Worked out a lot this week

I have an app on my phone called sleep cycle. When I go to bed I turn it on and stick my phone on the bed under the sheets. It monitors movement and how well you slept and is supposed to wake you up in a more refreshing way. It doesn't really. Ive always hated getting up in the morning and this is no help whatsoever. But the best thing about it is the Info it gathers about your sleep and the graphs it produces.

You can input sleep notes before you set it and then it will show how things effects your sleep pattern.

In this graph you will see the effects of 'worked out' on my sleep. I should point out that 'worked out' is my abbreviated code words for 'wanking myself off before I go to sleep'. And this takes place practically every night. Lol.

But the others are real. Interesting how alcohols works isn't it? And look how much sleep I get at he weekend after a good night out. Getting up in the afternoon has got to stop though I think. My weekends are turning into bed and booze

 

Moan moan moan

Thank god it's Friday. I'm still living for the weekend. I might not take it so heavy as I used to but I still look forward to it. Cash flow always puts a dampener on things. It costs a bloody fortune. There was a time when I spent my entire wage at a weekend. But now i have to subtract my bills first and there's hardly enough left to buy a round of drinks let alone get blotto.

I'm sick of the scene anyway. It's the same old faces and it's boring. There's the loud ones, the acid queens, the young newbies who've just come out and gone mad, the oldies who stand around saying nothing, just watching like hawks for some fresh meat to come in. The list goes on. Not everyone is like that. Most gay men are just normal. But because a lot of openly gay men can be loud and camp they overshadow everyone else in the room. I hate that 'look at me' attitude. Maybe I'm goin to the wrong places. People assume gay = camp. And all gay men will sleep with anyone or anything, we like the colour pink and our favourite music is madonna and kylie. We pluck our eyebrows and are clean and tidy.

I heard a woman at work arranging a 'girls only' weekend to France. "Barry and Dave will be coming mind you" she said "but they are gay so it's ok. It'll be great because gay men are really tidy and they can keep the place clean". All the other women agreed with her.

The stereotype is a bind as far as I'm concerned.

God I sound like a real moaning mini in this post dont I?.

Someone bet me £20 to grow a beard or moustache for movember. But I couldn't bring myself to do it. I dont mind other people with them but I'd look a tit with a tash. I prefer the smooth thing. Even though I hate shaving. Look! I'm back to moaning again.

I just remembered why I started this Blog in the first place. To moan. So it's ok I suppose.

When it was Halloween I had trick or treaters, after that I had penny for the guy (if you live outside the uk and have no idea what that is look up guy fawkes on Wikipedia) but it's not been so good this year.

I don't mind when little kids are knocking on my door asking for sweets or money with mum or dad in tow. Thats funny. I remember i used to get one little girl who looked about three or four and she would piss herself laughing when I pretended to be scared at her ghost outfit. She wasnt bothered about candy or cash. She just wanted to scare people and laugh. But on both occasions this year they were teenagers (14 or 15) and they made no effort to dress up or try. They just stuck their hands out when I opened the door. If I'm honest I think i was probably being mugged but thought nothing of it because of the time of year.

Ive got an iPhone 5 and bought a new holder for it to use in the car. This holder doesn't cover the camera lens at the back so I can press record and film whilst I drive along. It's a bit childish and kid like I know, but I filmed my journey when i was out at work this morning and then watched it back when I go home tonight. How pathetic is that?. I was laughing at myself for doing it. I feel like inspector gadget

It was a good picture though. LOL

Right that's it for now, time to get my glad rags on. I'm out on the razz and I think I might have a promise on for later ;-)

Can I still do it?

Yum

Can I still blog like I used to before I stopped?. My life is slightly different now. But let's see shall we? Besides I'm bored

Daniel has a new boyfriend and I think that this time it's love. He met him on the Internet a couple of years ago and has been corresponding with him ever since. The problem was, he lived miles away. The other side of Birmingham to be precise. A two hour journey in a car or a long train ride if he has the cash. But now they have got to know each other a bit more they have been taking it in turns visiting each other. He comes up to Daniels one weekend, then Daniel goes down to his a couple of weeks later to stay with him. They set off on a Friday night after work and come back Sunday evening.

I'm glad he's happy and I don't wanna sound jealous or a kill joy. But he's fucked up my nights out. He's always busy now and he's even suggested that this Christmas he's gonna go down to see his boyfriend when work finishes Xmas eve and not come back until the new year. Worse still he's fucked up facebook for me as well. There are never ending posts to each other talking bollocks. Posting stupid pictures and cooing like a couple of love birds. Im considering unfriending him just to get away from it all.

I have a second facebook profile mind you and I'm keeping that to my gay mates and strangers :-). Facebook is shite nowadays anyway. Bored with it. Once my mum went on, it was all over. How can you refuse to be your mothers friend?. But then you've gotta remember that she sees everything you post or tag!. And my mums friends are even pestering me now. Do I really wanna be friends with aunty Sheila ? Her profile picture is of a cat cuddling a puppy. Urge!.

I am working with someone who says 'no probleemoooow' whenever I ask him to do something. 'No problem' would suffice, or even 'ok' would do, but no, it's go to be a long drawn out noooooooopropleemoooo. I asked him today why he did it. But he just looked at me as if I had asked him to jump over the moon. He obviously doesn't realise he says it so often.

I considered mentioning the fact that he picks his nose constantly as well, but if i got started I'd be pointing out his faults all afternoon. Thats the problem with work. Youre thrown together with a bunch of people you wouldnt normally wanna know.

I swear that I was once talking to my old boss and he stuck his hand down the back of his trousers. Where he had his fingers I will never know but he was having a good rummage around. When we walked away I saw him sniff his hand!!!!.

Urgh, change the subject quick i think I'm gonna be sick.

Time on my hands

What a surprise a blog post. The first one for 2012. God is it really that long ago?. Well I've got an iPad and thought I would play.

So here's a short update on my life since I last wrote something on here..... nothing... Nothing at all...

There has been absolutely no fucking change in my life whatsoever!!!!!!.

Still got a shitty job, still single, still skint and still bored with my life. But hey that reality isn't it ?. In the real world bugger all happens. I'm slowing down a bit on my going out though. I've gotten a bit bored with the gay scene. I'm told it happens to us all. The next step is to move onto gaydar a bit more when bored, then you wander around toilets for a cheap thrill, before eventually giving up completely and sticking to porn and the right hand.

Not bloody likely. I'm not going that way of the gay world if I can help it. Although I have been on gaydar a bit more often recently. So I suppose that's a bit of a worry. It's to easy, simple. And far to convenient. I dont do Grindr.

Daniel (remember him?) was shagging a student from Manchester up to about a month ago when they split up after the guy rang one night and said he couldn't be bothered traveling all the way over to see him any more. He said that Daniel is welcome to is it him, but it was getting to be a pain going the other way. Nice guy.

My mother is getting a bit batty. She left her car in a car park the other day to go shopping and when she got back it had gone. We rang the police and informed the insurance company before finding out that she had parked the bloody thing on a different level. It hadn't moved a inch from the space she left it in. She just forgot where she had parked it

I was In Halifax on saturday afternoon and where was a tramp sleeping on the floor outside a pub. A guy walked up to him and poured a drink over his head before running off laughing with his mates. Twat!. For the rest of the night I couldn't get this guys actions out of my head. The more I thought about it the more annoyed it makes me feel. Even now it winds me up thinking about it. How can someone do something like that?. The poor guy woke up not knowing where he was or what had happened to him. He was just piss wet through. I dream of punching the bastards lights out.

Anyway. I'm not sure I'm back blogging, but I'll try again later in the week. For now, here's a picture ;-)

Christmas Past

Home from my mums for the night tonight then back to Mancs again tomorrow.

Need to check the burglars haven't been round and get a break for myself. I'm getting too attached to being on my own. Any more than a couple of days trapped with lots of people and i get the urge to run away. 

Had a shit Christmas, Not like Last year. Well no that's not true, I visited lots of relatives and had a nice time. But someone was missing. I just couldn't get excited about it all. It just wasn't the same.

One of my Aunties did her best on Christmas day and got us all together for a chin wag and drink. And it was nice to see everyone together again. But in the end it was like having sex without the orgasm. ( what a strange analogy !) I just couldn't enjoy it.

Got talking to one of my uncles about our trip to the US Last Christmas. He said he would like to go to America, it's a place he's always wanted to visit, but he has a criminal record. I was astonished because he's not that sort of bloke, so i asked him to tell me more. Apparently 25 YEARS AGO! He worked in a shop, the manager took £10 out of the till and they all had lunch on it.

He was 17 and owned up immediately when confronted by the police about missing money from the till. The owner noticed cash going missing. Even though this was his first (and only) run in with the police and he knew nothing of any previous missing cash he was arrested and given a fine and discharge.

Stupid thing to do. But how the fuck would Any US Border agency know about something he did in 1986?.

Telly has been crap again this year as well. All the big films were cartoons of the Toy Story ilk. The odd one now and then is good but we've now got a glut of them and i'm bored with it. Then (because this is the UK) we have the obligatory programs about shit. The top 100 shittest things of the year. The top 50 most annoying celebrities of the year. The greatest cock ups of the year etc etc. God forbid we ever have a program about the best things and people of 2011. There must have been something good happened surely ?.

Anyway now that Christmas is more or less over for another year i'm planning for New Years Eve. ;-)

Hope you all had a good one and a Happy New Year to anyone reading this.

Christmas plans

Bit of a weird week this week. I'm Christmas shopping at every opportunity so hardly any time to post anything on here. As usual i've left it all to the last minute and i've no idea what to buy anyone. To make things worse there has been some discussion at work about certain people handing around presents & cards. For fuck sake, i've not bought anyone anything at work and i've not even considered getting them a card. They are just people i work with not my mates. Don't buy me anything and i wont waste my money on you either.

I've decided to get a box of cheap cards and stick them in my bag. If anyone gives me anything i'll write a card for them in the bog and hand it over afterwards.

Had a good night out Saturday. But it was packed everywhere. This means hours waiting to be served at the bar. Trying to catch a barman's eye whilst making sure no-one else pushes in is a bit of an art. It's like trying to get a stripper to whip his bollocks out. everyone seems to be waving ten pound notes in a come hither style. On the plus side you do get to rub your groin against the backside of anyone in front you may fancy, But the novelty wears off after a bit because they are so engrossed in catching some services as well that you're not even on the radar. I was behind a guy who had he tightest trousers i've ever seen. Not only did they cling to his butt cheeks, they seemed to disappear into his crack as well. He must have been wearing them since he was 10 years old and just grew into em, Because there is no way they were his size.

Daniel brought this guy home with him who looked really tidy. Then he took his shoes off and it sort killed the whole atmosphere. In fact i think it killed off some of the plants in the room as well. Bloody hell he needed more than oder eaters. He needed dipping in bleach and scrubbing with a wire brush. The look on Daniels face was a picture. I just sniggered and said goodnight. I left them to it. Whatever 'it' should be.

At lunch time today i saw a guy who only had one eye. As i looked at him he looked back at me so i thought it best to acknowledge him with a friendly "Hi!". Unfortunately it didn't come out like that and i just seemed to say "Eye!"

I walked away feeling my face starting to burn. where the bloody hell that came from i don't know.

I'm going to my mothers for Christmas, i thought it best to be with her as much as possible through Xmas to New Year. It'll be the first year without my dad so she's bound to feel it. But it seems like every other family member and friend has invited her to theirs for the next couple of weeks and she's accepted practically every ones invitation. I'm going over to keep her company and she's gonna be out most of the time!. There is no way i'm gonna have a boring day with some of that lot. Memories of my youth watching the New Year in on telly before everyone says goodnight and goes to bed at i minute after midnight come flooding back.

One of the women at work who was out on an errand rang the office yesterday to say she would be late back because she was trapped on a bus. During her journey the driver of the bus had had some sort of altercation with a car driver. It was something or nothing and when it was finished she thought nothing of it. But when the bus reached the Bus station and the driver got out of his cab, the same car appeared from nowhere and ran him over. Police and ambulance were on the scene and no-one was allowed off the bus because they were witnesses to the whole incident.

We bought our local paper tonight to read more about it. But there was no more than three lines about it in a corner of page 4 and that was that. It just said someone had been knocked over.

Local newspapers are shit for news sometimes. It's common knowledge that anything big happening locally won't appear for at least three days.

Dr Jeckle or Mrs Hyde

Had to buy a Carbon Monoxide detector tonight. I've had a few people suggest that my Gas fire isn't burning  correctly. The flame is a sort of Orange colour when it's supposed to be Blue apparently. But i've read up on it and there is no blackening of the elements or surrounds so i'm not sure there is anything wrong. I got the the vac out and gave everything a good clean and dust, Made sure the flu was clear and had a good ventilation and even lit some paper to make sure smoke goes up the chimney properly. But just to be certain i bought a detector.

As soon as i put the batteries in the bloody thing went off, i nearly shit myself running to open all the windows and doors to let out any invisible toxic fumes. It was like the fire alarm incident all over again.  But it suddenly went off again and a green light came on. I hadn't read the instructions. It's supposed to do that when it sets itself  up the first time you use it.

(Note to self. Read instructions first before turning new things on.)

Anyways, it's flashing green for ok now and everything seems to be ok. But i'm gonna have to get an expert out to look at it i think.

One of my bosses at work (A female) threw a real paddy this morning. I'm convinced she's mentally unstable. She's overly nice one minute but overly nasty the next. I've not been on the receiving end of the nasty side yet but i've had to witness it before.

Today though, she really did throw a proper childing tantrum, Stamping her feet, screaming at the top of her voice, banging her hands on the desk and swearing at her partner (my other boss) For what i could see was no reason whatsoever.

When she is in this mood she's like some paranoid schizo. Any sort of normal question you ask her is over analysed and translated into something critical. So a simple phrase like 'would you like me to file these invoices for you?' can be translated as a criticism of her ability to file things herself and a suggestion that she is so crap at it that you want to take things out of her hands and run the whole office instead of her because she is a useless piece of shit and you want her to die.

However, if you decide not to help and leave filing to her, this can be translated as - do it your fucking self you lazy bitch because i'm not helping you, all this work is for you to do not me. You can't win. And as much as that last bit might sound extreme, she really does think like that.

One day a collegue helping her with some figures she was trying to work out asked if she had a pen. But the way he said it must have been translated in her head as -Why haven't you got a pen?. So she replied with a scream "yes!!, i've got a fucking pen!, Do you think i'm a fucking idiot or something?.

When he replied he was only asking if she had one, She threw the pen at him and stormed off shouting 'here... have the fucking pen if you want it, i'll get my own bloody pen!!!'.  She then kicked a box across the room, slammed the photocopier top loader down and pushed the door open with such a force on her way out it left a hole in the wall where the handle caught it.

We were left looking at each other wondering what the hell that was all about. 10 Minutes later she was laughing and joking as if nothing had happened and turned back into a nice fun person who you can really get along with. It's weird.

Dr Jeckle and Mrs Hyde all rolled into one.

Her partner is a lovely bloke but she's the one in charge not him and you can tell he lives in terror of her, He tends to disappear when she's throwing a wobbler. Like a coward running away from a fight.

It's entertaining i suppose. But it's pathetic and embarrassing at the same time.

Book it

As i type this I'm half watching something on TV  about electronic books. Someone once lent me one of those Kindle readers for a couple of days. I think they were bored with it because i was told i didn't need to rush to return it. I can understand why.

What a horrible little plastic thing it is. I'm gonna sound like my dad here, but i like the feel and smell of a proper book. Especially a new one. I like to see how many pages I've got through and feel the satisfaction of seeing one side fill up whilst the other goes down. The weight of the thing, the texture, the sound it makes when you turn the page. The colours of the pictures. In fact everything about a book that makes it a book.

Reading a kindle was like surfing the net. I got bored after a bit. It's OK in small doses, But not for me.

Is this what happens to people as they get older ? I'll be complaining about saving my stuff on a hard drive rather than the cloud next. Bring back MP3 players that's what i say. These young 'uns don't know what they're missing.

Bit of a busy week this week. I'm trying to put up my tree, visit half a dozen relatives  to give out birthday cards (why are so many people i know born in December?) and arrange a party for this weekend ;-)))

Weak end

Heading towards the weeeeeeeekend and i'm skint again. Daniel has suggest we have some sort of christmas party at my place one week. It'll be cheaper and we don't have to leave the house.

People bring their own booze, we just provide the location and the nibbles.

If we pick the right people it could be a good laugh.

Then he spoilt the whole thing by suggesting we could make it an underwear party or single men only. I think he's pushing it towards some sort of orgy. But not at my bloody house !!.

I'm not having strangers wandering round my home, splashing fluids all over my bed sheets.

Now if it were someone elses place.....;-)

Anyways, i'm off to my mums again, so i'll be back on Sunday. Have a good weekend everybody, i'll leave you with something to look at.

Something for the weekend

Frustration

My weekday evenings are getting boring. I sat watching telly all night last night.

I had recorded something on the history of light entertainment from earlier in the week. A famous Television Producer called Michael Hurl came on talking about Cilla Black. I'm fully aware that famous people have no idea how the rest of us live but when he said (and i quote, word for word here) "She worked like mad, she rehearsed from 9 in the morning until 5 at night,  FIVE DAYS A WEEK!"  I nearly put my foot through the screen. Imagine that eh? 9 till 5, FIVE DAYS A WEEK!!. WOW,  Now that's what i call dedication.

Then i watched something on the Banking Crisis and nearly put my foot through the telly again. RBS Chairman Fred 'the shred' Goodwin and his smarmy mush with that £300,000 a year pension paid for by the tax payer after he walked away from the bank he just banked.

So how about some light viewing instead ?. Get the porn out. That's better and little less annoying. ;-)

Except the bloody DVD player packed in half way through and i had to go on the Internet instead.

Frustration is not the word.

I had a leaflet pushed through my door earlier today for the local adult learning centre. It listed enrolment information for courses running through spring/summer 2012.

amongst those that caught my eye and made me laugh were,

Art for the terrified (£56),

Funky fabric jewellery(£22.40),

Beauty on a budget (£58.50),

Design and make a silk scarf (£21.00)  

& Blogging for beginners (no fee) LOL.

Blogging is obviously not worth paying to learn. Ha!

Don't read this if you are eating

Daniel rang last night and sounded like he had a peg on his nose. He's got a cold and was all bunged up.

After about 15 minutes i had to tell him i was going. He kept snooking and it was turning my stomach.

I can't handle people with snotty noses and catarrh. Especially when they do that loud snoot followed by a big swallow.

Eeerrrkkk. Worse still are the ones that spit. there is never any reason in the world to spit. I don't give a shit if you've got a gob full of acid. Don't spit in my company or i'm liable to spew up at the side of you.

I don't even like it when i'm blowing my own nose. That horrible grobb sound when you managed to clear it is about as horrible as that wa-wa thing people do trying to loosten it up. Hanky in hand, one finger over the left nostril and blow like your playing a mouth organ.

Yuk.

Quick change the subject i'm feeling all queer. LOL

This time last year i was preparing to go to America....Sigh... How depressing a thought is that?.

I've started wanking with talcum powder. Some people use lube, some use other lubricants, but i've discovered talcum powder. It smells better and leaves your willy all soft.

Try it, you might like it. Ha!

That would make a good survey if i could be bothered to set one up. What do you use ? or do you go dry ?.

I need something because i can be at it for ages. Holding back, then building up again to nearly there and back again. i can go on for hours if i'm alone and bored.  I'd be red raw if i didn't use something.

Do you think i'm getting a bit too personal here ?.

LOL 

Induction

Stayed at my mum and dads over the weekend. I say mum and dad, it's just mums now.

By Sunday she was doing my head in. I luv here to bits but i've remembered why i don't live at home anymore. It wasn't because she wanted to talk all the time. It was more to do with the fact that she had a list of things that needed doing. I'm a replacement for my father. Any odd job that he would have done now falls on my shoulders.

But i was out on the piss on Friday and had a good old blow out with Daniel. When i got back i was sleeping in my old bedroom. It seemed weird, it always does. I wake up in the middle of the night for a piss and it feels like i've taken a step back in time. For a second i'm 15 again.

At work this morning i have been given another new guy to "induct". He's a lovely lad but slightly dim. The lights are on but no one is in, if you get my drift.

I felt like shaking him on several occasions because there seemed to be no response to anything i said. He was walking around in a dream most of the time and it seemed as thought he was on another planet. A bit like me on Saturday Morning after a Friday night out. ;-) But he's only 17 and doesn't drink so he's no excuse.

Went shopping to Asda on my way home tonight and was bombarded with over the top customer service.

"thank you for waiting sir"

"do you want any help with your packing?"

"hasn't it been cold today?"

"these are really nice arn't they?"

"would you like any cashback with that?

etc etc.

It's like having your hair cut, the nosey buggers keep asking never ending questions. Now we know what happend to all those interrigators when they shut Guantanamo Bay.

They all got jobs at Asda

Strike

I had a lovely evening with Daniel last night.  He stayed at my place and we sat watching TV and drank a bit. nothing special, just company.

I went to bed sober (ish) because i was working in the morning.

At about midnight an ambulance pulled up outside next doors house. Two paramedics climbed out and were met at the door by one of my neighbours. The nosey side of me went out to see what was happening but they all went inside and shut the door behind them. How frustrating is that?.

It's like someone turning the telly over just when it gets to the best bit.

Real life is never like TV. You don't get to see the interesting stuff. God owns the remote and he's forever flicking channels.

I've still no idea what happened. There hasn't been a hearse parked up so i assume it was just an illness thing.

Today, half the country has been on strike as public sector workers shout about their pensions being raided. Even though all us private sector workers are in the same boat and our pensions are fucked up as well. But hey, as long as it doesn't effect them who cares about the rest of us. After all it's us that would be paying for it and i'm struggling to pay my own bills. I find it difficult to fell sympathy. Hang a banker if you have to but don't expect me to cough up extra for other people mistakes (a little bit of politics..goodnight).

Anyway there has been an upside to all this. The horrible woman i usually work with has been away for a few days to visit relatives in the US for thanksgiving.

And she's had to extend her stay by a day to avoid Heathrow.

So i'd like to take this opportunity to thanks all those people on the picket lines.

Well done. Can i suggest you extend it for a couple of weeks. Especially in the Heathrow area.

Busy

Daniel is coming over tonight.

He's got a day off work tomorrow and fancied doing something different. So tonight he's with me and then tomorrow he's seeing a mate in Leeds. It's ok for him but i have to be up for work in the morning. I just know that drink will be involved in tonight's meeting.

Anyway i don't have time to blog so here's a picture instead ;-)

Friends & Family

Had a bit of a different weekend.

I Traveled to Northampton to a surprise Birthday Party for a relative who is 65 today. He had no idea we were coming and it had all been arranged like some sort of military operation with precision choreography to boot.

It was at an Aunties home (rich side of the family, it was a bloody huge house)

We arrived at the right time to surprise him and what i thought was gonna be a laugh turned into everyone being in tears. He started it by blubbing with the shock of us coming so far to see him, which made my mother and Auntie joined in. Before long there was hardly a dry eye in the house.

It was actually a bit of a magic moment but i was glad when all of the hellos were over and done with, so we could crack open the booze and settle down to a good laugh. I then spent most of the night trying to avoid any conversation that referred to my dad. I couldn't do it. I don't want to wipe him from history but it's too soon for me. My way of dealing with it is to avoid it at any cost. A party didn't seem like the right place to be getting all droll. My Mum was talking about him constantly so i even avoided her most of the night as well.

Dad wouldn't have liked it either, it's what he would have done. I'm probably more like him that i like to think

I didn't really know most of the people that were there. They may have been family but they moved away years ago and i've never spoken to most of them since i was a kid.

One cousin who is now 15 or 16 was practically a baby when i saw him last. He's grown to be a really good looking lad, but was probably the shyest person i have ever met. He could hardly look at people in the face as they spoke to him and was nervous as hell. I chatted to him for a while but it was all very awkward and one sided.  He kept disappearing off to his bedroom to get away from the festivities. You could tell he was hating every minute of it and just wanted us all to fuck off home. LOL.

My auntie got absolutely smashed out of here head, which brings out the Lancashire in her. She starts losing her southern accent and acts as common as muck. Very funny to see.

By midnight we had all had enough . 5pm to midnight is enough for a party for oldies so we rang for a taxi. I wasn't drunk really, I knew i needed to be careful as i was driving us back home again the next morning. We stayed in a local Travelodge that my mum kept referring to as "the hotel". I slept in a big double bed....alone.

All in all i enjoyed it, but hated all the tears. It happened again when we were leaving to come home this morning.

We called for a coffee before leaving which gave us the opportunity to have a proper look around the garden now that it was light enough to see and we had another guided tour of the rest of the house that we hadn't seen the night before.

At one point we were all standing in the bathroom discussing her new toilet and how she had this one fitted because the one that was there before seemed to be a bit too low, which was bad for her back.

It was at this point i realised i should probably bring up the subject of going home 'before the traffic gets bad'.

Women can talk forever about any old bollocks. The colour of the wallpaper the view from the window, the shade of wood that the bathroom cabinet is made out of. Bloody hell i was getting bored.

We did all the hugging and kissing you do when leaving people you love and then just before we drove off we all agreed we should do this sort of thing more often.

As we drove away i knew that we probably wouldn't. You never do, do you ?.

Basic

Room for the night, cold and very basic, but it'll do for what I need it for ;-)))

Alarming times

Had a major panic on tonight.

The house that i live in has a burglar alarm fitted to it but has never worked. I don't even know the combination number to turn it on or off, the previous owner didn't leave it and in any case it looks like it was fitted in the 80s. I searched to find out who installed it but the company name on the front panel seems to belong to to someone who went to business heaven years ago.

So i ignored it.

Imagine my panic then when i returned home tonight to find it flashing and screaming like an air raid siren warning of a bombing raid to everyone down the street.

It hadn't been set off by burglars, there had been a power cut. But....How the fuck do i turn it off ???.

Whats the code ?. Where are the buttons ?. Who do i ring for help ?.

I tried every combination of numbers from 1234 to 09876. I didn't even know how many numbers i was supposed to press. Maybe there should have been three numbers not 4.

AAAAAAArRRRGGGh.

All the time this was happening i was getting a piercing screeching in my ears from the main control panel that was so loud and hurting so much  that i even tried sticking a dish cloth in one lughole and a teatowel in the other to dampen the sound down enough for me to get close to it.

I must have looked like Basil Fawlty in Fawlty Towers, I was trying to rip the bloody box off the friggin wall to stop it ringing. I tried turning the electricity off at the mains, but they go to battery power don't they? and any way i can't sit in the dark until the battery runs out can i?.

Next solution, Unplug the battery. NO , it's still friggin wailing.

The whole bloody street must have been getting as pissed off as i was because there is nothing worse than an alarm constantly ringing for no reason.

In the end i found a little box at the side of the panel and pulled out a tiny 3amp fuse. Joy ! it's fallen silent.

I'd never make a very good burglar would it ? The whole of the kitchen now looks like a bomb has hit it. I've ripped half the wall away and the alarm box  looks like a 1980 Apple computer pre assembly. With wires, a scraggy box and a couple of broken elements dangling all over the place.

My ears are still ringing though and if i'm honest, they actually hurt.

God i need a drink. get me out of here.

Sausages Mmmmm

I've noticed that most of my twitter followings are of accounts with the name 'gay' in it. I've obviously just clicked and followed anything to do with gaydom, which in turn has got me followers who are gay and suggested other tweeters who are gay and so on.

My facebook account on the other hand is private and i reject and block anyone i don't know personally.

It's interesting how some people see tweeting as broadcasting and facebook as following friends and family.

On the other hand i know someone who has Asda amongst his many facebook friends and i've just seen an advert that says you can follow Jimmy Dean Sausages on facebook.

How sad would you have to be to have Jimmy Dean Sausages as a facebook friend?.

I've got one of those old apple I-Phones. You know the ones, they look nice and are great for the internet, email, games, music etc. But they seemed to have forgotten to add the Phone facility to this particular version of the  I-PHONE and it is forever cutting out.

I was talking to my mother today and as usual the bugger just cut off in the middle of our conversation.

Sadly my mother never noticed and apparently kept on chatting happily at the other end for ages. It just went silent to her and she had no idea i had gone.

Gym Tonight.....I think.....I don't know yet.

It's always a bad idea to come home first. Once i'm here i can't be arsed to go back out again. You should just go straight from work and get it over with. But that's what everyone else does and it's packed to the rafters with people fighting over machines.

By half 7 it's dying down and if i went at 9.30pm i could get on anything i liked.

Saying that, the changing rooms are much more interesting places when it's full than when they're empty.

I saw a guy in there with the hairiest back i have ever seen last week. You could have shaved it off and made a wig for a 80s rock star out of it.

How pissed off must he feel though that he can grow hair like that on his shoulders and back but the top of his head was like a bowling ball. God was definitely taking the piss on that day of creation.

How often do you see hairy bald men? All the bloody time. Taking the piss, definitely.

Hellllooooooooooooo

Shiver me timbers, I'm back blogging.

I almost deleted you, but thought better of it. Not that i have anything to say, but hey, it fills a few moments i have spare. 

So lets get back to talking bollocks shall we?. Diary or diarrhea ?

Things are settling down at work (touch wood). I neither hate it or love it. I'm treading water and i know it.

If you asked me how the business was doing a couple of months ago i would say it was struggling. We were holding cheques back and not paying our suppliers unless they rang and asked for it. I couldn't understand why because the bank account (that i have access to) showed at least £150,000 in credit.

But i have learned today that the boss is trying to dump his overdraft facility so that he can go tell his bank manager to fuck off. How satisfying would that be?. Apparently he's renegotiating terms and they want to charge us more as well as getting more collateral to cover.

It explains why this bank manager has been visiting so often recently. I met him a couple of times. He looked like a spiv. about 27, smart suite, shiny shoes and a gob that oozed double glazing salesman. Just as you imagine they all are.

Went for a walk with Daniel the other day. I know that may sound a shocking statement. And i'll be honest it's not something i do ofter with him. But it's the middle of November, the weather has been fairly nice, we both need to keep fit and someone told us that there is a cruising/dogging area not far away from where i live.LOL.

Not that we were going to do anything, but we thought we'd have a look for a laugh. 

It started raining and there was bugger all going on . But we passed a couple of hikers so pretended we were out for a nice healthy walk as well. I asked them how long it would take to walk round the lake and the fella said 'probably about an hour'.

Daniel (the nob) replied "we don't have that much time, we'll just walk half way and then come back"

This weekend i'm supposed to be driving the family to a surprise birthday party for a relative. He's 65 and lives in Northampton somewhere

How the hell did i get roped into that? 

Member me ?

Not back to blogging properly but i'm bored tonight and thought i would tickle the keyboard for a bit.

A little potted recap of the happenings since i last posted something....

I'm feeling a bit better now than i did at the time of my last post. My mum is still struggling to cope with living on her own, but life goes on i suppose.

Daniel is just the same. He just split up with someone for stealing some cash out of his wallet whilst staying at his place for the night. I never liked him anyway, i could tell he was a dead leg.

I've got a new job after walking out on my last one (don't ask)

Luckily i still live in the same house that i did after scaring the pants off myself wondering where i was gonna get the money from to pay my mortgage. Note to self -: find a new job before you end your old one next time.

I'm still single but i'm hitting the town less and less lately so that doesn't help does it?.  Is this what happens when you get older ?. The same thing seems to be happening to my mates as well. We used to be out every weekend.

People are getting married and settling down all around me. Then they have kids and that's that, they disappear into their own little world and unless i visit them we lose contact completely.

My sex life is lagging and i've taken to gaydar for too much over the past few weeks just to keep my hand in. But it's the same old story. I'm bored when i'm on my own, but when i find someone they start to smother me and i want to be on my own again.

I do want a partner, i don't want a partner. Make your bloody mind up Mate!.

Anyway if anyone is still out there. Hope you are well and everything is ok with you. Now how about an obligatory picture of a half naked man for us all to enjoy together ?

Plonkers out lads..

Ball bag or sock stuffing ?. You decide