Tuesday, 6 April 2010

I Pissed myself

I recorded a 2 and a half hour comedy show that was broadcast on Channel 4 on Monday night so i thought i'd watch it tonight to cheer myself up. It featured a lot of my favourite comedians so i was looking forward to it.
I got bored after about 20 minutes and stared flicking through. In the end i managed to watch it all in 45 minutes.
The only laugh i've had this week was when i got up in the middle of the night for a piss with a massive erection. How the fuck do you have a piss with a massive hard on ?.

I tried pushing it down, but it was far too strong and hurt when i did. I even considered standing on my head but no. The only answer of course is to sit and hold the fucking thing down like an escaped snake whilst it's emptying itself. But It was so hard i actually had to lean forward and lift my arse a bit to point it in the right direction.
This is all happening whilst i'm still semi conscious in a sleepy daze with my eyes shut. No light on, pitch black.
Then the fucking thing slipped out of my hand and up in the air it went, piss everywhere, up the wall on the floor and me panicking trying to get it back in control.
So i lean forward again trying to make it aim down the pot and i bang my fucking head on the door in front of me that is half open. It was like a scene from a farce.
And by the time i'd cleaned up afterwards and got back into bed i was wide awake and spent the next hour pissing myself(not literally this time) laughing.

I now have a cut on my forehead where i banged it on the edge of the door and was asked at work "how did you do that ?"
I told the truth, not the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I just said i Banged it on a door.


naturgesetz said...

LOL! I guess you should keep a gallon jug by your bed for use on such occasions.

Anonymous said...

lmao.....that could make for a fun conversation around the work water cooler...lol

Anonymous said...

I agree the Channel 4 thing was'nt that good. I don't think the acts had enough time to get into their rhythm.

I've seen, somewhere idk, someone standing on their hands when piss proud. And I'm loving the image of Michael's over engorged member springing up and spraying everywhere.