Tuesday, 15 February 2011

Bollocks

Last week, on route to a customer, I drove through a small housing estate.

There were about three council vans and some workmen planting new trees in a line on the pavement. A small group of school kids where also there with spades, along with a teacher taking pictures of them as they shovelled some soil onto the roots like the Queen does when she plants trees.
It made me smile and I thought it looked really nice. It’s always good to see people planting trees. I like trees.

But this morning as I drove past the same spot I noticed that 2 or three of these new trees had been vandalised. They were snapped in half and dangling down on the pavement. I imagine a couple of drunks swinging on them on Saturday night. Bastards.

I got a call from Daniel tonight. He had been to the hospital this afternoon for a scan on one of his bollocks. apparently he thought he found a lump a couple of weeks ago. The doctor had a feel and sent him for a scan that he described as something like they have when looking at babies inside pregnant women. In the end it turned out to be nothing (thank god) and he sounded really releived. He hadn't said anything to me about it before because he didn't want to stress me out, under the circumstances, which was nice of him. I couldn't handle anyone else i love having a bloody illness, especally not cancer.
We then spent the next half an hour making testicle jokes and talking about doctors fondeling young men for a living. Daniel said his Doctor looks about 60 and showed no interest in him at all. He sounded disappointed to be honest. Lol.
During the call i sat there with my hands down my pants checking myself over. My hands are down there every day but i rarely roll my bollocks around my fingers. They are ususaly grabbing the shaft. You never think do you ?

I saw a guy on telly once who got mellanoma skin cancer off a mole on his back. He didn't actually know about it becasue he couldn't see around the back end. But he was a bit of a slapper and slept around a bit. So It wasn't until one of these various women he had carnal nights in with mentioned the state of this mole on his back and suggested he go to the doctor and have it checked out that it was eventually discovered and cut out. If it had been left any longer it would have been too late.
The moral of the story? If you are single, sleep around  more. You need someone else to check the bits of the body you can't reach.

Amongst other things. ;-)

5 comments:

naturgesetz said...

I don't understand why people think it's okay to vandalize stuff that isn't their own. It's really infuriating. And all it takes is a very few to ruin things for everybody else.

drew said...

That is why I go to a dermatologist every year or so. I have been in the sun quite a bit in my life (and burned a few times) and I have been lucky so far. If something went wrong amongst the two darlings hanging between my legs I think I would die before anything was done..

Paul said...

Daniel did the sensible thing! It was kind of him not to worry you with his problems.

Kemptoo said...

OK, so now the question is who is going to get the pleasure of checking you out¿

Mambam said...

Naturgestz

I agree, as i say, bastards.

Drew
Yeh imagine losing your meat and two veg. I think i would rather die.

Paul
Agreed

Kemptoo
any offers ?