Friday, 31 December 2010

American tv

Watching tv over here you would imagine that all gay men are camp and spend their every waking hour verbally ripping the shit out of anyone in sight. None of them come across as being likeable at all. It's like watching a bully tease a small kid. You just wanna punch them in the face. Acid queens are big on American tv but they are just there to act like nasty opinionated jerks who "tell it like it is". it's no wonder there are so many homophobic people if this is what they are force fed, I'm sort of feeling it myself tonight after watching so much crap. It's so depressing the way people pull each other to bits.

They also do this strange thing where they have a big build up and introduce a presenter who isn't actually there.

"Abc news here tonight with Diana sawyer!!!" says the over dramatic voice over. But a man in a suite appears and a slightly less dramatic different voice quickly says "Diana is on holiday so here's Joe bloggs"

If Shes not here then it's not abc news with Diane sawyer then is it? Its abc news with joe bloggs So why mention her?.

By the way this blog is brought to you by elvis Presley (elvis couldn't make it tonight so mambam writes instead)

British people have terrible teeth. Luckily I was always taught to look after mine since I was a child but they don't shine like a pure White 1000 watt light bulb like some people do on tv.
I imagined most Americans would be like this for some reason but this is not true. Only on tv do people look like this. Everyday guys and gals just look normal and nice.

Shiny and glam news presenters are also big over here. Ours look like they are going to the office. Theirs look like they are going to the oscars. Women looking sexy as they tell you about another murder hunt and guys with hair that looks like a rug on top (even though it probably isn't) distracting you from what they are saying about the economy.

And there is a lot of 'uplight' going on, to hide the wrinkles I think. Judge judy looked like she had a 20th century fox search light shining up her nose this afternoon. Either that or she's had a face lift. Her mush was all washed out with light.

But the thing that stands out the most is opinion. Everyone has one.
Even the woman on the weather tells you what she thinks about it.
Why do they think I would want to know what they think about it?
Just tell me what happened and let me decide.

Time is running out and we go home soon but new year In the us will be fun. At the moment everywhere looks like it's gonna be too busy. We've been warned to avoid the parks on new years eve because they will be far to busy so tend to stop entry really early. This means you need to get in by early evening and then stay there until midnight.

Considering that we go home the next day and need to be up really early to leave the villa, check in our bags, fly for 8 hours and arrive home in time for it to be still early morning at home, no one fancies it.
Besides, could we face another day of mayhem?.

Thursday, 30 December 2010

A shit wank

Sorry if this is a bit graphic but.....

The toilet in my parents en suit is blocked. Mine has a sign in it that says waste pipes in the US are 50% thinner than in Europe so suggest you use less paper because they charge $25 to unblock any blockage. Which also suggests it happens all the time.
There is no such sign in my parents room and my dad has done a particularly big one and followed through with lots of bog roll. The result left a pan full of water and after attempting a full sink plunge he's now turned this pan of clear(ish) water into something that looks like bovril and beef soup and won't go away.

This means that until it's fixed they are using mine and at any time of the night whilst im supposed to be asleep either of them can sneak into my room for a quick piss.

You have never experienced a worse erectile dysfunctional
Experience than when you have been interrupted mid wank by your mother wanting to come into your room for a whizz. And then had to listen whilst she pisses like a horse and ends with a short fart.

Happy holidays everyone we go home at the weekend !!.

Nice Americans

The weather forecast for today said cool again so im gonna wrapped up this morning. If it gets warmer i can always strip off a few layers. They actually have an entire tv channel dedicated to weather Which seems strange as it doesn't normally change much down here. Now if they did that in the uk........

Had the radio on in the car as we drove off. If I hear another phil Collins track I'll scream. You would think he must have died the amount of times they play in the air tonight or a genesis song. Rock, rap and country are all they seem to play. Heard a great country song about a father checking out his daughters new boyfriend that had some of the weirdest lyrics ive ever heard. In the song he suggest he treats his daughter right or he will come after him with a shotgun. I though it was hilarious. Eventually I just plugged my I pod in and tuned out from everyone and everything around me during the journey to wherever we are going for the day.

We made the mistake of trying universal studios again today. Mainly because we had pre paid for the tickets, but also because we wanted to see Harry potter. Well they did anyway. I just tagged along.

I have never seen so many people in one place at one time, it was a nightmare. The waiting times for rides reached three hours and eventually they closed the park completely to anyone wanting to enter because they were at full capacity.
There was a queue waiting to get tickets to wait for another queue to get into Harry potter and that queue was miles away from where the queue started. We worked out that you would need to stand in line for nearly 5 hours if you wanted to get inside. Are people mad ??.

As you can imagine we didn't bother. Some of the party went to see a show so we just wandered around looking at the attractions.

When we came back to the villa i could feel my face burning. I have kept out of the sun with my hat on and sunglasses so how the he'll did that happen?. As I type this I am feeling a bit sick but we are supposed to be going for a meal in half an hour. I don't feel like food at all. I'm turning into a tomato.

Whilst we were waiting for a table at the Restaurant we got talking to the fattest man I have ever seen who was also waiting for a table for himself and his fat family. Actually they weren't all fat. They seemed to grow in size depending on age. So the small kids were still thin but by the time they got to teens they started tipping the scales.
They were really nice people and friendly. They came from Texas and were themselves on vacation. Like most Americans we have spoken to they immediately launch into British stereotype mode when they find out our nationality. It's great that they try to relate to us by referring to (in order). The royal family, soccer!! (Manchester united), London, and possibly someone they know who lives in the uk. All that is missing is the beatles and Simon cowell.

I've not met an American I didn't like so far. Which is good, if not lucky.

Wednesday, 29 December 2010

Baby it's cold outside

Had a break again this morning, all the others went for a game of crazy golf. I wasn't interested so I sat and relaxed, watched a bit of tv and attempted to sunbath a bit until I eventually accepted that is was actually bloody freezing and I looked a pollock sitting on a sun bed with three layers of clothing on.

It's just so weird. It looks nice and warm but feels like it should be snowing. Looking back on all my snaps so far it looks like we are enjoying a heatwave.

They say that everything in America is bigger. This is true but for some reason the alcoholic drinks seem smaller. I had a bud lite in a bar the other night and it was more like a half pint in what looked like a pint glass.
They are really hot on making sure you are old enough to drink over here. I've been asked 5 times now, to the amusement of my father, who always asks if they want his I'd also. Yawn, very funny dad.
They also check the Id closely. No quick flick and then hand back, no, this is a proper look and scrutinise.
I could drive a huge car at 17 and joint the army but can't have a drink.

I've only seen one person smoke and there is very little litter around. I don't know if the weather has killed all the bugs but I'm also aware that there are few flies and insects around. One cockroach and a cricket are the sum of my entire creepy crawly viewings.

The birds are huge though. No little sparrows or robins around here. They look more like buzzards circling in the air looking for dead meat.

An ice cream van crawled past the house this morning. It was doing about 1 Mph and I half expected someone to overtake it on foot. In the UK they whizz in. Park up, sell as much as they can as fast as they can, then whizz back out again when they have finished.

We don't seem to have many neighbours around us at the moment. It got a bit busy Xmas eve but I thing those people must have come for a couple of days and gone back home now.

There are lots of for sale signs and the property seems remarkably cheap. A few doors away one house has a small sign nailed to a board and stuck in the garden. It's some sort of prohibition or repossession notice.
All very sad. Especially when they advertise to the world and all your neighbours that you've been kicked outta your house. Seems a bit harsh to me.

In the evening we decided to visit the magic kingdom again. The women wanted to see it all lit up. It was bloody freezing again. Please god give us some typical Florida weather instead of this crap we get when we normally get at home.

Saying that, I was impressed. Beautiful.

Tuesday, 28 December 2010


Universal studios today for a change and what a difference. Less organised than Disney, worse service, crap food, queues everywhere, and doesn't look half as nice either.
Add to that the fact that it was freezing and you end up with the worst day so far. Some of the rides were good but I wasn't impressed.
Whilst we were eating a couple were arguing with the girl at the till. She was complaining that it was taking so long to be served. On the other side of us were a family arguing about a ride they did or didn't wanna go on. And the soundtrack to all this was Christmas music about having a wonderful Christmas and a jolly happy time.

If I'm honest I've had enough of tourist America and I'm just using the rest of this trip as helpful info for a future trip alone or with me and Daniel (assuming we can afford it).

Looking forward to new year though.

Monday, 27 December 2010


Spent the day in a shopping mall today. To be honest it was just like a day at the Trafford centre. It was packed and I had no idea what to buy so didn't buy anything at all. I spent some time thinking about getting an iPad but what would be the point? I have a phone that does everything that it does, just smaller. I managed to have a go on one at the apple store. It was almost impossible to touch one because the table was being hogged by kids playing games on them. When I did manage to shove one of them out of the way I was less impressed than I thought I would be.

When we left the mall we got stuck in a huge traffic jam. It's nice to know it's not just the uk that has these things. It's the first one we came across over here though. The roads are so wide and long it's seems impossible to create a jam unless there is an accident to block the way.

After that we had a meal at an Italian Restaurant, this eating out all the time is getting expensive and we still have more parks to go to so I need to start cutting back or I'm gonna be skint before the weekend. Tomorrow it's up and out again by 8.30 and it's becoming tiring as well. But i would hate to miss anything. I don't see myself returning to this part of the states again. I think I would definitely come back but maybe try somewhere less touristy. I hear San Francisco is good (lol).

The weather wasn't brilliant today. Thank god we were inside. The worst weather day by far I think. And it's gonna be the same for the next couple of days apparently.
No need for a swimsuit this journey me thinks

Sunday, 26 December 2010

Christmas day

It's Christmas morning and I'm glad to say we are going nowhere for most of the day. The women are attempting to cook a proper Christmas dinner but first thing they want to do is to go to church. I wouldn't go normally, I never do, but I'm curious as to how it will be. We are supposed to be Catholics so I don't expect gospel singing and arm waving.

As it turned out it was the usual catholic affair. Lots of standing up and sitting town, singing dreary songs and god be with you "and also with you" kinda thing. The church was huge, more like a concert hall than a place of worship. I mimed singing a bit and spent most of the time looking at the ceiling. I would like to believe but I find it so uninspiring. It was full of tourist you could tell and most of them didn't bother dressing up. We looked out of place in our Sunday best.

We then went back to the villa to have a traditional Christmas dinner. I find it all a very sexist affair. The women cook whilst the fellas piss about. Then when it comes to the washing up the guys offer but know they won't have to because the women insist they don't do it right. So we all sit down and have a kip whilst the women wash and have a good natter at the same time.

This is the first time I have ever sunbathed on Christmas day. I was sat by the pool with a bud in my hand, my iPod on my head and the rays burning my face. It's just weird.

Sorry but this is not Christmas in my book.

I rang Daniel at home to see if everything is ok and wish him happy Christmas. He said the house was ok but it was freezing. Last night temperatures dropped to -10. Which is unusual for home.

In some ways I'm glad I'm not there but I miss being at home for Christmas. It's about meeting all your friends not just some of them.
I don't think I'll go away at Christmas again. Any other time but not Christmas.

Saturday, 25 December 2010

Happy Christmas everybody

Slightly less busy day today. The weather was fantastic so we went to epcot again. This time we avoided any rides and just walked around the lake visiting country's of the world.
It was all predictable and amusing. France had the Eiffel tower and the shops sold berets, morocco had a Market selling carpets that sort of thing and the UK had a pub and a fish & chip shop with streets that looked like sherlock Holmes should be walking town them plus actors dressed in stuff from 1842.
Lots of royal stuff with coats of Arms and a shops selling tea and weirdly Manchester united kits. The only thing missing were bowler hats Lol

it's the equivalent of us imagining Americans as cowboys eating a big mac with one hand and shooting each other with the other.
I've got a nice tan now but my father has burnt his neck.

In the uk we are on a recycle/save the planet thing. When I go to the supermarket I take the same bag everytime to save using plastic bags. Here there are thousands given out every hour. Why do I bother ?

Later we went to watch the Harry potter movie at a cinema that had about 40 screens. I thought the film was a bit slow and boring by the way but loved the fact that people reacted to the on screen action. Laughing loudly and at one point someone crying at the death scene near the end. Very strange.

It's Christmas tomorrow and they all want to go to church. I never go myself but am curious how it will be. So it's early to bed tonight then I can be up early in the morning.

This sun is making it feel like the weirdest Christmas ever. In fact I don't feel christmasy at all.

I'm thinking of buying a iPad whilst I'm over here and smuggling it back home so maybe when we hit the post Xmas shopping mall I'll get it then.

Friday, 24 December 2010

Hurrah for Hollywood

Another day another theme park. It's getting bit tiring now if I'm honest. And it's packed everywhere. Its like being in a herd of cattle most of the time. This time it's Hollywood studios with the good shows (extreme stunt show) and the crap (journey into narnia). I would hate to work here. The music is annoying and you have to be on show form constantly. These people deserve every penny they are paid. I couldn't do it. There was a parade at one point and every male dancer rang my gaydar bell. I must say that even though I have been looking I haven't seen many guys that did it for me. I think it's because most of the people here are either kids or parents. Then when there are guys my age I notice they dress like they don't care. Some of them look like tourists with no fashion sense at all. We hope to go to the beach if the weather is ok and I'm already planning my wardrobe.
In the evening we went for another meal. I'm sick of dining out now. I just want a sandwich now. Roll on Christmas.

Thursday, 23 December 2010

Stayed at the villa today whilst the rest had a day at the water park. I told them I wanted a break and was feeling unwell. In fact I just wanted some time on my own. I rang Rachels friend but got her friend who explained that she didn't turn up for a night out on Saturday. No one had seen her for a couple of days so they called the police who broke down her door and found her dead on the sofa in front of the fire. They think it was her heart, it's a condition she had. I didnt go into the details.

After she appeals all this Rachels friend appeared and told me the same thing. I was ringing from America on a mobile at about a pound a minute so didn't really want to go through it all again but needed them to know I was thinking of them and was sad I wouldn't make the funeral. To be honest I would have been glad not to go, i hate funerals. (who does?) but due to the bad weather at home there was a backlog at the local crematorium so they would hold the ceremony when I'm home 4th January .
After I rang off I thought of Rachel but decided I need to put it to the back of my mind until I get home, there is nothing I can do here and as bad as this sounds I've payed a fortune and waited too long for this holiday to let it be spoilt. It's also Christmas and no one here wants it spoiling by me being mopy.

After that I went for a walk. There is nowhere to walk in this place, there are no sidewalks. It took me 20 minutes just to walk up to the nearest freeway and when I got there I couldn't see anywhere else to go.
I had no transport so considered ringing a taxi but it must be Half hour to the nearest town or city so what will that cost?.

I need to find some way of getting away from my family but we have one huge 10 seater car for getting around in. This means I'm tied down a bit. I need to think of a way to break free for the odd day.

When they all came back we went to a steakhouse for a meal. Meat again!. But I must admit they really know how to do meat.
The weather is good and I now have a tan. Or should I say I'm currently a red/brown colour.

As I type this I'm flicking through hundreds of tv channels showing nothing worth watching. American tv is very family orientated.
In the uk there would be nothing unusual to see nudity, swearing or sex on late night tv.
Over here it's like watching daytime tv at night. Lots of talking heads and old tv.
I'm bored so I think I'll have an early night

Wednesday, 22 December 2010

Terrible news

I would have had a really long piece to write about my day at the magic kingdom here today but something terrible has happened.

I turned on my phone for a few minutes this afternoon whilst at the park so that I could check my mail and a voice message came through that had been left at 4.30 am this morning.
It was from a relative of Rachels who doesn't know I'm on Holiday.
Apparently she has been found dead in her house. The police had to break in. I don't know any more details yet because I haven't been able to ring home yet. Its too late to ring at the moment. There is no point in saying anything to the others because they don't know her and I don't wanna ruin their holiday.
I know I haven't spoken to Rachel for a while but I feel numb and it feels wrong to be enjoying a vacation at a time like this.

I need to know more details 1st thing tomorrow

Tuesday, 21 December 2010


Thank god, the sun has come out. Ok it's not cracking the flags but it's like a real nice summers day. More shopping this morning this time for drink and cheap cloths at wal mart again. Lol women love that sort of thing don't they?.at home I would have hated it but for some reason it was enjoyable.
An English accent attracts attention but when they ask where abouts in the uk I live it's always followed by "is that near London?"

I was horrified to see the daily mail on sale over here. God I hope they don't think that's a typical example of us Brits. it's worse than the sun newspaper. It's not until you realise other nationalities read our press that you feel really ashamed of it.
As I came away I thought I would try a typical American magazine to see what they are like. I purchased a copy of the national enquirer. I suspect the press is the same all over the world

Then it's on to epcot for the day. Loved it, apart from having to humiliate myself on the odd girly ride for the woman in our party it was brilliant. I don't know if the sun helped but it was the best day so far.

We had an evening meal at planet hollywood which is bit like having a burger in a nightclub. My mother and father hated it, music too loud, too dark, "modern music playing" and packed to the rafters with people.
Then they complained that the meal was too overfacing. They should have shared one but I think they would have still said the same thing i think. I must admit I'm getting sick of huge portions of everything. I don't eat food like that.

When arrived at the entrance someone took our picture then tried to sell it to us for $20 later. The expression on my fathers face was a picture in itself. The answer was no thanks. I must say I'm impressed with the service everywhere. It may be all bullshit but it's nice bullshit. Compared to home its like being treated like a king. I can't get my head around how many people they employ to do almost nothing. There are people who just point to where to park whilst someone else points to where the bus is and another to say happy holidays whilst another tells you when to get on the bus and so on. Even driving down the road you see a large sign the size of a block off flats with the name of the store blasted across it, then a smaller one saying the same thing on the frontage, a littler one nailed to a tree to one side and finally a smaller one by the roadside being held by a guy. As if the 80 foot sign wasn't big enough they need to employ a guy to wave another one lol.

For some reason at night the bus lights are turned off whilst in transit. So when they turn them back on again at the next stop your blinded by the light. It amused me to hear my mum complain every time. I think she was just over tired it, was a long day for her lol.

Monday, 20 December 2010

Day two

Got up this morning to dull skies and a little rain. This is a good start isn't it?.
It's still about 20 degrees warmer than it is at home so we shouldn't complain I suppose. As this is a self catering holiday in a Villa we needed some food and supplies so we went to wal mart. A sort of supermarket come football ground. No one seemed to wear a uniform so we couldn't work out whether it was staff serving us or just some guy off the street. He never spoke or smiled and seemed to put each item we bought into it's own personal carrier bag. We came away with more bags in this one shop than I ever use in a year at home. Everything was so cheap ! Same looking foods just different names. As they paid at the cash out I looked at a notice board on the wall. It was a list of missing kids, complete with names ages and pictures. Not just one, loads of them.

Tried some american tv when we got back. Most of British telly is actually American shows so there was nothing unusual about it apart from the fact that it was 90% commercials and 10% tv shows. There is a cage around the pool (i assume to keep creepy crawlies out )which gives that prison exercise yard feel about it. But the view beyond is great.

Later in the day we went to disneys magical kingdom. If we had dressed for English weather we would have been fine but unfortunately we dressed for Florida so were freezing our bollocks off. The weather was dull and cold. Like Blackpool in November.
There are an alarming amount of people driving around in mobility scooters and super sized fatties, but it's hardly a surprise as there is no sight of healthy food anywhere and if I'm honest I'm developing a craving for salad and fruit. I'm all sugard out and I'm sick of fatty grub, as nice as it might be.

Went on a couple of rides, some sort of safari where we had a running commentary from a man who sounded like kermit the frog on helium. He was great at his job but I couldn't understand him. Interestingly I'm having trouble understanding a lot of What they are saying when serving me because they talk so fast, normal Americans are ok but sometimes they can't understand me for the same reason so I must remember slow down a bit when talking back. I'm getting to many blank expressions when I ask for simple things. It's at times like this you realise how many things you know are described by their product name rather than the actual thing.

Waited 60 minutes for the expedition everest ride. I was freezing cold and fed up in the end. But the 3 minutes of a ride was fun.

By the time we set off back to the villa I was really really cold and just wanted to get home. But then we took a wrong turning and got lost!! One wrong turn and it's about 20 miles to the next turn off. So we stopped for a meal to warm up instead. I was sort of chatted up by the waitress who though I was cute. I think telling me she had three kids, asking for my facebook name and email address before telling me to come back and see her during my stay constitute a chat up. Everyone around the table thought it was funny. Never gonna happen of course. I don't know why I didn't put a stop to it straight away. It kept my dad amused if nothing else I suppose and when you know your never gonna see that person ever again there are times when you just let it go over your head.

Anyway home now and sitting with a drink bored now. Sorry about the long written posts. I have time on my hands. Let's try some pictures in future eh?
Roll on the summer sun. Where are you?

Sunday, 19 December 2010


Test post, we have wifi !!!!

Mega snow this morning, so much that I thought we wouldn't make it to the airport. Well we did, got through security fine, on the plane ok, taxied away ok, then STOP!.
The snow was so bad we had to go back to have the wings sprayed with de-icer again. No one was getting off the ground, a blizzard was blowing outside and the place ground to a standstill. When the pilot said he was gonna put toy story 3 on to keep us entertained we should have known it wasn't gonna be a short delay.
It took 3 bloody hours to clear. God it was an absolute pain. All that time sat on plane going nowhere and it was boiling, any longer and I'd have been down to my undies..
Once we eventually got off the ground we were informed that due to the weather some staff had not made it to work this morning so they were running on minimum staff levels and service may not be as expected.
Coronation street (uk tv soap) star Kevin Webster is on our flight. I feel like shouting adulterer! At him because his character has been having an affair and fathered a child by another woman. He's not very tall in real life but dresses a bit more trendy.
The inflight movies are not up to much, I wanted to watch inception but that's only showing on the way back, I ended up half looking at the sorcerers apprentice, bits of the expendables and halt hour of salt before flicking over to see the end of despicable me. How can you concentrate when you're 35000 feet up and travelling at 535mph ?. It looks beautiful out of the window and you can practically see the curve of the earth..
Had my mini meal and then started on the drink.
I'm not sure if it was the movement of the plane or not but after the grub I felt a bit sick for a while. Or could have been the full packet of maltesers I scoffed after the meal flushed down with a can of coke?..
A fella mouthed I love you to his missus across the isle, she smiled but I was close enough to hear he was actually saying saying elephant juice. His mate sat next to him was pissing himself.
Watching the flight map on the small screen in front of me we passed over never ending landmark cities that everyone knows (mainly from tv cop shows) but have never actually been to. It's amazing how many are actually British. Including Halifax & York .
After what seems like forever we then prepared ourselves for the rubb down getting into America itself. We had all heard lots of bad story's about these guys so were prepared for the worst. Actually they were fine. Strict but polite and helpful. I couldn't believe it. Try heathrow and you'll really see baffles in charge. Anyway were here now, it was pissing it down when we got off the plane but who cares show me my bed.

Thursday, 16 December 2010

Final Post

I went for a drink last night. Bad idea.
I thought i would have a couple with Daniel, but as neither of us were working today there was no excuse to stop. One lead to another and once you get in the mood it's difficult to put the brakes on. I didn't drink a lot, i was just in party mood that's all. It doesn't matter how much you drink, it's whether your having a good time.
I had a good time. (there was no sex involved though-sadly)

I've finished work now until next year. Which is a relief. I couldn't wait. That last 10 minutes before the clock hit going home time were interminable (ooow what a big word). The seconds hand looked like it was stopping for an extra couple of seconds on each tick.

Last minute shopping in town today was a bloody nightmare. They are digging the roads up everywhere and have closed a huge car park down completely to build a cinema complex on it instead. This means there is nowhere to park, and where there is it costs a fortune.
It was snowing like there is no tomorrow at one point but it didn't stick thank god.
Then i decided to fill up my car with petrol. Vat goes from 17.5% to 20% on the 1st  January and then they will probably stick a couple for pence per litre on for good measure as well, so best do it now, even though it's gonna be sat doing nothing for a while.

Everyone is panicking about the snow (including me). Will it scupper our travel plans?. Will everyone get to the airport on time ?. Should they find a hotel near the airport and stay over night ?.

It's all exciting stuff. I'm excited now.
Anyways after a long goodbye i'll wish you all a Happy Christmas and a Merry New Year.
Watch this space.
I may be blogging still over Xmas, I may not. Either way I'll be back at some point.
Have a good one.

Wednesday, 15 December 2010


On holiday

At home

"The Met Office has said there
is a 60% risk of heavy snow during Thursday for areas including north west England, Northern Ireland, Wales, southwest Scotland, southwest England and the West Midlands."

Gonna need a coat me thinks

Tuesday, 14 December 2010


I’m getting all excited now, can’t wait to finish work. I'm packing but i’ve got a huge suitcase with nothing in it. It’s not like I need loads of cloths is it? All I have to remember to take is some cash, my passport and me.
Daniel comes over to stay on Thursday. I hand him the keys and it's all up to him from there on out. He's in charge and i expect the place to look clean and tidy when i get back.

I'm a bit worried about he weather though. It's warmed up a bit lately and we've had the big thaw of snow. But we are set for another covering of the stuff later this week and its possible it could hinder travel plans!. Or am i just being a pessimist?.
One of the women in the office has a cold. And when I say a cold I mean A COLD. Coughing, spluttering, all bunged up and sounding like that guy who does the movie trailer voice overs.
I’m really pissed off because she sits one desk away from me, and apart from not wanting to hear her chesty phlegm riddled coughing all day. I also don’t wanna catch it myself. What the fuck is she doing at work in that state? It’s not as if it makes any difference, she won’t get a medal for it. She keeps opening the bloody window because she’s “burning up” and feels hot. Then I close it because it’s friggin’ freezing. But the boss won’t say anything to her. Perhaps he thinks she does deserve a medal for coming in, silly twat. If I catch a cold from her before Friday I’ll fucking lynch her when I get back, I’ve already told her she should go home in case she spreads it around the office, but she doesn’t want to because she “gets bored” at home.
Inconsiderate bitch! I hope it turns into fucking pneumonia. (She’s not my most favourite person to work with under normal circumstances as you can tell).

Sunday, 12 December 2010

Ready for a break

Had a great night friday and yesterday getting to know Daniels new boyfriend. I think he's a boyfriend, i'm not sure, nether of them have used that word yet. It's still at the 'Mates' stage but we all know it's not really just mates. Daniel and I are mates, but be don't shag each other.

The guy seemed quite funny and a bit grown up for Daniel, but maybe that's what he needs.

Anyways i think i feel safe if he decides to stop over at my place whilst i'm away. We have all agreed that there will be no staying at my house or using it as a shag pad. But we also know that we are all lying to each other and i suspect that should they have a night out local it'll be back to mine and a sleepover. ;-)

This week there will be very few blog posts as i prepare for my Vacation. I've downloaded a app to my phone that will allow me to keep a diary offline. This is supposed to be an online diary and i wouldn't want to miss out on writing stuff whilst i'm away. Especially as i will have something i want to remember in future. I might not be able to post it whilst i'm away but i could always post it when i'm back.

Friday, 10 December 2010

Thursday, 9 December 2010

Emotional Investment

Been checking mobile phone charges for when i go away.
To use my I-phone in the US it will cost me 90p a minute and to send any data it will be approx £ 6.00 per megabit. And even if i use free Wifi i should check that there isn't a hidden connection charge.
Unless i can find somewhere that i can get completely free Wifi you can all fuck off. This blog will stop posting for a few weeks and i'll see you in the new year.

But it would be nice to blog the odd picture and post a bit of text when i'm sitting bored one night over there wouldn't it?.
We'll have to see. Watch this space.

I've been forced into a night out with Daniel and his Current Boyfriend tomorrow night. I've met him before but i don't really know him that well. We've exchanged pleasantries but never actually sat down and talked properly. I'm not sure if this is a serious sort of relationship or just a fling.
One thing i have learnt about gay relationships are that they can go from full on Soul Mate man of my dreams to who the fuck was he ? in a matter of 24 hours.
The down side to this is that some guys who i have found great fun and really pleasant to know suddenly disappear from my life overnight. They came into view because they were going out with a close friend and then when that close friend falls out with them you don't see them any more.

This is not an exclusive thing to gay men, it happens when relatives Divorce or split up. I had an Aunt who split from her husband. He was a great guy who was there for practically every family event i remember when i was a kid. Christmas, Birthdays, weekends, family get togethers. The sort of fella that you looked forward to seeing. "Oh Good Dan will be at the party" would be the sort of thing you might think. But then they split, and as he wasn't actually on the family side we saw less and less of him, until my aunt eventually remarried and So did he. Now he's never mentioned.
What do you do ?. My aunt and new uncle don't want to talk about him and i'm pretty sure my uncles new wife wouldn't wanna get together with the family of his Ex Wife. So although everyone is fine and social, life moves on and so have they. You, however, are left thinking that you've invested a lot of time and emotion into a relationship that is cut short because someone else has decided it's over. When relationships end, the people in the middle rarely think how it will effect everyone else around them. But when they get together in the first place near the top of their priority list is to make sure all family and friends get involved and are just as smitten as they are.
So do i bother getting matey with this new boyfriend of Daniels ?.
He might be History by New Year.

Wednesday, 8 December 2010

Bone Dry

My mum asked me if i wanted one of those Kindle readers for Christmas. NO I BLOODY DON'T. I've seen one and they look crap. A bit cheap and plasticy.
An I-Pad would be nice though !. "to expensive" she said. Actually i prefer to read a book in book form. Hard back preferably, complete with paper smell and something to hold in your hand that feels nice (oo-er madam). But i do like the idea of an I-Pad reader for the Internet or newspapers or blogs. I'm sure i'd read more blogs if i had one, instead of just looking at the pictures and reading bits of text every now and then.

I decided to clear out my wallet today. I had no money in it, just lots of scraps of paper with numbers or addresses on them. (No, not those types of phone number & aaddresses ;-))
To be honest I had no idea what most of it was. There was a torn bit of notepad that said 8314 on it. What the fuck does that mean ?. It’s not a pin number or a code so what is it all about?
Then I found a crumpled up piece of paper written in the handwriting of a previous partner. It just said I Love You. eeeeuuuwwYuk!

He would write silly notes and slip them into the tea bags or (in this case) my wallet when I wasn’t looking. So i would come across them at a later date. I know I should have been thinking Ahh how nice, but for some reason I thought it was a bit over the top and too sickly sweet and creepy. I dumped him because he wanted a kiss in Tescos and we fell out because i wouldn't hold his hand in the street.

But i notice i kept the piece of paper that said i love you one it. Must have been something subconscious i suppose. Maybe i'll leave it lying around for a future boyfriend to find. If i ever get one. I haven't had a shag in weeks now. In fact, if i'm honest it's probably months. I'm not sure, i don't write the dates down. Maybe i've reached the point where i should do. It's starting to get further and further apart.
That's what you get when you stop drinking for a month i suppose. ;-)) (fussy)
When i'm drunk everyone looks like this.

Tuesday, 7 December 2010


Been busy doing holiday stuff the past couple of days so no time to blog. Today i converted some UK Cash into American Monopoly Money.

It's all the same bloody size!. How the hell can you tell the difference if you're blind ?. It really does look like Monopoly money. Someone told me to get rid of the $50 note though. It's like trying to find someone who will take a £50 note here in the UK. Everyone is suspicious of them.

Saturday was interesting. I froze my bollocks off on a night out in Manchester. It was one of those nights where we didn’t stop in one place for very long. So walking from one pub or club to another was like coming out of an oven into a freezer and back again. Sometimes you’re constantly on the move on. Other weeks we find a nice spot and stay put. One of the guys we were with (Mark) wore glasses and kept steaming up whenever we went in anywhere. Or was that just an excuse not to go to the bar first ?.

I was back on the lash (drink) but for some reason I just wasn’t in the mood. When I got home I was practically sober. Daniel hasn’t paid up on his bet. I knew he wouldn’t. But it doesn’t matter. I shall keep reminding him he owes me…forever and a day. I stayed at my parents that night. Their house is nice and warm, even without the heating on. Mine is like a garden shed. It’s ok as long as you don’t turn a fire off. Because when you do it goes cold almost instantly. Either I’m short of some insulation or I have a poltergeist in residence.

I went to B&Q on Sunday to look at buying some more insulation. It costs a bloody fortune and there was hardly any left.
Scrub that one; I’ll just have to put a thicker jumper on.

I did the post at work today. Hundreds of bloody envelopes to open with nothing more than a knife.
At this time of the month most just contain monthly statements, but when it gets to December the whole system is clogged up with bleedin Christmas Cards. I can understand why people send cards to each other but why do businesses bother? No one reads them or takes any notice.

Don't expect a card from me this year. I won't be here.

And that includes Daniel Who will be house sitting. I'm not even gonna put the trimmings and tree up for him. LOL.

Thursday, 2 December 2010

Real life

Went for a meal again tonight. I'm becoming a bit of a food critic gobshite lately.
Back to the booze again this weekend though, i've done my month without alcohol ;-) Can't wait.

Anyways this wasn't exactly a restaurant. In fact it was just a country pub with a carvery. And a shit one at that. I hate carverys. They are usually cold or warmed up veg with dodgy looking meat. And that's exactly what it was, crap. I'm glad i wasn't paying and it wasn't my idea to come to this place. Everyone around the table said it was shite and that they weren't ever gonna come back again. But then a waitress came over and asked if everything was ok. In unison everyone around the table said "Mmmm, yes lovely thanks". I pissed myself laughing. That's such a British thing to do.

I had a bath this morning before work. The shower in this house is a bit crap and it was cold, but the water that comes out of the tap is so hot you could brew tea with it. So i thought i'd have a nice warm 10 minute soak before work.
But when i had finished and pulled the plug out, Nothing. 
There was a blockage somewhere and no water moved. So i found a plunger and started pumping at the plughole. Black gunk came out but still no water seeped away. In the end i had to leave it because i was now late for work.
When i got home i spent 45 minutes trying to move cold bathwater before getting a little trickle through. after 25 minutes it emptied itself so i then found some plughole unblocker to clear the rest.

I know this doesn't sound interesting but i thought it would be quite funny to bore you with the story. I always imagine most of the followers to this blog being  people landing on my page hoping for some sort of story of a young gay guy living a sexy life telling of his sexual exploits and posting pictures of his cock. And you end up reading about me unblocking a plughole. LOL.
Sorry fellas, this is real life not fantasy.
Although i did most of this work naked with a dildo up my arse of course. ;-))

Wednesday, 1 December 2010

Worthless Treasure

Q) What is the value of a 1918 British Threepence?

A)  A British 1918 sterling silver Threepence (KG V), uncirculated and in absolute mint condition could fetch up to £12 GBP. If it has been circulated but still in good condition, it might fetch anything from £1 to £3 GBP.

(Cancel the champagne, i thought i found something worth a fortune. As it is it might just buy me a pint)