Monday, 28 December 2009

Christmas remembered

I've had my best Christmas in years. I don't wanna dwell on the past so lets just say it's been a family Christmas that i have been missing. it's been a bit relentless though. Visiting, and crowds of people practically every day.It feels like a never ending party and i'll be honest, there were times when i just wanted a break from it all. Best bits were my nephews and nieces. If you don't have kids i recommend you borrow a couple for Christmas. They are great fun and make everything special. Send them back for New Year of course but they are brilliant for a day or two.

And you have a good excuse to play with toys as well. Whilst they play with the box, you get to work pressing all the buttons and turning the nobs.
One of the kids got a Hole in the wall cash machine (money box) complete with cash card and pin number. Whats all that about ?. Cash machines are for taking money out of, not putting into.
My cold is lots better, maybe because i gave all alcohol a wide birth over Xmas. But i assume i have gathered a bit of a reputation because every time i refused a drink the person offering looked puzzled and gave out a loud 'whoooooooo' sound.
It was just nice to be with my family again. No one said anything about the past, we just carried on like we used to. I even got presents from people. Which was slightly embarrassing because i didn't get them anything back. I had put this sort of family get together in the past, to be forgotten and never revisited. It was great.

Sky News was at the Trafford Center on Boxing day doing a report on the sales. Daniel said he was there and was excitedly telling me on the phone that he saw them broadcasting live from the scene. "so ?" i said. What is so exciting about that ?.
I'm pretty sure that given half a chance he would have been one of those pratts who stand behind waving like a nob head.

Daniel and i have been invited to a house party on New Years Eve. The problem is, it's Steve who has invited us and i can imagine what sort of party it would be.
On one hand we both dismiss it as a no show. But at the same time neither of us is dismissing it completely and find it amusing that we might actually go, just for the hell of it.
I hopw you had a nice Christmas and are enjoying the break. I'm told that in America they only have Christmas day and then it's back to work.
You poor sods.
I'm not back till January the 4th. Happy Days.

Thursday, 24 December 2009

Happy Christmas Everybody

That's it for work now until January 4th 2010.
We all finished at lunchtime, but some of the others went for a drink before going home. I decided to give it a miss. I don't feel up to it and i need to shake as much of this cold off as possible or my Christmas is gonna be crap.

I'm a bit worried about all the snow. I'm supposed to be going over to my mum and dads for Christmas Day but travel looks bad. It's ok as long as you keep to the main roads but neither i, nor my mum and dad, live on a main road. I have to drive up an ungritted road and then onto our street, which is an un adopted avenue that never ever sees a gritter.
I'll worry about that in the morning.

Daniel Said that he is seeing his Auntie tonight so won't be going out. That was fine by me, i think we both knew i wasn't gonna be up to a Christmas eve out on the town. Best save it up for New Years eve.
So i'm gonna spend a boring night in front of the telly with a cup of Lemsip and my feet up.
It's Christmas eve so there must be something on TV surely ?.
Well no actually there isn't ive looked. Typical.

Anyways, on that depressing note. A Happy Christmas to you all, have a great time, don't drink too much ;-)be careful who you sleep with, play safe,remember to carry some mistletoe in your undies and if you are lucky enough to meet the man of your dreams take a naked picture of him and send it to me. It'll be much more interesting to look at than the shit on my TV at the moment.

Wednesday, 23 December 2009

Winter Cold

Oh no
That 'bit of a cold' has turned into a full blow affair. Strangely I don’t feel as bad as I apparently look. Sneezing can be quite enjoyable sometimes. It’s like a little mini orgasm if it's done right, so I don’t mind that too much. I wonder what it would be like to sneeze at the same time as you have a proper orgasm ?. In fact imagine a sneeze, an orgasm and scratching an itch all at the same time. I'm not sure your partner would be impressed but it would blow your socks off i'm sure. LOL.

Sorry i'm rambling now, back to the subject. Apart from the fact that my eyes are streaming and I feel really tired I’m not too bad on the inside. I can still eat and am on about 20 cups of tea a day to suppress the sore throat, but apart from that I think I’m OK.

Peoples reactions to me are two fold.
One, sympathy because I apparently look like I’m dying. Two, they run away as if I’m a leper about to pass on an incurable disease.
I’ve even had someone stand in front of me with a hanky over their mouth. I can understand I suppose. I have now been relegated to my own desk in the corner of the office. I have my own cup for tea and am not allowed to sit with the rest for lunch LOL.
No one wants a cold for flu for Christmas.
Including me.

i got a call from Daniel at lunchtime and he has one as well. We sounding like a couple of old men on the phone talking about our ailments.
He is a bit more of a wus though. He doesn't have a cold, it's flu, and he thinks it's swine flu. I once had flu. I wouldn't have been capable of talking to anyone on the phone. In fact i couldn't be arsed to walk across the room from what i remember.
There is a huge difference between a cold and flu. But on the recommendation of Paul from yesterdays comments i did suggest i could come over and rub some vicks on his chest.
He didn't laugh. Miserable git.

Tuesday, 22 December 2009

Christmas rant.

I Think I am starting with a cold. That’s all I need for Christmas.

So I went to the chemist to buy some drugs that will do nothing to stop it coming, but will make me at least fell like I’m trying to suppress the symptoms. (Do cold remedies ever work? I don’t think so)
Anyways don't you think Chemists seem to have only one speed. Slow. In fact I’m convinced that when they disappear round the back to make up prescriptions they are actually playing cards or watching telly. How long can it take to measure out half a dozen pills for fuck sake?
I know they have to be careful they don’t kill someone by giving the wrong dose, but sometimes it feels like time itself has stopped.

I discovered the downside to living in a house with a drive. Snow!
At least when I parked on the roadside the gritters cleared it for me. Here I have to get out a shovel and start digging myself.

Most hated commercial on TV right now ?. "I'm a PC and Windows 7 was my idea" Piss off you smug git !.

I've had three Christmas cards from neighbours. I know it's them because there was no address or stamp on the front and they were all posted separate to the rest of the post.
The only problem is i don't know who they are. Who the hell is Jean and Steve ?.
Why didn't they put a house number on it ?.

On my way to work this morning i saw someone slip on some ice. It's not funny really but she did it in a Flintstones type way so it was. Her legs were everywhere in all directions, but her head and body stayed in the same place.

Monday, 21 December 2009

Thanks god for the snow

After my eventful weekend i could have done with a day off today. And with the help of a blizzard of snow yesterday i managed to get half a day at least.
I rang in to say i might be late before i even set off and was told not to rush because everyone else is in the same boat. Brilliant.

I still feel a bit off though. My stomach, my head, i feel really tired and could happily roll up into a ball and fall asleep on the office floor.

Ryan thought i was funny the other night so at least i know I'm not an annoying drunk. Apparently i was very jolly and entertaining. Maybe a bit too friendly, but nothing offencive (phew). He reminded me that i kissed him on the cheek. I am blushing as i write this. He is not gay and thankfully laughed it off because i was doing it as a joke. Some girls at work kept asking for Christmas kisses whilst carrying mistletoe so i thought he should have one as well. Once he told me about this i remembered. it came back to me in a flash. He had a very smooth cheek and it was cold because we had just walked into a pub from a cold street.
I'm gonna cut down on the drinking this Christmas, i can't afford it and I'm making a fool of myself.
As i type this there is a program on telly called 'The Whale that blew up in the street'
It's all about a dead sperm whale that exploded in the middle of a Taiwan street in January 2004.
Eh ?

Sunday, 20 December 2009

Who's a naughty boy ?

I can only apologise for my previous post.
The answer to the question can you post when you are pissed is, yes, but only if you wanna embarrass yourself by writing shit.

On the other hand i was very close to inviting a stranger round for sex, so it's as well i kept in touch with you all in case i got murdered.
I actually went on Gaydar and because i couldn't see anything i liked and no one was forthcoming (as in instantly wanting a meet NOW!) i then logged onto Gaydar chat.
Thankfully the only people who contacted me seemed to live in the London area. But that was no surprise because i logged into chat rooms without thinking.
There were some really weird themed rooms.
I understand things like bears, bondage, Bikers Bi Guys, water sports and Muscle etc. But there were some strange chat rooms amongst all these.
Bed Baths, Cabin Crew (BA Staff i presume) Cock smells (eeeurgh!!) Deaf men ?, Docking ?. Equestrian, Intellectuals (there was no one in that room)Macintosh users, Art & Design ?. Fucking hell.

Anyway i stayed away from all the strange men on gaydar and went to bed alone. But it was a close call. The right man and i could have been writing about my shameful night with a stranger and worrying whether i did something i shouldn't have.
Anyway i am suffering the consequences of my weekend already, i feel like crap, it's all catching up on me. It's snowing like there is no tomorrow outside so i may as well go back to bed.


Can you blog when you are pissed?. has anyone tried it? has anyone done it. i'm sure they will have sohere is my go.

Rest of post deleted................

Saturday, 19 December 2009


I decided to go with the others for a nice quite Christmas drink after work last night.
That's why i never blogged yesterday. I wasn't capable of seeing the keys let alone type anything. I didn't drink that much in quantity, but because it was Christmas i drank different things.

I'm not the sort of person who drinks shorts. I don't really like things like whisky and rum. I like them even less now.
I broke my own drinking rule..never mix your drinks !!
I can still taste some of it now. It's not as if i had a fantastic night either, because after the first hour it all went downhill from there as i descended into a mess. First i get the blood shot eyes, then the silly grin, then my mouth stops working properly and eventually my brain goes for a walk and live the rest of my body to fend for itself.

And just to make things worse. I may have to have some 'hair of the dog' tonight. I'm not sure if this expression travels the world. I don't actually know what it means either and in a different mood i'd look it up on the web to find out where it comes from (but i can't be arsed).
Basically it means having another drink to counteract the hangover. I'm actually supposed to be going out again tonight so it will be needed. At the moment the very smell of any kind of booze could help me empty the contents of my stomach all over this computer but I'm sure I'll be OK after something to eat and a sleep. I hope.
I embarrassed myself be telling Ryan how good looking he was and mentioning to his mate that he comes across as a bit of a twat sometimes (he was a bit taken back by that). I didn't exactly strip off and dance naked on the tables but if anyone had suggested i did i'm sure i would have.

I think I'll take it easy tonight.

Thursday, 17 December 2009

Model Looks

Sheila at work has been talking about here friend for a while now. Apparently she does some modeling work (fashion) and is extremely pretty.
Today we met her friend, and her boyfriend, when they came to drop off some keys for Sheila. I know it's wrong to judge people by their looks, how terrible would i be if i did that. On the other hand, this woman looked like a freak. Not a bit attractive and completely the opposite to how i imagined her to be. Her eyes were too far apart and she was as white as a sheet. On the other hand, her boyfriend was a black guy called Frank. He was as fit as fuck. Obviously went to the gym on a regular basis and had a body that superman would have been proud of. I asked him if he did any modeling as well.
"fuck, no" he said "i work for W H Smiths"

This is not him, but it's how i imagine him to look underneath his cloths, and in my wanking dreams later on tonight.

I have decided to stay in tonight. I need to spend a bit more time on the house. I don't even have any trimmings or a tree up. I have nothing chrismasy about.
Someone in the comments suggested.... no said.. that this house was my Christmas present to myself. And your right young man, it is !
Time to appreciate it a little more i think. After all, I'm fucking paying enough for it.

Wednesday, 16 December 2009

I've Bin Robbed

That customer payment came through today so we might be working up to Christmas eve after all. Phew !.

On the other hand i wanna go out and get pissed. Ryan and his tossy mate, plus a few of the others are talking about going for a couple after work on Christmas Eve. But i'll be wanting to get home, get changed, and head off to Mancs for a night out with my mates. I'll be buggered if i'm spending Christmas eve in Halifax.
Or should that read, i WON'T be buggered if i spend a Christmas eve in Halifax ? LOL.

There is a lot of talk in the papers about the new X Factor winner ending speculation that he is gay. I'll be honest i was sure he was one of us, But now i find he is one of them. Frankly i don't give a shit. It's not like i'm gonna meet him and he's gonna be interested in climbing into bed with me is it?. I'll never understand all that is he or isn't he ? thing with celebs. As long as they can do their job singing, acting or dancing i don't give a toss. Why is it so important ?.

I put my bin out for collection today, but when i went to retrieve it, someone had stolen the bloody thing. I didn't have my number painted on the side like some do so anyone could have taken it. I wandered up and down the street looking for it but it was nowhere to be seen.
This left me with two options. Ring and ask for a new dustbin, or steal someone else's.

I didn't bother ringing for a new one.

Cheesy Pop going round and round in my head

Tuesday, 15 December 2009

Christmas is coming

My mum has asked me if i will buy her the Susan Boyle CD for my dad for Christmas.
WOT ???. YOU EXPECT ME TO GO INTO A SHOP AND ASK FOR SUSAN BOYLE ON CD ???!!!. Perhaps you would like me to do it wearing a pink tutu and ballet shoes for maximum humiliation as well ?.
I said yes i would. I'm in a new town and no-one knows me here, If i keep my head down i'm sure i can get in and out of the shop without anyone spotting me. I must remember to take a porno magazine to wrap it up in.

That payment from the customer hasn't arrived yet. It's looking like Friday we will be breaking up for Christmas. I said i would go for a drink with Ryan, but i let slip i didn't like his mate. I don't think Ryan was impressed with that. He knows he's a bit funny but he said he was OK when you get to know him. Thinking about it, i had a similar problem with Jack and Daniel (Jack Daniels i just noticed that link) they didn't get along either and i felt awkward in the middle. I'll give him a second chance for Ryans sake.

I found my old I-pod the other day. It is the size of a packet of fags and weighs a ton. It didn't work though the battery was fucked.

A guy pulled up along side me in a car at lunchtime wanting directions to a local scrapyard. He spoke with a foreign accent and i couldn't understand him. I had to ask him three times to repeat the place he was looking for and i still couldn't get it. It was getting embarrassing, especially as he was very nice and i could understand the words "thanks you very much, it would be nice, very please"
In the end i pointed him in the direction of the nearest one i knew and hoped it was the one he wanted.
As he drove off i noticed he had a flat tyre at the back and he was driving on the rim. The scrapyard i sent him to must have been at least 3 miles away.

What can i buy myself for Christmas ?. I always get myself something but what do i want this year ?
Must look through the small ads for a sexy man willing to do anything i want for a night.

Monday, 14 December 2009

A long break

Daniel didn't ring tonight, he said he will get in touch later on in the week. His text didn't spell it like that it just said "ring L8trs". I hate text speak. It gets on my tits.

I have been informed today that we may be breaking up for Christmas at the weekend. A certain order is looking dodgy as the customer is notoriously bad at paying. If he doesn't bacs a payment to us by Wednesday the order will not be going out and this will mean we will have more stock than we require and production stops.
There would have been a time when i would have been excited by the prospects of a longer Christmas holiday but not this time. I like it where i work and i want the company to do well. I'd like to finish before Christmas eve so i can do all my shopping but not for a whole week!.
It's interesting to see how people react to such news. Some are whooping with joy, others are panicking thinking the company is gonna go bust.

Ryan asked me today if i was interested in going for a Christmas drink with his boring mate. As long as i can lose his mate somewhere under a bus, Yes !.

Sunday, 13 December 2009


It's a Sunday night and i've had quite a good weekend.

Yesterday was a bit iffy. Shopping at Christmas is hell. Even if you see something you wanna buy the queue is that long you can't be arsed to wait.
Today i had Rachel and her fella, with Daniel, all round for the afternoon. I got a Crispy duck thing from tescos that was supposed to be enough for 4-6 people. But when it came out of the oven there was just about enough for a gob full each.
So i had to go to plan B and raid the freezer for something i could stick in the microwave before we all starved.

I'm no good at this entertaining lark. Dinner parties are not my thing.
Afterwards we drank the contents of the garage (apart from Rachel's boyf, the driver) and i think they all went home happy.
Thankfully there was no sign of Ian but I'm pretty sure he will still be pestering me sometime in the future.

Daniel was a bit quiet, he didn't mention Howard, he said he would ring me this week to update me on the latest. I thought they had split so what the latest is i don't know.

Friday, 11 December 2009

The Weekend Starts here

I've just noticed i've got 93 followers. Where the bloody hell did they come from ?.
That's what adding an erotic picture here and there does for you i supposed.

It's weeeeekend again and i have a few things planned. All involve going out, but on Sunday afternoon i have invited Daniel, Rachel and her sexy boyfriend over.
I am gonna cook something so i've told them to book a couple of days off work next week just in case they need it to recover from food poisoning.
Rachel said that would be fine as her arse is getting a bit fat anyway and she could do with losing a few pounds.
If Ian does decide to call i will be too busy with my house guests so that will also help me avoid him.

I'm gonna go to Mancs tomorrow. Some Xmas shopping with Daniel and his mum (how cool does that sound ?) she is driving us to the Trafford Center and we can spend a nice quiet leisurely afternoon looking in shop windows. I have no money to spend so i don't know why i'm going. Just for something to do i suppose. Imagine that, the Trafford Center on a Saturday afternoon so near to Christmas. Sound like fun eh?.
Then Daniel will come back here and stop the night Saturday.
Whether we go out round here or not is another thing. I'm trying to get him to give Huddersfield a go.

Tonight i feel knackered. So After Jonathan Ross on the Telly, it's Bath and bed. A quick off the cuff wank, throw the tissue on the bedroom floor (pick it up in the morning) and drift straight off to sleep 30 seconds after i've climaxed.
Have you ever done that ?. Isn't it a nice relaxing way to go to sleep. The second you have cum you do a quick clean up and then drift away.
Sorry, i'm getting too graphic here aren't i ?.

This blog takes minutes to do. I don't really think about what i'm gonna write before i sit at the computer. I just load a picture and start tapping. What comes out, comes out.
I must use the delete button more.
Have a good weekend everybody.

Thursday, 10 December 2009

Dodgy Ian

I had a call from Ian tonight. He said he was going over to Bradford this weekend and might stop off at my place to say hello if i'm about.
I'm really suspicious about this. Ian is a dodgy Druggy, why is he going to Bradford ? and why pop by to see me ?.
If you knew him you would understand why i wrote that last sentence, i'm not paranoid, i just know when i shouldn't really have anything to do with him. He is a great guy and has been a good friend but he has never been normal and was always a bit dodgy, You just know that to stay friends with him it's best to keep him at arms length. I said i was gonna be out this weekend, but he is the type who will call to say hello anyway just in case. I need to make sure i'm not in for two days at least.

I saw a car crash on my way home from work tonight. It wasn't anything serious just broken glass and scratched paintwork. Both drivers were at fault, but they got out and started fighting in the middle of the road as all the other cars tried to get round them.
There is no stopping drivers when they are on their way home from work, fight or no fight, people were prepared to mow them both down rather than sit and wait.
Which pissed one of them even more and he started hitting cars with his hand as they drove past.
As i got nearer i recognised him as one of the guys who works at our place. I don't know him that well, and after tonight i don't think i want to either. Prat !

Wednesday, 9 December 2009

Sunday Morning Glory

Don't laugh, but i was invited to join a football team today.

Some of the blokes in the Warehouse play Sunday footy and asked if i was interested. Thinking about it the after match changing and shower thing sounds good, but then again, it's Sunday Morning and it involves getting up and running around in the fucking freezing weather whilst its pissing down.
No Chance.
It was nice to be asked though. I seem to be getting on well with some of these people. I'm just not sure they all know I'm not hetero and won't be interested in a night out looking for some "birds to shag". One lad called Ben keeps mentioning that he will take me out round town to show me what a good night out is, and i am certain he has the wrong end of the stick.
I hate it when this happens, you have every intention of telling people but sometimes you sort of miss the moment and it just gets awkward from then on.

Anyway i said no thanks and am leaving it to someone else to tell him. I'm fucking sick of telling people. You get like that sometimes don't you?. Why so you have to explain your way through life ?. Fuck em.

Tuesday, 8 December 2009

The recovery position

Daniel rang today and said sorry for the weekend.
He didn't remember most of it so i could make up anything and he would have had to believe me.

I tried to say i lent him £20 but he wasn't having any, he wasn't that drunk. Besides i always try that one and he would never lend me a full £20 anyway. So i told him he tried to kiss me in the middle of the night. Funnily enough that must have sounded more convincing because he said "i didn't did i?".LOL. Saying that, i have also used that one before as well so he's a sucker if he did believe.

I was that knackered last night i just stopped in and sat in front of the Telly like a Zombie.
I fell asleep and woke up at two in the morning with the TV and the fire on. I was sweating like a pig and felt so drained i had to stand outside in the freezing cold for a while just to get my breath back.
I'm not the most active person in the world, but sitting around and falling asleep on the sofa is not in my instruction manual. It just makes me sick.
When i eventually went to bed i looked out of the window and noticed that not one house down the street was awake. Every window was black. Where i lived before in Oldham this would be unknown. There would always be someone up no matter what time of night it was.

Whether they were sat watching the telly or surfing the net for porn i'm not sure but they would be up.

Monday, 7 December 2009

Drunken weekend (Part 365)

Recovering from a busy (and expensive) weekend.
I went over to Mancs but spent most of my time in Oldham if i'm honest. We had a great night out with Rachel and her dishy boyfriend. But Rachel had her hand all strapped up as if she had broken it. Apparently she sprained it shutting a door, which sounded highly unlikely, but when she got really pissed later on she whispered to me in confession that she had actually done it whilst wiping her arse after having a shit!. I nearly wet myself when she told me. "it just happened" she said " i must have pressed on to hard at a funny angle and it sort of clicked".
I can understand her making up a story to cover it, i can't say Ive ever heard of anyone else doing such a thing. But then again who would tell?.

Daniel got absolutely rat arsed on Saturday, worse than i have seen him in a long time. We practically had to carry him home. I was staying at his house on a camp bed in his room and he slept with the washing up bowl under his face most of the night. He wasn't sick again because he'd more or less emptied the contents of his stomach before the taxi came and when he got home.
His mother was really pissed off by it and at one point started taking it out on me.
I could hardly say anything because i was three sheets to the wind as well.
When we got to bed Daniel did that really pissed "your my best mate you are, i love you" thing. Drink is a demon, but neither Daniel nor i are the type who get loud and violent. We love the world when we are pissed and will usually shag anyone.
It wasn't a sexy weekend. We didn't cop of with anyone. I didn't find someone to replace Jack. Daniel didn't find another Howard. We just had a laugh and got paralytic.

I'm getting to old for all this. I enjoyed it, but when it's over and I'm back home i feel deflated. I know I've let off steam, but it's back to the real world again, back to reality.
Never mind, that's life i suppose.

Friday, 4 December 2009

2 Nights in a row

That's twice in two days, i'm out again tonight, can my wallet stand it ?.
I'm going over to Mancs to meet Rachel and her boyfriend, Daniel and a couple of others.
So hopefully it will be like old times.

Last night was OK. Nothing special, more of a social party rather than a major drinking session. Which was just as well because the guy who's birthday it was has a few friends i wouldn't trust sober let alone drunk.
They did arrange a stripper for him but his girlfriend found out and put a stop to it. They showed me a video on someones phone of the one they had planned, she looked about 60 and weighed about 40stone and just seemed to humiliate her victim, as well as herself.
It's funny, you don't see Gay men getting strippers like that do you ?. If gay men get strippers they have to be attractive, No-one wants a comedy fat man. Or do they ?. Well i've never seen one anyway.

I did meet some nice people but most were on a social basis. Lots of women who i wouldn't wanna go out with. I'm sure that their nights out in Halifax would be at Jumping Jacks, rather than Humpin Jacks. One suggested a pub called the Cock and Bottle. But i don't think we were on the same wavelength and i'm sure she misheard me.
Right i'm outta here, have a good weekend. Don't be surprised if i don't post tomorrow, i may stop over ;-)))))

Thursday, 3 December 2009

Birthday party

Not much time to post today, super fast bit of blogging here because i'm going out.
Clean socks and knickers and outta the house to a Birthday party for someone at work. I have no idea who will be there, how many, what it will be like or when it will finish, but it might help me get to know some new people.

I feel a bit apprehensive. Don't wanna look a prat sat in the corner of a room full of people who know each other. Can be nothing worse than staring at the walls trying to pretend it's an interesting piece of art work.
I may be back home again in an hour if it's crap.
It seems strange to have a birthday party on a Thursday night when everyone has to get up for work the next morning so i'm assuming it's not gonna be a boozy doo.

There was some discussion about there being a surprise stripogram which sounds horrific. On the other hand if it were a male stripper that would be quite good. I can't see it happening though, the person who's birthday it is just so happens to have a girlfriend and from the limited conversations i have had with him wouldn't find it funny to have a man dancing round him waving his willy about.

One can but dream, catch ya laters..

Wednesday, 2 December 2009


Daniel has eventually split with Howard and i had a 45 minute phone call with him this lunch time listening to all his woes.
He is coming over tonight to finish the story, which is nice because that makes twice in a week.
Once you split with someone all the little irritations that niggle at you are suddenly revealed to the world. According to Daniel amongst Howard's bad habits were cutting his toenails whilst they were watching TV. And a foot fetish that involved sweaty socks (bluuuuerrrghh) plus a computer full of pictures of young mens feet. Not kids i might add. Teens and early 20s. No older that 22 for some reason (how can you tell?).

Daniel said he liked to suck on his toes. But even though he knew they were his own feet he was sucking on, and he made sure they were super clean when he did (much to Howard's annoyance) he couldn't then bring himself to Kiss Howard afterwards knowing he had just had feet in his mouth LOL !.
I spent most of the call pissing myself laughing, and wrenching as well, i was having my lunch at the time.
I know i sound like a gossipy old woman but i'm looking forward to him dishing more dirt on Howard later on. There was a hint of weird bondage fantasy's as well so that sounds good. Ha!.
Anyways here's a picture in memory of Howard. I hope he doesn't read any of this.

Tuesday, 1 December 2009

Do you believe in something ?

"If we are all gods children what's so special about Jesus ?".

I had some Jehovah's witnesses knock on my door. They were actually just a nice old man and woman and i was half tempted to invite them in for a coffee, But i knew they would start asking questions about god and stuff.
Do you believe ?. I don't know really. I would like to, but i'm gay and that means i'm supposed to burn in hell for some reason. The bloke who lived next door to my mum and dad went to church so he will be ok, even though he once beat up his wife and spent two years in prison for selling drugs amongst other offences.
I'll never understand all that church and vicars and priests thing, but i can't believe that's it when we snuff it.
I want there to be more and when you consider all the things science learn about the universe every day, it all seems a little bit to regimented and wonderous to be nothing. I'm not talking about the Bible here i'm talking about something else. But i just don't know what.

In fact your caught between the doubters and the believers. The believers will have none of it. and your not even allowed to question anything, it's gospal and that's that. The none believers just piss themselves laughing at the very thought, when your dead it's lights out, nothing!.
I'm gonna stop writing now cos this all sounds far to embarrassing to write about.

Music i dance to at the weeeekeeend

Monday, 30 November 2009

Save the environment

In a world where we all seem to be having HD TV rammed down our throats it seems weird that people still watching things online. The picture quality is shite and the size of a postage stamp but now that i have changed my broadband connection to proper cable i get a much better picture and i can get HD on the BBC i Player.
Now all i need is for them to show something worth watching, otherwise it's back to U tube for never ending clips of shit, or gay tube, for never ending clips of men's dangly bits.

I am being charged an extra £2.50 because i get a paper bill from virgin. When i rang they gave me some spiel about it being for the environment, blah blah.
In fact it's for the profits and nothing to do with the environment. A bit like supermarkets not giving away bags anymore or bin men coming round every fortnight instead of once a week. I'm not against helping the environment, i just object to them trying to pretend that every money saving (and making) idea they come up with is packaged as doing something good for the environment. Do they think we are all idiots?. Yes obviously they do.

Daniel rang this lunch time to tell me he is gonna bit the bullet and tell Howard he's finishing with him. It's funny how the tables turn, i remember us having a similar conversation in the past with one of my X's.

Music i'm listening to

Something I'm listening to on my I-Pod at the moment. It's funny how certain songs go round and round in your head.
I went to bed last night thinking of this one. Not since the Cheeky Girls has a track got stuck in my brain so much.
I thought i would post some music as an added extra this week just to show how crap my musical tastes really are. Cheesy dance or pop music that is a complete embarrassment to me when i am drunk at the weekend. The sort of thing that gets my toe tapping and my friends asking "you don't like this shit do you ?"
I'll post one a day, listen at your peril. But it may help paint a picture of my weekends. Imagine things like this playing in the background of a sweaty club and a pillock not dissimilar to the guy on the right looking like he's having a fit on the dance floor.

Sunday, 29 November 2009

Ryan & His Mate

Didn't have time to blog yesterday. Daniel came round again, that's twice in two weeks. Actually i think it's more to do with escaping Howard than it is coming to see me. He had to go early because his mum needed the car back, But that was ok because Ryan and his mate came over later to look at my computer. His mate is more of the techno guy by the look of it. We just sat watching the X Factor whilst he fiddled away with my box.

X factor is the noisiest show on telly. It's like going on a night out, even if you turn the sound down it still seems to deafen. It gave me a chance to find out more about Ryan. I might work with him but people react differently when they are away from work and in the company of their friends. In fact he was little more talkative and less shy. He's a bit dry and still only talks when he needs to, but when he says something it's either funny or interesting. His mate is just a cocky little git. The sort who talks down to people if he knows they don't know what he's talking about. Computers are his thing and he seemed to be enjoying telling what i didn't have and how i hadn't been using it properly. He was adjusting things i didn't want changing and in the end i told him to leave it. If you ever see two guys or girls on a night out together there is usually an attractive one that everyone fancies and the less attractive one that tags on behind and ends up with the opposite version of himself whilst the two good looking ones piss off and leave them behind.
I think that when Ryan and his mate go out, Ryan will be the one that tags along and gets the other mate, but in fact he is the most attractive of the two and if he spoke up a bit more he would get the girl. His mate is just a flash gobby Little git (can you tell i don't like him?).

He seems to have done something good with my computer though. We had a few cans of larger, a pizza and then they fucked off.
Not a spectacular night but it made a change.

Friday, 27 November 2009

Dead Pets

Rachel rang today, her cat died yesterday so she had today off work to get over it.

I'm not a cat person myself, we only ever had dogs in our house. No tell a lie we did have one when i was very small, it was called 'cat'. No other name, just 'cat'. It was wild really and put up with you as long as you didn't try to get near it, or stroke it, or look at it for that matter. If you did 'cat' turned into 'tiger' and tried ripping your face off. All it came home for was food a little warm up and then it buggered off out again. It had long black fur that was wild and unkempt. This was probably the only cat i have ever known that didn't take pride in it's appearance or bothered with cleanliness. In Cat terms it was a scruff bag. I'm pretty sure all the other cats talked about it behind it's back. Never to it's face thought because i'm also sure it was a bully and would have beaten them all up. It got run over by a bus, apparently but it survived for a short while screaming in agony and my dad had to put it out of it's misery with a brick. He still has nightmares about it now, Even in it's death knell it still tried to scratch his hand off. Although to be fair you would if someone was trying to smash your brains out with a brick wouldn't you ?.

We had a dog called Lassie. It was a cross between a Labrador and every other dog down the street. It's mother must have been a bit of a slut because no sooner had they managed to offload her pups on someone she was up the duff with another couple. We also had another dog from the same mother and called it Laddie LOL. This was the dumbest animal in the world and had a bad habit of breaking wind and frightening itself with the sound. He would then search the are where the fart came from trying to find out what it was. He died when he ran into a wall whilst chasing a ball. I was devastated. We buried him in the back garden near some rhubarb and I refused to eat any of that rhubarb after that.

Reading all that back it sounds like something from a comedy show, but i assure you it was true.

Thursday, 26 November 2009

Mr Fix it

I have been feeling a little bit under the weather today. Not ill, just a bit off.
Can't be arsed to do anything, that sort of ill. Run down and drained. I could still find time for a ham shank before i went to bed last night mind you so i can't be that ill. (Ham Shank is rhyming slang by the way, i don't mean something to eat ;-))

I have invited Ryan to come and look at my computer this weekend. He's a bit of a whizz on them and i want it speeding up. My Broadband connection is now better so it would be good to see if i can speed my computer up as well.
Then i realised i might be best removing some of the porn from my folders. It wouldn't exactly be a Gary Glitter moment if he found anything but i wouldn't embarrass him with some of the stuff i look at.. The pictures i post here are very tame compared i can assure you, it's all legal but filthy.
I don't know why i bother though. It's freely available online so why download it ?. Perhaps because i save things i like and store it away for future use ?. Then i have a sort of pornographic magazine that only contains pictures that turn me on.
What must it have been like in days when people actually looked at proper paper porn mags ?. Turning a page with one hand trying to find something that keeps up the momentum ? LOL. Imagine turning for the next shot and finding an advert for a packet of fags. Ha! that would kill things stone dead i should imagine.
Anyways i'm wandering of the subject.

Ryan said he might bring his mate over and they can look at it together. Before anyone says or suggests anything. Ryan is not my type, he's too young, and he's not gay OK ?.

Pretty person

Wednesday, 25 November 2009

Pornographic E-mail

From time to time i get suggestive e-mails from readers with offers to meet (usually for sex).
I don't bother with Gaydar much but i still get the odd message from there as well and every now and then they turn out to be pornographic, weird, scary, abusive or just downright hilarious. I find that it best to just ignore and not acknowledge certain ones. But last night i had an offer from a 'Daddy' looking for a boy to 'own'. In this e-mail it was suggested that i service his needs and will be used and abused for his sexual pleasure. From time to time he would pass me round for his friends to enjoy whilst he watched and at least once a month i would expect to be drugged and gangbanged by many guys at certain parties he travels and attends, along with 'submitting my image' to private Photographic sessions. This long e-mail then started to wander off into bestiality where he suggested i may also have to bend over and offer my services to his Alsatian, water sports and Bondage with torture would also be a regular 'pleasure for me' after he 'brands' me with ownership in the form of a tattoo on my arse.

But the thing that really turned me off his e-mail and why i decided to turn down his offer was when he also included the horrific, and quite frankly offencive suggestion that i also become his house boy and 'clean and cook for him!!'.
My Reply
"Fuck off you pervert, clean your own fucking house !."

Tuesday, 24 November 2009


Late home from work tonight so late blogging as well.
One of the blokes was celebrating the birth of his first son and we all went for one after work to 'wet the babies head' whatever that means.
Even Ryan came. It was funny watching him try drink a pint of larger. He's only 17 but looks younger. Should have stuck to a bottle lad. I mentioned to the others the disaster of our night out in Halifax. No-one in our circle said they went drinking in the town center and more and when i told them which local pubs we visited there was a sharp intake of breathe and lots of laughs. I asked if anyone would be interested in showing me round but most laughed again. Ryan said he would come with his mate. But i suspect he just wants to be able to go to any pub and knows he wouldn't get served unless someone else went to the bar for him.
I'll have to work on them.

It was a real miserable day today, the weather is depressing, rain, cloud, wind. We went into town to bank some dosh and i saw a woman chase an umbrella down the street. It had blown out of her hand and she gave chase screaming 'catch it, catch it'. It eventually stopped when it nestled between the arse cheeks of an old man waiting for a bus.

In the north of Halifax there is a large Muslim community and i suspect the odd mosque as well. You could hear the wailing in the distance as they were being called for prayer. For some reason no one minds church bells, but a guy in the bank was complaining about this wailing as if it were dance music blaring out of a nightclub and saying how it shouldn't be allowed.
When we came outta the bank a flash car went past with three Asians inside. They must have had the loudest in car stereo known to man and were playing Dizzee Rascal i think. I suspect they were not proper Muslims. You just assume don't you ?. If i see someone who is Asian, Pakistani or Indian i assume they are Muslim.
I write this because i have encountered quite a lot of racism since moving here. They are bad in the area of Oldham that i called home, but here it seems worse.

Monday, 23 November 2009

Letting Go

After the disaster of Saturday night i had a pretty lazy Sunday. Daniel stopped later than i expected and i actually drove him home at about 9 last night. I think his relationship with Howard is more or less over, but i don't get the impression that Howard knows yet.

Daniel is the type of guy who will suddenly start drifting away from him, then perhaps not see him for a week, before eventually stop answering his calls and hoping he's got the hint. Instead of telling him outright, he will do anything rather than confront the problem. On the other hand i also know that he is easily swayed. I remember he once went to tell a boy he was going out with that he didn't want to see him any more. He was all keyed up, he knew exactly what he wanted to say and i remember wishing him luck as he walked off into the distance to meet him.
When he came back he had given in to the other guys tears and agreed to give it another go. Even though he didn't want to. I remember pissing myself laughing, he was so determined it was over and went with such conviction that i genuinely thought he would be able to do it.

On one hand he would like to be the type of guy who can stick his middle finger up and say 'see you around, your dumped'. But in fact he's a softie who gets tongue tied and is rubbish at ending things properly.
I hardly have any room to talk, I'm as bad. When the relationship is going well you want them there all the time. As soon as it hits the rocks you wanna press a button and make them disappear.
It was nice having Daniel over, even though it was a shit night out on Saturday we had a good day Sunday.

I know i shouldn't say this but when your best mate decides to dump his boyfriend, there is a little something inside that says Oh good.
Now i know it's wrong of me and i'm sure your all tutting out there but i'm also sure we've all done it if we are honest.

Sunday, 22 November 2009

A night to forget

I picked up Daniel and we stopped off at Tescos to buy some Toothpaste. He didn't like the stuff i use so had to get some of his own brand, fussy sod.
We dropped all his stuff off at home and then decided to get out fast. It had been pissing it down all day but now it was just a light spray. If we were gonna leave the car at home and walk anywhere now was a good time. First stop, local pubs within walking distance.
I should have known. They didn’t exactly look appealing from the outside and when your walking past a couple of smokers stood at the door covered in tattoos and staring at us like something from Crimewatch you realise you should have gone with your gut instinct.

It was a bit like a scene from American werewolf in London where everyone turns round and looked at us. Only instead of old yokels sitting with pipes and drinking beer. This was skinhead’s thugs who were probably wondering whether to beat us up or sell us drugs (and that’s the women I’m talking about there).
Ian would have liked this pub.
We had a bottle of Bud and left quickly. The tables were sticky and the carpet looked like it hadn’t had a vac over it in weeks. The next pub we walked through one door and outta the other without stopping and by the time we got to the third it was decided we might be best giving local pubs a miss and go for the town center instead.
It was lively I’ll give them that. There are lots of drinking joints, bars, pubs, clubs, fast food, you name it. And all really close to each other I’ve been here before so I knew what to expect. But there was nothing that looked even slightly camp or gay.

In fact I would say everywhere seemed the exact opposite. Very hetero and full of women who were either overweight and trying to look sexy in cloths that was to small for them. Or young girls who shouldn’t be drinking for another couple of years dressed in cloths that showed front and back crack. I saw one girl who looked about twelve drinking in the corner of a pub. Every now and then she opened her handbag and topped it up again with what looked like Vodka. I suppose it’s one way around not getting served at the bar.
We got accosted by girls on three occasions but didn’t feel comfortable enough to tell them we were not interested in girls. So we moved on to the next place each time. Mainly because we didn’t really know how people would react to us. And that more or less tells you the atmosphere we were in.
It wasn’t homophobic, no one said anything wrong. There was no trouble. In fact in some ways it was just like Oldham. But Oldham is home and I know people there. These were all strangers and I felt like a fish out of water. So best keep your head down and check the lay of the land first I find.

It was a bad night really. I could tell Daniel wasn’t happy and only going along with things for my sake. I’m really disappointed myself as well. I had been told that Hebden Bridge is quite gay, but more on the lesbo side. Besides that's the other side of town.
I’ll never drink locally here. Town maybe, but only with people I know and i'll never be out on the pull. It looks like I’ll be trying to get over to Manchester in future. We have discussed Huddersfield or Leeds next time. If there ever is a next time.

It was so bad that even though I drank like a fish, I couldn’t really get pissed. I wasn’t in the mood.
We stopped off for a takeaway on the way back to my place and sat talking until the early hours. Daniel depressed me even more by talking about him and Howard. Apparently the novelty has worn off and he is thinking of calling it a day and going back home.
He likes Howard but doesn’t fancy him any more.
I was in bed by 2.30 and that was that. Not very exciting eh? . A real anti climax.
Daniel is still in bed as I type this. I’m sat on my own wondering if I did the right thing moving here.
It doesn’t matter where you live as long as you have your friends and family with you. It’s not the other side of the world and they haven’t exactly vanished before my eyes. But I got used to them being close. I actually think it would have been better if they were on the other side of the world. It’s all a bit half arsed.
I’m too close to be complaining that I’m on my own. But too far away to carry on as before.

God, I’m gonna have to finish this post quick, I’m on a self indulgent depressing feel sorry for myself day today.
We all have them. Just consider this a rant. I’ll forget about it tomorrow.

Saturday, 21 November 2009

Two hours after this post i expect to be pissed

Not much to write about today. All the usual chores, cleaning, supermarket etc.
Daniel is coming over soon and we are gonna check out the area. He is stopping the night as well and i'm sort of looking forward to it.
Let's hope things go well. This time tomorrow i might have lots to write about. Always a good thing when you have a blog.

Friday, 20 November 2009

Secrets of my Back Bedroom

I rang my mum tonight to catch up on how things are with her.

“it’s all going on here” she said, and then spoke for half an hour about nothing. The “all going on” was more to do with my uncle Malcolm who is in hospital having his hemorrhoids put back in. So she and dad have been driving my Auntie Pat to the hospital and back which is upsetting their normal run of the mill routine.

It was riveting stuff i can't deny, or can i?. Then she started asking me questions, and by the time we reached the usual ones about what I had just eaten for my tea I decided it was time to go. But before I did she mentioned my dad is a bit worried because they are making people redundant at his work again. He'd be gutted if he lost his job i know.

One of the good things about moving from a tiny flat to a big house with a garage means that i have lots of space to fill.
I can stick all my porn in one room outta the way now so when people come to visit i don't need to cover any cock pics up or push DVDs under cushions.
A while ago someone gave me a really gay picture of two guys with their tops off standing by a waterfall. I never put it up because i hate that sort of thing on display around the house. It smacks to much of 'look at me I'm gay just in case you didn't already know'. Hetero people don't have picture of women with their tits out on show do they ?. And besides it looked too much like wanking material, not very artistic, just pornographic. I don't really want stuff like that hanging over my shoulder when I'm sat having a cup of tea with my mother and her friend Sheila.

Anyways i stuck this picture up in the back bedroom and the more i look at this room the more i realise it's gonna be kept for special occasions. In other words, when people come to stay (for the night).

I wonder if i can fit some bondage gear and sling in there ? LOL.

Wet Wet Wet

It's been raining all week here in the UK and it's starting to get on my tits now, I feel like a drowned rat most of the time.

Thursday, 19 November 2009

Earn Extra Cash

I got my Gas bill today for both here and the flat.
So that's the heating turned off for starters. I think i may have to build a small fire in the middle of the front room and gather wood for future heating. I can't be affording that on a regular basis!. Time to tighten my belt a little more and start looking for some extra dosh from Christmas.

I can't believe i agreed to do this but one of the women at work has called and is so impressed with my skills with a brush that she has asked me if i would be interested in painting her back bedroom for cash. I only just finished this fucking thing and I'm agreeing to do more of the same but for someone else. I can't decide whether this is a god send or a penance.

I suppose it's better than selling my arse on the streets. Or is it ?. I think i might enjoy that more than hard labour.

Daniel refuses to stay this weekend if he has to sleep on the sofa so i have to make up a camp bed in the spare room. Not for him, for me !. He wants my double bed. And to add insult to injury i have had a text message today that reads "unless i get breakfast in bed you can fuck off"
He'll get co co pops on his head if he's not careful

Wednesday, 18 November 2009

You are formally invited to an orgy, will you cum ?

Daniel is coming over at the weekend and we are gonna check the town out. He doesn't fancy the idea so i'm blackmailing him into doing it.

He would rather i came over to him and we go out in Manchester but i don't want that to happen all the time. I can see it will turn into me being left out and slowly drifting away from my friends if i'm not careful.

No one rang at all this week. And it was getting a bit strained when i was trying to recruit help decorating this place.
I'm sure that if i threw a sex party this weekend they would be all here in a shot, but until that time comes they ain't bothered. Perhaps i should test them all and send an invitation to an orgy for a laugh.

Work is settling down now and the money is coming in ok. I need to cut my spending for about 3 or four months and then i'll be ok again i think. Unfortunately that 3 or 4 months just happen to be over the Christmas period so i can't see that happening can you ?.

I spoke to Rachel today. I miss her, i can't remember what we talked about but it was a none stop laugh. I've invited her and her dishy boyfriend over when she is free. I'll get them both pissed and when she is paralytic and none plus i'll carry him upstairs to bed and help him undress.

I seem to be inviting everyone over. I hope someone comes.

Lick of Paint

Remember that horrible bathroom ?. Well a lick of paint and a different bog seat and hey presto.
It's not Buckingham Palace and it's still very basic but i'm sure you'll agree. It's improved 150% as the say on the X Factor. I can now have a shite in peace.
Posted by Picasa

Tuesday, 17 November 2009

Look at the state of that bedroom

What do you think ?

There are some weird and shitty websites out there don't ya think ?.
Some guy sent me one that scours the net for info on a particular subject then returns the results on what people think as a positive, negative or indifferent.
I have no idea how it works and a bit like twitter i thinks it's a ridiculous idea, but it thought I'd give it a go with two subjects.

Monday, 16 November 2009

I think i'm one of them

Everyone in the office is talking about the X Factor. For those that don't live in the UK, it's our equivalent of American Idol, Simon Cowshit and all.
It's the noisiest show on Telly and i always have to turn the sound down when it's on. Sometimes off completely when Jedward are singing.

I feel lost when people are talking about a show that i don't watch. It's like Soap operas or heavy rock music. It passes me by and i have no interest.

I once had a really strained conversation with a guy who started talking about what he considered to be "the greatest comedy show of all time".
As it turned out it was Mash. Never seen it, never been interested in it.
I'm sure it's brilliant, but not for me. It's a bit like Laurel and Hardy. I once found myself pissing myself laughing at one of their films and was hooked. I convinced Daniel to watch one with me. It was shit. They were about 60 in this one, and they looked like a couple of old men trying to act like kids. We both lost interest and turned over.

Anyways, i mentioned the fact that i wasn't interested and it was suggested in a humorous way that i perhaps was more of a Strictly Come Dancing Man.
Then they realised that it might sound a bit offence (your gay so you must like ballroom dancing) and it all went quiet for a bit.
I thought that was funnier than a Laurel and Hardy moment. People don't know what to say anymore do they ?. I knew they didn't mean anything by it, but they got offended for me.
You just know don't you ? when it's said in jest with no meaning, and when it's really meant to be offencive. Well i do anyway.

Sunday, 15 November 2009


Another weekend and i'm going nowhere.

You can't have everything i suppose, But buying this house has put a severe dampener on my social life and i need to do something about it. I'm skint for starters and i need to find some new mates in this area so those are the two area that need tackling. Once this weekend is over i'm gonna stop spending money on the house and stick something away for fun so that's that for starters.
Next up where do i find new friends ?. Local Pub ?, LGBT group ?, Local Community help group ?.

NO ! a pervy online gay dating website. LOL. I'm a lazy git arn't i ?. It's just too easy to log on. And besides it was pissing it down outside so better to meet someone before you meet someone, if you get my meaning.
He looked alright in the picture, but he had more spots in the flesh. His name was Paul and i won't be seeing him again.
It's just not me this Internet dating thing. I might sound like i'm contradicting myself here but if i meet someone in person and i like what i see, i'm up for it and can be a bit of a relentless slapper if i have also had a drink. A picture online seems to miss all the foreplay. That's the exciting bit for me. In fact it's the most important bit really. I get bored after that.
I have had an email from a fellow blogger that i vaguely know from the past, he lives in the area but is much older than me and not my type so i might contact him just to chat (but that's all).

Anyway i have decided to move to plan B. I have invited Daniel over for the weekend next week whilst Howard is away and we will go and check out the local Town Centre drinking dens.
Or perhaps look closer to my home and see if there is anywhere worth a visit. It would be nice to find some like minded people i can get to know.

By the way, if you're thinking what has all this got to do with the picture ?. The answer is, nothing, it just made me laugh that's all.

Saturday, 14 November 2009

Dirty Words

Not much time to blog today, i'm finishing painting this weekend. But as i have five minutes to spare lets write the first shit that comes into my head and then post a picture shall i?.

When i was a kid my parents never described my Penis as a penis, It was a Tail or a willy (LOL).
I don't know if this is just a northern expression but girls bits were called their tuppence, or pee pee (snigger)
I always wondered what Porn film would be like if they still used the words they were taught when they were kids.
Stick your tail into my tuppence big boy doesn't have that same ring about it does it ?.

Friday, 13 November 2009

Rude awakening

I'm lying in bed half asleep this morning drifting in and out of consciousness, when i suddenly realise that its the day for the bin men to come and collect the rubbish.
So i jump outta bed in just my undies and run down stairs to put the bins out. Then i run back up again realising that i'm almost naked.
Then i run back down again because my clean cloths are in a case in the main room as i'm still in the process of moving and decorating.
Then i run back up stairs again because i forgot that i took the case upstairs last night before i went to bed.
Then i run back down again because i didn't take the case upstairs after all, it was a dream, i just stuck it behind the kitchen door.
So i get to the kitchen door when the bin man walks past the window and sees me looking knackered, naked, and pissing myself laughing at how stupid the whole situation was.

Thursday, 12 November 2009

The Shame of it

I had to go to the supermarket with one of the women in the office yesterday morning to stock up on stuff for the canteen
I went to grab a trolley whilst she went inside shopping. But when I followed her in I accidentally crashed the trolley against the door and it made a hell of a racket as the sliding doors opened and closed behind me. It was a noisy entrance I know but I wasn’t prepared for the welcome I received once inside.

I looked up to see where the boss had gone and suddenly realised it was really quiet and everyone was standing still and looking directly at me.
It was like something from a film. I didn’t make that much noise so why was everyone in the place staring at me?
This incident took place at 11 minutes past 11 on the 11th of the 11th.
It was Armistice Day and everyone was observing a minutes silence for the war dead
If there had been a rock I would have gladly crawled under it.
Lest we forget
I forgot.

It reminded me of when i was a kid, i saw a drunken man staggering out of a pub. He was practically bouncing off the walls he had drunk so much and had grab a railing to stop himself from falling over.
I pointed this out to all my friends and was laughing at him as he turned and looked directly at me with my arm stretched and finger pointing.
As it turned out he wasn't a drunk, he had a terribly deformed face down one side and was severely disabled.
He looked into my eyes as i looked into his. My face dropped as fast as my finger and i felt so bad about it that even to this day it sends shivers down my spine.

I may not have done any of these things intentionally but i still feel a pillock and ashamed.

Wednesday, 11 November 2009

How to look good naked

I watched a little bit of 'How to look good naked' on the telly the other night.

For those who don't live in the UK, it's one of those fashion shows where a gay man tells fat women how sexy they are and to prove it, he humiliates them for 45 minutes, then dresses them up like a tart and parades them in front of a group of strangers at a shopping mall, before bullying them into stripping off completely to prove they are cured of fatism.
It always amazes me how women will swallow any old crap concerning fashion as long as it comes out of the gob of a gay man. If their husbands or any other heterosexual fella started giving them tips on make up or cloths and started degrading them in front of strangers they would probably tell him to piss off.

But for some reason it's all allowed as long as he's gay, talks camp, acts like an acid queen and dresses like a complete and utter pillock himself.
I just wish one of these women would turn round and say 'have you looked in the mirror recently yourself love ?, you took a twat'.

Now if it were all about telling men how to look sexy and making them walk around in their pants, that would be different.
After that finished there was a Science documentary on BBC 2 called Why do we talk ?.
Another bloody program for women.

We are fast approaching winter here in the UK and by about 4.30 in the afternoon it gets cold and dark. Add to that a downpour of rain, wintry winds, and everyone walking around wearing black and you can imagine how depressing it all seems.
I hate winter, I get home from work, close the curtains turn the fire on and that’s it, day over.
There is no incentive to do anything or go anywhere. Now i'm bloody painting all the time and all the excitement of moving is turning into a chore.
But i've finished the Bathroom, Bedroom, most of the main room and quite a lot of the hallway.
The Kitchen will have to wait and the Garage looks like the inside of a skip, but i'm getting there.

I read in the paper yesterday that an Australian Hacker claims to be the first person to infect the Apple I-phone with a virus.
Well done, congratulations, what a clever man.
Tosspot !

Pretty Person

Tuesday, 10 November 2009


My job seems to be going ok at the moment. I'm getting into the swing of things and everyone seems ok.
Better still i get to move about a bit more than i did in my previous job.

I'm not tied to a desk and have a more varied set of tasks to do in a week.
One day i can be in the office full time, the next i can be in the warehouse checking purchase orders and stock. I might be invoicing to customers or calculating wages, Or i could be typing letters and filing things away.

I'm probably a Jack of all trades, master of none. But it's much more enjoyable and i get to meet more of the people who work here by getting outta the office and around the factory.
It's funny how stereotypes don't really translate into reality nowadays. The fella at the next desk to me came from university and earns a fortune. He reads the Sun newspaper, describes women as "birds" and listens to Radio One.
Whereas one of the guys in the warehouse who had very little education and earns peanuts, listens to classical music and Radio Four whilst reading the Telegraph and buying antiques off ebay.

I like old things. My family don't have any antiques. My mum would have thrown them away thinking they were just old. I remember her chucking an old antique coffee table away because it looked "done" and replacing it with a glass and metal affair. But i wouldn't know the difference between something that was worthless or priceless anyway.
This statue in the picture would appeal to me, but i think it's more to do with the subject matter than anything else.
I wouldn't care if it was real or fake.
It would go in my bedroom i think. I imagine it would be a nice piece of art to feel don't you ?.

Monday, 9 November 2009

The Perils of Drink

I still feel a little bit delicate today. Yesterday i was even worse, Headache, tired, feeling sick. I think i have Wine Flu. LOL.
I don't know if it's to do with the amount i drank on Saturday night or the fact that i didn't sleep much so practically partied around the clock.
We went to a bonfire first and there was free drinks and food, so that was that until Daniel said he was freezing his bollocks off, so back to his and Howard's to change out of our muddy, shitty cloths and into something worth going out in.

I nearly stopped there and didn't bother going out. You can't take a break during a drinking session. It either makes you tired or sober.
But with a little push from the others we all went out and after about an hour i don't really remember much.
I was absolutely blathered and spent much of Sunday morning with my head down the toilet.
God knows how i drove home at lunchtime, I'm sure that if i had been pulled over and breathalysed i would have failed.
I don't think i was completely sober from the night before, what was i thinking?. But i just wanted to get home and in my own bed.
As i always say at times like that. NEVER AGAIN !.
Well not until next time anyway.

I'm just glad i didn't go off with Steve. Apparently we saw him and i was gonna go over to say hello.
But Daniel dragged me back. He was right, if i had gone home with him god knows what i would have got up to. I would have been completely open to anything.
God it makes me shiver at the thought.
Quite a horny thought i might add, but not one i would have liked to be thinking about in reality today.
My guard was down and I'm pretty sure safe sex and sensible thinking would have been an afterthought, he could have done anything to me. And Steve being Steve, he probably would.
Daniel Saved me.