Saturday, 15 January 2011

A spider taking a shit

I had a sensible but boring night in last night.
Watched the telly, surfed the net and fell asleep on the sofa.
I woke up at about three in the morning sweating and feeling like shit. It's never a good idea to fall asleep fully clothed in front of a fire.

Before i went to bed i flicked through the TV Channels (which was still on) and saw a bit of Babestation. A shitty soft porn channel with dumb blonds trying to get guys to ring them up at £10 a minute. This woman had the biggest arse crack i've ever seen in my life. It seemed to start half way down her legs and finish in the middle of her back. That's another reason why women don't turn me on. They always seem to have weird looking arses.
I remember someone at work once making a joke that i prefer women's bums to look like boys bums. Not true, but i don't like things to go all pear shaped.

Compared to where i used to live before it's really quiet around here at night.
My neighbours don't make a sound and you can hear a pin drop. The problem with this is that you get used to it so when there is the slight sound of a clock ticking or a tap dripping it keeps me awake. When i eventually got to bed i couldn't sleep and found myself getting up several times to block light from the window shining on the wall in front of me, move an alarm clock into another room because the ticking suddenly sounded loud and the most ridiculous thing of all, to straighten a pair of shoes that were in a pile at at the side of the bed. I do this sort of thing often.
I woke again at about 5am with a bit of a bad taste in my mouth and it seemed a bit claggy. Nothing major, just not right. At first i thought i might have swallowed a fly or a spider had crawled in and had a shit whilst i was asleep.
I had to get up and clean my teeth and gargle with some mouthwash it felt so wrong.
When i got up this morning/Lunch time it seemed the same and when i saw Daniel i asked him to check my breath to see if it stunk. You can't do it yourself can you ?. trying to breath out and catch the smell in your hand doesn't work, and licking your finger and smelling it is useless too. What you need is someone you can trust who is willing to let you breath in a ridiculous manner into their face. It's a very antisocial thing to do and not many people will let you do it to them. I know i wouldn't.

Anyway i'm happy to report that he said there was nothing whiffy about it other than the smell of bullshit. But his first words when i told him i woke up with a bad taste in my mouth were. "you must have caught something off that bloke last weekend".
I fucking hope not !.
I'm gonna have to keep an eye on it though now he's planted the suggestion in my brain. It's not as bad now, but i'm drinking tea and eating during the day. What will it be like when i go to bed at night?.
Am i being paranoid and a hypochondriac?. I've had worse things in my gob it can't be something like that can it?.

Maybe it is just bullshit. Or maybe it was a spider taking a dump


naturgesetz said...

When we first notice something that's "always" been around, we notice it all the time, whether it's the ticking of a clock, a taste in our mouth. It may be similar to an ear worm (I think that's what they call a tune that gets into your brain and won't go away.

My brother just recently banished a clock from the room he uses when he visits. It's battery driven and ticks very quietly every second and it kept him awake. Well, now I've got a nice clock by my computer. We had originally given it to my mother because she likes birds, and it gives a different bird call every hour. (That feature had been inoperative when my brother had it, but I've reactivated it.) Anyway, if he were sleep-deprived like me, he'd fall asleep the second his head hits the pillow.

I had a sort of slightly similar night. After making a hundred mile round trip to a wake of someone I knew and having lunch at about 5 p.m., I began to get drowsy, and decided to take a nap. Went to sleep at maybe 6:30, woke up at about 10:00 (forgot to activate the alarm I had set for 7:30), went back to sleep, and got up at 11:30 or so. Then I spent a few hours on the computer, and about 3:00 cleaned some pots and pans so I could cook my dinner (steamed salmon, boiled peas, and rice pilaf from a box — that reminds me, I should put the leftover pilaf in the fridge sometime soon). By 5:00 a.m. the big meal, cocktail, and wine had me sleepy enough to go back to bed for another three hours.

Anonymous said...

I think 'n' is right.

If you've got to the stage of being so-untired that you can't stand a clock, a chink of moonlight or shoes which don't line up, then you're going to also find every hair and pimple which wasn't there yesterday.

You need to get properly tired and to stop eating and drinking stuff which is pepping you up so much.

Or do what the rest of us do - eat very little and drink enough to knock ourselves out at night. Or use a nightcap and or a warm milk drink late on.

But it's also good to go to bed and get up at the same time each day. It's called body-rhythm and the more often we disrupt it the harder it is to get it back to something sensible.

Otherwise you'll simply carry on as you are until you grown fat and smelly for real. Ugh!

david said...


~ cheers...

Mambam said...


Blimy that's a blog post in itself LOL.
You sound like me. If we lived together we would be up all night ;-)

I think i am a vampire or something. I'm a night person. Don't wanna get up in the morning, Don't wanna go to bed at night. I seem to come to life when i should be settling down.

I do.

naturgesetz said...

Pity I can't move to Halifax!

Meanwhile, I just realized this morning that the world-renowned Hallé Orchestra is in Manchester. Their music director, Sir Mark Elder is in Boston this week conducting concerts with the Boston Symphony. I'm going to have to review their concert schedule and come up with some recommendations for you.

I just checked the website and found that tickets at the Bridgewater Hall for a Saturday night can go as cheaply as £5. So it could turn out to be more economical than a night at the pub.

david said...

i might be a night person also... never mind that i spend most of my life or so getting up at O:dark:30 (the ass-crack of dawn) everyday to get to my job.. i would much rather sleep into the morning/early afternoon... much rather... its shit that most things are morning/day oriented.. well the super is open 24/7 & so is the gym (thank gawd), but yeah... im prolly a vampire... or a cat?

~ cheers...

ps.. ever wake up with cotton mouth?