Most popular post of the week last week was entitled Pussy!. and when i say popular i mean popular. My stats register that more people read that post than all the others put together. Mmmmm. I suspect that not all you readers are really gay. It could have been a group of old grannies looking for something on cats. But i don't think so do you? I wouldn't mind but the post had nothing to do with lady parts.
Anyways i've decided to call this one big tits to see if my theory is right. LOL.
However on the same subject i watch a documentary on telly last night called Boob Envy. I turned it off after about 15 minutes because it was the third TV show i've seen this week that slags men off for liking sex. Not that i'm interested in women or anything as pervy as that, but i'm getting really pissed off by all this hypocritical shite on telly.
You know that sort of thing, a special investigation into why men watch porn conducted by a woman who can't understand why anyone would want to look at people having sex in the first place and commented on by a gang of women watching it together and not understanding it either. Why would a man even want to masturbate when he has a female partner ? how strange!.
Last nights boob envy even got a woman to wear a really low cut top, then inserted a hidden camera inside the cleavage and got her to go into a pub and talk to strange men, whilst filming how many times they looked at her tits.
For fuck sake!.
I don't know where that rant came from ? How weird ? i just started typing and there it was.
Shall i delete and start again ? No, bollocks.
I'm going over to my dads tonight. Might know more tomorrow. :-(
12.12am on a Friday night/Saturday morning and i'm back home after a night out.
I'm never home that early, i'm usually just starting to get going, but for some reason i wasn't in the mood and someone in a pub was getting on my tits so i had a choice. Leave, or punch him.
I left Daniel alone because there was a group of us and it seemed selfish to ruin his night as well.
It had nothing to do with my dad. I just wasn't in the mood. Same old faces. Same old places. It wasn't exciting enough for me, i was bored.
It's funny how some weeks you can do exactly the same thing, go to the same places with the same people, but have a ball.
It's a bit like weekends. One week it will drag and i'm half looking forward to getting back to work on Monday morning. The next weekend there doesn't seem to be enough hours in a day and before i know it it's all over before it seemed to begin.
Jason (one of our mates) is heterosexual and never comes with us on a night out in Mancs. He is an alpha male who walks away when we mention anything to do with gay sex. Which of course makes us talk about it all the time just for the amusement of seeing him squirm.
His parents split up when he was at school and his Mum (who he still lives with) is the sort who still acts like a teenager. Dresses like one and seems to have a different boyfriend every other week.
She is actually quite good looking i suppose for her age and is great fun whenever i have met her. A sort of MILF. But as i'm gay that doesn't really apply does it.
Jas told us that he came home from a night out the other week and caught her and her latest boyfriend laughing and joking in the front room.
This has prompted him to make a move and find somewhere of his own at the tender age of 25. He can't afford too and has no idea what he's letting himself in for because he's been a mummy's boy all his life and doesn't even know how to wash his own cloths let alone pay bills.
As we were talking his mother turned up. She's about 50ish and her boyfriend is about.....25!!!. When he opened his mouth and started talking he was as camp as tits. I'm not convinced he is straight. He's not my kind of gay guy but if he's not gay i'll fuck a woman.
MMMmmmmm. Daniel says go out. But he would wouldn't he?. I'm not one of those people who get all emotional when i drink. I'm a happy person. I Love the world (sometimes literally ;-)) and just want to be happy and laugh. I don't wanna talk about work or the horrible things in life. I wanna talk bollocks about shite and nonsense. So out and about i will go.
One of the reps came into the office this afternoon. He is a very funny man and i always look forward to seeing him so went out of my way to say hello. I could do with a good laugh right now and he was the man to do it.
He then launched into a story about how he has had a terrible week because he had to have his dog put down on Monday. It was very ill and he'd had it for 13 years. His eyes were misting over as he was telling me.
Fucking hell!! i thought. Typical.
But as he left he sneezed really loudly and half the people in the office jumped out of their skin, so he did bring a smile to my face in the end.
We once had a cat years ago. When it was a kitten it was lovely, but it soon started stopping out all night and after a while not coming home at all. Then when it did come come in it was quite vicious. It was all black and fluffy, but after a windy night on the tiles it looked like a wild animal with matted hair sticking up all over the place and it would be spitting and hissing at people who dared go near it. My father used to move it away from the front of the fire with the aid of a long brush. I was scared to bloody death of it as a kid.
Then we got a dog and the dog was scared of it too even though it was 10 times bigger than the cat and could have flattened it with one paw. In the end it died after being hit by a car whilst crossing the road. The driver got out and tried to save the poor thing as it writhed in pain in the street, but no one could get anywhere near it, it just tried to bit and scratch everybody.
It was a street fighter to the end. The dog was a lot happier though.
It seems weird that this time last week everything looked ok and now everything is turning upside down.
I don't want this blog to turn into something about cancer all the time. To be honest i am sick to death of talking about it. If i'm not talking to my parents about it i'm repeating their story to friends or other relatives. So the last thing i wanna do after all that is to go online and blog about it as well.
I've decided to try keep it to a minimum and even thought it may seem strange to read i won't talk about it unless there is something specific worth mentioning.
At the moment the situation is still up in the air. They have now found something in is colon as well and more tests have been arranged to find out if it's something or nothing. If it's something and it's spread, the worst scenario will be that no operation will take place and it's just be a matter of time. If it turns out to be nothing then chemotherapy and a major op could either make it go away or at best drag things on for years.
My dad has said he doesn't want to be a burden or have a colostomy bag, so anything that sounds remotely like that and he's gonna refuse treatment and wants to go now.
What the hell can you say to something like that?. I'm not arguing with him. lets wait and see shall we ?. We'll cross that bridge when we come to it. But my grandad had a similar thing. he was about 80 and the doctor told him he either had an operation now or he will be dead within days. He had the operation and then spent the rest of his short life hating it and telling us all that he wished he had refused and just died. He was 80 though so it's a slightly different situation there. But my fathers point about all this is that when they do tell him what needs to be done. They wont then send him home for a few weeks to think about it all and decide at his own leisurely pace whether he wants to go ahead or not. So he does actually need to explore all options and consider them now, even thought they ain't on the table yet.
We now have to wait until the weekend to find out more. Test test and more tests, and just when you think you're about to get some solid info.....more tests just in case.
I've mentioned the situation at work and they seem very understanding. But what can they do?. If i want some time off i can take it. But what can i do?.
Right, that's it for now. lets change the subject if we can. What else has been happening around me ?
Nothing. absolutely nothing. Or so it seems. I suppose people don't wanna tell me anything because my news out trumps theirs.
I suppose at times like this it's supposed to put things into perspective, but i was still pissed off that i couldn't find my phone charger this morning and had to go to work and watch my phone slowly lose power as the day went along. Life goes on.
Never slept a wink last night, but i made a New Years resolution to be positive this year so i decided not to panic just yet.
I've had another talk with my dad who said that he doesn't want to worry my mum. He had been having tests and knew a bit about it before Xmas but didn't say anything to us. He will know what the next step is on Tuesday (hopefully). But then he said that he will find out if they can do anything or how long he's got left !!!. Bloody hell.
I told him that whatever they say they have to do he's got to do it. But he's talking about quality of life after an operation and things like that. I know it sounds a bit selfish but i'd rather have him disabled than not at all. I feel sick.
Scrub that bit about being positive and not panicing, i'm panicing and not thinking positive. Half of me wants Tuesday to come as quickly as posible, another side of me wants to hope tuesday doesn't happen at all.
I rang Daniel and told him, but what can you say ?. We just sat joking about it in the end. he had a sick sense of humour and that's how he would get throught it.
My dad can be a bit like that also and i know that when i see him he'll be doing the same, but it doesn't seem funny to me. I go along with it just to keep him happy.
This is not a good start to 2011. And i'm worried about how this year is gonna pan out.
I feel a bit stunned and don't know what to say tonight. What the fuck is gonna go wrong next in my life?
I was summoned to see my Mum and Dad today. When i got there i was told that my dad has got cancer of the oesophagus.
He had been feeling tired and a bit off for a while and had lots of test. We won't know until next week what the treatment will be but there is talk of chemo and an operation.
We talked for two hours about it but i can't remember anything about anything they said. It's all a blur.
I won't be telling you all about last nights exploits. You'd only disapprove. And i think my ever embarrassing Tweets tell the story, Imagine what it was like to be there !! LOL.
I was doing it on purpose because Daniel took the piss out of me for being a hypocrite. I've slagged off twitter in the past and he found the App on my phone. My drunkenness took control again. Queue tut tut comments. Ha!
Needless to say, i'm a live and well and had a very good time.
I met a guy who can speak three languages. German, french and Italian. It's not his job, but he does teach people as a sideline for extra cash (he actually works at Asda at the moment, LOL). I've always wanted to be able to speak another language properly. But when he told me how much he charges i decided to give it a miss and stick to pointing at things and shouting louder when i meet foreigners.
Mind you, when he spoke English he was quite Camp. It made me wonder. If an American taught you how to speak English you'd have an American Accent. If you were taught by an Englishman you'd have an English accent. What if you were taught by a really camp gay man ?. Would you have a camp accent too? Imagine being the secretary of state for Italy and greeting the English prime minister sounding like Alan Carr "hello Girlfriend, you go girl !!"
I don't know if i mentioned that Daniel has split from the guy in Huddersfield. Not a surprise really but the big surprise is that in an unusual move for him, he stayed friends with him. So when he appeared later in the evening we had a drink with him and a laugh before he buggered off with a stranger that Daniel suggested he would be fucking later on.
Why can't i split without falling out with people?. It gets to the point where everywhere you go there is an Ex.
And then you start moving to another pub because either he is watching you or you are watching him.
Mind you i've also had that really horrible moment where you think 'he's nice, but he looks familiar to me' Then the realisation that you went out with him for about three weeks two years ago sets in.
One of our customers is guy called Gerald. When I first met him he was a little apologetic about his name for some reason saying that it was his fathers sick sense of humour. I couldn’t really understand why because there is nothing wrong with the name Gerald is there?.
Today I discovered his second name is Dean
Kath in the office has got a new dog. It’s a cross between a Poodle and Jack Russell and she described it as a Jack-a-doodle. LOL
Better still there’s one that is a cross between a Chihuahua and a Jack Russell called a Jack-a-wawa.
God help the animal kingdom with us humans in charge. It sound horrendous.
I'm getting a bit sick of diet programs and diet advice on the telly or in the papers. it's the same every fucking year.
Eat less and exercises is the only one that really works but on top of that there is always a new craze of eating things whilst upside down or drinking horse piss after every meal to lose pounds in a matter of days without giving up chocolate or something ridiculous like that.
On the other hand sex education is a one off thing. How to shag and not have babies and catch anything tends to be something your supposed to know about already.
Saying that, as i type this i'm reminded that channel 4 is this week showing a program called "the Joy of Teenage Sex".
Watched the telly, surfed the net and fell asleep on the sofa.
I woke up at about three in the morning sweating and feeling like shit. It's never a good idea to fall asleep fully clothed in front of a fire.
Before i went to bed i flicked through the TV Channels (which was still on) and saw a bit of Babestation. A shitty soft porn channel with dumb blonds trying to get guys to ring them up at £10 a minute. This woman had the biggest arse crack i've ever seen in my life. It seemed to start half way down her legs and finish in the middle of her back. That's another reason why women don't turn me on. They always seem to have weird looking arses.
I remember someone at work once making a joke that i prefer women's bums to look like boys bums. Not true, but i don't like things to go all pear shaped.
Compared to where i used to live before it's really quiet around here at night.
My neighbours don't make a sound and you can hear a pin drop. The problem with this is that you get used to it so when there is the slight sound of a clock ticking or a tap dripping it keeps me awake. When i eventually got to bed i couldn't sleep and found myself getting up several times to block light from the window shining on the wall in front of me, move an alarm clock into another room because the ticking suddenly sounded loud and the most ridiculous thing of all, to straighten a pair of shoes that were in a pile at at the side of the bed. I do this sort of thing often.
I woke again at about 5am with a bit of a bad taste in my mouth and it seemed a bit claggy. Nothing major, just not right. At first i thought i might have swallowed a fly or a spider had crawled in and had a shit whilst i was asleep.
I had to get up and clean my teeth and gargle with some mouthwash it felt so wrong.
When i got up this morning/Lunch time it seemed the same and when i saw Daniel i asked him to check my breath to see if it stunk. You can't do it yourself can you ?. trying to breath out and catch the smell in your hand doesn't work, and licking your finger and smelling it is useless too. What you need is someone you can trust who is willing to let you breath in a ridiculous manner into their face. It's a very antisocial thing to do and not many people will let you do it to them. I know i wouldn't.
Anyway i'm happy to report that he said there was nothing whiffy about it other than the smell of bullshit. But his first words when i told him i woke up with a bad taste in my mouth were. "you must have caught something off that bloke last weekend".
I fucking hope not !.
I'm gonna have to keep an eye on it though now he's planted the suggestion in my brain. It's not as bad now, but i'm drinking tea and eating during the day. What will it be like when i go to bed at night?.
Am i being paranoid and a hypochondriac?. I've had worse things in my gob it can't be something like that can it?.
Maybe it is just bullshit. Or maybe it was a spider taking a dump
Because it's been a bit of a boring day with nothing interesting to report i thought i would look back at all my Holiday snaps.
I have taken Hundreds of them in crowded areas with lots of people about. At one point i was just snapping anything that moved. That's the beauty of digital cameras you can just delete stuff you don't want and they hold thousands per card so why not?.
Now i've seen other blogs where guys have taken their camera to the beach and clicked candid pictures of people sunbathing or snapped at someone sexy walking past. I think it's a brave thing to do, i know i wouldn't dare do it (although sometimes wished i had).
But what if i just took a picture of a crowd ?. There must be at least one or two that contain fit guys looking all sun tanned and sexy ?. Or just good looking blokes walking past.
Well...er...no actually, not one. I know it's Disney and the weather wasn't brilliant but i can't even see an attractive face i like. What a disappointment !.
I'll keep looking and the first sight of a bit of totty and i'll post it. But it's like looking for a needle in a haystack. Hundreds of pictures, thousands of people and nothing to report. ;-(
I caught the bus to work this morning for a change. Gotta save a bit of petrol i suppose it cost a bloody fortune now. In America it was about 2p and gallon. Over here is £100 a thimble full.
Whilst standing at the bus stop an old old bloke stood next to me smoking a pipe. No one smokes pipes nowadays do they ? It’s a dieing art (literally in some cases). You don’t get many 15 year olds standing on street corners lighting one up because it’s associated with being old I suppose. A bit like thermal underwear and slippers.
Daniel sent me another email recommending a new hair care product. I assume his email address has been hacked again. What sites has he been looking at?. It's always happening to him. I think he just clicks anything that pops up.
Note to self, never let him use my computer.
I cut my finger on some paper today at work, it was agony. They say that there is no worse pain than a paper cut. Someone else in the office suggested that toothache is worse and another said that back pain beats both.
Personally I think a red hot poker up your arse would trump all three. But it did bloody hurt. How can such a tiny little nick cause so much pain?.
I'm back from holiday a couple of weeks and already i'm planning another one.
Daniel wants to go away. He can't afford but is jealous of my America trip so we've agreed to go somewhere together on the cheap.
Its got to be abroad and it's got to be sunny for him (and me if i'm honest). So, as it's on the cheap ,America is out for him.
We haven't got any cash together yet obviously but looking on the Thomas Cook website we could go to Turkey for Less that £300 each if we went next week. Neither of us picked Turkey specifically, it just appeared on the front page. There were lots of cheap offers for Turkey for some reason (well it is just after Christmas i suppose...Boom Boom) but i've heard that they are having lots of trouble at the moment. So we are now looking at anywhere hot enough, cheap enough, that will go direct from Manchester later in the year.
Watch this space.
Went to the gym tonight. It's packed again. Always is after Christmas, people wanting to get fit again for the new year. A smelly woman sat next to me on the rowing machine and spilt her water on the floor. When she got up she slipped on it and almost impaled herself on one of the handles.
In the shower afterwards i felt myself getting semi erect for some reason. It was a single shower so no one could see and i couldn't see anyone else. It just happens sometimes.
I couldn't leave until things went down a bit. Why doesn't this happen when you want to impress ?.
When i was tidying up last night before i went to bed i found one of Daniels socks under the bed. EEEeiiiiirrrgggghhhh!!!.
Don't get too trashed, maintain your dignity."....FAIL!!.
Saturday night was interesting. I met a guy in a bar and like a complete idiot i accepted an offer to go back to his place within 20 minutes (very sexy man). He actually lived not that far away from my parents which is a bit of a distance from the city centre but no need to worry because he was getting a lift from the designated driver, his other friend standing at the bar next to him. When you're drunk all thought of safety goes out of the window. He seemed ok to me, nothing like i imagine a mass murderer to look or talk so what the hell.
When we got in the car, so did another guy as well. God knows where he came from.Now i'm pissed as a fart, sat in a car with three strange men and going back to their house in Oldham at three in the morning.
As i say, they seemed ok. There was no suggestion that they might rob me, or gang rape me, or strip me and dump me by the side of the road for a laugh.
We got back to a small house 15 minute walk away from home. A terraced building on a dodgy street. I expected the others to drop us off and then carry on to their own destination, but no, they came inside as well !.
One put a pizza in the oven, another put the kettle on and mine fucked off upstairs. I didn't know whether to join him, do a runner or ask for milk, two sugars.
When he came back downstairs the two others disappeared upstairs with the whole pizza (greedy bastards) and i never saw them again. (i heard them thought ;-))
We then spent a pleasant hour or so together in front of the fire before i fucked off and walked home, staggering through Oldham at 5 in the morning and it was fucking freezing.
Its only in the cold light of day when i'm telling this story to Daniel that i'm reminded how stupid it was.
Imagine that. i could have been forced into three way sex by these strange men, using me like a sex slave before discarding me when they had had their wicked way with me.
I know i shouldn't be making lite of the matter but you can't help but feel a bit horny at the thought can you ?
I wonder how many of you reading this post will be having a wank to the idea later on tonight ? LOL
At weekends there are certain places around Manchester that have loads of middle age women out on the pull. They are either divorced or on a night out with the girls away from their husbands and what starts as a flirt usually ends in getting banged for a lot of these milfs (LOL).
But they all go for younger men (although they usually end up with blokes their own age). I know this because from time to time Daniel and i have had the come on from this crowd. It's starts as a joke, but you can tell they want more than just a laugh.
Saying you are gay stops nothing. In fact it attracts them even more.
This weekend i was sexually molested by a woman who is old enough to be my Mum. She must have been 50!. And after much flirting eventually went for the full grope of my cock in the middle of the pub in full view of everyone.
I say grope it was more of a rubb up and down. She got the down stroke but i managed to pull away for the upstroke.
Trying to make a joke of it and point out that i was gay i suggested that i would probably be more interested in shagging her husband than her.
But she then suggested i come back and have a threesome.
Now i know this all sounds like something from a film. And i am fully aware that if i had said 'Ok then, your on' she would have probably backed down.
But it does show to the extent that these women go mad when they are unleashed from their married shackles.
But there is nothing so sad as seeing a women in her 50s trying to act like a sexy teenager. She and her mates were trying to dance like strippers and it looked awful.
At the end of the night she left with a guy who looked like he tattooed people for a living.
And thinking about it, i probably would have been interested in a threesome with them because she was so pissed that by the time we got back to her place she would probably have collapsed into unconsciousness leaving me and him to have some proper fuck fun.
Daniel told me more about his fall out with the Boyfriend.
Before they were together the guy used to meet guys off the net, go to saunas and generally have cock around for one off sex sessions. Since he and Daniel got together all that stopped but now he wants to maybe still have the odd fling (with his consent).
In all honesty i think he's more pissed off that the guy should be interested in the first place. (doesn't seem to be questioning his sexual health i notice).
He has even suggested that Daniel does the same or even join in with him. LOL. After all that he and i have done in the past it's amusing that he's so outraged by the suggestion.
If i know Daniel, the guy just needs to show him a picture of someone he fancies and there is a chance he might give it a go.
Dirty Boy !
Right thats it, New Year, New me.
Time to stop being negative and start being positive. The whole Rachel thing has made me think. It might not last but my New Years resolution is to stop thinking negative and turn to the positive. Have a laugh and say yes to everything on offer. This weekend im going out and i'm determined to have the weekend of my life.
Back to the Gym on Monday because ive been eating so much crap over the last two weeks i must have put some weight on somewhere.
As unbelievable as it may seem i had my first wank of the new year last night.
Imagine that 5 days without a tug !. I was so tired and it seemed disrespectful to have one on the day of Rachels funeral. LOL. Rachel would have found that funny. I should have done and said 'this ones for you Rachel', she would have approved. But i just couldn't. It's like the time my Gran died when i was 15. I knocked one out the same night that we were told about the news and i felt guilty about it for ages. But still managed to do it again on the day of the funeral.
Horrible horrible day yesterday. Rachel's funeral. It was packed and everyone was in bits. Because she hadn't arranged anything herself her mum and dad had picked the music and it wasn't really her. Classical stuff that meant nothing really until the end where we went out to David Guetta . It was totally inappropriate and had nothing to do with a funeral but it was her favourite record and the sound of the first two bars had her screaming and on a dance floor.
Anyway we only got about 30 seconds of it because it was played as we all left.
God i hate funerals, they are worse than learning of the death itself. You don't know what to do or say and everyone is acting differently. You don't know how to react. I spoke to very few people and if i'm honest i was looking for any oppertunity to get away as soon as i possibly could. Which i sort of feel guilty about now. I didn't go on to the pub for a drink afterwards i just couldn't do it.
She was cremated so there is no grave to visit or anything like that. So that was that. Then end.
I still feel a bit knackered today. Can't seem to shake it off. One minute i'm ok, the next i wanna lie down and go to sleep all of a sudden.
I'll get back to answering all your comments at a later date, at the moment it's a struggle just to find time to blog. But i needed to add something tonight because tomorrow is the day of Rachels funeral.
It seems such a long time since i heard about it and i was so far away. I managed to put it out of my head and not dwell on it. But now i'm back and i've already had a call from her mum to make sure i'm gonna be there. I'm not looking forward to it at all.
If i'm honest i was hoping that i wouldn't be able to attend as i was away on holiday, but for some reason it's not happening until now.
Late night New Years Eve, Early morning New Years Day to pack, out of the Villa by 10, wander around aimlessly in the baking sun through crowds of shoppers until flight in the late afternoon, check in, security, waiting waiting waiting, 8 hour flight, security again, bags, Taxi, finally back in the country 24 hours after getting up. Just in time to see the sun come up on a new day here in the UK.
I feel like a zombie, high as a kite and absolutely fucked.
Ive seen the last of the sun and want to go to bed for a week.
I spent the day in the villa alone today. Yesterday afternoon i was feeling so off and tired i went to bed and slept solid for 12 hours.
I know its not very social but i think ive seen everything i wanna see now. Im sick of charging around like a demented idiot. This afternoon we packed ready for tomorrow. I should be making the most of my time here but I'm sick of being with parents and family who wouldn't appreciate a trip to the nearest gay bar.
I sat by the pool with a book and my iPod and thought I'd have a nice rest so I could be fresh for tonight.
Then I heard music blasting out of the villa next door. Spanish or Mexican stuff. It was ok for a while but after about an hour it was getting on my tits. In this age of headphones I'll never understand why people play music so loud in the open that the world has to listen as well. What do they think they are a radio station?. I tried to get in the pool again but it was so cold I nearly died of hyperthermia before it reached my knees. It's not really a pool it's a pond. No one goes in it. It's also a bit to open to be able to strip completely. I can just about drop up pube level and no more.
The pool rules on a notice board says "no lifeguard on duty/swim at your own risk" which is a shame. But it also says "do not place foreign objects in the pool" so perhaps I shouldn't be in there anyway.
Watched a tv show called 1000 ways to die. No 746 was a guy who got so addicted to porn that he forgot to eat or drink, got so dehydrated that he collapsed and several boxes of porn tapes fell on top of him. He lay there unable to move and eventually died. This was being broadcast at 2 in the afternoon. obviously the moral of the story is to stack you porn safely and remember to have a sandwich and a cup of tea at hand when watching Debbie does Dallas.
The book I am reading is called an idiot abroad by Karl pilkington which seems to be a funnier more entertaining version of this blog.
Its been great having two weeks away from that bloody go compare advert and no snow.