Monday, 22 March 2010

Glad to be Gay ?

Saw a guy today at work that seems quite nice.
But he had dirty fingernails and it put me off.
Not just a bit dirty, i mean black as the ace of spades dirty.

This is one of my problems, being fussy about men. I can be put off the most beautiful of guys by the slightest thing. I've been told that it's because i don't like them enough or they are just not my type. But at the end of the day the reality is i'm just too fussy sometimes.

I once read an article in a magazine about the perils of porn. Written by a woman of course (what do you expect). In it there was a suggestion that men who view too much porn have problems having sex with real women because they don't associate the reality of sex with the fantasy. So for instance when watching porn there are no smells going on and when they indulge in the real thing it's nothing like their imagination wants it to be because at times sex can stink.

The reason i write that bit isn't because i watch a lot of porn. Although i do find myself knocking one off at least once a day. It's because i've always been a bit fussy with relationships in a similar way.
So for instance i might like the idea of having a boyfriend, but when it happens i want him to go away and come back when i'm in the mood for him.
The idea of someone pestering you for sex when your not in the mood sounds great, but If your woken at three in the morning and you've gotta get up in a few hours it's not the same. Reality and fantasy are two completely different things.

My nights out looking for a shag can go one of many ways.
I see someone, they look nice, i'm in the mood, they open their mouth and sound like a camp queen, i'm not in the mood any more.

I see someone who shows interest in me, i talk to them, they seem fine, i invite them round for a coffee, they start talking about their EX. I want then to piss off home again.

I meet someone, they come round, we talk very little, we have sex, they piss off and i never hear from them again because the phone number they gave was bollocks.

I see someone i like, we get on great, we have sex, he turns into a stalker who rings me every 15 minutes to tell me how much he loves me and does that annoying thing where they wanna kiss you in the middle of Asda whilst your filling your shopping trolley with Bacon.

I see someone i'm not keen on, they spend all night trying to get in my knickers, i have to eventually tell then to piss off because all the hints that i'm not interested don't work.

In fact i'm happy to be single. I'm seriously considering going down the Gaydar route. No relationships, no talking, no time wasting.
Just a shag and then i can get on with the rest of my day without being bothered by a partner.
Or am i just starting to get cynical ?. Is this what gay life is gonna be like ?.


Anonymous said...

when the right one comes along(and he will) you will fall for him and he for you and all will be right in the world, untill then it may all seem like shit, but you'll ,ake it;)

drew said...

at this point in your life I can see where you want no strings attached. I wonder if you will feel that way in 10 years? I wonder if living by yourself as you age will get boring or will you desire companionship? What happens if all your gay friends pair up and you are the odd man out?? There are lots of scenarios that could occur... and like Stephen says, you could fall head over heals for someone next week!!!

Anonymous said...

I'm backing both Stephen and drew. I haven't got a lot of experience, but love, and I have fallen in love two times, makes everything else disappear. When I was in love there were no such thoughts as 'I wish you'd go away and come back when I feel like sex'. That wasn't really the deal. It was just overwhelming. I wanted him around to talk to, kiss occasionally, sing with, wash up with, laugh with, just everything. I know, you're chucking in the sink now, aren't you? Well I wish I had a guy now is all I can say.

Anonymous said...

That sounds a bit like a narcissistic personality disorder. Do you find yourself living in a day dream where you have a perfect lover and everything about you is great? If so, then reality is bound to disappoint. Gays by their nature are a little prone to personality disorders.
On the other hand maybe you just need to get yourself some hobbies, do something creative in your free time, then you'll probably meet someone who you share interests with.
Don't expect to find love in a meat market, it rarely happens. I could be over analysing and you could be worrying too much.

Anonymous said...

'Gays by their nature are a little prone to personality disorders'. What the fuck!?

naturgesetz said...

I think Stephen Anthony and Alec Lindsay make a good point. What you have is what gay life will be like until you decide you want something different, and what is likely to change it is falling in love.

But this raises an interesting question. Have you never fallen so much in love with someone that you wanted to be with him more than you wanted to be free? This includes someone who was straight or otherwise unattainable. Because by now I'd have thought that you would have been that much in love. By the time I was in my mid twenties there had been a couple of guys in high school and a couple in college that I would gladly have spent my life with. (Of course, I wasn't looking for sex, but still I was that in love.)

vilges suola said...

'Gays by their nature are a little prone to personality disorders.' And blacks are all well hung, Scots are mean, the French are good lovers and the Irish thick as pigshit.

Human beings, by their very nature, are prone to making huge generalisations and lumping people together on the basis of some irrelevant characteristic such as skin colour or sexual orientation. The problem, Jim, is not that you are over-analysing, it's that you are not analysing enough.

Anonymous said...

The personality disorder thing has been well refuted.

Do you want a shag or a Lover ?

At 24 most straight boiz are'nt looking for a wife, so don't worry that you'll end up a lonely old maid.

If you just want a fuck buddy Gaydar works and from that some attachment can spring.Even if just to widen your circle of friends.
Perhaps the bears have recognised this in you and are trying to help and not turn you into their new gimp.

You knew moving out of Manchester was going to lessen your chance of casual sex but that did'nt figure high in the equation at the time.

When we were young one of my best mates ( straight ) had'nt been laid for so long he was suicidal.There was opportunity from local slags but like you was too fussy. Eventually an older lady saved him and they both lived happily ever after.

I'm sure that you won't get that desperate but should you do so, I'll be on the next train Oop North.

Mambam said...

Thanks for all your advice. I have and thought about it for quite a while. I suppose i have no idea what i'm looking for yet. Perhaps i should stop looking and just go with the flow .
It never bothered me years ago, but it does now. Why ?.

naturgesetz said...

Why does it bother you now.

A couple of things that may have something to do with it —
You've recently left the familiar surroundings of Oldham and become a homeowner in Halifax, as well as embarking on a new job. These are big changes in your life. Your former usual life doesn't exist any more, so you have to find you way to a new one. And this means figuring out what you want.
Beyond that, it is normal enough, I think, for people's interests and desires to change over time. What satisfies children is not enough for adults. You're getting beyond being one of the lads (if I'm using the word correctly), and you're wondering what to do next. (Not saying you don't keep your mates. But you'll probably all be changing slowly as time goes on.)

In short, you're maturing. Good on ya.

Gauss Jordan said...

I'm running through the same line of reasoning right now (though in my case it's manhunt).