Sunday, 27 September 2009

An offer i can't refuse ?

I stopped in last night. I didn't have to, but i though i needed time on my own and think a bit. In the end i spent that thinking time trawling the net for porn and logging on to Gaydar for the first time in what seems like forever.
I even had a look to see if there was anyone on from Halifax. LOL, it's pathetic isn't it?. But all this pales into insignificance to todays events.

I feel a bit strange this afternoon to be honest. To say I am upset would be wrong. Neither am I happy, but something weird happened when I went to see my dad today and it almost made me cry like a baby
I spoke about the job prospects in Halifax and the fact that I might have to consider moving etc. My dad listened to all this and then started offering proper parental advice. The sort that dads do for sons they care about.
He suggested that I need to be thinking seriously about my future and that I am better than the job I have at the moment (he knows I hate it).
I felt a bit chocked up when he said all he wanted was for me to be happy. I had to go for a wee otherwise I would have ended up blubbing. In fact he went to make a cup of tea at the same time, probably because he looked like he was gonna end up doing the same.

Then came the final shocker. My dad thinks that house prices are at rock bottom. They have a little money put away and would be happy for me to use it as a deposit on somewhere small if I needed to find somewhere to live. They didn’t want me living in a rented flat with a dead end job, unhappy and wasting my life away.
I nearly chocked on my cuppa. It was a very emotional moment. It was all a bit manly and northern mind you, we didn’t give each other a hug or anything like that. I didn’t even shake his hand when I left; we just sort of gave each other a look that said we both understand.

I am stunned. And I don’t know what to think. The job may never happen, I might not look for somewhere else to live. I might even turn down their generous offer. But more important than all that, in fact more important than anything that has ever happened to me over the past few years, by dad showed some sort of concern and offered me something that has the possibilities to change my life.
Even if I don’t take it, I am gob smacked that it was offered. I feel humble and I do feel upset about it actually, as I write this I have a little tear in my eye, it's pathetic. I know he will never accept my sexuality, but I get the feeling he does care and that’s all I need right now. Anyway parents should never have anything to do with their kid’s sex lives no matter which way they swing so what’s the big deal?
Suddenly things have taken a strange turn, I have spent the last week thinking about this job and how it will affect my life, but in the end something more important was waiting in the wings.

Just think Two weeks ago I was with Jack and trundling along as normal, now everything looks to be turning upside down.


vilges suola said...

'I have a little tear in my eye, it's pathetic.' No,it isn't. It's perfectly understandable. I gave up on all that British 'boys don't cry' shite decades ago. It's good to know he cares for you, so have a good blub.

Pilgrim said...

Blood is sill stronger than water. Propz Pilgrim

Anonymous said...

Looks like the meeting was as difficult for your dad as it was for you. But what a step forward for both of you. And now you have some options. Maybe move, maybe not. Perhaps take some time to digest all this -and the events of the last few weeks. But getting your own place is the first essential step towards a bit of security (sorry, I sound like your bank manager so I'll end here). Take care - Peter-D.

naturgesetz said...

It's wonderful that he feels that way and was able to express it.

"They didn’t want me living in a rented flat with a dead end job, unhappy and wasting my life away." So take the chance for something better.

I really hope you'll make the decision that's best for the long run, and I'm happy that the parents are on your side.

drew said...

That is Life... Why do you hear that the only things that are certain are death and taxes. You never know what tomorrow brings. I think that is the best part of life really. It keeps things interesting!! Good luck with your decisions...

Dean Grey said...


Why is tearing up pathetic?

I think your reaction was quite normal....and sweet.

Be careful of your parents' cash offer.

Sometimes parents try to help by giving their children financial assistance but this leads to dependency.

What's wrong with having a dead-end job as long as you're working towards something bigger and better?

Don't let your parents bail you out. Bail yourself out and you'll be a better man for it in the long run!


Put The Lotion In The Basket said...

all I can say from knowing you here is
'you deserve this, you just do'.
It's really nice of your parents and all but yup, 'you deserve it'.