Monday, 21 September 2009


I don't know if it's because of my past history but i like attention only when it's the sort i can switch off.

That sentence may sound a little confusing but that's because it is. I don't care where the attention comes from. I am the type of guy who would be flattered if an older unattractive man showed me some attention in a club for instance. Not that i would go home with him (or would i ?) but i wouldn't be like most of my mates who would look down their noses at him or be offended that anyone like that even dared show some interest in them. As long as he doesn't get creepy i would not only be fine with it, i would enjoy it as much as anyone younger telling me they liked me. I'd probably even flirt with them as well. The rub would come if they wanted to take it further. Then i would want to switch it off. A cock teaser i think the phrase is, but it doesn't just apply to sex. In relationships the same rules apply. I like friends, i like meeting them, having fun, going out, visiting them, inviting them round to my place etc. But if they then start to get attached and take the next step, i want to back off.

I have been thinking long and hard over the past couple of days and tried to take on board some of the stuff that Jack had said. I don't really want a relationship with guys, i want friendship. I seem to want to put sex and relationships in separate boxes. I like friends, i'm a good friend, i am fun to be with and will do anything for anyone (Jacks words not mine) but as soon as i start having sex with them i move them from my friends box into the sexual partner box and that box is on a shelf lower down from all the rest.

I don't know why i do that, and if i think about it i do. Much of my like is a contradiction. I am both a prude and a pervert at the same time. For instance, i think Gay saunas can have mass orgies if they want, shagging in all areas with group gang bangs and filthy sessions all over the shop, but waving your willy around in a public toilet is a no no for me and i don't approve.

I'll gladly accept of a private party where all consenting adults shit on each other from a great height if that's what takes their fancy, but i don't get this wandering around Hampstead Heath thing where members of the public should be allowed to walk without seeing some leather clone getting rogered over a tree.

In the UK there is a newspaper called the Sun. Everyday on page three of this paper they show a topless model. I find it amazing that it's still allowed, and i don't like it. Not because it's a woman, just because it's available for anyone young or old to see. But on the other hand i can't understand why pay per view scrambled subscription TV channels are not allowed to show hard core porn. It's ridiculous.

Sorry I've lost my way in this post somewhere, what was i talking about?.

Oh yeah, me and my relationships. Well i'm single again now and over the last couple of days i will say that amongst the sensible things that run around my head, there have been several others that haven't. Going to one of Dave's parties, spending next Saturday looking for a shag rather than just having a fun night out. visiting a sauna, taking some of them drugs i promised i wouldn't touch with a bargepole.....etc.

I won't do any of those things of course because they are all just a fantasy in my head and i probably wouldn't enjoy the reality.


Anonymous said...

What you were saying at the start of the post sounds like you need a 'soulmate' type of lover/pertner who doesn't expect to get 100% of your time or attention.

You'll obviously have to meet anyone halfway though, won't you?

Mambam said...

Yes Micky you are right. The problem is i don't know what is meeting someone half way and what is losing a bit of yourself. If you have a partner you must accept their family as well, but what if that family won't accept you ?. Do you pretent to be something you are not for the sake of your partner ?, or do you insist on getting your own way by making them come out and be something they don't want to be ?.

Anonymous said...

I think you shouldn't consider someone who isn't out of the closet. I think that puts a strain on the relationship from the get go. Its funny to hear you describe the change from friend to boyfriend. My niece says it is the chase for her and then when she has him, she's not interested. I guess it is very individual in how you approach the boyfriend/partner issue. I guess you would react differently with a different partner?? You probably just need more practice on the subject....

Antony said...

I agree with you on the attention thing.

What you need to work out is why you put someone you have sex with in a seperate box and treat him with less importance?

I also totally agree with a lot of what you've said here - so your not the only one. Although I like to think I've got the partners in boxes thing sorted (don't ask me how!).


A x