Sunday, 14 June 2009

Swim

My Vision of going swimming was to glide through the water brushing against the odd hunk in speedos practicing his diving skills for the 2012 Olympics.

In fact the place was full of kids screaming shouting and splashing about, fat women getting in the way yakking to each other just standing there in the shallow end, and hairy old men trying to act like Tarzan in horrible trunks.

One old guy was the hairiest man i have ever seen and water made it look worse. It was Grey and his chest hair must have stuck out at least three inches from his nipples when it was dry.
None on his head though. what's that all about ?. Why lose all the hair on your head but grow more on your feet. He had hairy feet as well. Toes and stuff.

Then there is the smell of the place. and worst of all the whistling. why do people always whistle in the changing rooms ?. It's not as if it's a proper song that you know. No classics or anything current. No it's just a moronic nothing type of whistle that fizzles in and out again as they wipe themselves down with a towel.
I have never felt the need to whistle in a changing room. It goes with a long list of other things in life that i have never done and never ever felt like i have wanted to do.

Like: Spiting, farting loudly so everyone hears, holding one nostril whilst expelling snot from the other onto the floor, and having a crap in someone Else's house (Daniel never has any problems on that front)
Suddenly i have lost track of what i was writing about here. Swimming that was it.

Anyway i think we may have had our first and last visit to the pool. Besides it cost us money and we've already paid for the gym so we are forced to keep going back there now.

9 comments:

Pilgrim said...

Mambam, the fact of hairy old men as you describe it, may be odd to see, but is a fair reminder were we genetically come from. "When the Almighty created the monkeys, He was so disappointed, that He created manhood" (Mark Twain)or in my simpler words; nobody is so ugly, that he couldn´t find somebody more ugly! Propz Pilgrim

Slave Simon said...

u b old n hairy with no hair on head one day u c wot it like then.

maybe u try going other time?
if good swimmer then lane swimming time best - often young hunks 2 ogle.

Hairy Tig
GRRRRRR

torchy! said...

doesn't sound too pleasant, but if you want to do proper swimming, the best time is probably (very) early morning, or maybe even weekday lunchtime, to do lane swimming.

while i'm here, i was wondering if you could let me know where your translation widget came from, coz i'd really like one for my blog.

hope things are ok with you, sorry to hear about the job, hope it keeps going as long as possible, and good luck finding another one.

torchy!

Mambam said...

nothing wrong with being hairy i just wish they would give it a trim now and then thats all , or at least comb it Lol. Not sure where the widget came from torch i think someone sent it to me, i will look back through my mail and get back

Mambam said...

nothing wrong with being hairy i just wish they would give it a trim now and then thats all , or at least comb it Lol. Not sure where the widget came from torch i think someone sent it to me, i will look back through my mail and get back

Micky said...

Are the changing rooms individual or communal (gay) ones?

vilges suola said...

@Torchy, translation widgets are spectacularly useless. A reader of my blog used Babelfish to translate a post into Greek. I then translated the Greek back into English myself, not using Babelfish. This is what it said:

'When I was in the fourth shape, an English teacher with a trick for laddish we said Keats to us is characterised as ‘well-ventilated fairy and a little of a pouf cushion.’ A little later, a teacher who certainly did not have the facility for them to pass as one of the fine young men was increasing B staircase, which is followed by the members of my electoral shape who chanting sotto but earphone.'

Babelfish has a long long way to go before it will be of any use to anybody.

同志·时尚 said...

cool!

torchy! said...

@vilges: thanks for the tipoff, altho from what you describe it almost seems worthwhile having translation for the comedy value :)

however, bearing that in mind...

@mambam: don't worry about finding the widget, thanks!

torchy!