Wednesday, 14 October 2009

Strange Porn

Had a call from Daniel tonight asking if i'm interested in going out. But by the time i got home it was too late, i didn't feel like it.
He and Howard have had a tiff. They had a bit of fun with some bondage play and Howard slapped him on the arse too hard LOL !. It left a red mark and that's that last time Daniel is ever doing that again. Ha!. I nearly pissed myself. It's happened before. Daniel likes the idea better than the reality. He's all adventurous until it comes down to it and then he goes off the idea. He likes the idea of rimming someone. But to actually do it in real life would make him sick.

I once had a similar problem. I'm not into any pain whatsoever. Giving or receiving. This guy tweaked my nipples so hard i nearly punched him in the face. It fucking killed. I asked him what he did that for and he said he was sorry, he just got a bit carried away. I have also had someone slap my arse as well. That bloody hurt as well. If i unexpectedly spit in your face during sex i'm sure you wouldn't like it, so why assume you can suddenly assault me whilst having a shag ?.
Anyway Daniel and Howard are not talking for the moment and he wanted to come round and watch the England match with me. Neither of us are that interested in football so we just sat slagging people off and stuffing our faces with Pizza. Neither of us has been to the gym for a while. That's gone by the board again.
I got out some new porn that Ian let me have. One of the copies turned out to be straight. It was a group gang bang in a pub with two of the ugliest women i have ever seen having sex with the ugliest looking men i have ever set eyes on as well.
We both were sat transfixed. It was a bit like car crash porn. It was so bad you couldn't turn it off. In the end we both agreed that apart from it being heterosexual porn, the main problem with this DVD was that everyone in it was normal. No young attractive slim beautiful porn actors. These were the type you would actually see in a pub or shopping at ASDA. Pot bellies, hairy backs, spotty arses, socks, grubby underwear and all.

I like a bit of realism but this just went to far. One guy actually stopped for a sneeze in the middle of his shag and then carried on again. LOL.
weird stuff indeed. Perhaps i just like my porn to be fantasy. This could have been filmed up the road and i half expected my dad to walk past in the background and as Reg for a pint of Carlsberg

4 comments:

kinkynik said...

Lol!

vilges suola said...

Years ago a one-nighter who was high as a kite on coke decided he wanted to coat me from hairline to toenails in vaseline. I'd been a bit of a spoilsport about most of his other suggestions so I said OK, and he did. It was about as erotic as wallpapering the hall, and afterwards all I could think of was the state of my bedspread that looked as if chips had been wrapped in it.

Mambam said...

Vilges

Dirty boy !
I once tried that with baby oil and felt the same. And can i suggest you avoid any foods that contain chocolate. It just looks like shit and is a visual turn off.

vilges suola said...

And chocolate gives me screaming heartburn as well, so no fun in sucking a chocolate-coated knob for me. Besides, chocolate is entirely the wrong flavour for male erogenous zones. Like spreading jam on cheese on toast.