The Gay Scene

Not long now before i get on a plane and fly the hell outta this place.

I'm still in two minds whether to go or not because my dad is really ill. It's weird, I still try to switch off and have a good time but it's always there in the back of your mind. When i'm with him it gets a bit intense and i need a break by getting away, but as soon as i do i'm wondering how he is. Last night i was out having fun. But i just wasn't in the mood. That's why i've blogged less. I'm not really in the mood for anything at the moment.

Anyways i've got my tickets, booked my seats, arranged a lift to the airport (via a friend of Daniel's) and all i need to do is get there.

I'm just not excited about it like i should be.

Daniel confessed to me the other night that he's not happy either, so we're both turning into miserable bastards. He hates his job and is sick of the scene. It's like going through revolving doors. When you first go on the scene it's a wondrous place. All those men and suddenly you feel like you've just walked into a fairground. But after a while you realise it is just like a fairground. It's all front and no substance. You suddenly notice that you're talking to guys who spend most of their time looking over your shoulder to see who else is about. You think you've had a great night with someone, only to find they're not answering their phone to you the next day. Then you're having to leave a pub because an ex just walked in. Or look around the room and notice the only ones you like don't wanna know you. Then a stranger appears and it's fresh meat for the masses. It's just a never ending chase. 

I know how Daniel feels but i've sort of dropped out of the loop lately so i crave a night out like that at the moment. I'm not in the mood for anything serious. I just wanna have some fun.

I've had the other end of that stick. The other night i got talking to a guy who was only 17. It was his first night EVER in a gay club and he was like a dog on heat. I couldn't get rid of him. He latched onto me and the more pissed he got the more morbid he got. I had two choices, take him home and fuck him. Or go to the loo and climb outta the window.

I decided to go for a piss and just walked outta the door. There would have been a time when i would have gone for the latter, but i've learnt that there are consequences and you could tell he would have been trouble.

Saying all that, I'm not sat watching Britain's got Talent and haven't been outta the house today. Is this it ?.

The exciting life i lead eh ?.

Donate a Day

On the telly this morning i saw something about a 'donate a day" charity thing. They are asking people to donate a day to help someone or some organisation.

I don't have time but i thought i would take a look. I always wished i had a job that meant something to someone instead of shuffling paper around. And now that i'm sort of looking after my dad on and off i've got a taste for it.

But i didn't wanna do just anything. I'm not fucking interested in The Dogs trust or the Royal Horticultural Society (Eh?). so i went for the Terrence Higgins Trust. Well what do expect?, i'm a poof..

I found a link to the website and found out how to volunteer and who to ring. But was hit with...

"At present we have no vacancies for volunteers in North England - please check back soon or contact Naomi to put yourself on the waiting list."

I've been over to my parents this weekend. My dad is ill again. They think it's an infection and he's on antibiotics

I think he’s taken a turn for the worst. I thought he would start getting better as time went on, but he seems to be up and down a lot. Eating food is like a game of Russian roulette. Sometimes he’s fine with it. Other times it makes him really poorly.

And I can see in his eyes that he’s had enough. I suppose that when you have been ill for a long period of time it’s not just about the illness, it’s about how long you can stand feeling that way.

He’s already said he wished he hadn’t bothered having an operation and just let nature take its course.

How do you cheer someone up who feels like that?

As i type this i’ve just realised I still haven’t arranged transport to get to the airport as well. I looked at all the options, but never got round to doing it.

To be honest I’m in two minds whether to go now. If he’s really ill the week I go away what will I do?

What a shitty weekend it was.

Dust off those bollocks

I’m supposed to be staying in tonight so I can be up early tomorrow to clear out a garage for someone. But balls to that one, I’m on the razz. I know I’ll regret it in the morning but sometimes you just have to go with the flow.

I’ve been asked to meet someone for a drink. Does that constitute a date? I’m not sure really. It wasn’t arranged as a date. We just said we’d meet for a couple. But there will only be two of us and we’ve never met for a drink before on our own.

All I know is that after i post this I’m having a bath and will don my best underwear, just in case. ;-)

I went to see my dad last night. He gets tired very quickly but doesn’t want you to go because he’s bored and craves company that he feels comfortable with. When friends or family call he seems to want to put a face on and pretend he’s ok. But the second they leave he’s complaining that he’s tired and wished they had gone an hour ago. With mum and I it’s different, he’ll just fall asleep mid conversation or tell us to shut up for a bit whilst he has a kip.

He took off his shirt so I could look at his scar and he looked like a bag of bones. The operation has ruined his pallet. Everything tastes funny or of nothing at all. So he’s not interested in food and only sees it as fuel

Sometimes he’ll crave a meal, but by the time my mum has made it he’s gone off the idea and a few mouths full in he’ll complain that it doesn’t taste anything like it should do.

We watched a bit of the Eurovision song contest semi-finals together but he hated everything and everyone on it. The UK entry 'Blue' were winding him up the most. He hates the fact that they come across as “Cocky” and were waving and acting up to the camera all the time.

He’s turning into a miserable moaner and even thought It’s understandable there are times when you just wanna slap him.

God knows how my mum copes with him 24 hours a day.

Anways, short post over, time to doll myself up for tonight. Shave, teeth, bath, shower. A little light dusting of talc to the bollocks and bum (not too much, don't want a puff of smoke when i'm de-robing, as has happened in the past) Deodorise, filck my hair into some sort of creation, glad rags on, take them all back off again because i'm not happy with the look, glad rags on and off again for the next 30 minutes before saying "fuck it, no ones looking anyway". Fight my way through a sea of cloths now cluttering the bedroom floor that i intend folding & putting away in the morning.

Cash, Cards, condoms, condiments, and outta the door like a rabbit up a drainpipe.

See ya the other side  ;-).

Skip that

Daniel has come up with a so called brilliant money making scheme to get some extra cash together for his holiday.

Unfortunately the scheme involves me as well. He's clearing someone’s garage out for them this weekend and so am I apparently. They have ordered a skip and we (I repeat...WE!!) are gonna fill it for him.

How the hell I got roped into this job I’ve no idea. I'm not the one who's skint. But it seems I volunteered to help a mate out. The worst aspect to it all Is that we have to be there for 7.30am (Saturday morning ?, eh?) and it will be a full day of hard graft humping shite up and down.

So that's Friday night on the town outta the window. Never mind, it'll be worth it in the long run.

I have been reading some of the comments about booking a taxi to go to the airport (thanks fro that by the way) and went online to find that there is a scheme where you can pay £79.99. You meet someone at the airport, hand them your keys and they park it for you. When you arrive back they meet you at the door with the car and hand it back. You can even pay a bit extra and have it valeted as well.

My dad thinks I’m mad to even consider it, but I like the sound of a bit of luxury. All I need to do is find out how much a taxi to and from the airport is. If it's anywhere near this figure I’m booking it.

Someone sent dad this u tube post and it cheered him up no end. You've probably seen it before but if you haven't take a look. It's the Ultimate dog tease.

 

Town & Out

Although i was on top form this weekend it was pretty uneventful really. Daniel came over and we spent Saturday night in Town.

There is a pub or club on every corner and your spoilt for choice really. The minute you step out of one watering hole you're no more than three strides away from another. But it's not really sophisticated, it's just a piss up.

When i'm away from Manchester i've got my heterosexual head on. Which means i'm not on the pull. I don't feel safe in places i don't really know. And this town seems very Homophobic to me. You know when you just don't feel right. Sometimes it looks like guys are gay friendly but two words into a conversation and they reveal their true colours and i'm breathing a sigh of relief that i haven't tried it on with them.

People throw out insults without even realise they are doing it. It's not uncommon for someone to describe anything that is shit as 'being gay' nowadays but around here they don't throw insults they throw punches.

I'm making it sound like a town full of thugs aren't i?. Not true. But i just don't get the same vibe as i do in the big city. Daniel is the same. He can never understand why i want to drink local when i could be over the tops to Mancs. But i suspect that is more to do with him not wanting to travel to me, preferring it if i came over to him.

Since i went on that first aid course everyone is taking the piss. I've had requests for everything from looking at a guys hemorrhoids through to diagnosing yellow puss coming out of a Lady's fanny.

Very funny lads, now leave me alone.

I was walking to the shop at lunch time and noticed a pair of underpants in the middle of the road. This made me wonder where these odd garments you see lying around come from. It's not unusual to see a stray sock in the gutter but undies?.

How can you lose a pair of pants?. (answers on a postcard to...)

Getting Excited about my holiday now. But can't decide whether to book a taxi to take us to the airport or drive there in my own car and stick it in the car park for a week.  You think you've spent all you need too when you book at the travel agents, but suddenly hidden costs mount up. Daniel is shitting himself. He can't afford and is struggling to get the cash together. I suspect i'm gonna be paying more for this holiday than he is.

Happy Happy Happy

I'm in proper party mood tonight. I've just booked a cheap last minute holiday to Greece with Daniel and we go in a matter of weeks !!!.

This time next month i'll be baking my ass on a beach a zillion miles away from here. Roll on summer i'm coming for yah...

And dad had one of his up days today as well. I know it's only a temporary thing but i'm having an up day too.

Now roll on the weeeeeeekkkkeeennnd!.

Some people have no sense of Humour

Been busy the last couple of days so i didn't have much time to blog.

I went on that First Aid course.  A full 60 minutes worth of training stretched out to 8 hours.ZZZzzzzz. It was like going back to school again. I forgot how boring it can be. Someone told me that it could be a good laugh, depending on the others on the course with me. 

Unfortunately the others with me (all total strangers) were not the laughing kind and i seemed to have found myself in a crowd of the shyest people i have ever known.

I'm not exactly the life and sound of the party myself with strangers, but no matter how much i tried to talk to some of them the conversation always hit a brick wall and we would sit there in silence for a bit whilst i desperately tried to think of something else to say. 

At one point 12 of us sat around a table eating our lunch without acknowledging each other. It was like being in a library. In the end i was laughing to myself because all you could hear was sipping tea, chewing sounds and swallowing of food. LOL.

As i looked around the table 5 of them were looking intensely at their mobile phones and the rest seemed to be transfixed on some sort of speck of dust on various parts of the wall or ceiling. God forbid we make eye contact with each other.

I even tried bringing up the subject of the weather but all i got back was "yes it is, isn't it..." and then back to silence again.

"Did anyone see the Royal Wedding ?"

Yeah. bits of it. (and back to silence)

Bloody hell, i thought, help me out here, I can't do it on my own. I felt like shouting out "has anyone ever sucked on a cock?"

During the course the guy started coming up with stupid Mnemonic words to remind us what we should do.

SEEP....Sit, Examine, Elevate, Pressure. That sort of thing. Then he came up with AVPU which sounded a bit too much like 'Have a poo' to me, so i laughed out loud and looked round the room. No one else laughed and looked at me as if i had just had a poo, right in the middle of the friggin' room.

I know my humour can be childish at times but fuck me. It's not as if I wasn't listening to what he was saying and i wasn't mucking about. But you must at least raise a little titter when two men are demonstrating the heimlich maneuver. It's comman knowledge that It just looks like they are bumming each other LOL.

But no !. there were no 12 year olds with me so i was on my own with that one as well.

This was a very serious lesson and i should have known better.

But seriously, I know of a better way to dislodge a blockage than the heimlich maneuver So we didn't need to bother with that bit.

LOL.

Us Lot

This morning I woke to the news that Osama Bin Laden is dead. (Which should help my mum because she keeps getting him mixed up with President Obama).

He was living in a big posh house in Pakistan somewhere. What a surprise. The news was announced in a speech live on TV by the President. and i saw a bit of it. When he speaks he always sounds like he's fronting a business meeting. I don't expect him to throw in a couple of jokes or laugh out loud but he never seems to show any emotion when he's talking. Hardly Triumphant stuff.

But there was no such thing coming from the rest of America, There was dancing in the streets with mobs chanting USA! USA !, as they do. But it just makes me feel even less safe now. Those buggers will be all out for retaliation just you watch.
Some of the news coverage was a bit weird "Breaking News- Osama Bin Laden was shot in the left eye".
But my personal favourite was a tweet from singer Lilly Allen. "I know that Osama Bin Laden is dead, but if we could all stop for a minute to consider todays REAL news I'd very much appreciate it....It's my Birthday, i'm 26"

I hope my holiday is nowhere near that region anyway.  Scary times.

We will know more about our holiday tomorrow  because i've been told to ring my Aunt in the afternoon and she will come up with a couple of suggestions for us. Daniel told me to say yes to anywhere. He dosn't care where it is and will leave it up to me. Which means if it turns out to be crap it's my fault.

I went to Daniels again from a bit and they had some family around. I got chatting to an old bloke who turned out to be his Grandmas "man friend" and he told me he was 80 this year. He was getting more and more drunk as time went on and nearly fell off his chair twice. He blamed it on vertigo but i suspect it was the 2nd glass of wine he had drunk in 20 minutes that did it. As time went on his language got more and more fruity. It went from 'Fucking' this to 'fucking' that and eventually the odd C**t shot out. But when Daniels Gran came over he stopped. Then, when she wandered off again he would look around like a spy checking that no one was listening and start swearing again.

Suddenly he said to me "are you one of Daniels Queer Friends then ?" Daniels mum Chastised him for saying it but he apologised and said it again using the Gay word in place of Queer.

I wasn't offended, He meant nothing by it. He was only asking after all. He told me he knew a queer when he was in the army during the war. "he was a nice enough bloke really" he said.

In the end i was pissing myself laughing because he was sort of insulting me with every sentence without realising it. He thought he was being nice to me but it was all coming out wrong.

"i don't know what all the fuss is about" he said "you lot don't do anybody any harm do you?"

LOL. 

No, us lot don't do we ?.

Gay or Not ?

Had a massive hangover on Saturday. I went to have my haircut in the afternoon and almost fell asleep in the chair. Which was a bit scary because all the people who work in this hairdressers have hairstyles that make them look like aliens. I think they practice on each other and experiment with styles. None of which look good. Why to hairdresses have the worst haircuts in the world?

Anyway i was glad to get out of there in the end i was feeling sick. Ohh the dreaded swill.

It didn't stop me going out again last night and after the first drink i was feeling a lot better ;-)).  I feel like shit again now though. :-(( LOL. Never again !. Until next week.

I went to Daniels today. The weather was brilliant again and his dad had his shirt off. He has the biggest man boobs i've ever seen on a man and i'm always transfixed when he gets them out. I wouldn't mind but he's not really that fat. It's just all on his tits. The fat sort of hangs under his arms. His mum was taking the piss out of his hairy back as well. She said it started just above his bum when he was in his 20s and sort of spread all over his back and shoulders. Daniel was mortified when i suggested that that's what he has to look forward to when he gets older. So we are now going the gym again next week and i've promised to help him shave his back if it ever starts to happen. LOL. I look at my dad sometimes and think the same though. He's not hairy but i don't wanna look like that when i'm his age. 

I saw a bit of Britain's got talent this morning. There was a little lad on who was about 12. He was very talented and sang really well. I know this is wrong to say about a 12 year old but my gaydar bell was ringing rather heavily if you know what i mean. And i smiled to myself.  If he doesn't grow up to be gay i would be very surprised let's just put it that way.

Later on whilst i was flicking through U tube i came across a clip of him singing again and made the fatal mistake of reading the comments. It made my blood boil. It seems that lots of other people thought the same as me but quite a few were homophobic arseholes. I wanted to find out where they lived and kick their fucking heads in. Bastards!.

Saying that, he's only 12 so i'm just as bad as they are, sticking a label on the poor kid. Why did i even refer to it?.

You forget don't you ?, Life carries on as normal, then all of a sudden something homophobic comes into view and you suddenly realise the world hasn't changed much has it ?. Things may have changed for me since i was younger and coming out. I'm a little less tolerant or shy of someone having a go at me nowadays for starters. Maybe that's why i don't get it as much as i used to?. But it's still there isn't it? 

Anyway judge for yourself.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xvUBUWM_UW4

or look up Ronan Parke.

Now, time to get in the garden again, the sun is still out and i'm gonna do a bit of nude sunbathing.
As if.