PS....... Thanks

Just one last note,

Thanks for all your advice and support over the past few days, I do read your comments and i have taken in everything everyone has written. It did help and i did make my choice from taking note off all your comments.

I know that people assume that posting comments on blogs are just an ignored bit of text at the bottom. In my case it isn't true.

I'll drink to your health later ;-)

Drinkies

Got absolutely wrecked last night. I said i was in the mood didn't i ?.
I feel shattered now but have arranged to go out with Daniel. Rachel did bring her boyfriend which was entertaining, he's as fit as fuck and it did take my mind off things. He wore a nice tight t shirt that was probably to small for him, this meant that when he lifted his arms up for whatever reason it revealed his bellybutton and the top of his undies. Yum.
If Rachel ever knew i felt like this she would kill me.
Anyway i told her my news and she was very positive about it. I'm not sure if her reasons were for the good though. She does drink in Halifax every now and then so it would be good to have someone living close who could put her up for the night.
On the other hand if she sleeps on the sofa and i sleep with the totty i'm happy with that.
I haven't said anything at work yet. That comes tomorrow. I spoke to my new boss and went through a few details. He did say he would speak to his wife about rented properties or if i thought about buying she could help there as well, so that's nice.
Time to get smashed again, Daniel is due in an hour so i betta get me glad rags on hadn't i?.

Moving on

Right that's it, it's make your mind up time.
In for a penny, in for a pound, whatever that means (my dad says it, WTF?). I'm gonna take the plunge.
I'll ring the guy up tonight and go through a few details. Then lets change the subject shall we ?.
My mouth is like a wrestlers Jockstrap and i need a drink, i rang Rachel and we are going local for a couple tonight where i can tell her my big news.
Hopefully she will bring her boyfriend so that will take my mind off things completely.
I spoke to my mum again this lunch time and thanked her for the offer. I'll bare it in mind. The first priority is to start the job.
I'm actually looking forward to handing in my notice if i am honest. That will be fun won't it?. I wonder what the reaction will be?.

Decision time

I have been formally offered the job in Halifax. If I want it he would like me to let him know by Wednesday one-way or the other. I would need to work my notice with my current employer so that would mean I couldn’t start till mid October.
My head is spinning. I don’t know what the fuck to do. I never slept a wink last night and have had to speak to my mum again today about their offer.
If I take it to the extreme I am suddenly looking in the face of new job, new home, new friends, new every fucking thing.
And I have till Wednesday to decide. The clock is ticking and I keep swinging from one decision to another.

I have had people say, ‘give it a go and see what you think’, or ‘travel for a bit and see how that works out’. But I don’t believe in doing things by half. If I go for this job, I go for it properly, it’s not something to try out and then dump if I don’t like it. It’s not fair on them and what the hell do I do afterwards? I will be out of work. And if I do it properly then it’s no good trying to travel from one side of Oldham to the other side of Halifax every bloody day, I’m bound to end up late at least once, especially not that winter is approaching and i have to travel over the tops to get there. I would need to move, even if it's just a little bit closer.
I need time to think.

On the other hand i have decided that once i have made my mind up i will drop all the uncertainty crap. If i go for it, i need to be positive and really make a move, if i decide not to then i shouldn't look back and think about what might have been.

I'll decide tomorrow and ring him tomorrow night. After that this blog will change drastically from the boring job stories onto my fun things. i need cheering up.

I spoke to Daniel. We go for a drink Wednesday night whether he likes it or not, I know it's mid week but i need one.

An offer i can't refuse ?

I stopped in last night. I didn't have to, but i though i needed time on my own and think a bit. In the end i spent that thinking time trawling the net for porn and logging on to Gaydar for the first time in what seems like forever.
I even had a look to see if there was anyone on from Halifax. LOL, it's pathetic isn't it?. But all this pales into insignificance to todays events.

I feel a bit strange this afternoon to be honest. To say I am upset would be wrong. Neither am I happy, but something weird happened when I went to see my dad today and it almost made me cry like a baby
I spoke about the job prospects in Halifax and the fact that I might have to consider moving etc. My dad listened to all this and then started offering proper parental advice. The sort that dads do for sons they care about.
He suggested that I need to be thinking seriously about my future and that I am better than the job I have at the moment (he knows I hate it).
I felt a bit chocked up when he said all he wanted was for me to be happy. I had to go for a wee otherwise I would have ended up blubbing. In fact he went to make a cup of tea at the same time, probably because he looked like he was gonna end up doing the same.

Then came the final shocker. My dad thinks that house prices are at rock bottom. They have a little money put away and would be happy for me to use it as a deposit on somewhere small if I needed to find somewhere to live. They didn’t want me living in a rented flat with a dead end job, unhappy and wasting my life away.
I nearly chocked on my cuppa. It was a very emotional moment. It was all a bit manly and northern mind you, we didn’t give each other a hug or anything like that. I didn’t even shake his hand when I left; we just sort of gave each other a look that said we both understand.

I am stunned. And I don’t know what to think. The job may never happen, I might not look for somewhere else to live. I might even turn down their generous offer. But more important than all that, in fact more important than anything that has ever happened to me over the past few years, by dad showed some sort of concern and offered me something that has the possibilities to change my life.
Even if I don’t take it, I am gob smacked that it was offered. I feel humble and I do feel upset about it actually, as I write this I have a little tear in my eye, it's pathetic. I know he will never accept my sexuality, but I get the feeling he does care and that’s all I need right now. Anyway parents should never have anything to do with their kid’s sex lives no matter which way they swing so what’s the big deal?
Suddenly things have taken a strange turn, I have spent the last week thinking about this job and how it will affect my life, but in the end something more important was waiting in the wings.

Just think Two weeks ago I was with Jack and trundling along as normal, now everything looks to be turning upside down.

New Job

Sorry to bore you with news about my job prospects rather than a drunken sex and sinful night out on a Friday but it’s an important thing in my life at the moment. I feel like I’m at a crossroads. I drove to Halifax and spent a morning and much of the afternoon in the office of the company I am thinking of joining. It was a brilliant day outside and there was me sat in an office, typical.

It’s always a bit awkward when you are new, but it was ok. The boss seemed a vast improvement on my current one (but that’s not exactly saying much is it?) and the lady I would be working with, who is part time, was there. She also seemed ok to. But I didn’t come away all excited and wanting to start on Monday. It was just a pleasant morning doing something new. The conversation didn’t flow because I was busy trying to impress and she was trying to be professional as well.
In the back of my mind is the change of area. I’m happy to go with the job but I’m not so sure about the move. If this place were in Oldham I would have jumped at the chance.

Halifax is not that far away, but it’s a bugger to get to.
And it’s the opposite side of town to where I live, so I more or less drive through Oldham and Halifax as well to get to where I wanna be.
We discussed pay and it does seem similar to the wage I am on now, but this is a starting point and it will increase in a month’s time with yearly wage reviews are every January so there is a possibility of a further increase then should things go to plan. Also, there was discussion about me moving into the area. The guy said he could help with that if decided to do that, as his wife owns some properties and rents out flats.

Anyway, he said he would discuss the job offer with the office manager this weekend and get back and make a proper decision on Monday. This means that I am gonna have to make my mind up properly next week. Am I gonna go for it, or be a wimp and stick with what I have.
I drove around the place for a little bit and bought a local paper to get a feel of it. I had no idea where i was or where i was going so i came home in the end. You need someone to advice you if you want to know whats what somewhere. I know myself from Oldham that there are some streets where i would like to live and others i wouldn't drive through at night.

I spoke to my mum and dad about it this afternoon on the phone, they knew all about it because I had told them when the idea first cropped up.
My dad asked me to call round tomorrow to chat about it, which seems a very strange thing for him to do. My contact with him has always been strained since I came out and we find it difficult to discuss the weather let alone a job. For him to ask me to come round and talk is unheard of.
I wonder what that’s all about?

Forgotten Photos

OH NO !, i forgot.
I've still got Jacks grans old photos !. Shit. I was transferring them onto a disc for her and i still have a box full. This means i am going to have to ring him.
I'm hoping he will just remind me where she lives so i can drop them off on Saturday without actually seeing him. But i don't fancy getting in touch with him so soon after we split. It makes it seem like I'm missing him already and trying to find an excuse to contact him again.
One amusing thing came from all this. I found this photo in the box. What the.....?
who the hell are they ? wouldn't it be funny if one of them was his grandad ?.

I'm getting all excited about having a meeting about this new job tomorrow. I don't know if I'm just going for an interview or if I'm actually expected to work. A bit of both i suppose. I know I'm excited because I've been to the toilet three times tonight, i always get like that when I'm apprehensive about something, sorry about that bit, to much information i hear you cry.

Quote of the day, made by my work colleague who has just started going out with a girl 15 years younger than him.
"when i was leaving school, she was just leaving her fathers ball bag"
Charming. I give it a week at the most.

Once upon a time

I have lots of time on my hands in the evening at the moment. I can't afford to go anywhere and suddenly finding yourself single highlights the fact that you have perhaps neglected your other friends a bit. Surprisingly they weren't sitting around by the phone waiting for you to contact them again when you had nothing better to do. They actually got on with their own lives and had other friends to be seeing and having fun with.

I must rectify that one in future, another lesson learnt. Either that or find some way of sabotaging Daniels relationship with Howard. Perhaps i should sleep with him or accuse him of trying to chat me up ? (i'm joking there by the way just in case you didn't get it). I like Howard and hope he and Daniel do stick it out. It's actually nice to have a couple of friends like that. It's the my gay equivalent of ringing mum & dad for advice and sympathy.

I went into a charity shop today and said to the guy behind the counter that i was looking for an instrument to learn. His first choice was a mouth organ !. I resisted the temptation to make a joke. Then he produced a trumpet (i kid you not) in the end he asked if i had ever heard of people playing the spoons.

He showed me how too do it (which is basically hitting them together on your legs and hands) and seemed to be enjoying the company bless him. I made my excuses and left for my lunch. The only way i wanna use a spoon is to stuff custard in my face. Can you imagine me going round to Daniels and saying "i have learnt a new instrument, wanna hear me ?......Have you got two spoons ?"

Did nothing about the french lessons again though. That one seems to be falling by the wayside only two days in. Must look into that tomorrow. I'm convinced it was just a fantasy about french men really.

Had another go at writing a story. After writing for half an hour i deleted it, crap. Write about what you know they say, but i wanna write a story, I've never done that before.

I saw a bit of Red Riding on the TV the other night and thought perhaps that is the way i should be going. It's set in the North of England. maybe i just need to think of a good story and set it where i live or have been.

Blackpool would be good. Maybe about this gay guy who murders his boyfriend and dumps him off the pier.... mmmmmm

Moving on

Play a musical instrument, write a book, learn a language.
That guitar in a charity shop had no strings and was dropping to bits so I’m gonna trudge round some of the others to find something with a keyboard. Even if I can’t actually play the damn thing I can pick out a tune with one finger so it would be a start.
I tried to write some sort of murder mystery and it was hilarious. It read like i was trying to sound like an American gangster from the 40s. Except I’m not American, or a gangster. I come from Lancashire. delete, start again. It would help if I thought of a story first mind you.
Learn a language, those cassettes where advanced part two from 11 to 20 and tapes 11,12 and 18 were missing so that’s out. I looked into night classes. £140 for 25 lessons + 3 free. and all at 4.30 in the afternoon so no chance there, i'll be at work. What i really need is a good looking french man to teach me. At least i'm trying.

Before I came out, or should I say, was dragged out. I imagined moving away to some far off place where no-one knew me so that I could make a fresh start and be who I wanted to be.
Now I am considering a move away for a new job I have the opposite dilemma.
I’m out now. People around me know and accept me (or don’t). I have friends, etc and apart from the odd situation where I just keep my head down (work) I’m ok.
If no-one asks I don’t tell. It’s not important to shout it from the rooftops anymore, but it doesn’t matter who knows either. I have been through all the shit where people make the judgement whether they are ok about it or show disapproval. The rest comes as and when the situation arises. Sometimes I’m still shocked when someone suddenly backs off after find out. Other times I’m equally surprised that someone I thought would be homophobic doesn’t give a shit.
It’s what been openly gay is all about. You don’t just come out and that’s it. It’s a continuing thing. There are times when something hits you between the eyes to remind you that not everyone is tolerant, but most days it’s at the back of my mind now.

So imagine leaving all this behind and moving to somewhere new. Starting afresh. New friends, work colleagues, Neighbours., pubs, clubs., etc. Do I have to start coming out all over again ?.
I know I’m not moving to Timbuktu or to some backward looking part of the globe, it’s just over the tops, but It will be like having to come out all over again.
And anyone who says otherwise is kidding themselves.
I imagined I would be a stronger person for being openly gay, but suddenly the thought of going back to go again is a little scary. It won't put me off, but it's food for thought.

Fantasy land

I am sick of talking about Jack at the moment so the last word on the subject for now is as follows, i told Daniel and Howard.
Howard was shocked, Daniel was less surprised. He knows me better than i know myself. I spent and hour at Howard's house and had a meal with them.
His friend arrived and was telling him how he is going on a course to train in 'hands free massage'. What the fuck is that ?. it sounds interesting though doesn't it?.

Whilst Howard talked to his mate Daniel and i sat at the back door looking out over is garden, or forest as Daniel calls it. It could be so nice if he could be arsed to cut the grass and tidy it up, but Howard hates gardening. Why buy a house with a bloody garden then ?.

When they finished talking his friend knocked on the window and did a really loud 'Oooowoooow, i'm off love, see you later sweeety'. The expression on Daniels face said it all. He hates camp.
Then Howard said that this guy fancied me and we could make up a foursome. This amused Daniel and horrified me. For starters he is not my type and secondly i have an absolute HATE of matchmaking. I used to suffer it in my teen years as a pretend straight so i'll be buggered if i'm having it now.

I spoke to the guy about that job in Halifax, he said i should come over on Saturday and we can talk more. I still haven't decided yet whether i want it, but then again, i'm not sure he has decided whether he wants me either.
We chatted for a while and then the conversation started to get a bit weird. He started talking to me like a teacher or my dad would when having serious talks about my life and where i am going with it.
He asked me what i would do if i could do anything i wanted. I was stumped and couldn't think.

'if you could click your fingers and do any job you wanted or have any kind of skill what would it be?'
Thinking hard i came up with a few that everyone else dream about, play an instrument, learn a language, write a book. In other words Be a pop star, travel the world, be an author. I thought best not to mention the porn star one Then he did that thing that people do where the cleverly say, 'well why don't you then?' as if it's fucking easy and i'm gonna suddenly wake up to this clever little brainwave and say. DOH ! WHY THE HELL DIDN'T I THINK OF THAT ONE?.

I suppose i can do them as hobbies. Writing this blog is writing i suppose, i could buy a second hand guitar from a junk shop and plinky plonk on it at home and i could attempt to work my way through those learn french cassettes that people buy, listen to once, and then give away to a charity shop (there is a full set in scope for 99p)
But it's hardly the same is it.
I'm hardly gonna be playing the O2 arena, translating french porn films into English and writing a seedy story of sleeze and murder that goes to number one in Waterstones best sellers list am i?.

It got me thinking though. you have to start somewhere. perhaps i should be happy with them as hobbies. But i'm not even doing that am i?. i would love to play an instrument but i don't even own a whistle. I'd like to speak a language but if anyone speaks to me in a foreign tong i look at them stupid and don't really listen to what they are trying to say. I would like to write a book but i'm busy droning on about Howards grass and writing shit because it's easy and i don't have to think.
This post started out all positive and now it's gone all self indulgent. I need to stop doing this and perhaps climb down outta my own backside.
I have made a decision tonight. Enough. Balls to everyone. I'll do what the fuck i like. time to stop being negative.

Tomorrow i will buy a musical instrument from a charity shop, even if it's a triangle i'm gonna come home with something.
If those tapes are there, i'm getting them as well. And i'll open a fresh page on my word processor and try write a story.
Then, when I've done all that, i intend running the marathon, having sex with David Beckham, robbing a bank, sleeping my way around the world and swimming with dolphins off the coast of Florida.

Hows that for positive thinking ?.

Rambling

I don't know if it's because of my past history but i like attention only when it's the sort i can switch off.

That sentence may sound a little confusing but that's because it is. I don't care where the attention comes from. I am the type of guy who would be flattered if an older unattractive man showed me some attention in a club for instance. Not that i would go home with him (or would i ?) but i wouldn't be like most of my mates who would look down their noses at him or be offended that anyone like that even dared show some interest in them. As long as he doesn't get creepy i would not only be fine with it, i would enjoy it as much as anyone younger telling me they liked me. I'd probably even flirt with them as well. The rub would come if they wanted to take it further. Then i would want to switch it off. A cock teaser i think the phrase is, but it doesn't just apply to sex. In relationships the same rules apply. I like friends, i like meeting them, having fun, going out, visiting them, inviting them round to my place etc. But if they then start to get attached and take the next step, i want to back off.

I have been thinking long and hard over the past couple of days and tried to take on board some of the stuff that Jack had said. I don't really want a relationship with guys, i want friendship. I seem to want to put sex and relationships in separate boxes. I like friends, i'm a good friend, i am fun to be with and will do anything for anyone (Jacks words not mine) but as soon as i start having sex with them i move them from my friends box into the sexual partner box and that box is on a shelf lower down from all the rest.

I don't know why i do that, and if i think about it i do. Much of my like is a contradiction. I am both a prude and a pervert at the same time. For instance, i think Gay saunas can have mass orgies if they want, shagging in all areas with group gang bangs and filthy sessions all over the shop, but waving your willy around in a public toilet is a no no for me and i don't approve.

I'll gladly accept of a private party where all consenting adults shit on each other from a great height if that's what takes their fancy, but i don't get this wandering around Hampstead Heath thing where members of the public should be allowed to walk without seeing some leather clone getting rogered over a tree.

In the UK there is a newspaper called the Sun. Everyday on page three of this paper they show a topless model. I find it amazing that it's still allowed, and i don't like it. Not because it's a woman, just because it's available for anyone young or old to see. But on the other hand i can't understand why pay per view scrambled subscription TV channels are not allowed to show hard core porn. It's ridiculous.

Sorry I've lost my way in this post somewhere, what was i talking about?.

Oh yeah, me and my relationships. Well i'm single again now and over the last couple of days i will say that amongst the sensible things that run around my head, there have been several others that haven't. Going to one of Dave's parties, spending next Saturday looking for a shag rather than just having a fun night out. visiting a sauna, taking some of them drugs i promised i wouldn't touch with a bargepole.....etc.

I won't do any of those things of course because they are all just a fantasy in my head and i probably wouldn't enjoy the reality.

Back to work, back to reality

Anyone fancy a shag ?.

I'm on the market again. (Sorry Peter D if your reading this, the flesh is weak).

It's now official i am a single person and me and Jack are no longer 'going out with each other anymore'. It soundsa bit childish doesn't it?. The sort of things that kids say to each other like 'your dumped' or 'Laters'.

I don't really know how i feel about it. I'm upset but i'm not crying about it. I think i feel more upset about being alone again. Not that i want a boyfriend and i craved my own space when Jack was with me, but everyone has someone else, or so it seems, so why not me ?.

I didn't see Daniel at the Gym tonight so i haven't told him yet. I'm glad he wasn't there, i didn't fancy going over it all again.

On the plus side i don't think we have fallen out completely. We are on talking terms still, which is unusual for me. When i fall out with guys it's usually pistols at dawn, never to cross each others paths ever again. But previous to going out with Jack i saw him very little in Manchester so i don't see our paths crossing much if we don't arrange anything. Today could be the last time i ever speak to him and yesterday could be the last time i saw him, you never know.

Change the subject quick i'm making myself depressed.
Back to work today and the window is fixed 'did you have a nice holiday?' says the bosses wife.

'yes thanks, it was great' say i. That will be the fist question of the day i know. They know very little about my life outside work and i'll be buggered if i'll tell them anything about last weeks events so i think i will keep my mouth shut about it all.
I'm also thinking about that job in Halifax, It's a friend of Jacks dad so that makes things a little awkward. I'll ring him tonight and speak more.

Perhaps this will give me the chance for some sort of change in my life.

I have decided to change the way i post. I have said before that it's difficult to write about my day when it's not over yet so i'm gonna write when i feel like it and post it all as one at the same time every day (5pm UK time) It will have been written the day before so don't be surprised if things suddenly look a bit behind, or in front.

I have a little time on my hands so i'm gonna play more with this blog.

Single or not ?

I suppose i should write all about my long conversation with Jack about the future of our relationship shouldn't i?.
But to be honest i am sick to death of talking and thinking about it, so repeating everything here is the last thing i wanna do. I would say that I'm not sure if i am single now or not.
We made no plans to meet again and i don't think we are together as a couple anymore. But we didn't say that was it and let's just forget it. I sent him a text message saying "is that it then ?" but have had no reply yet. I don't think we have fallen out either because there were no slamming doors and storming off into the night and we both said see you later.
I need a few days to think about it.

Not much of a post today i know, but i don't feel like blogging at the moment. How typical is that, when nothing happens in my life i can write constantly about any old crap, but something momentous happens an i don't wanna talk about it.

I give up. Boyfriends are out !! no more relationships for me thank you very much.

Things have gone all tits up.
Me and jack have had a bit of a fall out. It’s over something or nothing but it turned into one of those shouting matches where you say things you regret, but know you mean.
I for instance made suggestions about what he gets up to when I don’t hear from him Monday to Friday when he is working away and not answering his phone. How he knows Dave and his mates and whether he is being honest with me about what he gets up to when I‘m not there. And he made remarks about me and Daniel, and the fact that he doesn’t like him and thinks Howard is a berk.

We can get back friends again, but this will always be on the back burner and not forgotten I’m sure. He wants me to drop Daniel and move on. If our relationship is to go anywhere we need to make a commitment to each other. Daniel should be further down in the pecking order than he currently is.
But I don’t know enough about Jack. Where are all his friends that I see on a regular basis ?. The only ones I have met that seem to know him well are his family who know nothing about his gay side, or gay friends who seem to be from his seedy side. Everything about him is false or living in a fantasy world of make believe.
He has said he will come round tomorrow and we can talk properly about it.
I don’t feel like going out again tonight so I’ll stop in and think things over.
I sometimes wonder whether relationships are worth the hassle. It might be lonely when you are single but at least you know where you stand.

To make things worse, there has been a murder in our area over the weekend. Drugs are suspected and it’s being reported that there are gangland connections. Maybe I should consider that move to Halifax after all.

Home

I am back home now, so no more phone blogging for now. I'm also far too tired to be bothered right now. I have a bag full of washing and and no food in the house. Jack and i are still on talking terms but we probably both said things we shouldn't have in the heat of the moment. I will write more about that some other time. I'm not going out tonight. staying in alone and will just chill. Early to bed and probably have a clear head tomorrow.

Heavy night

Its four in the morning, still dark out , thirsty , hangover kicking in , cant sleep, had lovers tiff with jack. last nights events as follows , rough people trying to chat us up , preditor gays out in force , creepy camp men or those that just stare at you saying nothing from the other side of the room looking like a rapist about to pounce, pissed up old queens finding any excuse to put their arm around you and cop a feel.or plant a slobbery kiss, as if its a normal thing to kiss a stranger without permission . Saw someone better looking than jack smile at me whilst standingalone near the bar as jack went for a piss, jack came back so he drank up and left. Jack said that he looked a bit of alright but i didnt react and pretended not to notice , flamboyant teenage acid queen comes over telling jack how pretty he is, until he points out hes not interested , then said queen telling me how ugly jack is and must love himself. So threatened to twat him one. Offered drugs of a kind i have never seen before , lots of scally lads about tapping fags, sniffed poppers out of water bottle someone thrust in front of me and think it was off , burned my nose, jack told me off for doing it . Feeling ok till out in fresh air then felt sick walking back to diggs. mutten dressed as lamb walking the streets with their husbands , silence when we got back , apparently i was flirting with someone i hardly remember and just thought was a laugh . I certainly was not flirting , i wanna go home i feel sick again this was supposed to be fun, if he is like this tomorrow he can fuck off, my nose is feeling sore and so is the bit just under the nostral , its coming up like a boil .fucking stuff

food

Romantic walk on the pier freezing our bollocks off

Welcome to tacky town

Phone blogging

Its midnight and im sitting in bed miles away from my computer . Im sending this post as a text just to see if it works, but im pissed so it could come out shit. I think the pictures describe the last few hours pretty well as it happens , i dont think i need say more. I can delete them all when i get home .we are in a nice little b&b and will be moving on in the morning. I will have a few hours to kill on my own so what to do? Luckily its during the day and i will be sober. If it were now i would be looking for another shag. jack just wants to sleep because hes working in the morning. spoil sport.

Mambam has left the building

I didn't bother going to Howard's for my tea. Instead i'm throwing some stuff in a bag and going tonight.
It does me i'll have my car as well, but since he will be at work during the day and i don't fancy the idea of sitting in the car whilst he sees his customers it might be a better idea anyway. He's done Carlisle to Kendal and the Lake District areas so it's down the coast now. Brilliant! beside the seaside. Must take my speedos. I hope it doesn't piss it down.
No posting words till i get back at the weekend, But i'm gonna try sending pics from my mobile. If i'm really bored i might text something you never know. keep and eye out. There could be all sorts of shit coming your way day and night.
See you all at the weekend. And just think, it will then be, the weeeeeeeeekkkkkeeeendd !.
I am currently in happy mode.

Naff Pictures

I cheated, i didn't ask the boss if i could have a few days of this week, i asked his wife. Who is my immediate boss so not technically cheating. But it was a bit like going to your mum to ask something that you know your dad will say no to.

First the answer was no (which really pissed me off). But after a few hours things settled down and it was decided that it would be better for me to be out of the way for a few days. especially as the window will be replaced on Wednesday and we would all have to move about a bit to accommodate (it was a big window)
On the down side i can't go tomorrow (shit) but i can have from Wednesday off. This means i will have to take my own car and meet Jack wherever he is on Wednesday.

I suppose Wednesday to Friday is better than nothing i suppose, i should be grateful.
Went to the gym on my way home tonight and saw Daniel. He told me i was invited to Howard's for a meal tomorrow night, but i was thinking of going straight from work over to see Jack, wherever he will be. Typical. I didn't say yes and i didn't say no. I'll speak to Jack later and take it from there.

I spent last night going through Jacks grannies old photos. There are some belters, but i have no idea who the people are. Instead of scanning them (i have no scanner) i am taking a picture of the picture, the cropping and cleaning it with some software. Not the best way to do it, but the results are great. Better still, it's quick.
I'm no sure about some of the content though. This is not Jacks gran, but whoever it is i imagine we all should be grateful it's visual and not audio. Simon Cowell would have loved them
I think it's Yazoo.

Pretty People

Jacks Gran

We didn't stop out long last night. If i am gonna be able to have a few days off and go see Jack next week i'll need the money, so no clubbing and rolling in when the sunrises. It was home and in bed by 1am. It felt weird.
I hope i can get a few days off next week. I have my head on now, and i'm more or less planning it. If they say no on Monday i will be really pissed off.

Thanks everyone for leaving advice, much appreciated. You all more or less agree that i should get off on next week if i can, so it's your fault that i am already planning it. If i can't and i am all depressed on Tuesday i hope your all proud of yourselves for getting me all excited like that LOL.

On the job option, i think i need to follow some of your advice there as well. Perhaps drive over and time the journey one morning. And, something that Jack suggested, If i could maybe work there for a day one weekend or perhaps arrange a day off from my current job and work there for the day during the week, it would be good for everyone to see if things work out.
Anyways i'll think things through this week.

Today we went over to Jacks grannies house. She is in her late 70s i think and a typical stereotypical lovely old lady. One one hand she tells it like it is, on the other she is so kind and grateful that someone has visited her she forces tea and cake down you, even when your stuffed.
one of her grandsons had transferred some old pictures onto a photo disc for her and we had to watch it on her DVD (a present at Christmas).
She knew how to switch it on and off again, but that was it. this one DVD had been on constant rotation since it was put in the machine, she had no idea how to change it or play anything else. she switched it on, watched it and then turned it off again. Nothing else had been in this machine, just old pictures in a sideshow form.
But you could tell she really liked it. They were actually crap quality transfers, but i could make out Jack on a couple of them when he was about three or four. Very funny.

I told her i could do better and knew how to transfer some if she wanted me to. What did i do that for ?, I suddenly have two cameras and i think i'm an expert at photogrophy all off a sudden. Jack just laughed. When we came away i was given a massive bag of old photographs and i some how have to transfer them onto a DVD for her.

It reminded me that i don't actually have any old pictures of me or my family. My mum and dad have them all. In fact i don't have many pictures around my house either. Jacks gran had hundreds of them, there wasn't a wall that wasn't covered in pictures. and the mantelpiece had thousands of ornaments and nick knacks. I have nothing like that.

It did feel more homely. It's not until you visit other people houses that you realise that they have turned it into a home that is personal to them. Mine is as if i am just staying there. I have bare walls and not many personal touches.
It's a mans house, and there is something missing. A feminine touch. I wonder sometimes if i really am gay. I have absolutely not interior design skills whatsoever.

Shopping

Pictures of nothing

Someone a while back said that this blog could do with more pictures. Well i can't be arsed searching the net and uploading them. I just do it now and then when i feel like it. But i get the point. On the other hand i think this page is about me not you. I log on, relive myself of all the crap of the day and log back off again. It doesn't matter to me if it looks pretty, or whether anyone reads it either.
But i have thought more about posting images.
I bought this camera from a second hand shop for £10.00. It's a bit scruffy looking and the screen at the back is a bit manky. But it works brilliantly. Jack asked me why i bought it and i said it was because my mobile camera is shit and i wanted a better one. He is always changing his phone for work and they are always the latest thing, so he gave me one of his old ones that takes brilliant pictures (see below) and i can post them direct to this blog from the phone itself.
So from no camera to two cameras all in the space of 48 hours.
Mmmmmm now what to do ?. Start posting pictures or keep them to myself ?.

I am supposed to be keeping this blog low key. I don't want pictures of myself and friends all over it. Because i write about them. The last thing i want is for them to be looking in.
Imagine my boss reading it. It doesn't' bare thinking about.
so now i have the facility to post pictures and yet i don't really want to post pictures.
It would be simple though just to take something on my phone and send it. I may experiment a bit over the next couple of days. So if you see strange shitty little pictures appear that are of absolutely nothing, don't be surprised.
Ignore them, it's just me playing.

What to do ?

OK dear reader. You have been great at giving me advice in the past so how about i pose a real question this time and ask you for your input ?.
Last night was just a normal Friday night out, Got drunk, had a laugh, blah, blah, blah.
But two things did happen that have left me thinking today.

One i was offered a Job !. A little bit more money, but more importantly with better job prospects and training. Better still from someone who seemed quite nice as a boss. It was a friend of Jacks dad, who i had met a couple of times before but really only got talking to him properly last night when we all went for a drink in a pub in Stockport near Jacks.
He has some sort of small manufacturing company and was looking for someone to work in the offices. He didn't have a job description because it involved everything from answering the phones to invoicing and accounts, Wages clerk, uncle tom cobbly and all.

He had a lady doing it who is part time and has worked for him for years. the place is getting busier but she doesn't want to increase her hours and he doesn't want to lose her, so he wanted someone to help her with the aim to take over much of her work as she moves towards retirement in about 3 or four years time. He said he would be prepared to send me on any course i need to learn anything i don't know and the lady who does it now would be helpful and posotive because she is asking him to get someone like me.

It all sounded good. But now comes the downside. He lives in Halifax and his company is in Halifax and i would have to either commute there or move. I immediately dismissed the idea, but the more i think about it, the more i think i should think about it. It's like being offered some great prize and then being told you will have to move away from your family and friends to have it. Anyways, he didn't push things and wasn't desperate for me to come up with an answer, He only asked me in a pub over a drink so he might be changing his mind this morning. But I'm thinking and it's left me in a bit of a quandary.

I looked on google to see how long it would take to get there via car. It said about 45 minutes. But that would either be over Saddleworth moor (very Bleak during winter), or the notorious M62 (traffic jams galore). So i think the 45 minute thing is pushing it. I tried the same thing via public transport and it said 5hour 30 minutes. That can't be right unless i go via Aberdeen.
Anyway, i need to research this more.

Number two is much better. Jack asked if i could get a couple of days off work next week. If i can, i could come with him when he does some work on the West coast of the UK. Lake District, Morecambe, Blackpool, lytham etc. His company will be paying for him to stay over night and although he will be traveling around all day, he will be alone all evening so if could come, we can share a room (Nudge wink).

But what will my boss think ?. especially after the window incident. Dare i ask him on Monday if i can be off on Tuesday ?.
What to do? I do hate my job and i would like a better one. But do i hate it enough to move away or have to travel a distance that isn't as far as it looks, but traffic wise would be a pain in the arse?. (maybe i'm just trying to find excuses for myself) and am i prepared to jeopardise my job for a filthy couple of days away next week ?

I'm told it's gonna be sunny ;-).
MMmmmmmm. I'll have a drink tonight and discuss it with Jack more.

Forget the week it's over

All these people giving me advice about not going to Dave's party the other night. telling me how terrible it will be, the type of men i would meet and how seedy it will be. And all of it from the position of someone who's given it a go themselves and didn't like it.

Spoilsports ! (LOL). Actually Dave rang and asked where i was, i told him Jack didn't want me to go (if in doubt blame someone else) and then he said "but everyone is waiting for you!". Perhaps i was right not to go......or was it ?. MMMmmm, i'll never know.

Anyways i have enough problems today. I’m in trouble at work. I chased a wasp around the office and tried to swat it with a rolled up newspaper. In doing so i knocked a plant pot over and it fell against a huge window. The window cracked and it’s gonna cost a fortune to replace.

I will probably laugh about it in years to come because it was a real Laurel & Hardy moment. But it didn’t go down well today. In my haste to catch this plant pot as I knocked it off the top of a filing cabinet I made things worse by trying to juggle with it with for a few seconds throwing soil all over the place, include into my own face, mouth and hair, all over the desk and carpet, Before completely losing control and practically slamming it into the window.
Then I did that freeze frame moment you do when something horrific happens, standing still like a statue few seconds as the reality of what had just happened sunk in. And all to the soundtrack of gasps from the audience sitting across from me at the next desk.

Shit, fuck & Hairy balls is the phrase that comes to mind.
The boss came in to take a look. I can’t repeat what he said here without setting up Adult content blogger blocking. But it wasn’t oh deary me, never mind, don’t worry about it everything will be ok.
It was more like Shit fuck and cut yer balls off really.

Sod it. i'll deal with that crap on Monday because we all know what time it is now don't we people ?
it's Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeekkkkkkkkkkeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeedddddddd!

Hope you all have a good one, have fun people whilst you can.

I disagree

In a world where wars are raging and people are killing each other on a daily basis, it’s always amusing to note the silliest arguments that make up a normal day in my life.
At the time they seem important, but on my death bed I’ll be wondering what the hell I was so het up about.
We are all the same, and anyone who says they have never had a silly argument over something ridiculous or petty is a liar. But i think i would be a nightmare to live with. I like things to be right and i'm very anal about cleanliness.

For example:

Tonight after the gym, Daniel came back to my place and I made him something to eat (Beans & egg on Toast + 3 slices of bread). To show his gratitude he said that he would wash up afterwards. As he did so I continued talking to him and watching what he was doing. His parents have a dish washer at home so when they wash up all they do is rinse them in the sink to take off the worst and stack them in a basket.
He must have forgotten how to wash up properly by hand because every time he put a plate on the draining board I took it back off again and made him give it a proper wash. There was still bloody food stuck on it., he didn’t even give it a rub, he just sort of dunked it in the water (food and all) then rinsed it under the tap.

Then he swilled the forks and I made him do them again as well. And because he didn’t scrape the plates properly before he started the water was like sludge with half a dozen beans floating around on top so I told him his washing up was crap. In the end he told me to do my own bloody washing up and I made him shift out of the way whilst I did it properly. I rejected all his plates and cups and started again. Ha!

This may sound a bit petty on my part but Daniel is the sort of person who is just as fussy the other way round. When i was dishing out his meal i had strict instructions not to let the beans touch the egg and i got a bollocking because the toast is cut into half and not strips. (LOL)
We both ended up laughing about it but it’s a regular thing with me and Daniel.

I remember having a row over a newspaper once because when he gave it back to me all the pages were in the wrong order. Then there was the one about who moved a key from the bottom hook to one 6 inches higher up and not mentioned it, why it’s bollocks that carrots help you to see in the dark, and how having a wank in the morning is better than one at night.

Henry Kissinger, where are you when your needed ?

Scuppered

Spoke to Jack about me going to Dave's party tonight. It seemed to go down pretty well really. He told me that if i did, i was dumped and he would never speak to me ever again.

'It's not a party, it's blokes shagging each other' he said. Porn, booze, sex. And that is supposed to put me off ?. Then he reminded me the last time we went over. The type of men we saw. there was nothing wrong with them as such, but would i want to have sex with them all at the same time ?. Still he's not really convincing me not to go.
I suppose fantasy and reality are two different things but every time he started telling me what would be going on it turned me on rather than off. LOL.
Anyway I'm not going so he can calm down. But i suggested he doesn't use the line "do you really wanna be in the middle of a mass gangbang with a group of old blokes going at you like a pack of animals ?". Er......... give me a minute whilst i think about that one.

So instead i could go over to Jacks couldn't i ?. Well no because he is tired and wants an early night tonight, he has to be up early tomorrow and travel to London.

Daniel is with Howard for the night and Rachel is with her boyfriend as well.
How sad. I'm all alone with no-one to comfort me or talk to. I'm reaching for the tissues right now. And it's not to wipe away a tear. ;-)

What was the reason i wasn't supposed to go to the party for again ?. Oh yes, that's it.

Pretty People

i Like a little milk on my breakfast in a morning.

Stressed

Horrible day at work today and i feel all stressed out. I just wanna go outside and scream at the top of my voice. One of those days where the phone is none stop and every call needs acting upon immediately for whatever reason.

But before you can do anything the phone rings again with some other crisis that needs sorting now, and before you know it you have a list of things that want doing straight away and they are all No1 priority's.
In the middle of all this one of the employees came in to pick up a letter i had been told to give him. My boss said 'if Eric comes in he's wanting this envelope. I'll leave it over here. someone give him it will you?'.
It turned out that Eric was retiring and this was his final wage slip and P45 thingy.

No goodbye or thanks for your service. No shake of the hand or good luck. no leaving card or present, nothing. He couldn't even be arsed to come out of his office to say toodle pip.
I don't know him that well myself, but had a short chat with him. he was happy to retire but disgusted by how he had no goodbye message or even a card. He has worked for my boss for 10 years, and previously for the bosses father for 18. And that was that. after 28 years !. Even i felt awkward about it and wished him well, but when he walked out of the door, no one else noticed, they were all on the phones busy. Not even a wave goodbye from us either. Poor sod.

I feel bloody pissed off and fed up. The more i think about this going to Dave's the more I'm convinced I'm gonna go for a laugh. I'm no idiot. anything for a change to my dull and boring frustrating week.

Pretty Person

Guilty Pleasure ?

That Monday feeling today.
It's depressing. I must snap out of this weekly thing. i long for the weekend and it goes in a blur. Then it's the long haul drudge towards the next one. I have to start spicing up my week days a bit more.

Going to the gym isn't it. even if it does mean i get to ogle the odd guy in the showers afterwards. I must be lowering my taste threshold though because most of them are dogs. But you don't look at the face do you ?.
I have decided to take up an offer of a couple of drinks round at Dave's. Remember him ?. One of Jacks dodgy mates. On Wednesday night he is having a bit of a party. Nothing spectacular, just a few people round, the odd drink and social thing. Starts at 8, finishes at midnight.

I know i shouldn't, but the idea excites me. I'm not really gonna be drinking anyway because i am driving, I'm just going over to, er look. What I'm going to look at i don't know. But I'm intrigued by his lifestyle.
It beats Cornonation Street and Eastenders anyway.

I mentioned it to Daniel tonight and he asked me if i had mentioned it to Jack. I haven't, and i don't know why. Maybe because i know he will probably tell me not to. But i don't hear bugger all from him all week now anyway so what the hell is he up to Monday to Friday?. It's not that I'm doing anything is it?. It's just a couple of drinks isn't it ?

Daniel raised his eyebrows and just uttered the word "bollocks".
It's not till Wednesday so i can always back out yet. But i might just pop over to see how the land lies. If it looks like a big seedy sex party i'll be off. If it is just a get together for a few drinks i'll stay.

But as Daniel says. Who has a party on a Wednesday night for no reason ?. There must be a reason. what is it?.

Admit it, there is a little bit of excitement in all this isn't there ?.

Answers on a postcard to Mambam, Idiotic road, Tosspot avenue. Manchester M1 A62

My weekend all wrapped up in one little post

Well what have i been up to then ?.
A busy weekend, some bits disappointing, others bits better than i expected.

That so called show was crap for starters, there was me expecting to go and see Madonna, Oasis or Kylie and there am i watching some amateur dramatics at a local playhouse.

On the other hand i have never been to see a play like this before so it was kinda new and different. The audience was full of family and friends of the people acting so i won't say what i think of it. Not that any of them are ever gonna read this, but we met a few of the folks afterwards so i don't think i would feel right slagging them off. I'd be no good as a critic would i ?. I wouldn't mind telling the truth about people i don't know and never meet, but being honest about someone that you meet face to face and liked is different. I'm no Simon Cowell, but they all should keep their day jobs let's just leave it at that. I enjoyed the change though after calming down when Jack eventually told me where we were going. The bastard built the whole thing to astronomical proportions before eventually dropping the bomb shell. Twat !

He knew a couple of the people and that is why we went, One guy called Dean came over to speak and he was as fit as fuck. 22, Athletic, stunning. I nearly fainted when i met him. I never heard a word he said, i was just transfixed on his face, he was beautiful. Then his girlfriend came over and the whole bloody illusion disappeared up the chimney. As he walked away we both looked at his arse as he disappeared off into the distance, we both notice that each other had done this and looked up at the same time and started laughing. 'I've stored his face and body for future reference' i said to Jack. And i had.

Afterwards we went for a meal. I stuffed myself too much and felt a bit sick and bloated when we eventually got back to my place, so during sex i just had to lay there and let him do all the work, i couldn't exert myself at all (LOL). As i lay on my back Jack looked up from below and said "Are you thinking of Dean ?" And we both pissed ourselves laughing again. (actually i was thinking of Rachel's boyfriend).

On Saturday we went to the Trafford centre and spent a few hours there before coming back to my place and having a pleasant couple of hours in bed ;-)
Then the usual night out in Mancs on Saturday night, we saw Howard but no Daniel. He apparently was away over to Barnsley to see his gran (on a saturday night?). Howard was with a couple of his mates who looked like they came on a motorbike. All dressed in Leathers and black,. One looked quite nice, the other weight about 20 stone and spoke as camp as tits. He looked the part, but sounded like a fairy.

At the end of the night we saw a guy getting sucked off in a doorway by his girlfriend. He was pissed out of his mind and i initially thought she was picking his pockets. It wasn't until she turned around and asked me "what the F*** are you looking at?" that i notice he couldn't have been that pissed. I could see his little stiffy sticking out of his unzipped jeans. Ha!. Jack offered to give her a hand, but he got angry and called us a couple of perverts, which just made us laugh. He's getting sucked off in a doorway in the middle of Manchester City center where everyone can see, and we are the perverts!.

The next day we drove over to Jacks parents house and went for a walk !!! (another first for me) with his sister and a few girly Friends along a canal.
I thought this was gonna be a disaster as well, i mean , walking ? whats all that about ?. how much fun can that be ?. Actually lots, his sisters mates were brilliant company. They were a lot older than use (40s) so i could shrug off the "have you got a girlfriend ?" thing that sometimes crops up. Because of Jack i had to play along again, but it didn't matter. It was just older women flirting with younger men. If either of us had shown any sign of interest i'm sure they would have shit themselves.
The same thing applies the other way round as well mind you. One of them looked old enough to be my mum.

Jack brought me home in the afternoon and we just chilled for an hour or so. I made him beans on toast and now he's buggered off home again.

I feel knackered so it must have been a good one.

Pretty People

I'm outta here

Final post for the weekend, and a quick one at that.

I'm on my way outta the door in minutes (see previous post as to why)
Shit, shower, shave, sprayed my armpits, dabbed lotion around my gob and dusted some talc round my bollocks. Clean socks & Undies, T shirt so tight you can make out my erect nipples, kegs so low you can see my pubes. A pocket full of dosh and a smile on my face.

See you all on Monday.
Have a good weekend everybody and remember, don't do anything i wouldn't do.

That should leave it open for you to do anything you like.;-)

Things are falling to bits

Now i have sorted out my car (only £20, a lot better than i thought it would be) My computer is playing up.

It takes ages to start up and last night i had to sit here 5 minutes whilst it did things before it would go to sleep. Technology is great when it works but it's a bugger when it doesn't.

I'm actually feeling all achy after the gym tonight. I'm doing that thing where you go every day and then have a week off. Chris says i should go every other day instead of going mad, it's not good for you. But like sex i think you should get it whilst you can.

This weekend i am going over to Jacks so i probably won't be posting much. He has arranged some tickets to go see a show (no idea what he wouldn't say, it's a surprise) and afterwards a meal, followed by rampant sex at his place. A perfect night out i think.

That's Friday anyway, Saturday we will be spending the day shopping, Saturday night it's out wearing the things we bought, Sunday we will be going for a walk with his sister and her friends (not sure about that bit) and Sunday night I'm being dumped back home ready for work Monday morning again.

It's all planned and I'm looking forward to it.

I think i like the idea of knowing what is coming up rather than going with the flow. It's more exciting and you feel like you have something to look forward to.

Roll on Friday.

Car Trouble

How can you tell if your brake lights are not working? You’re sat in the car for crying out loud not running along behind. I’m told I have been driving around like this for god knows how long.
I even have a front headlamp that is out as well. There is some light coming from it but that is the sidelight apparently.
As you can see I’m not brilliant with cars. I know where the Petrol, water and oil go and that’s it.

How much is it gonna cost for a switch replacement and a headlamp bulb? I sometimes think it might be better to get rid of it. But them I am reminded that I might have to sit next to smelly people on the bus and I think again.
Never mind save the planet and carbon footprints. Will I be able to reach forward and turn up Radio one when I want to ?.

Went to the gym again tonight and when i was having a shower afterwards i squeezed the bottle of shower gel and it made a really loud farting sound. An old guy across from me said "who's been eating beans today ?" cheeky twat.

The bosses & his wife had another row today. I have decided that it's true, you should never work with family and friends. They are like Cats and dogs together. When she came out of his office she was bright red and had to go outside to cool down.
Then it pissed it down all of a sudden and she had to run back inside, which made her even madder. To nicely top things off someone (me) pointed out that her car in the car park had a flat tyre.

I'm not laughing, honestly, i know how she feels.

Back to reality

Back to work again and if I'm honest I'm happy to get back to some sort of normality.
Not that i want to get back to work.
My Gran hates bank holidays, The news is moved to a different time, some of her favourite programs aren't on the buses run at different times and the streets are full of people. She wants them all to get back to work again so she can get back to her normal routine. I feel a bit like that today.
There seems to be some sort of cash flow problem though, we have been told not to do the cheque print run today and just concentrate on sending out statements and chasing money from customers. That doesn't sound good does it ?.

I saw Howard on my way to work this morning so i papped my horn, he turned round to look who but obviously couldn't work out who it was, he waved at a lorry driving passed and completely ignored me.

No sign of Rachel at lunchtime today, she is off work sick. Maybe she has what i had last week.

Got a text message that just said "Green socks". I have no idea what it means or who sent it. I assume a wrong number. But i wonder what the hell it was all about. Green socks ?. Perhaps it's some sort of spy password.

Gonna go to the gym again tonight. Back to normal, sweaty Mondays