Wednesday, 26 January 2011


It seems weird that this time last week everything looked ok and now everything is turning upside down.

I don't want this blog to turn into something about cancer all the time. To be honest i am sick to death of talking about it. If i'm not talking to my parents about it i'm repeating their story to friends or other relatives. So the last thing i wanna do after all that is to go online and blog about it as well.
I've decided to try keep it to a minimum and even thought it may seem strange to read i won't talk about it unless there is something specific worth mentioning.

At the moment the situation is still up in the air. They have now found something in is colon as well and more tests have been arranged to find out if it's something or nothing. If it's something and it's spread, the worst scenario will be that no operation will take place and it's just be a matter of time. If it turns out to be nothing then chemotherapy and a major op could either make it go away or at best drag things on for years.

My dad has said he doesn't want to be a burden or have a colostomy bag, so anything that sounds remotely like that and he's gonna refuse treatment and wants to go now.
What the hell can you say to something like that?. I'm not arguing with him. lets wait and see shall we ?. We'll cross that bridge when we come to it. But my grandad had a similar thing. he was about 80 and the doctor told him he either had an operation now or he will be dead within days. He had the operation and then spent the rest of his short life hating it and telling us all that he wished he had refused and just died. He was 80 though so it's a slightly different situation there. But my fathers point about all this is that when they do tell him what needs to be done. They wont then send him home for a few weeks to think about it all and decide at his own leisurely pace whether he wants to go ahead or not. So he does actually need to explore all options and consider them now, even thought they ain't on the table yet.

We now have to wait until the weekend to find out more. Test test and more tests, and just when you think you're about to get some solid info.....more tests just in case.

I've mentioned the situation at work and they seem very understanding. But what can they do?. If i want some time off i can take it. But what can i do?.

Right, that's it for now. lets change the subject if we can. What else has been happening around me ?
Nothing. absolutely nothing. Or so it seems. I suppose people don't wanna tell me anything because my news out trumps theirs.
I suppose at times like this it's supposed to put things into perspective, but i was still pissed off that i couldn't find my phone charger this morning and had to go to work and watch my phone slowly lose power as the day went along. Life goes on.

Lets have a picture instead to cheer us all up.


naturgesetz said...

It's good of the job to let you know you can have time off if you need it.

If you don't know Dean Grey's blog, Exploding Doughnut, you might want to check it out.
His uncle was diagnosed with some form of cancer, and since Dean had just been laid off from his job, he was able to be very helpful to his aunt and uncle. Your situation is different in many ways, but both are people dealing with a beloved older relative with cancer. If you want to read the his story, look for posts with the label "family" beginning with this one.
It could give you some idea of the sorts of things that can happen, and it might be comforting to know the story of someone else in similar circumstances. Then again, maybe you'd rather not read about it.

As for the picture — Is a pec supposed to be so big that it creates a fold like that where it meets the upper ab? I don't think so. It looks kinda flabby. You're much better looking.

drew said...

In listening to you talk about your Dad it sounds like he can be a little stubborn. As I thought about it you sound a bit like him. I can see you being a little stubborn, too.. I would image you would be a pain as a patient so be patient with him as he practices his knee jerk reactions to things. You have to keep in mind that he is devastated inside and just trying to hold it together!!

Paul said...

Michael, I really wish I was there to give you a bug hug.

It's a difficult situation and I don't have any answers, unfortunately.

Just be aware of who you can trust and then rely on them.

Anonymous said...

I can understand your grand father's and your father's wishes about not dragging things out, being a burden, carrying on for the sake of it because my mother had the same notion.

Her life ended pretty suddenly with just a couple of days of illness - which is just how she had always wanted it. Right up to the end she was saying that if treatment meant her becoming 'a vegetable' as she put it or 'a pain to others' then she didn't want any of it.

But I was mightily upset when she was taken ill and had gone within a couple of days. I felt robbed because it was too much of a shock. That's the downside I suppose - the shock to everyone else - but there's little doubt that to go quickly and cleanly is something most of us would vote for.

Mambam said...


Thanks for that i will check it out.
And yes, now you mention it. those pecks look a bit too much like tits.


I refuse to accempt that i am stubborn.

Nice comment. Thank you

I suppose there is no right way or wrong way.
all are painful. I'm putting that to the back of my head and only confronting it when i have to.
I suspect my dad can think of nothing else but.