A day in bed or in front of the telly ?

It’s the Royal Wedding tomorrow so I’m having the day off work. I’m not really interested in it to be honest, but any excuse to get out of work for the day I suppose.

If you watch the news you might imagine the whole of Britain is gripped with Wedding fever. But I don’t see it much around here. We’ll watch bits of it on the telly I think but I can’t see a party taking place down my street.

Like every other major event in this country people will be watching it on the BBC so I’m surprised any of the other channels bother at all. If the other side stuck a good film on i'm sure the viewing figures would be a lot higher than they imagine they would be. Who watches stuff like this on ITV anyway ?. Either way it’s gonna be wall to wall coverage so we have no choice.

B&Q are offering 15% off everything the same day and it’s gonna piss it down as well so I might just have a sleep in. (bah humbug)

I am being sent on a first aid course next week from work, which should be fun. No-one else is going in the company, just me. I should have gone a while back but it was canceled and rescheduled. I’ve no idea what this all entails but they need someone to be the designated emergency first aider in the office. And I’ve been designated.

Anyway nurse Mambam will be available for appointments from next week onwards, Just pop your cloths on the chair and stick your legs in the air. I’ll slap on my rubber gloves and do an internal investigation.

If your good looking I may test my kiss of life skills as well. I wonder if I’ll get a uniform and a badge ?. LOL.

I've just thought. I might just celebrate the Royal Wedding tomorrow night after all. It's friday and that means it's the weeeeeeekkkkeeeeennnddd!!!.

;-)

Dirty Movies

I was talking to Daniel on the phone tonight and mentioned last nights incident with the superglue. He said "you should be really careful with superglue you know, i had an uncle who got some on his finger once and didn't realise it until he went to pick his nose. He had to go to hospital 'cos he superglued his finger up his right nostril".

He does talk bollocks sometimes.

I saw an old boyfriend Shag in town today. He must have put on about three stone and hadn't had a shave for days. I don't know who was more shocked to bump into each other. Me or him. I've also had a similar thing happen the other way around though. I don't mean i've been caught looking a mess. I mean i've bumped into someone who i turned down in the past because i didn't fancy them, only to find they turned from ugly ducking into a handsome prince. It's amazing how people can change so quickly.

If i ever bump into old friends i haven't seen since school they always say i don't look any different. I can't work out if they are complimenting me or taking the piss.

One of the doctors dealing with my dad comes from India. "He has one of those mono brow things going on, where his eyebrows roll into one along the top" said my Dad when he first saw him. He's a really nice fella but talks a bit like a judge. He seems to have no sense of humour at all, or at least he doesn't show it anyway.  My dad fires jokes at him but gets no response. He confessed to me at the weekend that it's annoying him a bit. Dads way of getting through it all is to make a joke of things and it doesn't work if your audience is stone cold to your humour. I don't care if he's the most miserable person in the world, as long as he can do his job properly that's all that matters.

There's bugger all on telly anymore. I don't even look at the box until after 9'oclock now. Anything pre 9 is a soap and i can't stand 'em. In fact the best stuff seems to come on as i'm going to bed. The times i've just picked up the remote to turn off and suddenly the flash of a tit or naked bum stops me in my tracks. 

Next thing i know i'ts 1.30am and i've just sat through a weird movie on the hope that there might be another sex scene or the bloke with the fit body might have another shower. I wouldn't mind but i've got a stash of porn upstairs so why do i bother ?.

I wished i lived in France. Their films are full of it. I think it's compulsory over there. Every actor must at some point get his billy bollocks out no matter what. Thats why subtitles never put me off foreign films. And if they are all talking in french accents it's a must.

On the other hand American movies are crap for sex scenes. They cut them to shreds. LOL. I don't think i'd make a film critic do you ?.

Do It yourself

Someone gave me an old in-car phone holder for my I-Pod last week. I used it for about three days and it seemed to break for no reason. Whenever i tried sticking my I-pod in it, it flops down and rattles about, so tonight i thought would try to fix it.

I spend half an hour with a screwdriver pulling it apart only to find that a bit of plastic had broken inside.

But, no problem, the genius that is Mambam rummaged through his man draw to find a small tube of super glue. I put a dab on one end and held the bits together for a while before leaving it to dry.

10 minutes later i came back to find that i super glued it to my kitchen tiles on the windowsill .There must have been a hole in the plastic and the glue ran through the center and blobbed onto the tile i had it sitting on.

How to get it off ?. I have no tools and it seemed pretty solid. So i stuck a knife under one edge and used a pan as a hammer. That should shift it.!.

And so it did. Taking half the bloody tile with it as well.

Shit !!. I'm no good and do-it-yourself stuff. I need a man for that kind of thing.:-(

Spoke to my Auntie about that holiday. I've told her to come back with anything as long as it's cheap but a good hotel. She's suggested everything from Cuba to Ibiza. But if we wait a bit we might get a cancellation or something.

We are looking at June, It's up to her to come up with the goods now. It's all rather exciting. I know i'm going on holiday, but i don't know where. I hope it's not bleedin' Benidorm.

How weird is google ?. I got a message from someone last night who said they found my blog because they were searching for a song by 3 Doors down called Kryptonite and came across this post. LOL.

Day in the Sun

It's been another really nice sunny day today. As i type this it's 26c (80f)on my weather station (lol i sound like me dad).

Actually that's not really a good thing when you're trying to recover from a hangover. I had a bit too much to drink last night. It's amazing how you can get out of the swing of things. I must have more or less dried out over the last few weeks. No drink at all for that length of time meant i wasn't used to it.

After two i was blotto. I ended up snogging a stranger i've never seen before or since. But he tasted nice and his lips were like a juicy orange. Yum. Then he was gone. Daniel said i need to be careful. "you never know who's bum he's been licking" was his advice. LOL.

Anyway to help recover i thought i would do the gardening... or should i say.. cut the grass. That's about the extent of my gardening skills. It's a bit like vacuuming round, only you do it outside. The downside being that you have to find somewhere to throw the cuttings afterwards. Last time i did it i threw all the shit in the corner at the back, but today as i cut the grass around this pile of rotting crap i noticed it move. A rat or something had built a nest in the middle of a nice warm pile of dried old grass cuttings and i was disturbing it. I nearly shit myself. and had to chase it off with a stick. So from now on the crap goes in the back of my car and straight to the tip.

When i finished i got the sun lounger out, a bottle of Bud 66, some sun lotion and stripped down to my shorts for a nice relaxing afternoon in the fresh air. But the bloody neighbours three doors down had other idea. They have about three kids of their own and must have invited more round to enjoy some sort of blow up paddling pool. To top it off they stuck some speakers outta the window and played music loudly.

The music wasn't really that much of a problem because the sound of kids screaming at the top of their voices, as if someone was trying to murder them, drown out the sound of Lady Ga Ga quite well.

Then they started a barbecue as well so the smell of burning sausages drifter over. The fuckers!!!!.

In the end i went back inside again. But sitting in the sun isn't good for me anyway. It's like kryptonite is to superman. I feel drained if i sit in it too long. And i'm all tired and crap afterwards.

I spoke to an Auntie the other night about that holiday. She works for a travel agent and told me that she could look up some late deals if i wanted. It would have to be a last minute thing and i might not get a choice of where i wanted to go, but it would be cheap and she promised to find somewhere good and in my price range... Mmmmmm. It's all sounding like a good idea. Even my dad suggested i "get myself off". I've mentioned it to Daniel who will beg steal and borrow what he can, but until she comes up with something neither of us can say yes or no.

Going to see dad again tomorrow. He looks like crap and has lost loads of weight. But at least he's heading in the right direction. Weeks ago he was only going one way, down!. Now we have our fingers crossed that were are in the elevator marked up.

Updated and return ?

Well I'm still here. The operation has taken place and my dad is currently very ill, but recovering, so that's a good thing. I can't be arsed to go into all the details. Suffice to say the fact that they operated in the first place is a good sign. All we need to do now is wait and hope.

Work is very quiet, But that could be something to do with the weather being so hot. It feels like it's the middle of the summer and it's only April.

Here in the UK it's a Bank holiday weekend and i'm getting four glorious days off work for Easter. Then i go back for three days and we getter another 4 days off again for the royal wedding on Friday 29th and Monday 2nd May for...er May day. (whatever that is supposed to celebrate ?)

Anyway i need to take my mind off things so i'm gonna be out this weekend and i'm gonna get pissed as usual. I know that might sound terrible to anyone who doesn't understand our drinking culture in the UK. But i don't mean i'm gonna end up throwing bricks at a pensioners windows and chucking up in someones back garden. I just mean i'm gonna make merry and let my hair down a bit.

Daniel has just finished with another Boyfriend so he'll be up for it as well.

I'm gonna stop calling them boyfriends from now on. It's just someone he sleeps with and finds out later he has nothing in common with. I'm gonna implement a 6 month rule. Unless he stays with them for at least six months they are just a shag or a mate.

My love life is none existent, I've been nowhere and done nothing. So you've not missed nowt. I nearly wanked myself to death. I've gone through a full box of man size tissues.  However the upside to not going anywhere means i've spent nothing either. I've never had so much dosh in my bank account. Bloody hell, show me the way to Thomas Cook and let's book another holiday.

Actually as i type this i'm thinking i might just do that LOL. Must talk to Daniel about it later...

Anyway i shall return to intermittent blogging for a bit. When i have something worth writing about mind you.

Thanks to everyone for your kind comments, and support, it was much appreciated. Now let's change the subject. I'm sick of hearing the word Cancer it's fucking boring. Let's thinking of better things. (see below)