Swim

My Vision of going swimming was to glide through the water brushing against the odd hunk in speedos practicing his diving skills for the 2012 Olympics.

In fact the place was full of kids screaming shouting and splashing about, fat women getting in the way yakking to each other just standing there in the shallow end, and hairy old men trying to act like Tarzan in horrible trunks.

One old guy was the hairiest man i have ever seen and water made it look worse. It was Grey and his chest hair must have stuck out at least three inches from his nipples when it was dry.
None on his head though. what's that all about ?. Why lose all the hair on your head but grow more on your feet. He had hairy feet as well. Toes and stuff.

Then there is the smell of the place. and worst of all the whistling. why do people always whistle in the changing rooms ?. It's not as if it's a proper song that you know. No classics or anything current. No it's just a moronic nothing type of whistle that fizzles in and out again as they wipe themselves down with a towel.
I have never felt the need to whistle in a changing room. It goes with a long list of other things in life that i have never done and never ever felt like i have wanted to do.

Like: Spiting, farting loudly so everyone hears, holding one nostril whilst expelling snot from the other onto the floor, and having a crap in someone Else's house (Daniel never has any problems on that front)
Suddenly i have lost track of what i was writing about here. Swimming that was it.

Anyway i think we may have had our first and last visit to the pool. Besides it cost us money and we've already paid for the gym so we are forced to keep going back there now.

Nothing happening

Daniel thinks I'm mad because i just spent the last half an hour on the net looking for the music to the new Ford Car Advert.

But that is all i have to do tonight. My blogging for today is on the verge of turning into a tweet.

I am looking round the room for inspiration, and apart from him watching telly and me sitting here in silence typing away there is nothing to say or do. After last weekends blow out we are both skint, and considering the job situation i think it might be best to start saving some money rather than piss it away down a toilet. Steve said that i would be best not saving anything, The DSS help out people who are skint, but if you have any savings your on your own. I wouldn't trust, or rely on them either way, i need to pay my own bills and if that means stopping in at the weekend then so be it.

There must be something entertaining we can do that doesn't cost anything.

Hang on a minute i have just remembered I was gonna pump Daniel for more information on what he thinks about Chris at the Gym so i think i shall tease him more about that for the rest of the night.

Plan B ruled out.

Been round to Mums tonight to let her know about my job. She was very good and did suggest that i could come home if things got bad, but she also hinted that Dad might not be impressed if i did.

As far as he is concerned i have made my bed and i should lie in it. I don't think he would turn me away but it would be intolerable. I would hate it. For my own sanity it's not an option. He is not a bigot, he just comes from a different world. I know that me being gay has caused him problems. It has made him rethink everything he has always been taught by his own mum and dad. He struggles with me at arms length, so bringing it into the house would be too much. It's easy to judge people but i do know him and i know that this is just as difficult for him as it is for me.
I have gay friends who think i'm mad to defend him this way but i see two sides of the argument, and he's my dad. Some of my mates are just as intolerant of people who can't understand what being gay is all about as homophobes are to gay people, but when it's someone you love you feel like your stuck in the middle sometimes and any little light that you can see from them that they do care about you, even though they might not be able to accept you is something worth clinging onto.

Anyways forget all that, I need to start looking for another job, and fast.
The problem is, i need to find one that pays at least the same as i have now. Otherwise i'm stuffed.

Might be short stints at blogging the next few days. I can't look for a job during the day so i need to be looking at night

Good Advice

Everyone i see tells me to look for a new job. Just like that, as if it's a simple straight forward thing.

I know they mean well, but it's easier said than done. I know i should look elsewhere, but if it was that simple I'm sure most people would just move from one job to another whenever they got bored.

There was probably a time when i would have done that. But i lived at home back then and had a cushion to fall back on, my parents.

What is probably making things worse this time is the fact that a couple of years ago before i had this flat, i was sort of homeless for a bit, staying with friends and some family.

When i came out there was lots of shit flying around and i half left home, half had to leave home.

Getting my own little place eventually saved me, it's my little space and where i have managed to come to terms with my sexuality and by being myself.

This all might sound a bit deep, but it means i don't have to rely on anyone else, so i don't have to deal with their attitudes or beliefs. You probably wouldn't have recognised the old me, now i'm happier, more confident and more open then ever before. As weird as it seems, losing my job will effect how i feel about myself again. I can't explain it but i would feel like i was going backwards.

The time when things were going tits up really knocked my confidence, i was fearless when it came to jobs and money. I felt that i would just get another job if i lost the one i had and if i had no money then, so what ?.

Now i realise how much money and a job have given me. And both mean much more now.

It's all good advice, and i am grateful to all those who offered it, but advice is easier to dish than do, and in the end they are just words. I have to act on that.

Just go get a new job Michael, Simples !

Different exercise

I Saw a female runner leaning against a wall being sick this morning. Summer is on it's way and as more people do their best to get fit the odd one or two over do it and suffer the consequences.
I know the feeling, Exercise is like tightrope walking, one false move and you go from sweating to spewing. There must be a better way, I'm getting bored already.

Last week i saw a guy in complete running gear, tracky bottoms, trainers, sweatband, water bottle, and I-pod. He was sat on a wall drinking a can of lager and smoking a fag (LOL). That seems much more fun. But he did have man boobs and his nose looked to have varicose veins running through it.

We are considering swimming instead, it might be more fun, you get to see half naked people and it saves having a bath once a month.

Neither here nor there.

I went in to see the boss this morning, supposedly at half nine, but he was late.

Then he had a coffee and made me wait till ten o'clock. When he eventually gave me his full attention i had half an hours waffle about how times are hard, the fact that it is so quiet and that they need to pinpoint certain areas in the business that they should to cut back on.

Then he eventually got to the point and said that the office had too many people in it and they were looking at losing a couple of staff if things don't change. To my surprise i wasn't the only one up for the chop, there was someone else he was seeing after me. But he didn't say i was going, or staying, he just left it in the air. Am i getting the sack or what ?. He said he was 'looking into it' and both i and the other person were the top two to go. If i can prove i am worth keeping or he can think of other options then he will reconsider it.

I think he thought he was filming an episode of the Apprentice, What the fuck does he want me to do?. I half expected him to ask me why he should chose over someone else and what i would have to offer him if he does, before saying, 'Your fired!'

Talking to someone else at the company they said he was following a procedure, and line one is to inform staff that their job is in jeopardy, why, and give them the opportunity to come up with other options to avoid going (job share/part time/wage drop etc.). He is so shit at following procedure that he translates things like this in his own style. Actually all of the above would be no good to me, i need all the money, not half of it.

It's weird, i hate the job, i don't like the people i work with and yet i don't want to go. I need this job. I don't think my landlord will allow DSS tenants and i'm getting a bit worried now about what i should do. Going back home isn't an option.

Until you get the proper heave ho you can't really look for another job, but i think i should seriously start. It's not gonna happen tomorrow, but i need to be prepared.
What a crap day.

Tough Times

There is talk of us getting rid of people in the office, it's getting very quiet and i suspect i am for the chop.

No-one is saying, but they are trying to hint at everyone that we need to cut back. This is just like a tease. It doesn't actually let you know where you stand, it just makes you feel uneasy. I suspect my boss thinks it will keep us all on our toes, but i just feel insecure and less inclined to be interested in a job that might be on it's way out.

On one hand i would be happy to leave, i have been looking for something else anyway. I don't really like it here. But it pays the bills and when i think of the alternative it scares the pants off me.

Tomorrow i have a meeting with the boss himself but he wont say what it is about.

I think it is a bit of a shitty thing to do and just about describes the type of person he is. To tell me he wants to speak to me first thing in the morning and not say what it is about is his way of being a twat. For all i know it might be something or nothing, but he knows i will be up all night wondering what the hell it is he wants to talk to me about.

Bastard !

Pretty people cheer me up

I Love Rachel

Saw Rachel again today and went for a coffee. During our chat she told me that she had once read an article in a magazine about people who had problems with wind.

One women had written in saying that she had terrible problems farting and it was very embarrassing when in the company of others, and had asked for suggestions on how to cope with this. Amongst the many suggestions made was one that stood out for Rachel. It said that when no-one is looking you could reach round and surreptitiously (great word)try pulling your buttocks apart when you fart, thus creating a more through fair for the wind to escape, making it less likely that you to blow a raspberry and more of a chance that there will just be a faint gush of air.

After laughing at this Rachel then told me that she tried it and it doesn't work.

She said that she was once, at a funeral! (LOL), when she felt that she was going to fart. She reached behind and pulled her cheeks apart, then let rip.

'What happened ?' I said.

'Well you know when you let air out of a balloon and you pull the opening, it just goes a few tones higher and makes it louder !.'

I nearly chocked on my Coffee

I love Rachel.

Big Brother

I just saw a little bit of Big Brothers little Brother on telly.

It's started up again, a program i used to like a few years back, but now hate. As the guy was waffling on about contestents i don't know or care about there was a banner running along the bottom of the screen that said

"Breaking News: 11.24am Marcus sings a rhyme about porridge"

Could this be the shittest show on TV ?

......and relax

Daniel said that the best cure for a hangover is to go sweat it out at the gym.
For your information it doesn't work. I feel faint and even more knackered than i did yesterday.

It was a great Friday night out but i think the rest of the weekend has just been a complete wash out. And thinking about it, much of Friday is a bit of a blur as well. I probably only remember the first hour or so and then it's like remembering a dream. I'm not sure where we went or what we did. I know we had a drink local in Oldham, then we got a lift into Mancs, we strolled up and down Canal Street and around there for a bit, but everywhere looks the same. It's all wine bars and heaving with straight people. Lots of women on hen nights out coming to look at the camp queens and in some cases trying their best to get off with them. I hate it when the screeching slappers in nurses uniforms wearing L plates turn up, GO AWAY, YOUR NOT GAY!, THIS IS NOT FOR YOU !.

We went to a club, and things are getting a bit blurred now i was just following the others. I rolled in at about 5 in the morning and that was that.
But even though i feel wrecked by it all i do feel like i have let off steam. It's weird, when you go out and have a really good blast, it feels like someone has drilled a hole at the side of my head and let out all the pressure built up through daily life.

I'm not saying everyone should turn to drink and i only do it now and then, but i think everyone should experience that once a month feeling of abandonment, of letting go and not giving a shit. To laugh at the most ridiculous things, to feel happy with your friends, to walk down a street full people feeling confident and content with your world. I don't get that normally, so that's what i look for on my nights out. It doesn't always happen, sometimes you come home felling that it was a waste of time, but Friday night was a good one.

I never slept with anyone, i didn't take any drugs, i just let my hair down and acted stupid for a few hours.

Shit! it's back to work again in the morning.

Recovering alcoholic

After spending most of today in bed, it's now quarter to midnight and i feel wide awake.
Maybe a little spaced out and wobbly, but certainly not sleepy.
Do i go out, or do i stay in ?
Weekends sometimes end up like this, day merges into night, night turns into oblivion.
It's lucky i can't afford to do this often isn't it ? I could quite easily turn into an alcoholic.
Sasha suggested hair of the dog.
To be honest the very thought and smell of drink will make me chuck right now, so that is out.
So i am now sat here twiddling my thumbs. which usually means turning to the net and searching for porn or music.
Weekends are great don't you think ?.

Suffering

Hung over, look like death warmed up, mouth tastes like a wrestlers jockstrap, feel sick, headache, upset stomach, tired, groggy, legs ache, arms ache, eyeballs ache, hungry, thirsty and absolutely knackered.

What a great night last night was!

A quiet night out

Right that's it now, enough stopping in, i have done it most of this week, i did it last weekend and i have been a good boy and saved up all my pennies.

It's weekend and i'm going out no matter what. I know that you may not approve of this next sentence but i'm gonna say it anyway.

Tonight i am gonna get absolutely arseold. I feel thirsty and intend quenching that thirst to the max.

Daniel is coming round and we are meeting some of the other at 9. No boyfriends in tow, no plans, just hit the streets and go with the flow.
Dan the man has promised to keep and eye on me to stop me doing anything stupid -what does he mean by that ?- and i have a pocket full of tenners that will decide when i have to come back home again.
Anyone who looks like this fella on the right will get my full attention but not the key to my flat. God i love weekends.

Note : Arseold is an English expression for extremely drunk, i suppose assholed would be the American version but i don't think it means the same thing. I didn't know if you spell arseold like that so i typed it into google to find out, It came up 'did you mean ?' and Arnold Schwarzenegger came tops which made me laugh, but there was no word arseold, so then i typed in "absolutely arseold" and for some strange reason Mambam came tops !.

What does that say about me ?

The strangest question i have ever been asked.

My best female friend is Rachel.

When she came to see me tonight she wasn't feeling too good and came round for some tea and sympathy. I knew she was ill because i offered her a biscuit and she turned it down, that's not Rachel. I don't have many female friends but even if i did i know that she would be top of my favourites list.
She's about 22, slim, very pretty and can turn guys heads when she walks into a room. But she has a bit of a potty mouth, smokes like a chimney and drinks like a fish. Guys love her because she has no airs or graces and on a night out acts like one of the lads.

I love seeing her because she is just a naturally funny person who cheers you up without realising she is doing it.
If i said half of the things that came out of her mouth i would get my head kicked in but she has this knack of making it sound funny and honest, not offencive or cruel.
Best of all there are times when out of the blue she will throw in a question or remark that either make you think, or wonder where the hell that came from.
And because i am gay and male i get lots of questions that suddenly come into her head from a female perspective.

Tonight's conversation stopper was
"Can men Wee and Poo at the same time ?"

Not something i think about when I'm on the toilet, but it also begs the question back, why are you asking me that?, followed by, why?, can't women ?.

I'm probably not painting a very good picture of Rachel am i?

Letter of Apology

OK so this is what i came up with for Daniels grovelling letter of apology, what do you think ?

Dear Mrs....

On Monday afternoon i was working in your area, when i felt the sudden urge to have a wee. There was no Bog around and i was bursting at the seams. One of my colleagues told me you had an unkempt bush, so i decided to relieve myself in it. I tried to cover my Knob with my little finger bit it slipped out and it seems you saw it.
I'm sorry for using your garden as a toilet but it was just the once, your dog must have been responsible for all the rest, not me. I usually bury mine, and they weren't even the same colour as the ones i do so they can't be mine.

You can rest assured that i will do it in my trousers next time and i will keep your letter of complaint at hand in case i need some paper.

All the best
Daniel

P. S. You obviously did your best to get a closer look, so i enclose a photo of my cock for your viewing pleasure and hope this is satisfactory.

For some reason the miserable git won't send it though. All that hard work for nothing the ungrateful sod.

Gym Body

I'm not looking for muscles, just to be toned will do.

Gee Whizz

Daniel is in trouble.
Apparently he was working out on site with some other men and he needed to take a piss. There were no toilets close by so he decided to go behind a bush in a wooded area. Unfortunately this wooded area was actually the end of a huge garden to a very large posh house and the owner saw him taking a whizz because she was taking a walk around this massive garden. She has written a letter of complaint to his boss and he has in turn been given a written warning this afternoon.
As well as this he has been told he must write a groveling letter of apology to the stroppy cow to shut her up. He called me a few minutes ago to ask if i will help him write something that sounds creepy enough. It seems this woman has connections, we don't know what they are but the boss is making a big thing of the whole situation. So he's crapping himself that he might lose his job over it.

More tea Vicar ?

I have been invited to a wedding.

The only time i ever set foot in church is at weddings, christenings or funerals and i hate all of the above. I never know what to do, i don't know the words to any of the songs, do you sit down?, stand up? do the Macarena or what ?.
It reminds me too much of school and the sound of someone droning on in a big room that echos every word always sends me to sleep.

On top of all this, most churches are bloody freezing and after you've been sat on what seems to be just a plank of wood with legs for an hour or so your bum goes numb.
The only saving grace -excuse pun- is listening to a crowd of old people trying to sing and sounding like a cats chorus, it always cracks me up that.

Personally i mime -badly- and flick through the song book looking for pictures that never seem to be there. So as you can imagine i accepted this invitation reluctantly.

It's not something i am looking forward to, it's on my list of things i have to do, rather than the list of things i want to.

Older men, younger men

Start of a new week and another night at the gym.

I'm doing alright at the moment, even though i get the feeling I'm already sliding into a rut.

Job, gym, home, bed.

Chris came over and said hello again, But to be honest he did all the talking, i carried on pretending to row across the Atlantic as if i were being chased by pirates.

It seems like he goes to the gym as a social thing. I wanna get in and out as fast as possible.

I never thought of the gym in the same way i might a night out at the pub. He stays for hours , doing a bit, chatting to people and then doing some more. But he has now started going home at the same time as us.

Daniel thinks it's so he can go into the changing rooms at the same time as we do, there he goes again with his fixation with older people fancying him.

On the way back i decided to challenge him about this.

Why is it that any fella who seems really friendly over a certain age is considered a perv and probably trying to get off with him ?.

First he denied it. then he said that older men with younger is just weird, and eventually he admitted that he liked older men but wouldn't actually go with one.

You know when you shouldn't push a subject any more , he was starting to get pissed off because i was turning a conversation into an interrogation, but it was something i never thought about Daniel. When you know someone for a long time you don't question them over certain things because you assume you know everything there is to know about them. I didn't know he had a this strange thing about older men.

But i would be interested in finding out why it's all wrapped up in some kind of weird opinion of all older men being slightly odd for showing an interest in younger men. Even though there is absolutely nothing sexual in this Chris talking to us, because as far as i am aware, he is straight.

I think Trisha would say, Daniel probably has 'Issues'

And being a nosy git, i wanna know what they are. So i must remember to chip away at that one the next time i see him.