Wednesday, 27 April 2011

Dirty Movies

I was talking to Daniel on the phone tonight and mentioned last nights incident with the superglue. He said "you should be really careful with superglue you know, i had an uncle who got some on his finger once and didn't realise it until he went to pick his nose. He had to go to hospital 'cos he superglued his finger up his right nostril".

He does talk bollocks sometimes.

I saw an old boyfriend Shag in town today. He must have put on about three stone and hadn't had a shave for days. I don't know who was more shocked to bump into each other. Me or him. I've also had a similar thing happen the other way around though. I don't mean i've been caught looking a mess. I mean i've bumped into someone who i turned down in the past because i didn't fancy them, only to find they turned from ugly ducking into a handsome prince. It's amazing how people can change so quickly.
If i ever bump into old friends i haven't seen since school they always say i don't look any different. I can't work out if they are complimenting me or taking the piss.

One of the doctors dealing with my dad comes from India. "He has one of those mono brow things going on, where his eyebrows roll into one along the top" said my Dad when he first saw him. He's a really nice fella but talks a bit like a judge. He seems to have no sense of humour at all, or at least he doesn't show it anyway.  My dad fires jokes at him but gets no response. He confessed to me at the weekend that it's annoying him a bit. Dads way of getting through it all is to make a joke of things and it doesn't work if your audience is stone cold to your humour. I don't care if he's the most miserable person in the world, as long as he can do his job properly that's all that matters.

There's bugger all on telly anymore. I don't even look at the box until after 9'oclock now. Anything pre 9 is a soap and i can't stand 'em. In fact the best stuff seems to come on as i'm going to bed. The times i've just picked up the remote to turn off and suddenly the flash of a tit or naked bum stops me in my tracks. 
Next thing i know i'ts 1.30am and i've just sat through a weird movie on the hope that there might be another sex scene or the bloke with the fit body might have another shower. I wouldn't mind but i've got a stash of porn upstairs so why do i bother ?.
I wished i lived in France. Their films are full of it. I think it's compulsory over there. Every actor must at some point get his billy bollocks out no matter what. Thats why subtitles never put me off foreign films. And if they are all talking in french accents it's a must.

On the other hand American movies are crap for sex scenes. They cut them to shreds. LOL. I don't think i'd make a film critic do you ?.

4 comments:

naturgesetz said...

Is that the doc from India? Or maybe the old shag?

LOL at hoping the fit bloke would take another shower.

You'd be a good film critic: you tell the people what they really want to know.

drew said...

heard a story where a well know unfaithful professional man in our area had his manhood super glued to his leg by his wife while asleep. Ouch!!

I usually watch criminal suspense shows. No skin..

MadeInScotland said...

As a teenager I loved the BBC2 Friday/Saturday night foreign film. Always some good flesh. There are two I remember particularly well. ONe with a fit guy who was a diver who ended up in bed with another bloke, and one I think called In Love Of Older Women, which may have been about painter Egon Schiele. Or that may have been another one. Plenty of tit...

ahoj

Mambam said...

Naturgesetz

To true, but it would have to be porn films, that's my speciality.

Drew

When i was in America i enjoyed a weird show called 1000 ways to die and thought parts of that were quite sexy.
I once saw an episode here in the UK put they got a different voiceover guy and it didn't seem quite as good for some reason.

Madeinscotland.

There is a distinct lack of foreign films on BBC2 nowadays. BBC4 has them all now.