Not long now before i get on a plane and fly the hell outta this place.
I'm still in two minds whether to go or not because my dad is really ill. It's weird, I still try to switch off and have a good time but it's always there in the back of your mind. When i'm with him it gets a bit intense and i need a break by getting away, but as soon as i do i'm wondering how he is. Last night i was out having fun. But i just wasn't in the mood. That's why i've blogged less. I'm not really in the mood for anything at the moment.
Anyways i've got my tickets, booked my seats, arranged a lift to the airport (via a friend of Daniel's) and all i need to do is get there.
I'm just not excited about it like i should be.
Daniel confessed to me the other night that he's not happy either, so we're both turning into miserable bastards. He hates his job and is sick of the scene. It's like going through revolving doors. When you first go on the scene it's a wondrous place. All those men and suddenly you feel like you've just walked into a fairground. But after a while you realise it is just like a fairground. It's all front and no substance. You suddenly notice that you're talking to guys who spend most of their time looking over your shoulder to see who else is about. You think you've had a great night with someone, only to find they're not answering their phone to you the next day. Then you're having to leave a pub because an ex just walked in. Or look around the room and notice the only ones you like don't wanna know you. Then a stranger appears and it's fresh meat for the masses. It's just a never ending chase.
I know how Daniel feels but i've sort of dropped out of the loop lately so i crave a night out like that at the moment. I'm not in the mood for anything serious. I just wanna have some fun.
I've had the other end of that stick. The other night i got talking to a guy who was only 17. It was his first night EVER in a gay club and he was like a dog on heat. I couldn't get rid of him. He latched onto me and the more pissed he got the more morbid he got. I had two choices, take him home and fuck him. Or go to the loo and climb outta the window.
I decided to go for a piss and just walked outta the door. There would have been a time when i would have gone for the latter, but i've learnt that there are consequences and you could tell he would have been trouble.
Saying all that, I'm not sat watching Britain's got Talent and haven't been outta the house today. Is this it ?.
The exciting life i lead eh ?.
5 comments:
Thanks for this post. What you say about the gay scene is really interesting, particularly for me because I'm now in my early thirties and I've never had any experience of it.
Take care, mate!
Maybe when you get where you are going and that is going to be a distance from home you will wind down a bit. Riding the rollacoaster(sp?) like you have been doing is stressful. I am sure you and Daniel will make the most of it!!
I do hope you'll be able to enjoy the holiday. You don't have to force yourself to "have fun." Just do what you want. Do post when you get back, and let us know how it was.
That's a very interesting observation on the "scene." You're very insightful.
Getting the balance right sounds easy - but it is the hardest thing. My Dad is 94, not very well and 600 miles away. I hate the hassles when I visit him and then I hate myself for not visiting more often. But remember what Buddha said - 'As you walk and eat and travel, be where you are - otherwise you may miss most of your life.'
Ecce homo
I think i'm supposed to say you're not missing anything but i think everyone should give it a go. It can be fun if you don't take it seriously and make it a regular thing.
Drew
Thanks for that, i'll let you know.
Naturgesetz
I'll take lots of pictures :-)
Alan
I get the bit about it being a pain to visit but feeling guilty if you don't.
and... talk about weird coincidences.... On the radio right now they are playing Get the balance right by Depeche mode....
Woooooo
Do do do do.....
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