Never slept a wink last night, but i made a New Years resolution to be positive this year so i decided not to panic just yet.
I've had another talk with my dad who said that he doesn't want to worry my mum. He had been having tests and knew a bit about it before Xmas but didn't say anything to us. He will know what the next step is on Tuesday (hopefully). But then he said that he will find out if they can do anything or how long he's got left !!!. Bloody hell.
I told him that whatever they say they have to do he's got to do it. But he's talking about quality of life after an operation and things like that. I know it sounds a bit selfish but i'd rather have him disabled than not at all. I feel sick.
Scrub that bit about being positive and not panicing, i'm panicing and not thinking positive. Half of me wants Tuesday to come as quickly as posible, another side of me wants to hope tuesday doesn't happen at all.
I rang Daniel and told him, but what can you say ?. We just sat joking about it in the end. he had a sick sense of humour and that's how he would get throught it.
My dad can be a bit like that also and i know that when i see him he'll be doing the same, but it doesn't seem funny to me. I go along with it just to keep him happy.
This is not a good start to 2011. And i'm worried about how this year is gonna pan out.