Tops off for the boys

The sun has been out again today.

It's so unusual in this country that i have to write about it. Lots of men walking up and down the streets with their tops off.

I seem to be in a state of permanent erection, and driving is very difficult when you are being distracted all the time.
Funny enough none of them seem gay. In fact most of them i would class as trailer trash or at least the types who would find anything slightly gay offencive.
I know I'm generalising here, but this always happens when we get a bit of sunshine. The streets seem to be full off tattooed thugs trying to look all macho with their tops off, all white and sweaty, perhaps it's just the area that i live in.

Along side this lot you have the comedy oldies who wear white socks with sandals along with uncoordinated colour matched shirts and shorts.

Followed closely by really old people still wearing jumpers, long coats and hats, in case it starts raining whilst they are out.

Never ever have i seen anything like the guy to the right. Sadly he is just a fantasy, but I'm keeping my eye out for him.

Knowing my luck, if he does appear he will be on the arm of a woman.

Boring Saturday Night

I stopped in tonight, mainly because i am skint.

Once Daniel left i just sat and watched Britain's got talent, thank god that's over with. Then we have some film about Hitler on channel 4 or the FA Cup final repeat from this afternoon on ITV.

Note to self, don't stop in on Saturday nights. Weekends are for enjoying yourself, not staring at the walls.

I'm bored and it still feels early. I don't usually find myself in bed until the early hours of the morning on Sunday, but i'm actually toying with the idea of climbing in the sack now and it's only half 10 as i type this.

I have two options, Bed, or spend the next few hours searching the net for porn.

Gay Porn

I saw Brian today. We didn't speak, he was the other side of the road with someone and we just nodded to each other.
I don't want an enemy so it was good that we acknowledge each other and moved on.

Daniel brought some filthy DVDs round again, the sun is blazing outside and we are inside watching mucky DVDs, typical. They are copies with no cover so you don't know what your getting until you stick them in the player.
One had fellas fisting. Euuurrrrgh, we had to turn it off.
The next had big fat hairy bears shagging young twinks, and the last one had men pissing on each other.

Not really my taste in porn i'm afraid, there was nothing there that did it for me.
And Daniel was disgusted. He makes me laugh sometimes. He has a large porn collection, yet he can be very prudish about some of them.
If it turns him on it is great, if it's something that he doesn't approve of he finds it disgusting.

We once watched an old porn film from the 70's and the thing that put him off most was how much hair people had. He couldn't watch.
The main difference i noticed between old and new was that it seemed less set up. Practically every porn film i see has the same looking people in the same positions filmed at the same angle in turn one after the other.
The old ones look like someone just told the actors to 'get on with it', and the cameraman stuck his camera in wherever he could fit it.
A little less choreographed and a bit more realistic.

But it is true, the seventies must have been a bears Paradise.

Thumbs up

The acid test

Went to see Steve tonight and Ryan was there. He still hasn't forgiven us for some row we had weeks ago, which is no surprise cos he likes to wallow in things like this and will drag on a grudge forever if he can.
I never really liked him anyway, he is best described as a non camp acid queen. By this i mean that he takes great pleasure in belittling other people and has no idea when to stop.

Perhaps he does know when to stop, but that is only when the other person is in tears.
He will tease people mercilessly until they either punch him or cry.
If they do cry then it makes his day. If they punch him he can disappear up his own backside looking for sympathy, and the next few weeks he turns all 'poor me'
Horrible, horrible little git.

I have told him what i think of him before so we avoided speaking to each other. Then his mum appeared and everything fell into place. I have never met her before, she is a female version of him.
She works as a nurse at the local hospital and was telling Daniel (who's friend is training to be a nurse) all about it.
"It's great working nights, all you have to do is to move the dead ones" and that just about explains her attitude to the job.
Before she left she took the piss out of Steve's mums curtains and made a joke about how Daniels driving was so bad.

I resisted the temptation to tell her how fat her arse was and that she looked like a ugly old slapper.
Maybe next time.

Gym'll Fix it

Another night at the Gym, and i'm aching a bit now.

I have tried this all before and the novelty usually wears off after a couple of weeks. The only difference this time is that it's cheap and i pass the place on my way home from work, so no excuses.
I met Daniel and we spent an hour or so pretending to lift things and push stuff about as if we knew what we were doing.

Then a guy called Chris came over and started chatting. He is obviously a regular at gyms and was a bit of a body builder, he looked about 50 and had skin like leather.
Actually he just looked fat to me, it wasn't until i saw him in the changing rooms afterwards i could see how big he was.
Steady now, i meant his muscles. LOL.
He started giving us advice on what equipment to use for which part of the body and recommended certain things we should try. When he went away Daniel said he thought he was a bit of a perv who was trying to get off with us. But he always thinks that about anyone over 30 who talks to us nicely.
After we came away from the gym i gave Daniel a lift home and his mum invited me in for my tea.
We then ate Beef Stew and Dumplings, followed by Apple Pie and Custard.

It's a good job we are going to the gym just to keep fit not lose weight.

Summers day

At dinner time today we all sat out on the grass. For about half an hour the clouds disappeared and the sun came out.
It's amazing how sun can cheer you up. If it wasn't for the sound of traffic whizzing passed in the background i could have shut my eyes and imagined i was in a field in the middle of nowhere.
Then someone spoilt my fantasy and reminded me it was time to get back to work.
In this country i think all work should be stopped -by law- when the sun comes out. It's not as if we would lose many working hours, we see so little of it.

Ten minutes later it was pissing it down.

Home Truths

Went round to mum and dads tonight. (I have to some times).

Dad usually buggers off into another room and doesn’t speak but tonight we were both trapped in the kitchen together because my mum was on the phone to a friend and standing in the way of the door.
For forty five minutes she yattered away to someone, and at the end of it she said ‘anyway, ring me later and we’ll talk more when I have time’

For that full forty five minutes me and dad exchanged the odd word of pleasantries that included, how the weather is, how the weather has been, how it will be this weekend, how it was earlier in the year, how the weather was last year and how weathermen are shit at predicting anything.

After moving on from meteorological maters we talked about a bird that sat on the garden fence and was scared off by a cat, how Tescos is better than Asda for shopping and why brown bread lasts longer than white.
Then he eventually got bored pushed mum out of the way and disappeared upstairs whilst I sat on my own waiting for mum to stop yakking.

There was a time when we got on like a house on fire, but not now. Neither of us know what to say to each other any more. I tried to think what we used to talk about before, but i can't really remember.
All i know is that we don't feel comfortable in each others company anymore.

Sad.

Gym Bunnies

Steve's dad has opened a gym.
He looks like a wrestler, has tattoos on every available piece of skin (yes, even there apparently), has a head like a billiard ball and looks like the top half of his body came from the incredible hulk and the bottom from mini me. Although he is very nice to me I wouldn’t want to cross him or meet him up a dark alleyway.
I hear he is the type of bodybuilder who uses drugs to get his physique rather than any form of proper exercise but I wouldn’t dare ask him about it.

Anyways he has opened his own little gym and is letting me and Daniel join for next to nothing.
There isn’t a lot of equipment there and it’s really just three rooms, shower, gym changing facility and looks like it’s set up in an old garage.
It’s a million miles away from JJB’s and Fitness first and is frequented exclusively by men only.
I don’t mean gay men, I mean rough buggers from housing estates over the age of 30 who don’t speak and are there purely to make themselves look like they could kick sand in your face without you daring to react back.

When I used to go to Fitness first people dressed to impress, even though they were sweating like pigs, they wore the right uniform of expensive trainers, track suits, I-pods and all.
These lot look like they just stepped off a building site and the only music you hear comes from an old cassette and speakers in the corner. The Jam, The Specials, UB40 and Sex Pistols were tonight's treats from the past.
Perhaps they ain’t in their 30`s, maybe they are in their 50`s.

We went for the first time today and kept our heads down, it was a bit intimidating at first but once they knew we were friends of the owner it was ok.
I’m not sure I will be going there alone though.
The fantasy of getting in the shower with this type of man might not be as exciting as the reality.

Belly Boy

Saw Lucy and her boyfriend today.

I don't think Lucy knows i fancy her boyfriend because if she did she wouldn't even allow me to talk to him.
Not that he would be interested, it's just her, she is a bit of a jealous type.
They were taking her little sister for a walk and at one point Michael (that's his name) picked her up to sit on his shoulders.
As he did her foot got caught in his t shirt and lifted it up slightly revealing a naked belly and a little bit of chest before it dropped down again.

Lucy knows i'm gay and made a crass remark about covering himself up in front of me and we all laughed.

But actually i did get a good look and i have stored it away for future use.
It was all flat but not muscly, an inward belly button and that sort of hair that runs down from the button and disappears into you pants to join the rest of your pubes round your knob.

It's amazing, i only got a millisecond of a look and i can describe it in detail.
It's a man thing, anything sexual and the brain springs into action.
Sums, work, or where you left your keys and it's forgotten immediately.

Ashton Kutcher

I just spent what seems like hours now changing the format of this blog.
Everyone Else's look better than mine so i though i would try and tweak it a bit.
With the help of a fellow blogger, who sent me this template, i changed things round and buggered about with it and, well, i think i preferred it as it was before.
What do you think ?
It's shit isn't it ?
I'm not gonna turn it into a picture blog, but it does mean i can post bigger ones if i want i suppose.
But what a waste of a couple of hours.

Blackpool for the day

Not a bad day today.
I feel a bit guilty, but relieved at the same time, so a call to Daniel this morning and time to make the most our bank holiday weekend.

I think Daniel is happy it's over too. It's only been a week but it's the same as when he had a boyfriend, it gets in the way of our matey relationship.

We put together and topped the car up. Forty quids worth! of petrol and drove to Blackpool for the day.

What a dump this place is turning into. The smell of fast food and piss is everywhere.
Apparently it was Blackpool Pride last weekend -which is a laugh in itself- so we missed out on that. Never mind, I'm sure it's like Manchester Pride but probably a bit more down market.

Meeeeoooowww, I'm sounding like an acid queen all of a sudden.

Anyway there were no gay men parading through the streets in their underpants and no drag queens staggering round looking for a shag.
Which for Blackpool is unusual in itself.

There were hundreds of old fogies and men with tattoos though. In fact there were quite a few women with tats as well i seem to remember.

Anyways all we did was walk round and round in circles, ate crap, threw some coins away in an arcade on the Pier, and wandered round the pleasure beach.
We would have liked to have gone into some of the bars and drank a bit, but we spent all our money on petrol, which was a stupid thing to do because it didn't need £40 of petrol to get to Blackpool, we should have put 20 quid in and saved the rest for drinkies.
But i wouldn't have been able to have any more than one or two anyway, and i did get the best part of the deal in the end because i still have a car half full of petrol when we got back.

There was a little hassle from some kids in a cafe though when a group of little scroates came in and were mouthing off.
They couldn't have been any more that 11 or 12 years old. But they were throwing straws and shouting abuse at people as they came in.

A big guy came and sat near us and one of the little brats sang to him, "me thin, you fat, me small, you twat" and they all laughed at him.
Daniel had a red top on and they thought he was a Man United fan (which made me smile because Daniel has absolutely no interest in Football whatsoever) and they were shouting crap at him about how shit Man U are.
Daniel agreed with them and then slapped one across the face as we left for being cheeky.
The little one got even more mouthy and i though we were gonna end up taking on a group of 11 year olds in a mass brawl in the street.

Trust me when i say that although they looked about 11 or 12, they were not little sweet and Innocent 11 or 12 year olds, they were tomorrows prison fodder and i was getting a bit scared if I'm honest. When he said he was gonna get his dad we legged it.

As we disappeared off into the distance one of them called us a couple of puffs.

So even at such a young age it's comforting to know that at least one of them had already started developing his gaydar.

We pissed ourselves laughing all the way home in the car, imagine being scared of a few kids, LOL.

Anyways it was a day out and a nice change, i have a touch of sunstroke but apart from that everything is great.
Better still the phone stopped ringing.

Bliss !

Looking for a friend

I have decided to give up on men for a while.
There are too many weirdos out there.

The End

Well that went down like a lead balloon didn't it ?.

I thought it would, it's my own fault for waiting until we both had too much to drink.

I met him early on, but we were with friends so i couldn't say anything then. I tried to be a bit standoffish for most of the night and he could tell there was something wrong.
So we went outside for a chat.

I said that i liked him and i didn't want to fall out with him, but i wasn't ready for a relationship.
After the drama of the past few years i was settling down and wanted time to myself.

I have just realised that you might not know about my life before this blog in it's current format, so perhaps i should explain a little. This is a resurrected blog from quite a while ago that i eventually deleted and left dormant.
I originally started it when i came out. Or should i say was dragged out.

I won't go into all the details again, but i was well and truly in the closet and was outed by a so called friend. My family and many of my friends were -and in some cases still are - very anti gay.

It resulted in me falling out with my family and losing a lot of long time friends. I left home and ended up in this flat on my own and at one point had no job.
My dad took it the worst and still isn't really speaking to me properly and i haven't seen my best mate from ever school since.

Even now thinking about how it was just turns my stomach and i would have quite happily have jumped off the nearest bridge if i had been brave enough.

Anyway, i have new friends now, some of my family are talking to me, and the rest can sod off.
It's taken some time but I'm happier now, and i think that is down to the fact that i have less drama in my life.

Things are getting back to normal. I don't wake up in the morning with my stomach churning. and i don't jump when the phone rings in case it's someone else slagging me off for being a bender.

I don't want any more hassle, in fact if i am honest i don't think i can handle any more drama.
It would do me in for sure.
I want to have fun that's all. I don't want to settle down, i want someone who will make me laugh but won't expect anything from me.
I still don't even know how i feel about being gay myself. I mean, i am gay, but the thought of having a full on relationship with a man leaves me cold.

I don't mind having sex with them and i do fancy men. But are you gay if you just see men as sex objects?.
I'm rambling now, so back to the subject at hand.

Anyways, i told Brian all this and it seems he has heard it all before. In fact i might as well have said 'it's not you it's me' because he thought i sounded as contrived and obvious as anything he had heard from previous boyfriends

Sadly i moved onto plan B and started to tell him what was wrong with him (well he asked).
He was smothering me with constant text messages and phone calls, it was as if he thought that having my number meant he could speak to me anytime, anywhere. Like some sort of umbilical chored we were connected by it.
If he thought of something he wanted to say he would ring or text there and then, and god help me if i didn't reply immediately.
I had met him on the Friday and by the Saturday he was playing at husband and wife.

In the end we had a screaming showdown and i said it's over and i didn't want anything to do with him any more.
It made me laugh afterwards because amongst the most sad & pathetic sights i see in the village in Mancs tends to be two gay men having a lovers tiff in the street.
I have seen it many times and we always laugh at them when we do.
Tonight it was my turn LOL

We looked a right couple of pillocks

I know you shouldn't feel like this after breaking up with someone, but i actually feel happy today.
It's like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders.

I might still have had 20 text messages saying sorry and 'can we talk', but as far as i am concerned it's over and i can move on.
And i didn't need a brick or a body bag.
Easy.

I think i need cheering up

Crunch time

Right that's it, I've made my mind up, tonight is the night.
I'm gonna bite the bullet and tell him.

I may need a couple of drinks first but I've gone over it in my head and with a bit of luck, and if i can keep my nerve, I'm gonna be all nice and kind about it but end this farce once and for all.
I shall avoid the 'it's not you it's me' line, because as we all know it's not me it's him!.

Vilges suola suggested yesterday that i be direct and spell it out for him. But just as his bad points are obsessive infatuation, mine is a cowardice when i comes to confrontation, especially when it's with someone i quite like in some ways.

Reading this blog you may think i am a very forthright and opinionated person, but please remember, it's a blog, and i am not like this in real life. with the possible exception of the neighbour from hell i would run a mile rather than upset someone and this is what has got me to where i am now.

I think i will be honest and say that i probably rushed into things, and that i have been single so long that i don't really want a relationship right now because i am to young and blah blah blah.

If that doesn't work then I'll tell him he is doing my head in because he is a drama queen and a crazed stalker who is smothering me with calls and messages and is now gets on my tits.

But that is only plan B of course.
Lets hope plan A works first shall we?
Wish me luck

Drama

I'm always a bit depressed mid week but this time i also have the added problem of what to do about Brian.
Sorry to keep going on about him, but he is all consuming at the moment and things are going from bad to worse

I have tried hinting that he should back off a bit, i have tried telling him, i have even shouted at him to stop fucking texting me every five minutes, but nothing works.

On top of all this there seems to be none stop drama in his life, and he wants to get me involved in it too.
Tonight i got a call asking me to come round immediately because his ex boyfriend had heard he is seeing someone else. They had a massive row and his ex put a brick through his kitchen window.
The Police had been called and he had cut his arm on some glass.
I refused, which resulted in him first crying, then getting angry. Men crying are a massive turn off for me, he did it again, something else that turns me off him.
He might as well have sat on my face and farted.

I eventually put the phone down on him but an hour later he turned up at my door.

He said he was sorry and then went into a long monologue about his past life with his ex boyfriend and how he was glad to get rid of him and i am ashamed to say i started to get really bored with it all and wanted him out of my flat asap.

I don't know if he wants me to feel sorry for him and so get closer, but the exact opposite is happening.
I have enough problems of my own and my life is only just settling down after my own drama of the last couple of years so i don't want to take his on as well.
I managed to resist sleeping with him tonight, in fact it didn't even cross my mind, the neighbour from hell would have had more chance of fiddling about with my dangly bits than he had.

It didn't seem the right time to do it tonight, but i have made my mind up, he has to go.
Can i do it gently or is it gonna be nasty ?

I think i have learnt a valuable lesson this week. I feel like crap and it's my own stupid fault.
So now i have to think of how to handle this situation.
Sit down and have a serious talk man to man, or hit him over the head with a brick and dump the body in a lake ?
Mmmmm Not an easy choice is it?

Cheer me up

Pictures of pretty people help to cheer me up.

What to do

Daniels brother is a dirty git.

He is the type of guy who throws his socks against the wall and if they don't stick he knows he can still get a couple more days wear out of them.
I, on the other hand, am obsessed with cleanliness and will re wash cloths that i only tried on for a few minutes to see if they will go with something else i am wearing.

So when i was offered the opportunity to share a caravan with him, Daniel and his best mate this bank holiday weekend i turned the offer down flat.
I can't think of anything worse.
But i will have to think of something to do this weekend, I need to escape Brian.

I wonder if i can get any last minute flights to Afghanistan?.

Hideaway

Brian Knocked on my door tonight and i pretended i wasn't in.
How pathetic is that?.

It was like something from a sitcom as i crept behind the sofa in case he looked through the letterbox to see if i was there.
It was a good job i did because he did look through the letter box to see if i was there and was shouting hello at the top of his voice as well.

I seem to have been bombarded with text messages from him today, all of which require an answer.
And if i don't answer i get a snotty 'why are you ignoring me?' follow up text.

I didn't invite him round tonight, he just decided he wanted to turn up out of the blue, which is something i hate from anyone.
Daniel knows to ring before he comes round and gets a bollocking if he doesn't and even my mother makes appointments before popping in.

I know that sounds bad but I think most people like a little warning before visitors arrive. Not that i was doing anything, but it would have been just as well anyway wouldn't it?

Why was i lying down behind the sofa though?, why didn't i just answer the door and tell him to fuck off?.
He eventually went, but then my mobile was ringing most of the night until i plucked up courage to call him back and tell him i was out and had left my mobile at home.

So just to recap. I am lying about not being at home and not having my mobile with me, whilst hiding at the back of my sofa in my own flat and stuffing my mobile inside a cushion to muffle the ring tone.

I get the feeling this relationship is doomed, don't you?

Don't stop the music

I went with Daniel to see his Auntie Jean tonight, anything to get out of the house and away from Brian.

Auntie Jean is a normal person in most aspects, but after talking to her for a while the subject turned to music.

It doesn't interest her. She has never ever bought a CD or even a Record, doesn't listen to the radio and couldn't care less whether she hears it from one day to the next.
Even as a child when her friends had pictures of bands on the wall, she wasn't interested.

I find this totally weird. She may as well have been telling me that she never eats.
I spent most of the night quizzing her to see if it was just certain types of music, or perhaps she hadn't yet found something that she liked. But no, she just doesn't listen to any music and is quite happy with that.

My god, the woman's a freak!
I can't imagine it, it's such an alien thought i couldn't really register it in my brain. Imagine not liking, or caring about music?. Imagine not wanting to hear it even now and then?.

It was like telling a actor that 'Shakespeare is shit', or walking into a pub in the middle of Liverpool and shouting 'The Beatles were crap!'.
She was swimming against the tide with me on this one.

Even now i can't register the thought.
Someone not liking music, NO MUSIC, ANY MUSIC!

Someone call a doctor, quick!.

Not Funny

Daniel is loving it.

He knows Brian and he knows what i am like. According to him, we were an accident waiting to happen and it's all gonna end in a car crash or a wedding, because we are totally opposite to each other when it comes to relationships.

I know what he means, today i met Brian in town and the first thing he did was to try and kiss me in front of everyone. Worse still he couldn't understand why i wouldn't hold his hand in the street outside.
I'm not openly affectionate like that. I hate to see others being all sloppy in public as well.
They should either get a room or strip off and get down to some man on man action while we all watch as far as i am concerned. Just save all the lovey dovey kissy cuddly stuff for their own private place.
I'm gonna have to bite the bullet and tell him that this is not working.
But i just slept with him again tonight.

Shit!

Oh boy

Pretty Person

The Life of Brian

I spent much of last night being chased around Manchester and Oldham by a guy that obviously likes me. I have seen him around for a while now, but it is only recently that we got talking.

I don't mind him, he's OK, but that's all, just OK.
Bells don't go off when he enters the room, i don't even get a stirring feeling in my pants. But he is fun to be with and i should probably give him a chance.

His name is Brain, which to be honest puts me off him for a start. No offence to anyone called Brian, but it doesn't exactly paint a picture of a sexy guy does it?.
Brian's are usually accountants not boyfriends.
His face lights up when we meet and when i talk to him he has a permanent grin on his face. If i talk about something serious he looks so engrossed that you would think i am telling him how to defuse a bomb, and he will laugh wildly when i say something even slightly amusing.

This is all great for my ego though so i love it.

Like most people I'm quite insecure inside, so this is all brilliant as far as i am concerned. We all like to be liked, so anyone who helps to make me feel better about myself is worth more than a passing hello.

But, being me, and being a Friday night, this resulted in me taking him back to my place and sleeping with him.
Now it's the morning after the night before and as much as i think i like him, I'm sort of regretting the speed with which i decided to jump head first into a relationship and have spent much of today trying to backtrack and slow things down.
I don't think it's a relationship really, i don't remember agreeing to anything anyway. In fact I'm not sure there was much conversation once he got back to my place, apart from the obligatory 'what you into then?', another thing that almost put me off him, i hate guys who ask that question.
To make me feel even worse, he is like the happiest person in the world today and has already sent me three text messages in the past 45 minutes, and he only left an hour ago.
When did i give him my mobile number?, why did i give him my mobile number?

Bloody hell, I've done it again haven't i ?.

Weeeeeekkeeeeennndd !!!!!!

Friday night and suddenly I'm in a better mood than i was Monday morning.
Funny that eh?.
Anyways no time to be writing things I'm getting ready to go out.
Here instead is a picture of what i expect to see when i get up tomorrow morning.

Pictures

I was thinking of posting the odd picture on here to spice things up.

But when i looked in my picture folder i couldn't find anything appropriate that wouldn't require a warning added to the intro of this blog.
I don't know why i have porn of my computer hard drive.
There is tons of it on the net, so why do i bother downloading it when all i need to do is log on (if you will excuse the pun).

I suppose it's favourite pictures and what I'm in the mood to look at, at the time.
There can be nothing more frustrating as looking for something that will turn you on than having to flick through hundreds of pictures to find something that stimulates a fantasy.
women think that men can get turned on by anything, but i don't think that's true.
Maybe I'm too much of a connoisseur when it comes to porn.
I need something to hit the button, and unfortunately the button keeps moving, what i fancy one night may change the next.

Imagine what it would be like if you were my boyfriend, poor sod.

Gourmet food

I bumped into the neighbour from hell tonight.
We ignored each other and didn't speak. But we both went out of our way to make sure we saw each other and I'm laughing now as i think how stupid it was.

It really is like kids in school.

Then Daniel came round for a Dingy meal.
Roughly translated this means that he came round for a microwave Tesco Chicken Dinner.
Which are surprisingly good. 3 for £4.50 and all you need to do is add a Yorkshire Pudding and your away with a full nosh up.
Potatoes, Gravy, Carrots peas, even stuffing. And all ready in about 9 minutes straight from the freezer.
God we live an exciting life don't we?
Anyways this is how i shop now.. Budget washing powder, that actually rots the stitching in some of my cloths, so must stop buying that stuff, and budget grub.
Tesco also do 5 Budget frozen meals for £ 5.00, cheap washing up liquid and Country Barn Wheat Biscuits, that look and taste like Weetabix at half the price.

20p saved here, 50p saved there and before you know it you have enough for a bottle of bud or two at the weekend.
Well you didn't hink i was saving it for a rainy day did you ?.

Job Prospects

I have applied for a new Job today, i am sick of working where i am now.
But like a complete idiot i am applying for a similar job doing the same thing in a different boring office.
The only difference will be a little bit more money and hopefully different people.
I can't afford to do anything else. i can't afford not to work. If i go on the dole i lose everything i have.
So if it comes up i just hope it's not a case of 'out of the frying pan into the fire'.

Something to fall back on

It's all my head

Feel me

Met Ben, a friend i haven't seen since school. He was with his brother Jack who is blind.

Jack has been blind since birth and i have met him a couple of times when he was younger. But he is now about 14 and i didn't recognise him. He is one of those blind people who has strange looking eyes, so you can tell he is blind as soon as you meet him.

That might sound a harsh statement to make, but i once knew an old guy who went blind in his 50's and apart from slight fogging of his eyeballs you wouldn't really know until you saw him moving around.

It got me thinking. How do people who have been blind since birth distinguish sexuality ?.
He doesn't know what light and dark is, or colours or things like clouds, even a fly means nothing to him because he can't touch it and get a point of reference.
How can you tell the difference between men and women without actually getting to feel them. and when you do, what about gay and straight?. You surely can 't go by sound.

One of the women at work has a deep voice and sounds like a man. Some of my mates sound like women. Some men are hairy and others smooth. Unless you have a good feel you can't tell can you?
This is the way my mind works sometimes. I have some ridiculous thought and then run with it for the rest of the day.
And in my thoughts feeling my way round people generally means touching up something like this. Not realistic is it?
Even when i have a serious though provoking idea, sex rears it's ugly head and takes over again.

Calm

No sign of the neighbour today. all quiet on the Western front.

But my hand is swollen so a very short post tonight.

I don't think Muhammad Ali ever had this problem. Then again, he didn't fight Joe Bugner over an empty crisp packet being left on the stairs did he?.

On Hand

My hand still kills from the other night.
The middle finger especially, and as i work on computers all day this is gonna make things difficult next week.
But worse than all that my wrist hurts like hell and at one point i though it was broken it.

Why am i typing here then you may say ?. Well actually resting it on something eases the pain for some weird reason.
Besides there is a major setback to this painful hand thing.
It's my right hand, and i use my right hand for lots of interesting things when i go to bed at night.
Not now.
Have you ever tried wanking off with the other hand ?. I'm not ambidextrous so it's all over the bloody place. I feel like the guy in that Fatboy slim video

Fatboy Slim - Push The Tempo
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Fight

The last time i had a fight was when i was at school i think.

It's something you don't do when you grow up, or at least it's something you don't act out anyway. I'm sure i have had many punch ups in my dreams with people i meet in my daily life that i have crossed me, but not in reality.

Tonight was different.
The neighbour from hell was waiting for me when i got home from work. I had been expecting this and was ready. I didn't sleep a wink last night and half expected to see him this morning, but no. So i spent most of the day brewing over it and was ready for him when i got to the bottom of the steps.
I was as worked up as he was and if i am honest i jumped down his throat before he even got started.

I told him to shift his fucking rubbish for my steps or i would ram it down his throat. Not a good start to a full and frank discussion on how we can avoid conflict on this difficult situation.
So he went to punch me, and that was it.

I don't know if you have ever hit anyone in the face with your fist before but it's not like in the movies. For starters it hurts. Not them, YOU
I nearly broke my bloody hand and it's not as if i managed to get a good swing out of it.
I'm struggling to type this because my hand is swelling a bit and my middle finger kills.
So to cut a long story short we scuffled about a bit and then it turned all girly with him picking up a stick and me pulling his hair and trying to kick him in the bollocks.
His wife came out and was screaming and it all sort of fizzled out from that.

We both separated and walked in different directions throwing threats at each other.
I was gonna break his neck if i see so much as a crisp packet on my steps and he is gonna burn my flat down with me and everyone in it.
It was nothing like fight club, more like watching two bald men fighting over a comb.

Pathetic.
But it's put me right off my weekend now and I'm stopping in tonight.
I don't feel like partying, i feel like going downstairs for round two. Besides i don't want to come home and find a burnt out shell.
I don't think it will happen. That's the good thing about living above someone who threatens such things. If he flames my flat, his goes up as well.
Twat.
I might sleep in in the shower tonight (LOL).

Trouble brewing

I'm having trouble with one of my neighbours.

His wife seems ok, but he is a bit of an arsehole. I have no idea why, but he just seems to be looking for trouble all the time. You can't even speak to him normally without him taking offence.
I once said good morning to him when i first moved in and his reply was, and i quote.
"what the fuck do you mean by that ?".
He must have something wrong with his hearing, if you say hello, he seems to hear fuck you.
He now thinks it acceptable to pile loads of rubbish on the steps up to my flat so that i, or anyone wanting to visit me, can't get up without either shifting it or climbing over the top.

I have mentioned it to his wife, who was quite nice about it, but tonight i have heard then rowing about it all.
The walls in this place are like paper so if anyone raises a voice you can hear it loud and clear, i can hear next doors TV and farting sounds from the guy above, so a full blown row is like being in the same room.

He said he was gonna have a word with me tomorrow and sort me out.
This is probably not a bad thing because i will be prepared for it. I'm shit at confrontation when i'm not ready for it. But if i can get worked up for it and know what i want to say or do i'm different.

So we will see what tomorrow brings.
If i don't blog tomorrow night i'm either in hospital, under arrest or dead.

Back to the Gym

When i was at school i was really involved in gymnastics. My mates were more interested in football ,but i preferred being inside rather that freezing my bollocks off out in the pissing rain chasing a ball round a pool of mud.

Then i got old enough to go out with my mates and suddenly on Tuesday nights i had something more important i wanted to do.
Now i wished i had kept up with things a bit more, but most of the other guys all stopped as well so i wasn't the only one. It was mainly the girls who stuck at it really.

But i have been given the opportunity to join one of these old mates for old time sake helping at his local gym. He said he can get me in for free and if it all works out it will mean i get to use some of the equipment for free.
I packed in attempting to be a gym bunny a while back because i couldn't afford it.
I won't be paid, but a little help with towels and cleaning here and there and I'm in this place for bugger all.

Anything for nothing, that's my motto.

Caught in the act

I have been online tonight looking at porn, let's face it that's what the net was invented for. Never mind research and shit, it's naked flesh and sex that people are looking for most of the time.
Well i am anyways.
After about 10 minutes there was a knock at the door and i went to answer it.
Unfortunately i forgot to knock off the screen so there was a big black guy with a massive erection staring out my monitor as i invited Daniel and Steve in.
To make things worse there was a box of tissues by the computer.

Something tells me this will not be forgotten and this story will be repeated by them for many years to come.

Still it could have been worse,it could have been my Mum.

A little bit of charity

Back to bloody work again today, but at lunchtime i met a friend who wanted to look round a new charity shop that has opened near by.

Most people i know who go to charity shops are not interested in charity, they just want something cheap.

She spent £15.00 and came out with a complete wardrobe -of cloths-, a stack of plates. three fruit bowls, a picture frame, a paint roller and tray(?) two books and a set of tea/coffee/sugar jars.

Then, when she handed over the money and but them into black bin liners she looked at me as if to say 'how the hell am i gonna get this lot home on the bus?'.

Then she said "how the hell am i gonna get this lot home on the bus?" and looked at me with sad cow eyes, which is secret girly code for, please will you help me kind sir ?

Typical shopaholic. her eyes were to big for her shopping bag.

Pretty people

I am trying to resist posting dirty pictures, everyone seems to be doing it on gay themed blogs.
Are there any where people write things and talk about themselves?. I seem to be missing them if there are. I can easily land on a page with lots of naked men, but try look out for one with written stuff about themselves and they are very rare.
It seems that gay men are only interested in posting flesh to look at on the net. God forbid they should actually type something for people to read, or actually read what someone else has written come to think of it.
But pretty people are everywhere so i can't resist pinching clean pictures off other blogs and pasting them on here.
Something to look at in between writing about my boring life can't do this blog any harm can it?.

Out and about

A group of guys came into the pub last night, it turned out they were from some local amateur rugby team.
They were pestering two women who sat near us and at one point were getting a bit offencive with their suggestions.
Most of these men where absolute dogs, but two of them were very nice and they were the ones who were the most vocal about wanting to take the girls home with them.
We moved to another room after a while because it looked like it was all about to kick off and we didn't want to be stuck in the middle of it all.
But when we eventually went home at the end of the night who should be stood outside with the two gobby drunk rugby guys ? the two women of course.
Some women like a bad boy, or were they just looking for something else ?.

Is there anybody out there ?

Spent most of today tidying up the house. How sad does that sound ?. A holiday weekend and I'm vacuuming the front room and doing some washing, LOL.

This is not what i had planned for this weekend. I wanted a couple of parties, lots of drink and plenty of sex.

Perhaps i could have eventually met my soul mate and lived happily ever after.
Where is he ?

They say there is someone for everyone, but i suspect my soul mate lives on the other side of the world in a little town i have never heard of, with no Internet access and he never even leaves his house.
So the chances of us ever meeting are slim to nil.
Thinking about it, i don't know many gay men who stay together. I don't have many friends who have partners long term.
Most seem to get together, party, have lots of sex and then get bored with each other, or fall out because one of them slept with someone else.
Is this the future for me ?.

Public Holiday

It's a bank holiday weeeeeeeeekend so that means no work for three days.
Glory be!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
and to make things even better, the sun has come out.
Time to party.
No time for writing things, so here come some pictures instead.

Smoke

At lunchtime today i took a walk round the shops just to get out for a bit and noticed a couple of guys smoking outside Boots.

One of them watched me walk all the way down the street and couldn't keep his eyes off me. He looked quite nice and there was something about the way he stood with a cig in his gob that attracted my eye, so i decided to acknowledge this by smiling at him.
All i needed was a little sign that he was interested back and i was ready to pounce.

I got a bit closer and he winked and said hi.
BINGO !

He put his fag out and came over whilst i was preparing various chat up lines, but he suddenly said,
it's Michael isn't it ?
Yeh it is.
Don't you remember me ?
No
We met at Steve's Birthday party, I'm Lucy's Boyfriend.
Shit! shit! shit!.