Friday, 27 November 2009

Dead Pets

Rachel rang today, her cat died yesterday so she had today off work to get over it.

I'm not a cat person myself, we only ever had dogs in our house. No tell a lie we did have one when i was very small, it was called 'cat'. No other name, just 'cat'. It was wild really and put up with you as long as you didn't try to get near it, or stroke it, or look at it for that matter. If you did 'cat' turned into 'tiger' and tried ripping your face off. All it came home for was food a little warm up and then it buggered off out again. It had long black fur that was wild and unkempt. This was probably the only cat i have ever known that didn't take pride in it's appearance or bothered with cleanliness. In Cat terms it was a scruff bag. I'm pretty sure all the other cats talked about it behind it's back. Never to it's face thought because i'm also sure it was a bully and would have beaten them all up. It got run over by a bus, apparently but it survived for a short while screaming in agony and my dad had to put it out of it's misery with a brick. He still has nightmares about it now, Even in it's death knell it still tried to scratch his hand off. Although to be fair you would if someone was trying to smash your brains out with a brick wouldn't you ?.

We had a dog called Lassie. It was a cross between a Labrador and every other dog down the street. It's mother must have been a bit of a slut because no sooner had they managed to offload her pups on someone she was up the duff with another couple. We also had another dog from the same mother and called it Laddie LOL. This was the dumbest animal in the world and had a bad habit of breaking wind and frightening itself with the sound. He would then search the are where the fart came from trying to find out what it was. He died when he ran into a wall whilst chasing a ball. I was devastated. We buried him in the back garden near some rhubarb and I refused to eat any of that rhubarb after that.

Reading all that back it sounds like something from a comedy show, but i assure you it was true.

5 comments:

naturgesetz said...

When I saw the title, I thought it might have been clever to say "Dead Pets Society," but maybe I should just keep that to myself.

That is gruesome about "cat," and horrible for your dad. Sad about Laddie as well. I guess I'vebeen lucky that non of my cats died in my presence in anything like that manner. One cat we had was apparently hit by a car and killed, but it was out of our presence and we only learned about it the next day.

Once I hit a cat. It darted across the street right in front of my car. It lay panting in the middle of the road, with blood trickling from its mouth. But as I approached it jumped up and ran away.

drucloud said...

didnt think you were a pussy person. i agree it sounds like some comedy like one foot in the grave we only had a dog a cross between sheep dog and mungrul black and white patch on his back was named spot.nope me neither.

anyway was also a bit mad went mad when Emmerdale Farm came on . (tv show in uk) also enjoyed (one man and his dog) tv show about sheep dogs it all true honest.

Ran off loads of times got run over broke its leg ended up with leg in a cast still ran up and down stairs with cast still on waking the neighbours at night just ran off one day didnt come back presumed dead
didnt understand cats myself there spoilt wreck the curtains chew the wall paper wont eat left overs only fucking expencive cat food DRU

vilges suola said...

I still miss my cat who died last year. He was my closest companion for 17 years and I adored him.

The lad in the photo has the most eminently gropable packet I have seen in a long while.

kinkynik said...

I had an Irish Red Setter for over 14 years, I was heart broken when he died and buried him underneath the Walnut tree in my garden. The only cat I ever liked was a semi-feral grey cat I got for my little sister but that got run over.

I worked on a farm as a nipper and farm cats shit everywhere and consequently I hate them.

Mambam said...

All these dead pets, i think i'm gonna cry ;-)