Wednesday, 5 January 2011

Bad Day

Horrible horrible day yesterday. Rachel's funeral. It was packed and everyone was in bits. Because she hadn't arranged anything herself her mum and dad had picked the music and it wasn't really her. Classical stuff that meant nothing really until the end where we went out to David Guetta . It was totally inappropriate and had nothing to do with a funeral but it was her favourite record and the sound of the first two bars had her screaming and on a dance floor.
Anyway we only got about 30 seconds of it because it was played as we all left.
God i hate funerals, they are worse than learning of the death itself. You don't know what to do or say and everyone is acting differently. You don't know how to react. I spoke to very few people and if i'm honest i was looking for any oppertunity to get away as soon as i possibly could. Which i sort of feel guilty about now. I didn't go on to the pub for a drink afterwards i just couldn't do it.
She was cremated so there is no grave to visit or anything like that. So that was that. Then end.


naturgesetz said...

I think it takes time and experience to get comfortable with funerals. I think maybe we make ourselves too stiff and solemn until we learn a couple of things. One is that we don't have to say just the right words to lift the bereaved out of their grief. All we have to say is to offer condolences, and then, if possible, something about what we liked/will remember about the decesaed. The other thing is that we don't have to be all stiff and solemn with the others at the funeral. We can talk and interact naturally with people we know, sharing thoughts and memories, and even discussing other mutual interests with people we see only occasionally.
it was years before I realized this.

Obviously, the closer you were to the one who died, the stronger your emotions will be, and it may not be possible to have a normal conversation.

That's an interesting remark about cremation and the lack of a grave to visit. The Catholic Church considers the ashes to be as much human remains as a body. (True, the decomposition has been hastened, but it's still what is left of the material side of the person.) And so the Church urges that the ashes be interred or placed in a vault or something of the sort and be given a committal service comparable to that of a body. Scattering them to the winds or in the garden or keeping them on the mantel is discouraged. Obviously, the survivors do what they will, but you are right that when the ashes are not handled similarly to other human remains, it does deprive people of the focus which a gravesite provides.

Well, anyway, you were good to go to it.


PSR said...

Sadness for you and your friend.

PSR said...

(I'm going to have this played at my funeral)

Sometimes I get the feeling she's watching over me.
And other times I feel like I should go.
And through it all, the rise and fall, the bodies in the streets.
And when you're gone we want you all to know.

We'll carry on,
We'll carry on
And though you're dead and gone believe me
Your memory will carry on
We'll carry on
And in my heart I can't contain it
The anthem won't explain it.

david said...

hugs to you... funerals suck.. ive been to so many that i just get all quiet and numb now... i never know what to say either...

the great memories of your friend rachel will be what you keep going forward.. the details of the funeral will fade as time passes...

im sorry for your loss...

~ peace....

Mambam said...

Thanks for all your kind comments

drew said...

I have just returned from vacation. I am very sorry for your loss. I know she meant a lot to you.