Tuesday 4 August 2009

Friends again

Daniel came round tonight.

There was a terrible atmosphere in the beginning, until i broke the silence by asking him what the bloody hell was wrong with him. I needn't have asked really because i knew the answer. I hadn't been giving him enough attention lately and in some ways it must have looked like i had dropped him from my friends list. On the other hand he escalated matters by not answering my calls when i did want to see him. Anyway we cleared the air and i said sorry and i think he took it ok.
It's horrible falling out with close mates. In the beginning it's easy to think F*** you, but after a while you start to miss them.

People who have been friends with you for a while have a bit of history they take with them. I can't talk to Jack about things that only me and Daniel experienced. It's not the same. I have school friends who i can only really discuss school with. Yet those same school friends know nothing about my gay life and i don't think they would really understand much if i spoke to them about it.

My life seems to have been split into little boxes. There is my School and pre gay days, then there was the in the closet, no one must know about me days, then came the outting and shedding of a few old friends and acquaintances who didn't like the idea of a poof as a mate, and now there is my out and getting on with it stage. In all these little boxes i have people who lived through it with me. And none of them really had anything to do with the other bits. So Daniel doesn't know much about my time at school, Jack knows nothing about me pre a few weeks ago, and my mum and dad know nothing about my Gay lifestyle.

I'm rambling now, anyways, me and Daniel seem to be back friends again and i feel happy for that.
The past few hours have reminded me how much i missed his company and how important he is to me.
I don't know if it was just because of how everything went, but i think he is more important to me than Jack. He was there through the worst time ever in my life and i had forgotten what he had done for me by just being there.
I'm gonna stop now, this all sounds all shit and sloppy. EEEeiiiirrrgh !

Friends again. That's the important bit.

2 comments:

Pilgrim said...

It´s always a good rhing to have a good, real friend, whther in need or in good times. You know,what Iwanna say. Propz Pilgrim

Godfrey said...

glad you were able to reconnect with this guy. he sounds like he'll always have an important place in your life. i hope he knows how much he means to you. :)