know as well, It was a laugh I suppose but I couldn’t go to this place every week like they do. Everyone knew everyone else and it seemed like a bit of a click. Afterwards we walked back to his place and had Fish and chips and Dandelion and Burdock pop before going to bed at about 1am. It was like being a child again.

I slept in Jacks brothers room up in the attic. He was away staying at a friends house so I had it all to myself. It was a typical 15 year old boys room, sock stenched, untidy, packed with electronic equipment, computer games, CD’s DVDs and a box of tesco man size tissues by the bed LOL.
Jack couldn’t exactly come up in the middle of the night for a bit of fun so I made good use of those tissues myself, Ha!. I did consider searching round for his porn stash (all teenage boys have a stash somewhere) but thought better of it.

On Saturday he took me round Halifax itself to see some of his old haunts and even the schools he went to. Then we went to a place called Shibden and eventually had another night out in Halifax town centre itself.
On two occasions we had women trying to chat us up and Jack seemed to enjoy It more than he should have. They were pissed and loud, I just wanted them to go away.
In fact Halifax seemed to have a lot of pissed and loud women. If you are reading this and are heterosexual man, get your self into Halifax at about midnight, you are guaranteed a shag if your not fussy about how the women look.
Actually that’s not fair, practically anywhere you go there is that element. You wanna have a night out in Oldham.

On Saturday night I slept in Jacks room whilst he slept on the sofa downstairs (snigger). His brother was back and needed his bed again. In fact I didn’t get the impression he liked the idea of some stranger sleeping in his room whilst he was away for the night. I wonder what he would have thought if he knew what I got up to in it. Actually Jacks brother is really good looking, a younger mini version of Jack himself. It’s weird to see. In the wrong light you would think they were the same person. The main difference being that his brother is a miserable git, who speaks very little, eats food like a pig and disappears up into his room at the drop of a hat.

As I lay in Jacks bed all I could think was, I am lying in the same place that he must have wanked himself to sleep almost every night of his life. And as I did, I wanked myself to sleep as well.
I suppose it was a good weekend. It did make a change and his family are really nice. I think that it's time for my family to meet Jack now. The difference being that as soon as mine meet him they will know he is more that just a mate. I have touched on this subject with Jack on the way home and he isn't sure how he feels about it. Not that he doesn't want to meet my family. More because it's a step down a road he isn't sure he wants to walk just yet.

In other words, roughly translated, I don't want to come out of the closet yet and meeting your family like that is a bit like dipping your toe in.