Tuesday, 22 September 2009

Fantasy land

I am sick of talking about Jack at the moment so the last word on the subject for now is as follows, i told Daniel and Howard.
Howard was shocked, Daniel was less surprised. He knows me better than i know myself. I spent and hour at Howard's house and had a meal with them.
His friend arrived and was telling him how he is going on a course to train in 'hands free massage'. What the fuck is that ?. it sounds interesting though doesn't it?.

Whilst Howard talked to his mate Daniel and i sat at the back door looking out over is garden, or forest as Daniel calls it. It could be so nice if he could be arsed to cut the grass and tidy it up, but Howard hates gardening. Why buy a house with a bloody garden then ?.

When they finished talking his friend knocked on the window and did a really loud 'Oooowoooow, i'm off love, see you later sweeety'. The expression on Daniels face said it all. He hates camp.
Then Howard said that this guy fancied me and we could make up a foursome. This amused Daniel and horrified me. For starters he is not my type and secondly i have an absolute HATE of matchmaking. I used to suffer it in my teen years as a pretend straight so i'll be buggered if i'm having it now.

I spoke to the guy about that job in Halifax, he said i should come over on Saturday and we can talk more. I still haven't decided yet whether i want it, but then again, i'm not sure he has decided whether he wants me either.
We chatted for a while and then the conversation started to get a bit weird. He started talking to me like a teacher or my dad would when having serious talks about my life and where i am going with it.
He asked me what i would do if i could do anything i wanted. I was stumped and couldn't think.

'if you could click your fingers and do any job you wanted or have any kind of skill what would it be?'
Thinking hard i came up with a few that everyone else dream about, play an instrument, learn a language, write a book. In other words Be a pop star, travel the world, be an author. I thought best not to mention the porn star one Then he did that thing that people do where the cleverly say, 'well why don't you then?' as if it's fucking easy and i'm gonna suddenly wake up to this clever little brainwave and say. DOH ! WHY THE HELL DIDN'T I THINK OF THAT ONE?.

I suppose i can do them as hobbies. Writing this blog is writing i suppose, i could buy a second hand guitar from a junk shop and plinky plonk on it at home and i could attempt to work my way through those learn french cassettes that people buy, listen to once, and then give away to a charity shop (there is a full set in scope for 99p)
But it's hardly the same is it.
I'm hardly gonna be playing the O2 arena, translating french porn films into English and writing a seedy story of sleeze and murder that goes to number one in Waterstones best sellers list am i?.

It got me thinking though. you have to start somewhere. perhaps i should be happy with them as hobbies. But i'm not even doing that am i?. i would love to play an instrument but i don't even own a whistle. I'd like to speak a language but if anyone speaks to me in a foreign tong i look at them stupid and don't really listen to what they are trying to say. I would like to write a book but i'm busy droning on about Howards grass and writing shit because it's easy and i don't have to think.
This post started out all positive and now it's gone all self indulgent. I need to stop doing this and perhaps climb down outta my own backside.
I have made a decision tonight. Enough. Balls to everyone. I'll do what the fuck i like. time to stop being negative.

Tomorrow i will buy a musical instrument from a charity shop, even if it's a triangle i'm gonna come home with something.
If those tapes are there, i'm getting them as well. And i'll open a fresh page on my word processor and try write a story.
Then, when I've done all that, i intend running the marathon, having sex with David Beckham, robbing a bank, sleeping my way around the world and swimming with dolphins off the coast of Florida.
Hows that for positive thinking ?.


Anonymous said...

Mambam, old lad, whatever you do, keep on writing, especially if you ever take a break from blogging. You have real talent there. Your description of the Blackpool club was one of the best things I've read, even though it was a bad, bad night for you personally. Take care - Peter-D.

Antony said...

Fantasticly positively thinking!!! ha ha.

A x

K@RL said...

Hey Mambam, I read some post of your blog, and, even if my english is not fluent (it takes a lot reading an english blog for me!), I agree with the previous comment. I think that you have a real talent for writing, and I think that it comes easy and pleasant for you to write something everyday. I know what it means blogging, because I have one, and it is not so easy writing everyday. I would have ideas and contents for posting dayly on my blog, but I don't, because it is a time consuming job, unless one have a real talent for writing. So it comes easier writing without wasting a lot of time. Just a question: if you like writing, is it correct to say "wasting" time? I dont think so..
Take care, Carlo

Anonymous said...

OK... I really don't know what else to say. Talk about letting it loose.. I sense the release of a little frustration and I think that is good. Once you come back to earth you will figure out the rest...

Mambam said...

Thanks for the positive advice chaps.X